De Facto Leaders

Latest Episodes:

Re-release: Building discipline and self-management in elementary school through college. Jan 12, 2022

Show notes

When raising kids in elementary school, junior high, and high school, a lot of parents wonder if they're preparing their kids for what lies ahead in college and adulthood. We can't look in to a crystal ball and predict the future, but we can bring insights from our own failures and successes to the way we parent.

That's why in this episode, Joe and I continue our conversation about his experience going through school, including: ✅How he initially failed out of college, but then later went back and got a master's degree from the same university. ✅What he wishes he would have learned after being evaluated for ADHD, and how we bring these insights into the way we parent. ✅How he learned to be more disciplined and structure his environment so you he can perform his best and focus (without using medication).

If you want to better prepare your K-12 kids for what lies ahead, you'll get a ton out of listening in to this episode.

(Disclaimer: This episode should not be considered medical or legal advice, and should not be used to diagnose or treat any specific medical condition). If you’re a parent who wants to set your kids up for success as adults, then then you’re going to love my free parent guide, which I mentioned in this episode. In this guide, I share the executive functioning skills kids need in order to stay organized, focused, and motivated during their day-to-day tasks like chores and homework. You can sign up for the guide here: https://drkarendudekbrannan.com/parentguide The De Facto Leaders podcast was formerly the “Are they 18 yet?®” podcast. As of November 2022, the name of the show has changed, and we’ve shifted from a focus on parenting to a focus on supporting clinicians and educators to design effective services for kids (but parents are still welcome to listen). Episodes published before November 24, 2022 will still contain some of our old branding.

Re-release: The Breaking Point Jan 05, 2022

Show notes

We all have a point where the demands of life become too overwhelming and we lose our ability to self-manage and stay disciplined. For people who have a diagnosis of ADHD, that point can come sooner rather than later.

In this episode, my husband (Joe) shares what happened when he hit his breaking point, including: ✅His experience growing up with an "almost ADHD" diagnosis ✅How he managed to fall through the cracks and squeak by in elementary and secondary school. ✅What happened when he went away to college and didn't have his built-in accountability systems (a.k.a., his parents).

If you have a kid in K-12 and you want to learn what challenges might lie ahead for your kids and what red flags to look out for in elementary and secondary school, you're going to love this episode

And spoiler alert: This story has a happy ending. This is just the first of a two-part interview.

(Disclaimer: This episode should not be considered medical or legal advice, and should not be used to diagnose or treat any specific medical condition). If you’re a parent who wants to set your kids up for success as adults, then then you’re going to love my free parent guide, which I mentioned in this episode. In this guide, I share the different types of executive functioning skills kids need in order to stay organized, focused, and motivated during their day-to-day tasks like chores and homework. You can sign up for the guide here: https://drkarendudekbrannan.com/parentguide The De Facto Leaders podcast was formerly the “Are they 18 yet?®” podcast. As of November 2022, the name of the show has changed, and we’ve shifted from a focus on parenting to a focus on supporting clinicians and educators to design effective services for kids (but parents are still welcome to listen). Episodes published before November 24, 2022 will still contain some of our old branding.

Cognitive distortions and ADHD Dec 29, 2021

Show notes

When it comes to supporting kids with ADHD or other conditions that impact executive functioning, it can be challenging to understand some of the behaviors we’re seeing.

Sometimes figuring out why they act the way they do can be confusing, especially when it appears that they’re engaging in certain self-sabotaging behaviors.

This might include (but not be limited to) avoiding certain, inevitable situations or procrastinating…even if it means more work in the long run.

Or even if it means missing out on something that might be important or enjoyable.

When any of the above happens, cognitive distortions (a.k.a. distorted thinking can be the culprit).

That’s why in this episode, I define and discuss cognitive distortions and how they relate to ADHD.

Specifically, I share what cognitive distortions are, why we want to minimize them as much as possible.

I start out with busting some myths, including why distorted thinking isn’t related to intelligence.

I also talk about cognitive distortions that may pop up when someone has ADHD and how this can impact their ability to fulfill daily obligations (like chores, homework, etc.).

Then, I wrap up by sharing some tips for working through distorted thinking. In this episode, I mentioned the work of Dr. Aaron Beck and Dr. David Burns as it pertains to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and defining cognitive distortions.

You can find more information about Dr. Aaron Beck’s work here.

You can find more information about Dr. David Burns’s work here.

I also mentioned the Time Tracking Journal, a tool to help parents and educators support kids in engaging in positive self-talk and self-reflection during day-to-day tasks. It’s intended to help kids be more independent with tasks that require sequencing and planning; but it can also help kids reflect on social situations as well. It is particularly helpful in working through cognitive distortions, such as magnification and labeling.

You can get more information about the Time Tracking Journal here: https://drkarendudekbrannan.com/timejournal The De Facto Leaders podcast was formerly the “Are they 18 yet?®” podcast. As of November 2022, the name of the show has changed, and we’ve shifted from a focus on parenting to a focus on supporting clinicians and educators to design effective services for kids (but parents are still welcome to listen). Episodes published before November 24, 2022 will still contain some of our old branding.

Ableism: What therapists, teachers, and caregivers need to know Dec 22, 2021

Show notes

Ableism is the discrimination against disabled people.

As we learn more and more about autistic people, those with ADHD, among other populations…this word continues to come up in conversation.

Many of the interventions we’ve traditionally done to support children who need different educational and medical interventions are now under scrutiny for having ableist qualities. This has left a lot of clinicians, educators, and caregivers in a tricky situation as they support kids’ social, emotional, and cognitive development.

That’s why in this episode, I have a discussion on the top of ableism, including what it is and what it isn’t.

I also share tips for parents and clinicians so they can help kids without being ableist. In this episode, I mention the Time Tracking Journal, a tool to help parents and educators support kids in engaging in positive self-talk and self-reflection during day-to-day tasks. It’s intended to help kids be more independent with tasks that require sequencing and planning; but it can also help kids reflect on social situations as well.

Person-first vs identity-first language: Which one should I use? Dec 15, 2021

Show notes

When I was going through school back in the late 90s and early 2000s, I was taught that “person-first” language was the most respectful way to refer to my clients.

For example, they weren’t “disabled people”, they were “people with disabilities”.

Fast forward to the 2020s, and now we’re hearing a different story.

Now, there are many people who actually prefer “identity first” language.

If you’re someone supporting someone who has some particular diagnosis or disability, it’s confusing enough to navigate the system when it comes to educational and medical services.

Add language and terminology on top of that, and it gets even more overwhelming.

I’ve heard this debate from multiple angles.

Some have a strong preferences for one type of language over the other. Others are more flexible.

And then there is a group of people who aren’t even fully aware of this debate and what it means…especially if they are brand new to the world of educational or medical services for kids.

That’s why in this episode, I wanted to share the background and rationale behind both “person first” and “identity first language” based on my experience working as a clinician since 2004 and also as someone who has a diagnosis myself. In this episode, I mentioned some research relating to labeling theory and self-fulfilling prophecies. Here is some more information about that. Also, here is some information about where the term originated.

I also mentioned the Executive Functioning Guide for Parents in this episode. In this guide I outline what executive functioning is and why it’s so important to helping kids grow up to be resilient, adaptable, and independent.

In this guide I walk through red flags of executive dysfunction, as well as how to identify specific areas of executive functioning where your kids might need support. You can get the free parent guide at drkarendudekbrannan.com/parentguide The De Facto Leaders podcast was formerly the “Are they 18 yet?®” podcast. As of November 2022, the name of the show has changed, and we’ve shifted from a focus on parenting to a focus on supporting clinicians and educators to design effective services for kids (but parents are still welcome to listen). Episodes published before November 24, 2022 will still contain some of our old branding.

Building skills for connection (with Miriam Campbell) Dec 08, 2021

Show notes

How do we hold students accountable for their actions, but acknowledge their unique neurological profiles at the same time? How do we help neurodivergents (e.g., ADHD, Autism) build genuine connections with others and succeed in academic, vocational, and social situations?

In this episode, I invited special guest Miriam Campbell, founder of Skills for Connection (https://skillsforconnection.com/), to help answer these questions. Miriam is a speech-language pathologist and a social worker who works with students directly through her private practice. She also provides professional development for therapists and educators who support students with diagnoses that impact communication and academic skills.

In this interview, Miriam and I discuss:
✅Why don't "social skills" we teach in therapeutic settings transfer to real-life situations?
✅How emotional regulation impacts our ability to connect with others, and how to help kids understand and navigate their own emotions. ✅How to help kids take responsibility for their behaviors in a way that builds a positive self-image.
✅How to help kids advocate for their sensory, emotional, and communication needs and still develop the skills for connecting with others.

To connect with Miriam and learn more about her professional development opportunities and strategies for building connection, email her at miriam@skillsforconnection.com or visit her website here: https://skillsforconnection.com/

In this episode, I mention the Time Tracking Journal, (https://drkarendudekbrannan.com/timejournal), a tool to help parents and educators support kids in engaging in positive self-talk and self-reflection during day-to-day tasks. It's intended to help kids be more independent with tasks that require sequencing and planning; but it can also help kids reflect on social situations as well.

You can get more information about the Time Tracking Journal here: https://drkarendudekbrannan.com/timejournal

The De Facto Leaders podcast was formerly the “Are they 18 yet?®” podcast. As of November 2022, the name of the show has changed, and we’ve shifted from a focus on parenting to a focus on supporting clinicians and educators to design effective services for kids (but parents are still welcome to listen). Episodes published before November 24, 2022 will still contain some of our old branding.

3 tips for introducing new foods to your kids. Dec 01, 2021

Show notes

In episode 36, I talk about 3 common "problem" food categories when it comes to kids diets; plus tips for making sustainable changes across eat of these areas. Contrary to popular belief, you don't need to offer rewards for eating healthy foods. Acquiring a taste for different textures and flavors is a skill that develops over time. That's why it's so important to pay attention to kids' sensory preferences when you're introducing new foods. Sometimes minor differences in flavor or texture may not register to an adult with a broad palate; but they can make a big impact for someone with sensory sensitivities.

That's why in this episode, I share:
✅Why kids may show some inconsistencies in their tolerance to certain foods.
✅How to gradually reduce additives like refined sugar from your kids' diets.
✅How to expand the amount of fruits and vegetables your kids will eat.

In this episode, I mention my 6-week plan that helps families develop healthy eating habits that build brain development. I'll even show you how to encourage kids to eat vegetables! It's called the Simple Family Meals Guide, and it will walk you through, step-by-step, how to change your kids' eating habits for the better, one meal at a time. You can sign up for the Simple Family Meals Guide here: https://drkarendudekbrannan.com/mealguide (Disclaimer: This episode should not be considered medical or legal advice, and should not be used to diagnose or treat any specific medical condition). The De Facto Leaders podcast was formerly the “Are they 18 yet?®” podcast. As of November 2022, the name of the show has changed, and we’ve shifted from a focus on parenting to a focus on supporting clinicians and educators to design effective services for kids (but parents are still welcome to listen). Episodes published before November 24, 2022 will still contain some of our old branding.

How to help picky eaters (without bribing them with dessert) Nov 24, 2021

Show notes

Most parents know that eating a balanced diet is important for brain development...but making that happen is easier said than done. Especially when they have "picky eaters" who are unsure about venturing out of their comfort zone. It's tempting to default to the popular method of using dessert as "positive reinforcement" for eating less enticing food...but often this does more harm than good in the long run. That's why in this episode, I share tips for getting kids to eat healthy food...without "rewards" and "punishment". And a quick disclaimer: I will NOT be promising a magical miracle diet that's going to "cure" ADHD or autism.

What I WILL promise is that this will help you make more sustainable changes AND help your kids think about food and eating in a healthy way.

I'll share:
✅The #1 mistake people make when it comes to mealtime (plus a simple shift to fix it).
✅Why you don't need to issue rewards for eating "good" foods, and what to do instead.
✅How to help kids buy-in to the idea of trying new foods, without punishment or bribery.

Why you shouldn't assume "laziness" in neurodivergent kids Nov 17, 2021

Show notes

This is part 3 of a 3-part series on the common problems with interventions for ADHD and autism.

When you have some type of neurological variation that causes you to experience the world in a different way, you automatically become an easy target for manipulation.

Those who are easily overwhelmed, or who aren’t sure how to read social cues and self-regulate have to work really hard to participate in day-to-day situations that feel normal and easy for other people. This could include sitting in a desk in a classroom. It could include having a simple conversation with a peers. It could include following directions, or sitting in a noisy public area. These are things many people take for granted. As a result, it may not make sense why others, who have different neurological wiring (ADHD, autism, etc.) cannot tolerate certain tasks or activities. Neurodivergents are commonly accused of being defiant, inappropriate, or difficult. To others it seems like they’re not trying, or that they’re just lazy and unmotivated. But the truth is that most of them KNOW they’re different in some way. Yet when they’re constantly misunderstood, they start to believe they really are broken in some way. Which is why interventions focused “compliance” alone, reward/punishment can not only invalidate their experience…it can also cause them to doubt their grip on reality.

While they may struggle to read social cues and situations, we have to find a way to teach them these skills in a way that’s supportive. That’s why we need to rethink the way we support neurodivergents, and I talk about how to make that shift in this episode.

In this episode, I mentioned the Time Tracking Journal, which is a SIMPLE tool that will help you get through daily routines (like homework) with ease, without bribery, arguments, or constant hand-holding. The Time Tracking Journal walks you through a strategy you can do in just 10-15 minutes a day that will help kids get tasks done effectively and efficiently, and critical thinking skills and self-confidence at the same time. You can learn how to get instant access here: https://drkarendudekbrannan.com/timejournal The De Facto Leaders podcast was formerly the “Are they 18 yet?®” podcast. As of November 2022, the name of the show has changed, and we’ve shifted from a focus on parenting to a focus on supporting clinicians and educators to design effective services for kids (but parents are still welcome to listen). Episodes published before November 24, 2022 will still contain some of our old branding.

A case against "normal" and "appropriate" behavior Nov 10, 2021

Show notes

As kids go through the school systems and grow up in general, they're taught a lot about how to act "appropriately" in different situations. There's a certain set of rules we've deemed to be acceptable, "normal" ways to act. On the contrary, certain behaviors are seen as "inappropriate", "weird", or "undesirable" in some way. But some people are wired differently, making them experience the world differently that "neurotypicals".
This may cause them to engage with the world around them in a different way that might not seem "normal" to others. The first instinct a lot of people have is to point out the "inappropriate" behaviors and replace them with "appropriate" ones. The idea is that we want people to do things the "right" way so they can lead successful lives. The problem is that many of these supposedly "appropriate" behaviors can be traumatic or counterproductive to neurodivergents (for example, people with ADHD or autism). And the other issue is that sometimes, "normal" behaviors are simply a set of arbitrary rules that may or may not be necessary 100% of the time (if ever). That's why in this episode, I share part 2 of my 3-part series on the problems with ADHD and autism interventions. In this episode specifically, I challenge listeners to re-examine what they think of as "normal" and "appropriate" behavior.

Instead, I invite you to make the shift from "appropriate" to "functional and effective". In this episode, I mentioned the Time Tracking Journal, which is a SIMPLE tool that will help you get through daily routines (like homework) with ease, without bribery, arguments, or constant hand-holding.

The Time Tracking Journal walks you through a strategy you can do in just 10-15 minutes a day that will help kids get tasks done effectively and efficiently, and critical thinking skills and self-confidence at the same time. You can learn how to get instant access here: https://drkarendudekbrannan.com/timejournal The De Facto Leaders podcast was formerly the “Are they 18 yet?®” podcast. As of November 2022, the name of the show has changed, and we’ve shifted from a focus on parenting to a focus on supporting clinicians and educators to design effective services for kids (but parents are still welcome to listen). Episodes published before November 24, 2022 will still contain some of our old branding.

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