Stay ConnectedI am Jai The Gentleman and this Dear Black Gay Men Podcast.
It’s a short, bullshit-free step out of our comfort zone to talk about all the emotional ups-and-downs along the journey to happiness. Hopefully, this is our weekly reminder of how dope it is to be Black gay men who love Black gay men.
Copyright: © 2021 Jai Makokha
Thirsty Thursday, every week, 8pm on YT : youtube.com/@dearblackgaymen
This week Jai The Gentleman discusses:
It was an unexpected threeway that turned into a HUGE lesson.
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Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/49lxwQaRAKrBwjxeRN0NAu?si=0b830412dcf141df
Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-black-gay-men-podcast/id1581655281
Thirsty Thursday, every week, 8pm on YT : youtube.com/@dearblackgaymen
This week Jai The Gentleman discusses:
This entanglement left me drained...and I enjoyed it.
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Shop Brand New Merch: https://dearblackgaymen.shop
Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/49lxwQaRAKrBwjxeRN0NAu?si=0b830412dcf141df
Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-black-gay-men-podcast/id1581655281
Why are open relationships EVERYWHERE. Jai The Gentleman got a DM from a viewer after his interview on the show about Open Relationships.
The guests and the audience agree that poly and non-monogamous guys are everywhere. Why are these relationship types so prevalent and what can singles do about in the dating pool?
The Unlikely Throuple DC: https://posh.vip/e/the-unlikely-throuple-dc-2
For more information on HIV Vaccine Trials Network: https://www.helpendhiv.org
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🎶 Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
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Jai The Gentleman posted this reel about dating trans men and the part that got the most commentary was when I said “f*ck people not parts”. As much as I know this applies to dating people of trans experience, I think the rest of Black gay culture still can use the memo.
This is how Jai The Gentleman learned about the fetishization of men in Black gay culture, and what the culture must do about it.
The Unlikely Throuple DC: https://posh.vip/e/the-unlikely-throuple-dc-2
For more information on HIV Vaccine Trials Network: https://www.helpendhiv.org
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YT: YouTube.com/@DearBlackGayMen
🎶 Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
➡️ Connect with Jai The Gentleman
Jai The Gentleman posted this reel about dating trans men and the part that got the most commentary was when I said “f*ck people not parts”. As much as I know this applies to dating people of trans experience, I think the rest of Black gay culture still can use the memo.
This is how Jai The Gentleman learned about the fetishization of men in Black gay culture, and what the culture must do about it.
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📲 Subscribe to Dear Black Gay Men Podcast
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YT: YouTube.com/@DearBlackGayMen
🎶 Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
➡️ Connect with Jai The Gentleman
IG: https://www.instagram.com/JaiTheGentleman
http://www.dearblackgaymen.com
This epsiode Jai The Gentleman does a deep dive into the dating pool: why can't we find a man.
Team DBGM gets emails, DMs, mentions/tags from listeners wondering why the dating pool hasn't yielded a relationship. Jai is going through some similar woes, but has finally uncovered that it might not be the dating pool; it's actuall him.
New uploads TUESDAYS, WEDNESDAYS & THURSDAYS
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📲Subscribe to Dear Black Gay Men Podcast
Apple: https://tinyurl.com/5ymdtdx4
Spotify: https://tinyurl.com/2p9pye7s
YT: YouTube.com/@DearBlackGayMen
🎹Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
➡️Connect with Jai The Gentleman
This episode Jai The Gentleman dives deep into a challenge a lot of Black gay men (and people) in the dating pool deal with: why can't he just do what I want him to?
Jai unpacks how a celebration for a friend's new job turned into an internal dialogue that, he says, has held him back from a relationship.
New uploads TUESDAYS, WEDNESDAYS & THURSDAYS
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📲Subscribe to Dear Black Gay Men Podcast
Apple: https://tinyurl.com/5ymdtdx4
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YT: YouTube.com/@DearBlackGayMen
🎹Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
➡️Connect with Jai The Gentleman
In this episode, Jai The Gentleman discusses a recent break-up he went through. The topic came up on a previous episode of Dear Black Gay Men where Jai talked through sexual incompatibility.
Today, Jai goes a little deeper on some lessons that he uncovered after a couple months distance. The big question is, should Jai go back. Screenshot this episode, share it to your IG and let us know what you think.
New uploads TUESDAYS, WEDNESDAYS & THURSDAYS
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📲Subscribe to Dear Black Gay Men Podcast
Apple: https://tinyurl.com/5ymdtdx4
Spotify: https://tinyurl.com/2p9pye7s
YT: YouTube.com/@DearBlackGayMen
🎹Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
➡️Connect with Jai The Gentleman
Judge me later, but I was at a sex club the other week. Guy walks up to me and said the weirdest things in an effort to avoid saying what he actually wanted to share.
New uploads Tuesdays, Wednesdays & Thursdays on YouTube: youtube.com/@dearblackgaymen
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📲 Subscribe to Dear Black Gay Men Podcast
Apple: https://tinyurl.com/5ymdtdx4
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YT: YouTube.com/@DearBlackGayMen
🎶 Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
➡️ Connect with Jai The Gentleman
Thirsty Thursday, every week, 8pm on YT : youtube.com/@dearblackgaymen
This week Jai The Gentleman discusses:
The guy at the gym and why he could never
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Shop Brand New Merch: https://dearblackgaymen.shop
Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/49lxwQaRAKrBwjxeRN0NAu?si=0b830412dcf141df
Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-black-gay-men-podcast/id1581655281
Thirsty Thursday, every week, 8pm on YT : youtube.com/@dearblackgaymen
This week Jai The Gentleman discusses:
Why I need a man, and exactly what kind of man he needs to be.
Subscribe to second channel: youtube.com/@jaithegentleman
Shop Brand New Merch: https://dearblackgaymen.shop
Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/49lxwQaRAKrBwjxeRN0NAu?si=0b830412dcf141df
Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-black-gay-men-podcast/id1581655281
Thirsty Thursday, every week, 8pm on YT : youtube.com/@dearblackgaymen
This week Jai The Gentleman discusses:
Why "wyd" is never wyd.
Subscribe to second channel: youtube.com/@jaithegentleman
Shop Brand New Merch: https://dearblackgaymen.shop
Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/49lxwQaRAKrBwjxeRN0NAu?si=0b830412dcf141df
Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-black-gay-men-podcast/id1581655281
Thirsty Thursday, every week, 8pm on YT : youtube.com/@dearblackgaymen
This week Jai The Gentleman discusses:
How I stumbled into interviewing my #1 dream guest and why my vision just got a whole lot bigger.
Subscribe to second channel: youtube.com/@jaithegentleman
Shop Brand New Merch: https://dearblackgaymen.shop
Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/49lxwQaRAKrBwjxeRN0NAu?si=0b830412dcf141df
Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-black-gay-men-podcast/id1581655281
Thirsty Thursday, every week, 8pm on YT : youtube.com/@dearblackgaymen
This week Jai The Gentleman discusses:
The "what's your type" question and why a date was so surprised by my answer.
Subscribe to second channel: youtube.com/@jaithegentleman
Shop Brand New Merch: https://dearblackgaymen.shop
Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/49lxwQaRAKrBwjxeRN0NAu?si=0b830412dcf141df
Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-black-gay-men-podcast/id1581655281
Thirsty Thursday, every week, 8pm on YT : youtube.com/@dearblackgaymen
This week Jai The Gentleman discusses:
How I gave two dudes d*ck they didn't deserve and taught me a very valuable lesson about dating.
Subscribe to second channel: youtube.com/@jaithegentleman
Shop Brand New Merch: https://dearblackgaymen.shop
Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/49lxwQaRAKrBwjxeRN0NAu?si=0b830412dcf141df
Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-black-gay-men-podcast/id1581655281
Thirsty Thursday, every week, 8pm on YT : youtube.com/@dearblackgaymen
This week Jai The Gentleman discusses:
This virgin who slid in my DMs, why that would have never worked, and the root of what's killing our dating lives.
Subscribe to second channel: youtube.com/@jaithegentleman
Shop Brand New Merch: https://dearblackgaymen.shop
Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/49lxwQaRAKrBwjxeRN0NAu?si=0b830412dcf141df
Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-black-gay-men-podcast/id1581655281
Thirsty Thursday, every week, 8pm on YT : youtube.com/@dearblackgaymen
This week Jai The Gentleman discusses:
Why the dating pool is trash and what exactly you can do about it.
Conversation with Dwayne: https://youtube.com/live/hR-O0g_1nyc?feature=share
Subscribe to second channel: youtube.com/@jaithegentleman
Shop Brand New Merch: https://dearblackgaymen.shop
Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/49lxwQaRAKrBwjxeRN0NAu?si=0b830412dcf141df
Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-black-gay-men-podcast/id1581655281
Thirsty Thursday, every week, 8pm on YT : youtube.com/@dearblackgaymen
This week Jai The Gentleman discusses:
How I stood a guy up twice and why we don't put enough effort into finding value in dating.
Subscribe to second channel: youtube.com/@jaithegentleman
Shop Brand New Merch: https://dearblackgaymen.shop
Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/49lxwQaRAKrBwjxeRN0NAu?si=0b830412dcf141df
Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-black-gay-men-podcast/id1581655281
When's the last time you listened to the music they were playing during an entanglement? It's trying to tell you something.
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Question for the comments: do you wait to have sex or let it happen whenever the vibe is right
Screenshot this episode. Tag @DearBlackGayMen in your story.
Watch on YT: https://youtu.be/tXwT3Am06DM
New uploads WEDNESDAYS & THURSDAYS
Support the Channel: https://bit.ly/43lQ2N9
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Question for the comments: how do you define "submissive"?
DBGM Live in Atlanta: https://posh.vip/e/dgbm-live-podcast-atl
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Connect with Jai The Gentleman: https://www.instagram.com/JaiTheGentleman
Question for the comments: what's your most dominant trait?
Screenshot this episode, add it to your story and tag me in your answer.
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Question for the comments: what's the last dating mistake you learned from?
Shop: https://dearblackgaymen.com/
Tickets: https//dearblackgaymen.com/events/atlanta
Question for the comments: how long do you wait for s*x?
Single Series Pt. 1: https://youtu.be/7SgeWwDGScQ
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🎶 Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
➡️ Connect with Jai The Gentleman https://www.instagram.com/JaiTheGentl...
Question for the comments: how long have you been single?
Question for the comments: who was the last person you had to say the words "I'm gay" to?
Screenshot the episode, tag me in your story @JaiTheGentleman on IG with your response
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Thank GOD I didn't f*ck this man...
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🎶 Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
➡️ Connect with Jai The Gentleman
IG: https://www.instagram.com/JaiTheGentleman
While I was cruising on the apps one day, this guy's profile really rubbed me the wrong way. I realized that I don't like condoms, but not for the reason you'd think. This episode is dedicated to overcoming condoms so we can get free.
Condoms: Explained on Dear Black Gay Men LIVE
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Subscribe to Dear Black Gay Men on YouTube
It's been a while since I've uploaded to this platform and explanations are in order. I did take a little while to sort through some personal things. Nothing major, but this episode is dedicated to one of the big lessons that I uncovered during my time away from the mic.
Follow @JaiTheGentleman on IG, @dearblackgaymen on IG.
Tune in to the live show every Thursday at 8pm Eastern on YouTube
Noah's Arc was mym 2005 dating goals before dating goals were even a thing. I remember going to Best Buy to buy the box set so I could dream about outing a piece of trade and living happily ever after.
Now, nearly 20 years later, I can watch Noah's Arc with a different set of dating eyes. I can see where they went wrong, what dating lessons should I have left on TV, and which ones can I learn from this fictitious love story and apply to my very real dating life.
Join this channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCATtcqkKs0IdiFN5-Ye4drw/join
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🎶 Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
➡️ Connect with Jai The Gentleman
Sl*t shaming aside, Ali Adamos is good at doing many things. He can get countless men to give him exactly what he wants---usually exactly HOW he wants it. Isn't that our dating dream? Getting a guy to date us, be with us, love us HOW we want to be loved?
After I 💦 and I could think clearly, I looked at Ali, what he says, how he moves through life to attract so many men and there was one BIG lesson in there. This is how we can take a 💦 dump's secret weapon and use it in our dating lives.
“Single is Your Super Power” by Case Kenny: https://amzn.to/3DkqlSs
HIV/AIDS discussion: https://youtube.com/live/MI_boZ_nwsA
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Welcome to Dear Black Gay Men on YouTube.
📲 Subscribe to Dear Black Gay Men Podcast
YT: https://www.instagram.com/DearBlackGayMen
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Spotify: https://tinyurl.com/2p9pye7s
🎶 Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
➡️ Connect with Jai The Gentleman
@OpenRelationshipPodcast is one of our faves here on the channel. The hosts give different perspectives on gay dating, Black LGBTQ social issues and everything A to Z about Black gay culture. But this particular story rubbed me the wrong way and I think Rodney may have it wrong.
I am not trans, nor am I a parent, so most may take my perspectives with a grain of salt, but Neyo story has us questioning everything about communication, parenting, and what we would do if our future child comes to us questioning their gender identity. #queer #neyo #transphobia
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📲 Subscribe to Dear Black Gay Men Podcast
Apple: https://tinyurl.com/5ymdtdx4
Spotify: https://tinyurl.com/2p9pye7s
YT: YouTube.com/@DearBlackGayMen
🎶 Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
➡️ Connect with Jai The Gentleman
IG: https://www.instagram.com/JaiTheGentleman
I know it’s Leo season, but this lesson in Gemini dating hit me so hard this week. I went on a date, asked the guy “what are you looking for?’ Of course, in true gay fashion, he responded “I’m not really looking.” For some reason, we’ll go looking for EVERYTHING in the world except a date. We’ll look for money, cars, degrees, jobs, customers, but love is something we expect to fall in our lap.
This episode is dedicated to righting a wrong that has Black gay culture in a chokehold. Hopefully this week’s doneness reminder will leave you feeling a little more courageous as you go through the emotional ups and downs along your journey to happiness.
GET YOUR TICKETS TO THE LIVE SHOW: http://www.dearblackgaymen.com/events/dc
“Single is Your Super Power” by Case Kenny: https://amzn.to/3DkqlSs
Join the Afterparty on Patreon: https://bit.ly/3OysErB
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YT: YouTube.com/@DearBlackGayMen
🎶 Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
➡️ Connect with Jai The Gentleman
@BishopOCAllen renewed his vows to his husband of 20 years, Rashad Burgess. Allen, who I call “B”, said he hates folding clothes. To the untrained ear, that sounds like something you discover over a 20 year marriage. But to me, I thought how dope it is that he’s self-aware enough to know that about himself and to say it publicly.
This episode is dedicated to helping each of us single people grow a level of self-awareness that helps us date better, find better men, and connect with guys more deeply. I’m using one example that we’ve all seen on the dating apps or in real life, but this one problem in Black gay culture may be able to shed some light on a bigger lesson we can all apply to our dating lives as Black gay men. #datingadvice #relationships #singlelife
Special Announcement coming tomorrow: https://youtube.com/live/Y9yLzIEjxaw?feature=share
“Single is Your Super Power” by Case Kenny: https://amzn.to/3DkqlSs
Special thanks to @oretteayton5262 and @phynekat for the comments and encouragement
Join the Afterparty on Patreon: https://bit.ly/3OysErB
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Welcome to Dear Black Gay Men on YouTube.
📲 Subscribe to Dear Black Gay Men Podcast
YT: https://www.instagram.com/DearBlackGayMen
Apple: https://tinyurl.com/5ymdtdx4
Spotify: https://tinyurl.com/2p9pye7s
🎶 Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
➡️ Connect with Jai The Gentleman
Have you ever met a guy, got a number, texted for a while, a couple dates, but just can't make it over the 90-day hump? After so many failed dating attempts, it's easy to think it's either all men...or it's got to be me.
This episode of the podcast is here to show us that it's a little of column A, a little of column B. A whole lot of luck and the right kind of work. What kind of work should we be putting into our dating situations? And how to ensure that work pays off?
Special thanks to @infiniteimani3534 for the inspo, and comments from @YzBG and http://www.instagram.com/alexanderlove_love
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I don't want to say EVERYONE has cheated, but have a relationship or dating commitment violated is an experience way too many gay guys have in common. I'm a cheater. I had a wonderful relationship that fell apart because of a lot of issues I brought into the dating situation.
Now that I've worked through my ish (I am a single guru after all - https://youtu.be/sY4ubstbX-c) and I've dealt with my issues (as best I can), I'm sharing some of the lessons I've learned on why we cheat and how to avoid the pitfalls that lead us to cheat in the first place.
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📲 Subscribe to Dear Black Gay Men Podcast
Apple: https://tinyurl.com/5ymdtdx4
Spotify: https://tinyurl.com/2p9pye7s
YT: YouTube.com/@DearBlackGayMen
🎶 Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
➡️ Connect with Jai The Gentleman
IG: https://www.instagram.com/JaiTheGentleman
New uploads WEDNESDAYS & THURSDAYS
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I really don’t think Black gay men are singling right. When it comes to dating, there is some intention we have to put behind who we allow into our lives. This post is a must see for any Black gay guy who is looking to get back into the dating pool. What should you be looking out for and how can we navigate dating better?
“Single is Your Super Power” by Case Kenny: https://amzn.to/3DkqlSs
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When's the last time somebody asked you if you're a top or bottom? For me it was a couple days ago just before a first date. He was more interested in my position than he was in the date. Then I got the lesson.
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Gee Smalls is the Jai-appointed king of nudism in Atlanta. I'm worried about what to wear on an upcoming cabin trip, meanwhile he's naked on the gram. Then I got the lesson.
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I was traveling for an entanglement--not a date, not a relationship--a purely physical exchange when I got a big lesson about hook-up culture and how it's an analogy for Black gay culture at large.
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I remember when I used to watch older guys in the club thinking, "where yo man at?" I swore that I'd have me a husband before I end up 40 in the club...
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Knowing what we want in a relationship sounds good on its face, but some of us have taken "knowing" to an unhealthy extent. This week's episode of Dear Black Gay Men Podcast is focused on a date I went on with "Victor" and some of the pitfalls that come with being a single man over 30 trying to date in these streets. I learned a valuable lesson that comes up when we think about compromise in dating. #dating #relationshipadvice #singlelife
Cast of Love & Us Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsyEUF8oSDh16JK_AlExsRuNLa44mq2Tu
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Talking to a new guy is the part of dating that is the most exciting because you get to figure out the guy and dream about your future together. But with that can come some tense discussions. This week's episode is dedicated to understanding where those arguments come from when you're dating, how to get out of them, and the self-work Black gay guys have to do to avoid them altogether. #dating #relationshipadvice #singlelife
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Asking someone on a date seems pretty simple, but so many Black gay guys fail (or suck) at it, even in 2023. In this episode, @jaithegentleman gives his short, 3 step process to asking anyone on date and getting them to say yes. If you want to get the date with the guy you've been eyeing across the bar, gym, supermarket, or app, this episode was made specifically for you. #dating #relationshipadvice #singlelife
Full episode with @thegaydatingcoach : https://youtu.be/7GOut-EOnIo
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The best part about talking to so many gay guys about dating is that I can start to see the patterns. Every time the conversation of prominent interracial couples comes up, I see a patter. I could be biased, but there is an equation that makes interracial dating work for some people.
Watch the full episodes:
Kinks: https://www.youtube.com/live/24-eHAipiBo?feature=share
Body Image: https://youtu.be/3hUbRDbrC74
Dating: https://www.youtube.com/live/MI_boZ_nwsA?feature=share
I'm looking back on how far we've come on Dear Black Gay Men Live. I haven't been the most dedicated to much in my career, but conversations about dating, s*x, gay culture, and single life thrill me so much that they outweigh all the mundane tasks. So this look back is one part unpacking aha moments, and one part taking pride in the conversations we've had. Thanks for rocking with me. --JTG
#sexadvice #blackgaymen #gayandproud
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This episode was therapy for me. It took actual therapy, a failed Jack'd encounter, and some introspection for me to see one of my deepest issues in dating. Enjoy.
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Saturday night at a sex party-->Sunday morning at church-->Monday afternoon epiphany moments.
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It's crazy that a trip to the mall, ten years ago, with my ex-boyfriend Thomas would lead me to this aha moment at my big-big-age.
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I had horrible s*x with two people that taught me some huge lessons.
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I asked a simple question about sex in the group and we jumped in the comments to give our pair of pennies. But what came up was a discussion about self, connection and relationship that I didn't expect.
This episode is particularly significant for me because it marks our 50th episode of the podcast. As you can tell, I record these days--sometimes, weeks--in advance. But my gratitude to you all for rocking with me and my crazy thoughts gets deeper each week. --JTG
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Have you ever heard something that sounded right, but it took you a little while before you actually got the lesson? That was me in this conversation with Hakim Asadi. He talked about closure in one of my last episodes of Dear Black Gay Men Live in 2022. But it wasn't until recently where I totally got the lesson.
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I asked this question the other day about first dates, hopefully attempting to get some clarity on how to have better ones. Then I remember, "I'm the FIRST DATE GURU".
Full disclosure, though, I am rarely asked out on a first date. So as I was thinking about what I hope he's going to do, I realized there is a fool proof equation to making a first date memorable.
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First, thank you to all our listeners and subscribers. We're coming up on 7500 monthly downloads. For a new show that's only 15 minutes long, that's a BIG DEAL.
Then, I had a conversation with a friend of mine who we'll call "Oscar". He said something--responded to something I mentioned in a previous episode--and that conversation made think.
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I asked this question in our Dear Black Gay Men Insiders group and the conversation was...interesting. Somehow "talking to" became the plot...perpetrated by Millenials...to get us caught up IN THE BULLSH!T.
Oddly enough, I think the "talking to" phase is critical to dating. This episode is my argument why.
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I asked this question about talking to someone and got so many responses about commitment. Reading through got me to thinking about a particular minister that I used to crush on...and why I used to crush on him. #JudgeMeLater, but this is what I learned.
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I've interviewed bottoms asking them what they wish tops understood. Then last week, I talked to a top who had his own "things bottoms should know". But, this is my take as a vers who doesn't bottom that often. #JudgeMeLater
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You go out on a date, what do you expect the next day? A good morning text? Some sweet nothings in your DMs? That was me, secretly wanting him to fawn over me on date two. But this date with "Brandon" is changing all of that for me.
Back again with some #firstdatechronicles. He and I went out a couple weeks ago, but instead of feeling left behind and jilted, I'm still in my feels because Brandon is a different kind of man. And in being so, inspiring me to be a different kind of man. Take a listen to see what I mean.
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I advocate for the single life because a purposeful single life leads to purposeful, fulfilling relationships. I learned that lesson from a whole host of failed dating attempts. These are the nuggets I picked up along the way.
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If nothing else, I am consistent. Stood up for a date so I started a podcast. Stood up again by the same dude, must mean season 2. Another failed dating attempt, must mean it's time to get back to work. Thanks universe.
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It was an ass appointment that reminded me of a preacher with a Jheri curl. Long story, but a good lesson.
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If you’ve ever been ghosted, it can be hard to pick up the pieces especially if you were really cutting for this man. When I got ghosted, luckily, I knew it was his loss, but it still hurt. This is my story. Hopefully you can relate.
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I’ve dated men who were EXCITING and that made me EXCITED to be around them. Then I dated men who were just a date. Because I’ve been on both ends of the excited-ness spectrum, I’m pretty good at pulling out some hallmarks to know when he’s actually excited about you, or if it’s just a show.
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Even though I’m healed now, I’m guilty as anyone else of hurting people in my past. This episode is my story of figuring out what gaslighting is, how I gaslit my ex, and what I did to overcome it—my healing process.
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After recording this one, I've realized that I dedicated a lot of energy to "Joe" for one reason. This episode, I'm talking through how I learned that it's way past time to move on.
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I be quitting shit. Quitting people, quitting projects, quitting everything I've set my mind to. Well, not everything, but a lot of stuff. So I'm talking about how I'm not quitting this season and the lessons I'm learning by persevering.
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I had an ex, Terry, who taught me the most valuable lesson of all: cheating has nothing to do with sex. This is the story.
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The most random conversation in the DMs gave me two HUGE insights on my own dating life and our culture. Spoiler Alert: you may want to stay out my DMs. #SingleLife #Identification #RepresentationMatters #DatingAdvice #SingleAdvocate
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Glory holes have intention behind them--not just the people that use them. There's a lesson there if you allow it. #hookups #entanglements #anon #DatingAdvice #SingleAdvocate
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Why do we end up doing the "so what's up" tango when we hook-up? I got a huge aha about our interests and attractions on my last entanglement. #Hookups #SingleLife #DatingAdvice #SingleAdvocate
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Break ups suck, no matter who you are and who initiated. It takes time and work to get back to yourself “with full mobility”. These are 5 benchmarks along the journey. #BreakUps #DatingAdvice #SingleAdvocate
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Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
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This video is your secret guidebook to understanding what kind of versatile you are, what kind of versatile he is, and how y’all can make magic together. #datingadvice #sexcoach
Dating "John": https://youtu.be/KKTZk5GmJvQ
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🎶 Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
➡️ Connect with Jai The Gentleman
IG: https://www.instagram.com/JaiTheGentleman
Shop: http://www.fullyvers.com/shop
http://www.fullyvers.com
This one is pretty vulnerable for me, but I'll admit it boldly: I'm a gaslighter. My last relationship had to end because I did some dirty stuff while we were together. Ralph Pittman is the human gaslight and I only know that because the way he messed up Drew is exactly how I acted in my last serious dating situation.
But so many of our listeners/viewers are still up-in-the-air about what gaslighting is and how to spot it. So this video is dedicated to uncovering gaslighting and how we do it EVERY DAY in life, in friendships, and in dating.
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🎶 Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
➡️ Connect with Jai The Gentleman
I’ve pursued deeply unavailable men for the my whole life as an out, Black gay man. Giving too much, compensating for their disinterest and releasing all my agency. These are some critical life lessons I picked up along my journey to happiness. Thanks @Case Kenny #relationshipadvice #podcast #blackgaymen
Case Kenny’s book: https://amzn.to/3L8A5CA
Case Kenny’s YouTube video: https://youtu.be/pH5sOHnhcLk
📲 Subscribe to Dear Black Gay Men Podcast
YT: https://www.instagram.com/DearBlackGayMen
Apple: https://tinyurl.com/5ymdtdx4
Spotify: https://tinyurl.com/2p9pye7s
🎶 Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
➡️ Connect with Jai The Gentleman
IG: https://www.instagram.com/JaiTheGentleman
Shop: http://www.fullyvers.com/shop
http://www.fullyvers.com
Can we ever stop overthinking? Is that ever a good thing? Is there a such thing as Virgo seduction? This week, we ring in a new astrological season as I discuss what to your virgo won’t stop virgo-ing.
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If you’ve ever had boring online conversations with potentials, it’s probably because of one of these reasons
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In this episode, I talk about how I protect my emotions when I'm engaging, and why it's holding some of us back from true connection.
Purchase Ethical Slut on Amazon:
https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B01N0SA1YW&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_CBKKSD0KX4HG25MZP686&tag=iamfullyvers-20
Links:
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In this episode, I talk about the epidemic of asking for things we're really not ready for and how I overcame my lack of emotional and sexual preparedness.
But then I also talk about why bottoms are the cornerstone of our culture.
Links:
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In this episode, I talk about why getting out of other folks' business is so much more than just gossiping and it actually will unlock your (and others') blessings.
ha-ya-bo-ho-ko-shah...
Links
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Encanto had me in the full ugly cry because I realized I'm Bruno with a Mirabel twist.
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I'm taking a break from my "Joe Chronicles" to talk about my last time going to the s*x house...and what I learned from it.
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My best friend Maquan (@TruthfullyLoyal on IG) gave me maybe the best relationship advice I've ever gotten as the dating saga with Joe continues.
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Jerrod Carmichael bravely talks about what it means to live with a lie and the hard journey someone close to him had to take to overcome it. Oh...and he came out as gay.
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I was on a cabin trip...but not one of "those kind" of gay cabin trips and somebody asked me the best question about relationships. I didn't have an answer then, but I got one now.
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I hated on Durand Bernarr so bad. Yes, I'm a hating @ssed n*gga. But I'm overcoming and evolving. You know what I call that?
Growth
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I'm watching this White gay couple live off the grid, and I'm thinking, "Do we do stuff like that?" "Do we even want to?" I'm ready to argue, cuz I can feel it coming.
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When Jhené Aiko said that, I felt that shit. This episode is me realizing I aint' where I want to be, but I'm definitely not where I used to be.
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We've traveled down the road and back again. Joe wants to be my friend.
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"I was expressing a relationship" was probably the biggest epiphany I had. "When he walks away from me, I want that n*gga to feel that sh*t."
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Thirsty Thursday, every week, 8pm on YT : youtube.com/@dearblackgaymen
This week Jai The Gentleman discusses:
What does it mean to be "low key" and why the gworls secretly hate being bottoms.
HIV Vaccine Trials Network: helpendhiv.org
Strong Bottoms: https://youtube.com/live/1N1izj92yC4?feature=share
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Shop Brand New Merch: https://dearblackgaymen.shop
Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/49lxwQaRAKrBwjxeRN0NAu?si=0b830412dcf141df
Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-black-gay-men-podcast/id1581655281
It's me. I'm n*ggas. I'm excited to be back to the podcast. Being on this side of this question makes sure I never have to give any answers.
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I talked to Lamont White of Better Way to Meet for my YouTube channel and he told me it's okay to be single. So blame him when I say, "F*ck y'all's Valentines". #SorryNotSorry
I thought I was going to brunch, but I learned what my type is, how I want that nigga to treat me, and why my sister is not the be f*cked with. I need another mimosa...
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You ever wanted to holler at somebody, but his resting bitch face put you off? That was me until I got this big lesson
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In this episode, I talk about the time someone slid in my DMs but didn't want nothing. This dating life is frustrating.
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In this episode, I talk about Joe. Joe wanted to "check the vibe" with me. I guess the vibe I was giving isn't what he intended. His bad...
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In this episode, I talk about how a 5-minute conversation with my cousin totally changed my approach to dating.
Special thanks to our sponsor iElevate Plus TV. Visit ielevateplustv.com for more information.
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In this episode, I talk about a couple simple words can change another Black gay man's day.
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In this episode, I want to unpack a new definition of cheating, specialized for Black gay foolishness.
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In this episode, I talk about my grandmama's whooping with a switch can help us all through our dating lives.
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In this episode, I talk about how dating Geminis who I thought were f*cked, only revealed my own f*cked-upness.
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In this episode, I talk about how a trip to the hospital drastically changed how I see friendships, family, and relationships.
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In this episode, I talk about why I've been insecure, and how, this birthday, I'm deciding to overcome it.
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In this episode, I talk about how it's okay--actually, important--to get excited about the guy who slid in your DMs, even if it doesn't pan out the way you'd hoped.
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