Derek Sivers podcast

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Saying no to everything else Sep 23, 2015

Show notes

Steven Pressfield called himself an author for years, but he’d never actually finished a book. Eventually, the psychological pain of not finishing kept building until he couldn’t stand it anymore. He decided to finally beat the devil he calls “The Resistance”.

He created a situation with no escape. He rented a cabin, brought his typewriter, and shut off all other options.

He said,

“I didn’t talk to anybody during that year… I didn’t hang out. I just worked. I had a book in mind and I had decided I would finish it or kill myself. I could not run away again, or let people down again, or let myself down again. This was it, do or die.”

After a difficult year of wrestling with those inner demons and avoiding all temptations, he did it. He finished his first book. It wasn’t a success, but it didn’t matter. He had finally beat The Resistance. He went on to write many successful novels.

He told this story in the great book Turning Pro, the third in his series of little books about the creative struggle, including The War of Art and Do the Work. Read all three.

“Hell yeah or no” is a filter you can use to decide what’s worth doing. But this is simpler and more serious. This is a decision to stop deciding. It’s one decision, in advance, that the answer to all future distractions is “no” until you finish what you started. It’s saying yes to one thing, and no to absolutely everything else.

Getting out of a bad state of mind Feb 01, 2015

Show notes

The last time I was in really bad state of mind, I used these five steps to get out of it. I’ve shared this with a few friends in a similar situation, and they said it helped. I hope it works for you too.

1. Ask myself what’s wrong in this very second.

Am I in physical pain or danger? No. I’ve got mental pain, but that’s just me imagining things or remembering things. None of it is real.

If I put aside the mental torture I’m giving myself, the only thing that’s real is this physical moment. Is it so bad? No. It’s not perfect, but not horrible. I look around and appreciate that I’m not in hell. It’s a nice place, nice trees, nice food, and has some nice people.

Of course the mental anguish is still there, but this question is a nice reminder that the pain is all in my head.

2. Observe now. Act later.

When I’m feeling cloudy, my decisions and actions will be cloudy too. So I wait a few days before acting on anything. I watch the emotions pass by like a thunderstorm. And the longer I wait, the smarter I get.

3. Raise standards. Say no to anything less than great.

When I’m down, I avoid anyone who doesn’t rejuvenate me. They’re not allowed in my life right now, not even for a minute. No big explanation needed. No compromise. No favors.

Everything I’m doing that isn’t good for me. Everything I’m eating or drinking that isn’t making me more healthy. People who are “fine” or who I “kill time” with, but don’t actually love and enjoy? Nope. Not good enough. I say no.

Raising the bar not only gives me a huge feeling of self-worth, but also empties my time. Empty time helps me think clearly, because there’s more time to process and reflect.

Empty time has the potential to be filled with great things. Time filled with little things has little potential.

4. Focus on my goal

The empty space from #3 helps me remember what I’m really doing with my life.

Creating, learning, improving, whatever. It’s the ten-year-plan type of stuff. Clearing the clutter helps me see the horizon.

It’s a huge energy-filled feeling of “Oh yeah! That’s where I’m going! I had forgotten! I can see it now! Let’s go!”

Focus helps me say no, because once you can clearly see where you’re heading, you’re less likely to let anything get in your way.

5. Do all the necessary stuff

When I’m upset, I don’t feel like doing anything but wallowing in it.

But despite feeling that way, I brush my teeth, make healthy meals, take the kid out to play, do the dishes, pay the bills, take my vitamins, clean up, and go to bed early.

These tasks are so mundane, but they help me to feel on top of things. When everyday responsibilities are done, my mind is less distracted.

When I ask, “What’s wrong right now?” — and I see this clean house, paid bills, and happy child — I can answer “nothing!”

Going through the motions, even though I don’t feel like it, is peaceful. I think and process in the background as going about real life.

It’s a great reminder that I have to eat, even if I’m not feeling hungry. I have to clean the house, even if my mind is a mess. I have to sleep, no matter what!

Like #1, above, this step separates the mental anguish from the physical reality. It keeps me focused on what’s real versus what I’m just imagining.

I love being wrong Sep 09, 2014

Show notes

Most of the time, I feel smart, successful, and driven — like I’ve got it all figured out. But last month a bunch of stuff knocked me on my ass. I’ve never felt so wrong.

I vulnerably called on friends for help. They gave me a bunch of good advice, and helped me see things from a new point of view. Each different perspective made me feel good for a while. Then I fell back into the whirlpool of destructive thoughts.

Whenever something has gone wrong in my life, I’ve asked myself, “What’s great about this?”

Usually I find an answer. But this time, my only answer was, “Nothing. This just sucks.” I tried asking it again every day or two, but the answer was the same.

Eventually, I had an epiphany. I actually love being wrong, even though it cracks my confidence, because that’s the only time I learn. I actually love being lost, even though it fuels fears, because that’s when I go somewhere unexpected.

I pursue being wrong and lost in small doses. I love little lessons that surprise my expectations and change my mind. If we’re not surprised, we’re not learning.

So I finally figured out what’s great about this. Getting knocked on my ass made me humble as hell. It’d been years since I’d called for help. It’d been years since I was so open to advice.

I smiled, thinking of how much I’d learned from my friends this past month. I realized how ultimately happy it makes me to be so empty, even if it really hurts at first. It’s better than thinking I’ve got it all figured out.

You can afford to be generous Jul 04, 2014

Show notes

Your business is secure. Even if it’s not, you have to feel that it is.

Money is coming your way. You are doing well. You are one of the lucky ones.

Most are not so fortunate. You can afford to be generous.

All great service comes from this feeling of generosity and abundance.

Think of all the examples of great service you’ve encountered: free refills of coffee, letting you use the toilets even if you’re not a customer, extra milk and sugar if you need it, and an employee that spends a whole hour with you to answer all your questions.

Contrast those with all of the bad experiences you’ve had: not letting you use the toilets without making a purchase, charging an additional 25 cents for extra sauce, and salespeople who don’t give you a minute of their time because you don’t look like big money.

All bad service comes from a mindset of scarcity. They act like they’ll go out of business if they don’t fiercely guard their bottom line. The short-term thinking of desperate survival blocks the long-term thinking of smart strategy.

If you really feel secure and abundant — that you have plenty to share — then this feeling of generosity will flow down into all of your interactions with customers.

Give refunds. Give them attention. Take a little loss. You can afford it.

Of course it’s also just smart business. Losing 25 cents on extra sauce can mean winning the loyalty of a customer who will spend $1000 with you over the next ten years, and tell twenty friends that you’re awesome.

Lose every fight Jul 03, 2014

Show notes

Customer service often starts when someone has a problem, and is upset. When you feel attacked, it’s hard not to fight back, especially when you know they’re wrong.

But the best thing to do is to lose the fight. Let them know that they were right, and the company was wrong. Tell them you’re prepared to do whatever it takes to make them happy again.

If you catch yourself about to say or write something that’s even the slightest bit aggressive, stop and replace it with something humble and generous.

Doing this every day is actually very peaceful. Acting like an angel makes you both feel better. It feels like daily empathy practice.

You know that scene in the movies, where someone is saying something nasty or secret, but then realizes a microphone is on? Then they immediately straighten up, correct themselves, and say the publicly-acceptable thing instead? Well, your microphone is on. There is no private communication in customer service. Anything you say is likely to be shared online for the world to see. So you must always be the best version of yourself.

CD Baby had some huge evangelists: people who loudly and constantly told everyone to use our company. When I looked back through their contact history, I saw that the first time they contacted us, they were loudly upset. Loud people are loud people, whether complaining or praising. So when you get some loud complaint, use that opportunity to make them so happy that they become a loud evangelist.

Every interaction is your moment to shine Jul 02, 2014

Show notes

Probably only 1% of your potential customers ever bother to contact you. So when they do, it’s your time to shine.

Three minutes spent talking with them is going to shape their impression of your company more than your name, price, design, or features all combined. This is your shining moment to be the best you can be — to blow them away with how cool it was to contact you.

If your customer service is taught to be efficient, it sends the message, “I don’t really want to talk with you. Let’s make this quick.” Do the opposite. Take a few inefficient minutes to get to know anyone who contacts you.

When a musician would call to sell their music, we’d take a few minutes up-front to get to know them. Like, “What’s your name? Hi Reza. Got a website? Is that you on the home page? Cool. Is that a real Les Paul? Sweet! Here, let me listen to a bit of the music. Nice, I like what you’re doing. Very syncopated. Great groove. Anyway… what would you like to know?”

Musicians find it very hard to get anyone to listen to their music. So when someone takes even a couple minutes to listen to it, it’s so touching that they remember it for life.

Imagine what you’d do if your favorite rock star called. You’d drop everything, and give them all the time in the world. So that’s how you should treat everyone that contacts your company.

Why not? You don’t have time? Make time. It’s how everyone deserves to be treated.

It makes life better. It makes work more fun. And it’s the right thing to do.

Customer service is everything Jul 01, 2014

Show notes

I was honestly surprised that CD Baby was such a runaway success. But I was even more surprised to find out why.

Whenever I was out at events, I’d listen as musicians would tell other musicians why they chose CD Baby. Was it the pricing? The features? Nope. The top reason, by far, was this: “They pick up the phone! They reply to my emails! You can talk to a real person!”

Who could have guessed? Despite all your efforts put into features, pricing, design, partnerships, and more, people will choose one company over another just because they like the customer service.

So I structured my company to match this priority. Out of my 85 employees, 28 were full-time customer service.

Customer service is not an expense to be minimized. It’s a core profit center, like sales. It’s where you should put your best people.

Hire the sweetest, most empathetic people, and make sure they have all the time and resources they need to make your customers very happy. If they get so busy that their interactions are getting succinct, it’s time to hire another. It’s worth it.

It’s much harder to get a new customer than it is to get more business from an existing customer. Companies focus so much on getting new customers, but keeping existing customers thrilled is a better investment.

Loving what I used to hate May 18, 2014

Show notes

Be careful when you say you like or dislike something, because you could change your mind soon.

The first time I heard Tom Waits’s music, when he was a guest on David Letterman, I thought it was so horrible that it must be a joke. Even years later, when I heard him again, I hated his music passionately. But then I heard his cover version of the Cole Porter song “It’s All Right With Me”, and loved it. So I got his album Rain Dogs and fell in love with it, then the rest of his music, too. The funny thing is, on YouTube I found his old performance of my new favorite song, then realized it was that same appearance on David Letterman that I’d hated so much before.

I had no prejudice against Indonesia at first. I was running cdbaby.com out of my bedroom in New York, selling CDs to the world. I started getting huge orders from Indonesia, shipping thousands of dollars’ worth of CDs there. Then after a few months, the banks told me those were fraudulent orders placed with stolen credit cards, and they took all the money back. I cursed Indonesia as a “nation of thieves” and blocked all Indonesian orders on my site.

Ten years later I was living in Singapore and was invited to speak at TEDxJakarta. I listened to twenty Indonesian speakers telling their stories and showing their amazing work. It was so heart-warming and endearing. I spent a week in the home of my new Indonesian friends and fell in love with the people there. Afterwards I remembered I used to hate Indonesia. But experience erases prejudice.

Same thing with weightlifting. For decades I mocked it as the mindless activity of dumb vain jocks. Then I kept reading scientific research showing that it’s one of the best things you can do for your health. So I tried it and have loved it ever since.

Of course there are examples going the other way, too: food and music I used to like as a teenager but don’t like anymore.

I have to smile, thinking about what my former self would say. But the former self is not always right. We shouldn’t preserve our first opinions as if they reflect our pure, untarnished, true nature. They’re often just the result of inexperience or a temporary phase. Old opinions shouldn’t define who we are in the future.

What if you didn’t need money or attention? Mar 19, 2014

Show notes

You know that feeling you have after a big meal? When you’re so full that you don’t want anything more?

Ever wonder what that would feel like in other parts of your life?

We do so many things for the attention, to feel important or praised. But what if you had so much attention and so much praise that you couldn’t possibly want any more? What would you do then? What would you stop doing?

We do so many things for the money, whether we need it or not. But what if you had so much money that you couldn’t possibly want any more? What would you do then? What would you stop doing?

And then if you stopped doing all these things you’re doing just for the money or the attention, what would be left? Who would you be if you didn’t do these things? If you were completely satiated, then what? After an understandable period of relaxing, what would you pursue?

Don’t say “sit around and do nothing,” because that’s still just relaxing. I mean after that, when you’re ready to be useful to others again.

What would you do then, if you didn’t need the money and didn’t need the attention?

How will this game end? Feb 06, 2014

Show notes

Imagine that I’m going to auction a $100 bill. The bidding starts at $1.

The regular rules of auctions apply with one change: if you are the second-highest bidder, you don’t get the $100 bill but you still have to pay what you bid. OK? Go.

I get bids for $1, $2, $3. Why not? Someone might win $100 for only $3! But the bids keep coming.

Once they get to $99, the person offering $98 thinks, “Uh oh. The other person isn’t backing down.” They raise their bid to $100, so as not to be the second-highest bidder and lose it all.

But now the person offering $99 raises their bid to $101. Better to lose only $1 than $99, right? Soon they’re offering me well over $100 to buy a $100 bill, just hoping the other person quits first.

The real problem was not thinking it through in advance.

When the game starts, it’s easy to think short-term and say, “Ooh! Good deal!” Then when it’s too late, you slowly realize, “Uh-oh. What have I done?”

A lot of people get into bad life situations this way. A homeowner buys a house at the top end of their budget. A romantic falls for someone who’s already in a relationship. Later they complain about how they’re so in debt, or their sweetheart is cheating.

Before you start something, think of the ways it could end. Sometimes the smart choice is to say no to the whole game.

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