Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Latest Episodes:

#14: Discipline Mar 09, 2016

Show notes

For episode 14 of the Happy Families podcast we’re looking into discipline. What is it? How is it working for you? What makes for the best kind of discipline? We’ll investigate the 7 reasons punishments don’t work, and take a close look at what great discipline is all about.

Show Notes

A new segment starts in this episode: 60 second psychology. Today’s research article looks at the impact of parenting style on teenagers decisions around prosocial behaviour, friendship choices, alcohol and other drug use, and academic efforts… and the results may surprise you.

And in my 3-minute therapy session a mum asks how to stop the cycle of abuse in her home. It’s an important and challenging question.

* 1:43 60 second psychology

* 3:55 Punishment as discipline

* 4:22 YOUR SAY: What do you think of when you hear the word, discipline?

* 5:29 YOUR SAY: What kinds of discipline do most parents rely on?

* 6:58 The really unusual response

* 7:18 What is punishment?

* 7:28 What is discipline?

* 7:58 7 reasons punishment is bad for our kids

* 11:58 YOUR SAY: How long does punishment work for?

* 12:58 YOUR SAY: How does your family feel when you use punishment?

* 14:00 What to do for discipline

* 18:40 Three minute therapy – stopping the cycle of abuse

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

#13: Innocence Lost Feb 24, 2016

Show notes

In today’s podcast: Innocence lost.

We’re talking about the public health crisis that is pornography and the way that it’s affecting our children.

Note – In this podcast I’ll be discussing content that is of a highly sensitive nature.

In the past few weeks I attended a conference about pornography and the way it harms young people. On Tuesday February 9, activist group Collective Shout hosted Australia’s first symposium on the harm that pornography does to children. Experts from all backgrounds agree: pornography is hurting our children.

I’m going to spend some time sharing things that were reinforced at the conference that EVERY parent needs to know about – because the reality is that your children WILL see pornography.

And in today’s podcast, specific tips for every parent for how to deal with pornography in your children’s lives.

Show Notes

The following resources and people can provide additional information for people who are interested in this topic:

Basically… porn is everywhere. A report from the UK Children’s Commissioner.

Website: It’s time we talked.

Maree Crabbe– Reality and Risk

Melinda Tankard Reist

* 2:40 Am I the only parent worried about this?

* 6:45 How old are children when first see pornography?

* 7:45 How children see pornography at school

* 12:45 Children are seeing pornography BEFORE they’ve ever held someone’s hand

* 18:30 How old should your children be before you talk about pornography?

* 19:20 What does pornography teach our children?

* 26:50 How does a 14 year-old girl get convinced to send nude images to a boy at school?

* 31:15 How do we talk to a child about pornography?

* 34:30 A sample conversation about pornography with your child

* 40:25 Wrap up

Save $40 on 21 Days to a Happier Family online program – This is a special offer ONLY for Newsletter and Podcast subscribers. This week only, save $40 on 21 Days to a Happier Family – the online program – by using the code “giveme40” at the checkout. Make your family happier, and save!

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#12: 5 Ways to Know Your Relationship is in Trouble Feb 10, 2016

Show notes

Show Notes

I speak to people almost every day who are struggling with their family relationships.

Parents are tired of their children’s challenging behaviour. Children are stressed and struggling to live up to the perfection their parents demand. And frankly, some of the families I deal with are in real trouble…

I remember one parent of a teenager who was tremendously aggressive, and I could not do or say anything that could convince him to consider that his attitude was toxic to his relationship with his daughter.

It was all her fault.

He wasn’t doing anything wrong… but the sad truth is he barely registered just how much trouble their relationship was in.

In this podcast, we’ll review 5 ways we can know that our relationship is in trouble.

* 0:00 Intro

* 2:47 5 Ways to Know Your Relationship With Your Children is in Trouble

* 10:20 Three minute therapy: How to handle angry children

* 18:34 Are parents servants?

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#11: Can you admit you were wrong? Jan 27, 2016

Show notes

In this week’s podcast – Do you know someone who is always right? They can’t be convinced otherwise, even when they’re absolutely wrong.

Show notes

To start off this podcast, we’re going to get a little deep, and investigate how we do this as parents, and what it does to our children. I hope you’re open to exploring a little inside yourself, and considering how you see the world… because this is going to be a challenging thing to consider.

And do you ever find yourself telling porky pies – little lies – to your children? One mum has told her daughter a BIG ONE… and she’s asked me for some advice in Dr Justin’s three minute therapy.

* 2:24 – People who are always right

* 11:12 – Three minute therapy – is it ok to lie to children?

* 17:37 – Tips for a happy family

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#10: Pathways to Happiness Dec 03, 2014

Show notes

Is there a way to be happy that feels best for you? Do you seek happiness in the same predictable patterns?

Over recent decades, researchers have considered the different ways we might be oriented to happiness. They’ve developed a model of 3 orientations – or pathways – to happiness and we’ll explore them briefly in today’s podcast.

Show notes

I think it’s fair to say that we all want to be happy… and perhaps even “happy – er”.

But how do we get there? What can we do to make ourselves lastingly happier? Is it even possible.

Today, we explore 3 orientations to happiness – or perhaps we might call them pathways.

These pathways are:

* Hedonic Happiness

* Engagement/Flow

* Eudaimonic Happiness

Throughout this podcast we’ll take a close look at each of these ways of being happy, and explore some simple things you can do to implement them more into your daily life.

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#9 Five steps to forgiveness Nov 19, 2014

Show notes

Forgiveness is a challenge. Someone does something you don’t like. Forgiving them is not a typical reaction.

Whether it’s as simple as having someone cut you off while you’re driving, or something as dramatic and horrific as being hurt, or having a loved one taken from you.

Some might say, “Why should I forgive?” And others might say, “I refuse to forgive.”

This podcast looks at what forgiveness is, what forgiveness is not, and then we dive into 5 steps to forgiveness that can eliminate resentment and anger in your life, and build greater positivity and happiness at a personal level, and in our families.

I also offer some parenting advice to a mum whose daughter was involved in a car accident, and now she doesn’t want to drive in the car – and freaks out if things feel scary.

Show notes

Lack of forgiveness increases the body’s production of stress hormones, and impacts on our relationships and wellbeing. In contrast, choosing to forgive has a measurable impact on our physiology, and makes us happier.

Here are my five steps to forgiveness:

* Acknowledge what happened

* Empathise

* Get perspective

* Let it go

* Repeat as necessary – and it will be necessary

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#8: The bizarrely unexpected secret to lasting happiness Nov 12, 2014

Show notes

We usually think that we’ll be ‘happy’ when we get that thing. It might be a job, a degree, a child, a child at school, a car, the house, the holiday, or something else we’re pining for.

In this week’s Positivity Podcast, we take a look at something a little bit bizzare. While those things can – and do – make us happy, there’s something else much bigger, much more powerful, and far more life-changing that boosts our positivity AND makes the world (and the lives of others) phenomenally better.

Also in today’s positivity podcast, I’ll chat with you about taming toddler tantrums. What to do, what not to do, and why.

Show notes

In today’s podcast there really aren’t any “tips” for me to share. However, you may be interested in the following links to articles that describe the research I’ve discussed here. Note, I’m not linking to the scholarly work if I’ve been able to find a simpler version to share.

For more about giving money, see this article by Dunn and Norton.

For more about how we spend our time (hedonic or eudaimonic behaviour), see this article by Mike Steger and Todd Kashdan.

To know how helping helps make us happier when we are not being ‘controlled’, see this article by Netta Weinstein and Rich Ryan.

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#7: Optimising Optimism Nov 05, 2014

Show notes

In this positivity podcast, I’m talking ‘optimism’ – not so much the glass is half full kind of optimism – although that’s important. Rather, I’m talking about looking for good things to come. And I’ll share some strategies to help you – and your children, your staff, or your students – to be more optimistic.

For my Ask Dr Justin segment I’m answering a question from a mum who is thinking about leaving her partner, and wants to know if the kids will be ok. It’s a tough one, but I’ve got some ideas that should be helpful.

Plus some announcements, and optimistic inspiration to finish off the podcast.

Show notes

Optimism is an antidote to depression, and it builds resilience. It gives us something to look forward to. Here are five strategies to develop and optimise optimism that I expand on in the podcast:

* Emphasise “yet”

* Focus on what you can control

* Focus on the end, rather than now

* Learn about mindsets, and our capacity for change

* Avoid the superficial

And the special bonus – talk with people about what they’re looking forward to! Especially the kids

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#6: Is praise really a problem? Oct 29, 2014

Show notes

In my last few podcasts I’ve talked about the problems with praise – and promised I would address the issue in full in a podcast.

Now a warning – this one is a little sciencey, and I do talk about a lot of research. But that’s because praising children is something we’ve been told to do for decades, so for someone to say not to do it – well, that’s kinda weird.

I’ll also help out a parent who is struggling with a toddler who keeps on lashing out and hitting.

And I have one of those parenting hacks that are so obvious – but so easily overlooked – for when the kids are bored and need some stimulation.

This week’s parenting hack

Cushions and blankets… that’s all I’m saying here. You’ll need to listen to the podcast to find out why 🙂

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#5: Turning your children into “Savers” Oct 22, 2014

Show notes

In this week’s podcast we’re taking a look at the remarkably controversial topic of pocket money for kids. It seems like there’s no shortage of opinions about what age, how much, whether there should be increases and how often, whether it should be tied to chores… and so on. And parents devise some pretty elaborate pocket money schemes!

I should know, because I’ve got one.

In today’s podcast I’m going to tell you what researchers have discovered about pocket money, and how I have used that to develop a pocket money strategy that is stupendously successful for my family in terms of getting the kids excited about saving, but also helping them have a balanced, healthy approach to spending. I think you’re going to love it!

In my Ask Dr Justin segment, we’ll take a look at what to do with a toddler who keeps getting into his parents’ bed in the middle of the night and interrupting EVERYONE’S sleep.

And a cool parenting hack to keep your iphone safe from little hands exploring things you would rather they didn’t.

Show notes

How our family does pocket money:

* Create a budget for each child with savings, spendings, and donations.

* Set goals with each child to achieve with savings

* Track goals on a weekly or fortnightly basis in an exercise book so they can monitor their progress

* Offer mini-incentives to help them reach new and better targets

For more information about each of these, take a listen to the podcast.

This week’s parenting hack

Guided Access from Apple is a brilliant way of keeping your iphone safe, even when your children are using it.

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