Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast

Latest Episodes:

5×15 Gay Dads Connect (Season Finale) Mar 20, 2023

Looking to meet other gay dads in your home town and beyond? in this Season Finale of Daddy Squared podcast we hope to leave you with ideas and inspiration on how to connect with other gay dads. We explore advocacy and social media as ways to form communities with three inspiring guests who have managed to do just that. In addition to juggling work and parenting, gay dads need other gay dad friends. Not only to show our kids families like ours, but also for ourselves and as a connection to our own gay identity, and frankly there are issues that we can't discuss with straight people. "Certainly there's the aspect [of connecting with other gay dads] for the kids' sake, but then there's the aspect, the real need for comradery is also for us," says Ron Poole-Dayan, Executive Director and co-founder of Men Having Babies. "Given that a lot of our gay friends disappeared after the kids were born, whereas the parents of our kids at school have different circumstances than us as well. It's not that we're completely different than anybody else - but you know, when you go to Mommy and Me, or Music Together with the kids and all these other things, you're in a mom-centric world. And it's not only that you need to show your kids, YOU need to let your hair down and be more comfortable and create friendships with people." Finding other gay dads can be around advocacy or a cause like Men Having Babies or Raise A Child, which add an extra layer of mutual interest in addition to geographical proximity. But social media is becoming the number one tool for gay dads to find others like them in the area. "That happens all the time," says Brian Copeland, founder and admin of the Gay Fathers Facebook group that currently holds over 10,000 members. "Someone says 'oh, I'm in Olathe, Kansas, any gay fathers nearby here?' and people start commenting and they get together. We'll see a lot of fathers who say 'hey, we're going on a cruise at this time, is there anyone else going to be on the cruise,' or 'we're going to Disney this week, is there anyone else going,' and they start meeting up. We encourage those things." When we talk about being social, we also talk social responsibility and roles of gay dads within the LGBT+ community. "I think that as older gay men with kids or older gay men period, it's very important that we show up proudly at the gay pride parades with our kids," Rich Valenza, CEO of Raise A Child, says. Show not only the world who we are and what we are and what our values are but also to allow younger people to see this and envision for themselves of what's possible." Our Guests: Rich Valenza, Ron Poole-Dayan, Brian Copeland Rich Valenza is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of RaiseAChild. A father of two children adopted through Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services, Rich has more than 20 years of success in marketing and development for broadcast media and nonprofit organizations. He has used his expertise in working with leading national and international corporations to form strategic partnerships with community service agencies, national and regional LGBT organizations. In addition to his personal experience, he brings the knowledge gained from serving five years as a board member and three years as the president of The Pop Luck Club, which promotes the well-being of gay prospective parents, gay parents, and their children. Ron Poole-Dayan is the executive director and founder of Men Having Babies. He has over 20 years of experience in marketing and business strategy development both in the USA and internationally. Ron earned his Masters degree in political economy and comparative politics from Columbia University, and his bachelor’s degree in business administration from the Hebrew University of Jerusalem. He met his husband Greg in 1994, and are among the first same-sex couples in the nation to father children through gestational surrogacy. The twins,

5×14 Throuple Mar 06, 2023

What’s it like raising kids in a throuple? In this episode we dive into the dynamic of a polyamorous relationship with Ian, Alan, and Jeremy, the throuple who made the news after they managed to change the way California law defines family, listing all three of them as fathers on their daughter’s birth certificate. In recent years we are seeing more and more throuples in the gay community, and on our podcast Dr. Ian Jenkins, author of the book Three Dads and a Baby, explained to us how it came about for him. “In collage I took a bunch of anthropology classes,” Jenkins explains, “and I was thinking to myself, it’s pretty unusual that someone is EVERYTHING to somebody else, and there may be different aspects of your personality that somebody else nurtures or feels, needs and stuff, so, that was something that I brought to my dating with Alan and he had needed to do some thinking about it and make sure that was okay, we went ahead and started to date a couple of people, we kissed a number of frogs before we met Jeremy, with Jeremy it was totally different, we had a great connection right away.” Ian had been with Alan for 19 years, and they’ve been with Jeremy, for ten. And they have two biological children — Piper, who is 5, and Parker, who is 3. “If you asked me about being in a throuple, before [my experience] I’d say that’s too complicated and crazy,” Alan says on Daddy Squared, “why would anyone want that it’s hard enough to be with one person.” “And after I’d say, oh, now that I’m approaching 45 I realize it’s so pragmatic in a lot of ways. I’m not trying to sell somebody on that and say you should definitely do this, it works for us, it worked out it evolved this way organically, and if we are talking to friends that are of our age, they have kids, they have been in a relationship for a long time, almost universally the reaction is oh I see the appeal.” On our interview with the three we heard about what it’s like raising kids as a throuple, why it was important to them to make it legal, and we also hear about some of the stereotypes and the misconceptions they face, including ‘coming out’ to their parents about the throuple. “Being in a throuple is coming out again, for sure,” Alan admits. “I’ve been with Ian for a long time and [my parents] knew Ian. My mom was more like, ‘okay, it’s different, I understand,’ she was supportive, and my dad was like, ‘I just struggle to see how is that conforms with fidelity in all these kind of traditional values.’ But he quickly came around. But we were also in a position, kind of later in life, where I’m not financially dependent on my parents, I’ve got my own life going on, I gotta live my life. I’ve been with Ian for a long time and I felt strongly that our life is better with Jeremy, this needs to work, I wanted to work and this is important to me. ” “I make a point,” Jeremy adds, “if I meet new people, like if we have a new worker, pretty early on I’d say, like, ‘hey just so you know I have two partners, so if we’re talking about our home lives I don’t want you to sit there and say hey what’s going on.’ I [come out] constantly at all times.” Our Guests: Ian, Alan and Jeremy Dr. Ian Jenkins is the author of “Three Dads and a Baby: Adventures in Modern Parenting“, a debut memoir about his experiences trying to have a baby as part of a polyamorous gay “Throuple.” The three men wanted to have a child, but the road to having a baby took them through embryo adoption, IVF and surrogacy, dealing with lawyers and doctors, enormous medical bills, questions about polyamorous parenting, and legal battles to get all 3 dads listed on the birth certificate (they were the first to do so). Ian is joined by his partners Alan, a clinical psychologist, and Jeremy, a zookeeper at the San Diego Zoo. Men Having Babies Corner Men Having Babies is a nonprofit organization that helps gay men who are interested in becoming fathers through surrogacy navigate the s...

5×13 Bullying Feb 21, 2023

Latest research shows that more than 25% of children experience bullying, based on them being or seeming different. Some bullied kids end up with serious emotional damage. In this episode we discuss bullying with Ross Ellis from Stomp Out Bullying, and also Yan shares what he learned, unfortunately from his own personal experience. This is part 2 of a double-episode special, celebrating 100 episodes of Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast. According to stopbullying.gov, bullying is defined as unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems. “Kids don’t want to come to and tell you, ‘dad, this is something that’s happening to me,’” says Ross Ellis, a parenting expert and founder of Stomp Out Bullying. “They try to fix it themselves or pray it will go away. But it doesn’t go away. You really have to take steps.” This is part 2 in a special double-episode, celebrating 100 episodes of Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast, discussing bullying. In part 1, also dropped today, we discussed stereotypes and judgement of gay dads. In both episodes we saw how the two subjects are weaved into each other. “If a kid is being verbally bullied, we tell them to use what we call ‘comebacks’ - don’t have a conversation,” Ellis advises. “You’ve just taken away the bully’s power. Never use the word ‘ignore’ because you just cannot ignore bullying, but you can say things and do things that will make the bully think, ‘what just happened?! And if you experience cyber bullying – never ever respond. I don’t care what they say, just click ‘delete’ and block.” “That is the bully’s worst nightmare, when someone responds not the way they want them to. You’re taken away their power,” she adds. Ellis also advises parents to resist the urge of going to the bully’s parents, and try to solve it in indirect way in order to avoid escalation with the parents. “If you find out that a kid is a bully, you don’t want to go to the parents, because the parents will probably have the attitude of ‘not my kid,’” she says. “And the it creates a problem in the neighborhood with the kids and the whole thing. Hopefully your kids can get to this kid by being nice and being kind. If it gets really bad you may want to talk to the principal and see how they handle it, and by the way, there are anti-bullying legislate in every state.” Based on the conversation with Ross Ellis, and on his own experience of being harshly bullied as a kid, Daddy Squared's Yan talked about the result of that growing up, and also comes up with top three suggestion of what could have helped him, and what can help a child who is harshly bullied in the same way. Yan's Advise for Parents Whose Kids Are Being Bullied 1: Pay extra attention to your kid's social experienceSome kids may not admit they were bullied – but the parents can tell. If you suspect that your kid is being bullied, first validate it by seeing it around: pay extra attention when you are in public with your kid, see what type of kids he brings home, etc. If you find these validation, try to get the kid to talk to you about what are people do or say to him. Consult with a specialist, and do not ignore, because you ignoring leaves the kid alone in this horrible situation. Support your kid by constantly telling him how much you love them the way they are. 2: Learn reaction options during an attackThe feedback to the bully is key. The more the answer to the bully is that you think it’s no big deal – the faster you can ‘disarm’ them. 3: Try to get at least one kid to tell them they want to be friends with them.“I never answered to the bullies – but I was miserable,” Yan says. “It would have been amazing if there was a friend who acknowledged what I was going through and say that they don’t care wha...

5×12 Gay Dads Stereotypes Feb 21, 2023

Gay dads often face stereotypes, including homophobic ones, but also somewhat uncomfortable stereotypes from moms, and even from childless gay men in our very own community. In this episode of Daddy Squared, we brought Neal Broverman, editor of The Advocate and OUT magazines, to try and break down the stereotypes, and see if there’s something we can do to avoid them. This is part 1 of a double-episode special, celebrating 100 episodes of Daddy Squared. “Society is more used to women being with children, and when you have men with children there’s just judgement and some of it is not good,” Neal Broverman says on Daddy Squared. “So yeah, I do think there’s pressure on us to be stand out people and kind of represent the best all the time.” This is part 1 in a special double-episode, celebrating 100 episodes of our podcast discusses stereotypes and judgement of gay dads. In part 2, also dropped today, we discuss bullying. In both episodes we saw how the two subject are weaved into each other. “If you’ve had a negative situation as a gay male parent, I think almost all of us have had at least one, it kind of colors your experience and you’re on edge,” Broverman says. “You can kind of make situations that aren’t inherently negative negative. As I’ve grown older as a parent, I’ve done my best to filter out other people’s looks, expectations, reactions to my kids.” Broverman himself made the news last year, after he and his family faced a harsh homophobic harassment in an Amtrak train in San Jose that ended only after police intervention. “This lie [that drives hate towards gay men] has been going around for decades,” Broverman says, “and now it’s been magnified by people like Margory Taylor Green and all the people that want to refer to us as ‘groomers.’ It’s a cynical tactic.” “I can be father of the year – and I’ll still be an abomination in the eyes [of the person on the train]. There’s nothing I can do. There’s so much judgement with gay people, and it’s just a war you’re not going to win and I care what my kids think of me, I don’t care what strangers think of me.” In the podcast, we also discuss the contribution of social media to the judgment and stereotypes. “I follow gay dads on Instagram and I follow opposite sex couple,” Neal tells us. “There’s definitely a representation being put out there of all our kids are dressed perfectly all the time and their hair is blown out, and, you know, we’re tanned and we have abs and we’re in Maui every other weekend.” “I mean – everyone who’s a parent knows that’s not the case, we usually running around trying to get our kids to school and hold our jobs and feed the dog and afford to put over a roof and feed them so I take it with a grain of salt. Every parent I know is struggling, and it’s not that they don’t love the idea of being parent, it’s just hard. When I’m on Instagram I understand that this is marketing for people, they present themselves in a very specific way… I know that Instagram is not reality.” Our Guest: Neal Broverman Neal Broverman is the Editorial Director, Print of Pride Media, publishers of The Advocate, Out, Out Traveler, and Plus, spending more than 20 years in journalism. He indulges his interest in transportation and urban planning with regular contributions to Los Angeles magazine, and his work has also appeared in the Los Angeles Times and USA Today. Neal lives in the Los Angels with his husband, Robbie, their children, and their chiweenie. Men Having Babies Corner Men Having Babies is a nonprofit organization that helps gay men who are interested in becoming fathers through surrogacy navigate the sea of information and overcome the financial barrier. In this episode, Executive Director Ron Poole-Dayan discusses misconception and stereotype of surrogacy - often revolve around the surrogates' motives. Episode Credits Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuest: Neal BrovermanOpening Theme: Hercules & Love A...

5×11 Career vs. Parenting Feb 06, 2023

Working gay dads have so much around them that requires attention; we have to divide ourselves between our jobs, our kids, our gay childless friends, our straight parent friends and still remember who we are. In this episode of Daddy Squared we gathered four working dads, each with a different kind of job, to discuss life. When both parents have jobs, raising kids can be even more challenging: how does parenting effect work? How are the couples' roles divided? And who stays at home when kids are sick? We gathered a committee(?) of four working dads. All are married and with different kinds of jobs, to discuss gay life and more from their perspective and experience. Meet The Dads Joshua Ayou Joshua is a registered nurse with more than eight years of practice in emergency room care, triage, and intensive care unit/critical care units. He received his Master’s of Science in Nursing from West Coast University in Los Angeles, California and is affiliated with Community Hospital Long Beach. Joshua lives in Santa Ana with his husband Omar and their two children Allie and Blair. TJ Hill TJ is the Executive Director of DCRC - Disability Community Resource Center Staff in Venice, California. He served as the Mental Health Policy Director for almost 10 years representing non-profit provider agencies in the LA County mental health system. He serves on the Board of Directors of the American Civil Liberties Union of Southern California and as a Commissioner on the City of Santa Monica Disabilities Commission. TJ lives in Santa Monica with his husband Jay, an Art Director on TV shows, and their daughter Chloe. Josh Levine Josh Levine is a queer writer with the heart of a golden retriever and an obsession with unapologetic, funny women. Josh most recently served as Executive Story Editor on Steve Levitan's new Hulu comedy Reboot. His other writing credits include Ms. Marvel for Marvel Studios, Peter Tolan's series for FX entitled Belated, and the Emmy-nominated Season 2 of Hulu's critically acclaimed comedy, PEN15. He lives in Los Angeles with his husband Ryan, an actor, and their daughters Helena and Olivia. Lance Radford Lance is a mathematics teacher at Santa Monica-Malibu Unified School District. He's a self-directed, enthusiastic educator and basketball coach with over twenty years of experience and who won High School Teacher of the Year (2006, 2012) and Girls Basketball Coach of the Year (2008, 2013). Originally from Oklahoma, Lance now resides in Santa Monica with his husband Trevan, a surgeon, and their daughter, Ava. Men Having Babies Corner Men Having Babies is a nonprofit organization that helps gay men who are interested in becoming fathers through surrogacy navigate the sea of information and overcome the financial barrier. In this episode, Lisa from Men Having Babies talks about the relationship between the intended dads and their surrogate. Episode Credits Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuests: Joshua Ayou, TJ Hill, Josh Levine and Lance RadfordOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode: Enjoli - Classic 80's Commercial (dedicated from Alex to all working dads!) Connect With Us Drop us a line Daddy Squared on Instagram Daddy Squared on Facebook Join our Facebook group! Work with Yan!

5×10 Cake for Breakfast Jan 23, 2023

Many parents feel shame about giving their kids cake or candy and the idea of giving processed sugar became taboo among parents. In this episode of Daddy Squared we went on a journey to find the balance of nutrition for kids and found the “no-shame no-shade” method that will reassure you that your kids eat healthy, but at the same time not depriving them of sugar. We spoke to a nutritionist and a pediatric gastroenterologist, and came up with our own nutrition mix-and-match healthy meal cheat sheet. Admitting we give our kids “Cake for Breakfast” on the TV Show The Parent Test sparked a conversation around sugar and kids’ nutrition. While we’ve been struggling with this for a while (and even tried to solve it before on our podcast), we were reluctant to deprive our kids of sugar, but instead wanted to find a “magic formula” of a diet that is healthy – but also has cake in it. We think we found it! “We all deal with the same problems, I come across that on a daily basis,” told us celebrity nutritionist Kevin Libby. “First and foremost, when you’re approaching adolescent nutrition, whether it be toddlers or pre-teens, the number one thing you don’t want to do is assign any punishment or rewards to foods. Otherwise you start creating a life-long negative behaviors around food. You want them to have a good relationship with food, it’s there to nourish them, it’s there to give them energy.” To further deepen our research, we also found Dr. Matthew Riley, a pediatric gastroenterologist (and a gay dad!) who first of all stripped off the shame around sugar and then told us that there’s no one right food to eat or right way to formulate your diet – so we can start with what our kids eat now, and just add what’s missing and play with the balance of the type of food. “You really have to go back to what are the building blocks of nutrition,” Dr. Riley explained on Daddy Squared podcast. “And sugar - it’s just sugar, it’s carbohydrate, nearly everything that we eat has sugar in it. So it’s sugar, fats, proteins, those are the three marco nutrions that humans need to survive – whether you want to call it sugar or carbohydrates it’s all the same thing.” “I think when people say ‘I don’t give my kid sugar’ they are talking about processed sugar or foods with added sugar or food with primary macro nutrions, when you read the label is most or only sugar based. If you look at a muffin or bread, those are full of complex carbohydrates which are all technically sugars as well. So it’s a really bigger issue that gets really over simplified for a lot of people and that leads to an overlay of shaming [in parents].” Dr. Riley advised us that while the amount of sugar may be a consideration, the better question is what you’re having it with. “How do you mixing and combining foods together so they are presented in a balanced way,” he said. “Dietitians will talk to you about every meal or snack really, ideally, will be some kind of a carbohydrate-based (grain) item, a protein source and a fruit or vegetable option. And there’s place for candy too! Candy is delicious, that’s why we have it, right? Should that be done in eccess? Probably not, should that be the sole source of your carbohydrates? Probably not, but I don’t think that there’s one right way. You’re looking for the right balance and making sure that that’s part of your diat but not the sole source.” FREE DOWNLOAD: Daddy Squared's Meal Plan - Inspired by our conversation with Dr. Matthew Riley “When you are saving [candy] only to special occasions, jou are just amping up the natural rewards system that exists for us human anyway. What we striving for with kids, is getting not only that balanced nutrition that we’re talking about but also developing the healthy attitude towards food: it’s there to nourish my body and keep me healthy – and sometimes it’s for fun! Sometimes it’s just delicious and we’re having it to celebrate to be with people and mark occasions.

5×09 “Stranger Danger” Jan 08, 2023

Dealing with the “Stranger Danger” concept is so sensitive and should be done carefully: We want to raise kids who make connections in the world, who are friendly, helpful and kind to others. While raising them to be careful of their surroundings is a must, teaching them fear of strangers is not the answer – it divides people and plants seeds of fear, distrust and separation from the world. Besides, statistics show that 99% of abductions in America are NOT by strangers. We turned to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children to learn how to carefully tackle this issue, what to teach and say to our kids and how to empower them to learn to see the difference between harmful and helpful people. ABC and Disney chose to scare parents on the TV show The Parent Test, showing children opening the door to strangers in the “Stranger Danger” challenge. But calling out “Stranger Danger” is not only deceiving and incorrect, it separates people, and results in kids full of fear, who grow up with the sense that “everyone is out to get you” and everyone you don’t know may harm you. The reality is different. According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC), almost 99% precent of abductions of children in America are actually done by people who the children know! So the big question of “Stranger Danger” – is how to balance out being careful of people who can harm you (not necessarily strangers) and raising kids who are kind and friendly and make connections with people and are unafraid! “The good news is that abductions as we traditionally think about them are very rare,” says Susan Kennedy, who leads the NCMEC’s prevention, outreach, training. “These cases, even though they make the news, even though they haunt our nightmares, they are very rare.” “One problem with Stranger Danger is that it’s confusing to kids because they are a lot of situations when we want them to see strangers as helpful,” Susan adds. “If you are lost we actually want kids to seek out help from those people. We also want them to be open to trusting adults and understanding some nuance there in terms of roles, in terms of who might be helpful. Additionally, the problem with Stranger Danger is that it puts an emphasis on strangers as those who harm children when unfortunately the reality across this kind of victimization type is that they most likely be harmed by the people that they know and people that they trust. And for parents when we focus on strangers we’re missing the other part, which is to talk to our children about behaviors that are not ok and not to feel guilty if they think someone in their circle of trust is harming them.” As much as us parents have moved on about stranger danger in real life, Susan says, online is a different matter. “And we tend to have a very black and white conversations with our kids about their friends in real life and then there’s the online friends,” she explains. “We don’t trust your online friends, we don’t want you to make them, we don’t want you to talk to them – and that’s not realistic guidance for this day in age, especially as your kids get older, I mean people interact with strangers online all the time. And there are many kids that form really meaningful friendship with people they know online. And especially kids who are marginalized, or maybe some part of their identity is not accepted by their family, those online friendships can be even more important. But really check in with your kids constantly about their online life, monitor that as you need to, and more importantly, have a non-judgmental conversation with your kid, like ‘who are your online friends,’ ‘how do you know who to trust,’ ‘what kind of conversations are you having,’ it’s also the kind of skills your kids need as they leave the house so you need to be building those over time.” One of the key tools that Kennedy gives to parents on the Daddy Squared podcast,

5×08 Sibling Rivalry Dec 12, 2022

Competition and comparison between siblings is an absolute nightmare for parents. We all want our kids to grow up to be this unit that will support, protect, love, and be each other’s best friends. How can we use the short time with them to pass this message along? We brought Parenting Expert Einat Nathan to discuss sibling rivalry, when it is healthy, and what we parents need to do in order to not pour gasoline onto the flame. At the beginning of the episode, we came to Einat with the notion of the competition between brothers, but Einat first tought us the important distinction between competition and rivalry. “Competition is not natural, the rivalry is natural,” Einat said. “When I’m talking about Rivalry I’m talking about a field of practice in the sibling zone which we are not 100% aware of. We’re all looking for this place of belonging, significance, attention, encouragement, all the good stuff that the parents have to offer is now a commodity, and the race for the commodity.” Competition between brothers, Einat suggests, is an unhealthy development of the rivalry. “In competition there’s a winner, and only one winner,” she says. “That’s the difference.” Einat says that the first thing parents should notice when they intervene in siblings’ fights is that we parents never know the full, big picture. “We see dots on a long range of time [which is the siblings’ relationship]. We become this judge because we are very edgy when it comes to every behavior that is not harmonious.” “If we understand or accept that we know nothing. If we step in in the name of justice – we’re not doing justice. We’re only reacting to a specific scene that we’ve seen.” “We don’t want to give our children this ideal of something that doesn’t exist, that relationship has to be quite, perfect. Relationships are messy, and they are all about communicating different needs, negotiating, explaining, getting hurt, making amends.” “If we are curious enough, we can be this ambulance outside the field, we’re getting the hurt ones, we can be there for them. When I hear, ‘mommmy!’ I’m saying ‘I’m in the kitchen guys whoever needs me is welcome to come.” Einat says that dissolving competition between siblings takes time, and the key for it is for us parents not to give equally to every child. “We parents have this amazing super power,” She explains. “We know at every minute what each pone of you needs. Not wants, we don’t promise the want, but what each of you need. And we’re going to prove it but it’s not going to be equal. When they have a birthday they are able to celebrate their siblings birthday with an open heart because they know it’s going to be their turn.” Also on competition, we talked about parents judging other parents. “We are basically wired to judge who’s in our club and who’s not,” Einat told us. “And we women are so good at that, you know. If she’s breastfeeding I’m thinking something, if she has a career and I’m a stay-at-home I’m thinking something, If she has this Instagram… and it all lands on our basic insecurity and/or on our innate need for a group, for empathy. We’re all yearning for that, against judgement and judging ourselves. And I think the minute we can accept that it’s all happening, you know, between our ears, and the subjectivity of us interpreting who’s for us and who’s against us, other people are commenting or judging or giving advise – it helps them feel superior. It’s the way that humans self-talk themselves, self-soothe themselves and find this group they want to belong to.” Our Guest: Einat Nathan Einat Nathan is a parenting expert, public speaker and bestselling author, certified by the Adler Institute and the Ministry of Education for Parental Instruction and Group Instruction. She also holds a bachelor’s degree in law from Tel Aviv University.Her debut book “Haimsheli”, was the national bestseller of the year across all categories (2018) and is still a steady-seller.

5×07 Raising a Child of Different Race Nov 28, 2022

For gay men looking to build their family through adoption, adopting a children of a different race can add a layer in parenting. We brought on adoption expert Jennifer Bliss alongside Lane Mashal, a gay dad who adopted transracially and a former adoption social worker who lead transracial adoption workshops, to help us go in depth into the meaning of adopting a child of a different race. “For people looking to explain their family through adoption, there are three ways to do that,” Jennifer Bliss, LCSW, PsyD, Director of Adoptions & Foster Care, Vista Del Mar Child & Family Services, explained on Daddy Squared podcast, “one would be through international adoption, one is through foster care- adoption which is usually referred to foster-adopt, and then the third is through private adoption which is when people go through an agency or an attorney to adopt domestic, private adoptions.” “Adopting in itself adds an extra layer in parenting,” Jennifer said, “because you’re raising an adoptee. That comes with its on challenges and psycho-education and toolkit that the parents sould have to help navigate different encases over the years with their child. Choosing to adopt transracially adds another layer to that parenting experience because while it’s tempted to say ‘I will love you no matter what color your skin is, it’s beautiful,’ we have to be careful that we don’t minimize the difference or act like it doesn’t matter because it will matter to your child. And minimizing that basically will invalidate their experience.” Lane said, from his years of experience working with parents who adopted transracially, the biggest misconception of parents is that if they will be “color blind” and “show they love their kid no matter what,” maybe not even talk about the race difference between them and their kids, the kids will be fine. “It doesn’t matter if you say you’re color blind or not,” Lane told us, “because the world does not see your child in a colorblind way. And the child has to grow up knowing that the world doesn’t see them the way you are seeing them. My children throughout their childhood were always seen differently, judged differently, people talked to me about their racist thoughts upfront, because I was white, even though my children were not.” Our Guests: Dr. Jennifer Bliss and Lane Mashal For over 20 years, Dr, Jennifer Bliss has dedicated her career to the field of child welfare and adoption. After completing her MSW at UCLA, she became a family reunification social worker with Los Angeles County while earning her Doctorate in Clinical Psychology. A few years later she transitioned into the non-profit sector as an Adoptions Counselor. In this role, she counseled expectant parents and prospective adoptive parents through the match and placement process. She has been quoted in American Baby Magazine, Psychology Today, and has spoken on the importance of best practices in adoption at statewide conferences. She has also appeared as the adoption expert on Huffington Post Live and the Hallmark Channel. Additionally, Dr. Bliss was the primary adoption consultant on WEtv's 4-part documentary series, "Adoption Diaries” and co-authored the book Another Choice: A Compassionate Guide to Placing a Child for Adoption. In 2018, she joined Vista Del Mar as the Director of Adoptions and Foster Care. Guest Host: Daniel Vandenbark Daniel is a single dad, co-parenting with his former partner to raise their son, Torbett, who came to them through open-adoption. Daniel founded his design firm over twenty years ago, designing custom interiors and waterwise landscapes for clients in SoCal and through the US. Daniel is an outdoor enthusiast and enjoys sharing time backpacking, snowboarding and dadventuring with Torbett. Men Having Babies Men Having Babies is a community, nonprofit organization that helps gay men become fathers via surrogacy with education and financial assistance.

5×06 Legal Guardianship Nov 14, 2022

Whether you decide to adopt or have babies through assistant reproduction, you'll want a judgement to approve your guardianship on your baby. In this episode of Daddy Squared podcast, we explore different types of legal guardianship with the help of Family Formation attorney Amira Hasenbush, JD, MPH. For gay men who want to become fathers, it doesn’t matter if you choose to do it through assisted reproduction or adoption, you’re going to need a lawyer to protect your parentage. Some states now have administrative procedures where you don’t have to go to court, but Family Formation lawyer Amira Hasenbush warned against that. “There’s something in the United States constitution called The Full Faith and Credit Clause,” and what that says is that judgement from one state has to be legally recognized in every other state in the country,” Amira explained on Daddy Squared podcast. “An administrative document is not a judgement. You want a judgement that protects your parenthood.” In our interview with Amira we explored the various ways in which attorneys are involved in protecting parentage for gay men, from adoption, to nomination of legal guardianship, to surrogacy, which include, besides the contracts with the surrogate and egg donor, a judge’s order that your babies are yours. “In some states you can get a pre-birth order,” Amira said, “that you get before the baby’s born. That’s what we do in California. The birth clerk uses that to put both of you on the Birth Certificate, from birth. And it will vary by state, even by county, as to what the judge is going to want to see. In California, if you do gestational surrogacy, meaning you have an egg donor, there’s a very clear statutory frame work of ‘these are the boxes you need to check’ and in most cases in California if you check all those boxes and the lawyer has put together all of the paperwork to say ‘yes we checked all those boxes’ you don’t even have to go in for a hearing.” “So some states will do pre-birth, some will do post-birth and there are states that from time to time will require some sort of adoption proceeding. So it’s really important that when choosing your surrogate, talk to lawyers where the surrogate lives and the baby’s going to be born.” Talking to a family formation lawyer before you begin your journey to fatherhood can be helpful – no matter what route to fatherhood you choose. There are some family formation lawyers who only do assisted reproduction, some will only do adoption and there are many who do both. Amira advises to choose your lawyer from either AAAA, or The Family Law Institute, which is more specific for LGBT people. In our discussion on adoption, Hasenbush explained the difference between step-parent adoption and second-parent adoption. “Step parent histrorically was switching out the parents,” Amira explained, “it was usually, let’s talk historically, a different-sex couple, so you got mom and dad, they got divorced, let’s say kid goes with mom and mom gets remarried to step dad, so step dad wants to raise the child so they basically take out bio dad and replace, because you could only have two parents.” “Then we had all these same-sex couples who couldn’t get married, and they said, well, we’re two parents, and we’d like to both be the parents of this child,” and that’s how second-parent adoption started, which is basically an adoption outside of marriage. Amira also said that in California, starting in 2016, it was determined that we can actually file for more than two parents, and there are different ways to do it depending upon how things started – but that’s a whole other episode! Godfather In this episode we also talked about godparents, and how it's related to guardianship. We heard on the show Godfather stories from three gay men, Kyle from Texas, Armani from California and Jonathan from Wisconsin. Below are the full interviews with the guys. https://youtu.be/GfW68FrrPUU

5×05 Spending Money on Kids Oct 31, 2022

Money is a big issue when you are trying to have kids (especially when it’s through surrogacy) and – of course – raising a child ain’t cheap. We brought in celebrity financial planner, David Rae, to discuss saving and planning financially for your next big thing, and other financial planning issues that may occur for gay men. David Rae, a certified financial planner and a regular advisor on KTLA5 morning show, says financial planning is crucial for gay men who are thinking about having kids. “It’s definitely something you want to address before you start the process,” he explained on Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast. “You want to know it’s going to cost, say, $200k. You want to make sure that you put your financial house in order so you’re not putting this on a credit card, not mortgaging your future.” “When I say planning ahead, look at ways to save for this expense,” Rae continued. “If you must, look at ways that you can possibly get a loan or take loans against your 401(k) which normally financial advisors wouldn’t want you to be doing. I wouldn’t suggest doing that to buy a car but to start a family, we are probably starting a family later in life than our [straight] siblings.” David, a gay man himself, specializes in the needs of the LGBT community and often blogs on his website about financial issues that come up in the community, looking at our lifestyle and how it can be adjusted so what we spend money on is what we think we really need – and not spend money according to expectations from our surroundings. About having kids, David advises to take time to save. The best thing to do, he says, is start an investment account and start putting away money every month and let that build up. If you go for loans consider where you have assets. “There are a lot of sources out there for terrible loans: ‘Oh sure I’ll just give you $200,000 at 30% and you’ll be in debt forever!’,” David says. “There are approaches for staggering different types of loan in time as well. The IVF agencies themselves sometimes have their own loan packages but their terms may not be the best. You might want to look at home equity loan of you own a home. You can even take a loan against your 401(k) if you must. And with all of that, be careful of the debt you’ll be taking on. You don’t want to be buying diapers for twins and drowning in existing debt.” “The interest rate is a big piece to consider, too. If you have a 5-year loan vs. a 10-year loan vs. a 20-year loan, you might pay a lot more interest on a 20-year loan and sometimes you think if you have a 20-year loan, you’ll have to pay all this interest. If you are stretching to make this happen or you are already struggling financially a little bit or on edge – it will make it more affordable and you can pay the loan up faster if you get a 20-year loan, but a 5-year you’ll be like, ‘oh my gosh, I have to come up with $200,000 in five years, that adds some extra stress” Our Guest: David Rae, CFP David Rae, Certified Financial Planner™, Accredited Investment Fiduciary™, and President / Founder of DRM Wealth Management LLC, helping you make smarter financial decisions and positioning yourself for prosperity. Working with a wide diversity of clients for well over a decade, he has built a successful career developing comprehensive financial plans to meet life goals, retirement, tax planning, estate issues, portfolio revision, life insurance, portfolio management, business exit strategies, and more. While based in Los Angeles, he serves clients across the country. At the same time, he enjoys a solid reputation as a smart, go-to financial guy for both mainstream and LGBT print, broadcast, and online media. Guest Host: Daniel Vandenbark Daniel is a single dad, co-parenting with his former partner to raise their son, Torbett, who came to them through open-adoption. Daniel founded his design firm over twenty years ago, designing custom interiors and waterwise landsca...

5×04 Helping Kids Through Fear Oct 17, 2022

Dealing with our kids’ fears is one of our key roles as parents. We invited Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, co-author of The Power of Showing Up who conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world, to help us navigate our children’s greatest fears (and some of our fears as parents). Our consistent response to our kids’ fears defines the way in which they will deal with life growing up. Sound overwhelming? To us it did too. So it didn’t come as a surprise in conversation with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson (one of the most sought-after parenting coaches in America) that she directed us back to our own anxieties. “We are not at fault for all of our children’s fears,” Dr. Payne Bryson said on our podcast, “but we play a big role in how they construct the meaning of it, how tolerable the fear is and how to respond to it. So we have to start with ourselves and our own fears and anxieties.” “We first have to remember how much we set the tone and the meaning for our kids. You know, when you have a toddler and they hear a scary noise, like a helicopter overhead, the first thing they do is look at your face. And if your face looks scared that creates the meaning, ‘wow, that’s dangerous’ that they follow, especially in those early years.” We talked with Dr. Tina about “popular” children’s fears: fear of going to new places (new class, new camp), COVID-19, fear of the dark and fear of a parent dying. “Around the ages 4-6 and especially between 5-7 kids go through a significant separation anxiety or other kind of anxieties like not wanting to go to the bathroom by themselves,” Dr. Tina explained, and said it’s something most parents don’t talk about and may not know. “It’s evidence of a new cognitive growth, a new cognitive development spurt that they can now imagine bad things happening, parents dying, someone getting into the upstairs bathroom and murdering everyone – they can imagine these things now, but they don’t have the emotional capacity to regulate the feelings around that. So it is really typical for kids development and these are real legitimate fears.” Dr. Payne Bryson gave us some tips to handle our kids’ fears. One of them was to never criticize, minimize or mobilize the fears. “Comments like ‘why are you upset about this? It’s not that big of a deal’ minimizes the fear. That doesn’t ever cause the child to think ‘Oh, you’re right, I’m not afraid anymore.’ What it does is leave them alone with the fear. Their feeling stays the same but now they got the message of ‘they don’t get me and I’m alone with it because they’re just going to try to talk me out of it'.” “Our brain is an association machine. When we criticize them with ‘Why are you being so sensitive about this?’ they make an association with ‘I shared my feelings, that didn’t feel good, maybe I’m not going to keep doing this.’” “The third thing we don’t want to do is mobilize: ‘Ok, I’m going to call the camp director, I’m going to tell them you’re freaked out, I’m going to call the director, and I’m going to make sure I’ll stay with you the whole day…’ When we mobilize to fix it all, what it accidentally communicates to our kids is, I don’t actually trust that you can handle this – I have to go solve everything for you.” “All of this said, it’s important to add that even if you make all of these mistakes - criticize, minimize, mobilize - that doesn’t mean your child won’t not grow up to be a great human being," Dr. Payne Bryson assured, "because the most important thing is that our kids will know we love them. We can’t get too neurotic about every little thing that comes out of our mouths. And what we get wrong related to our kids’ fears on one occasion, we can improve and repair on other occasions." Our Guest: Dr. Tina Payne Bryson Dr. Tina Payne Bryson is the author of the Bottom Line for Baby and co-author (with Dan Siegel) of two New York Times Best Sellers—The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline—each of...

5×03 Daddy Goes to the Gym Oct 03, 2022

Going to the gym is part of gay culture. But when you have kids it's harder to make time for it. We brought in personal trainer and gay dad Chris Tye-Walker to help you bring back the motivation to lose that dad bod and get back into your sexy, muscular, DILF shape. It may be a little stereotypical, but most gay men make it their business to go to the gym. And when you become a father, the commitment to your body is just one of a long list of commitments. The goal of this episode of Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast is to help you with this commitment. “Having kids is super restrictive on all schedules,” explains our guest in this episode, personal trainer Chris Tye-Walker. “You lose any alone time, you lose time with your spouse to go and enjoy each other. Before I had kids no one told me that the last thing you’re going to have is time and freedom. Well, maybe they told me, but I didn’t hear them!” “So when it comes to working out when you have kids, you can use your kids for your workouts, you can do your weights at home to still be active and [make your workouts a time that you are] playing with your children.” An ideal number of workout per week is five, “but that’s not always realistic,” Chris says. “I would prefer you’d do 30 minutes a day. And here’s the thing: we all get tired when the kids go to bed at 7-7:30 and it’s always a choice. If you want to work out when the kids go to bed you totally can. It’s hard, you want to sit on the couch, you want to eat you want to have a cocktail and do nothing. If you want to focus on fitness you can get up and jump rope for 15 minutes or do a circuit for 30 minutes – if that’s the time you have.” “If you’re just going to do cardio, you can do it first thing in the morning. If you do a session with cardio and weights – do your weights first, because you’re going to be strongest and freshest when you start your workout.” We also discussed body shame and that feeling some gay men have at the gym, and you look around you and see the hot, muscular guys around you. Chris recommends to stop comparing yourself to them, and to remember that they were once too where you are now. “Everyone suffers from body dysmorphia,” he explains. “I have it too, and no matter what you’re going to feel like ‘I don’t look good today’, ’I don’t feel good about myself.’ Someone who’s out of shape, or coming back from having newborns, or being injured or wherever else is always going to be very daunting coming back to the gym where everyone is younger or ripped. So, here’s the really hard part for everyone: no one gives a f***.” “Everyone is so narcissistic in a gym, all they care about is themselves. No one is really looking. They’re on their treadmill, doing their own thing. Yes, people look, but you have to remember that everyone’s there for themselves, everyone’s there to prove themselves, everyone’s there to work hard, no one’s there to make fun of you for looking a certain way. Everyone in the gym is going to better themselves. Everyone’s been in the place where they’re not happy with how they look, even if it’s the person in the best shape in that gym – they had to work to get there, at some point they didn’t feel they’re in the shape they want to get into, so they went to the gym.” Our Guest: Chris Tye Walker Chris Tye-Walker (CSCS) is a Certified Fitness Trainer, and one of the most sought after celebrity Elite Performance Coach in Los Angeles. He is the host and creator of TheTreadSeries.com, a lululemon ambassador, and he has appeared as a Fitness Trainer / Host on Bodyrock.TV, SELF Magazine’s 5 Ways To, BeFit’s Transform workout series, and a variety of online, live and televised fitness programs. Originally from London, England, Chris has extensive fitness training and experience stemming from his own prolific career as a nationally ranked athlete. He ran Track & Field for Great Britain and was from 2002-2005. The discipline, passion for fitness,

5×02 Parents Guide to Roblox Sep 19, 2022

A Parents' Guide to Roblox: more than half of America’s kids play Roblox, and let’s face it: most of us parents have no idea what they actually do there. In this episode, we dive into the popular gaming platform, what is it, what are they doing there, and most important: is it safe? We interviewed a gay dad who plays Roblox with his kids, the platform’s Community Director for Safety and Civility, and for the first time in the podcast’s history: we interview our kids! Roblox, the popular gaming platform, seems to be a growing phenomenon that is becoming a childhood milestone, just like Halloween obsession or the Baby Shark song. “It is a platform where people can create anything they can imagine,” explains Laura Higgins, Director for Community Safety and Civility at Roblox. “We actually started as a physics classroom app and it was a way that young people can carry out experiments that they can’t do in the real world, for example, what happens if you drop a car off a tall building. So it started as a classroom, but what we started seeing is what kids were doing outside of the classroom. They were using their imagination to come up with that wacky creations.” Higgins says that the company encourages that parents be involved as much as possible especially when setting up the kids’ accounts. The tips she shared on our podcast in order to ensure the safety of the kids include using the kids’ actual birth date (to make sure the age-appropriate restrictions will be part of the child’s profile), choosing a restricted games list, turn chat on/off, choose who they can talk to and create a (not-obvious) pin number control. “Safety is definitely our core at Roblox,” Higgins says. “We are a platform designed around kids and for kids, so that safety was built right from day one. We don’t allow any sharing of identifiable information, so they cannot share their telephone number, their address, their real names – all of those sorts of things it’s banned.” “We have very strict chat filtering that runs across the platform, in fact, we use several filtering systems, it’s a mix of human moderation and machine and AI technologies that constantly run across the platform. Until very recently you couldn’t type any numbers. Our technology has moved on and we’ve become much more savvy about managing these things, we use contextual moderation, so for example if I work on a pizza place, it will be able to detect if you say ‘I sold three pizzas today,’ as opposed to ‘I’m 3-years-old’.” In the episode, we also heard from Jeremy, a gay dad in Minnesota, who plays with his kids regularly on the platform. Jeremy shares custody of his 3 boys, ages 11, 10, 8. He works for a school district as the Finance Director. Jeremy has been with his boyfriend for 2 years and, he is the Band Teacher at the school his kids go to. They like playing Minecraft and Roblox as a family. "My partner and I were kinda dragged into 'we want you to play with us'," Jeremy tells us. "I am not a big gamer, so it was new for me, but I did help them set up their accounts." “It’s scary when you first start," the dad of three concluded, "it’s so overwhelming and I was like ‘I don’t know what to do, you’re going to have to show me'." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tThEJBBS_X4 Our Guest: Laura Higgins Laura Higgins, Roblox Director of Community Safety and Civility, Roblox Laura Higgins is Director of Community Safety and Civility at Roblox with more than two decades of experience building proven safeguarding, online safety and civility programs. Roblox’s groundbreaking digital civility initiative is focused on providing the community with the skills needed to create positive online experiences in partnership with the world’s leading safety and industry organizations that drive meaningful change. Civility online is a new concept that’s based on existing principles—that everybody has a part to play in making the digital world a better place. ...

5x01 Couples Conflict Sep 06, 2022

You’re in a long-term relationship. You think it’s stressful when you love air conditioning and he wants to keep it at 85 degrees in the house? Imagine what happens when he doesn’t want to have kids and you do? When you want an open relationship and he wants to stay monogamous? Daddy Squared opens Season 5 with couples’ conflict specialist, Dr. Alan Fruzetti Dr. Fruzetti, author of the book The High-Conflict Couple, which is by itself a crash-course in couples therapy, joined Alex and Yan to discuss types of couples’ conflict, and in particular, three types of conflicts that were raised by our audience and are very common in gay relationships: wanting kids, religion & politics, and sex (yeah, baby – sex!) “The topic of the conflict is not nearly as important as how couples experience and work through it,” Dr. Fruzetti says. “Conflict topics typically show up when people are vulnerable and their emotions are high and their communication process isn’t so good, and it’s often around things like who’s going to do what, and – ‘do you really love me?’” Skills that we learned in this episode: what Dr. Fruzetti called Relationship Mindfulness. Purposefully signaling prior to or during a conflict: ‘I’m coming at this conversation with love,’ ‘I want to be connected with you.’ “Signaling that desire for connection first can prevent destructive conflict,” Dr. Fruzetti says. “The first part of Relationship Mindfulness is remembering ‘I love you, I want to be close to you, I want to have a good relationship with you.’ The second part is, ‘by the way, what’s it like to be you right now?’” We also learned that, unfortunately, not every conflict can be resolved – at least not right now. “The ability to not let the unsolved conflict destroy the good parts that aren’t broken, that’s Step 1,” Dr. Fruzetti says. “Sometimes there’s real value in taking a conflict and putting it in a box for a while, and then purposefully come back to the problem.” “If we frame the problem as ‘you don’t want kids and I do,’ we’re already framing this as insurmountable,” Fruzetti continues. “If we’re really going to try to solve it, we have to make the frame smaller. The frame needs to be, ‘Ah, I know that at the moment when the word kid comes up you kind of recoil. There’s something about it that you don’t want to do. So let’s start a conversation about what’s appealing about it and what is not. But the idea is, we’re both going to talk about the options and how each direction could or could not work for us.” Our Guest: Dr. Alan Fruzzetti Dr. Alan Fruzzetti is an internationally recognized DBT researcher, therapist, teacher and supervisor. He is the Director of Training in Family Services and senior/adherence DBT supervisor for 3East DBT programs at McLean Hospital/Harvard Medical School, and professor emeritus at the University of Nevada, Reno. Alan is Past-President of the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (NEA-BPD) and on the Board of Directors for the DBT Board of Certification, World Association for DBT, and a co-founder of the Center for Trauma and Stress Education and the Center for DBT and Families. He has authored more than 100 research and clinical papers and book chapters, two books (including The High Conflict Couple which is discussed in this podcast), is the editor of the Guilford DBT Practice series, and has lectured and trained professionals and the public in more than twenty-five countries on Dialectical Behavior Therapy and DBT with parents, couples and families. Alan is the co-creator of the NEA-BPD no-cost Family Connections programs for parents, partners, and other loved ones of people with borderline personality disorder, severe emotion dysregulation, suicide attempts and related problems. He has testified before Congressional committees about problems related to suicide and has received many honors for research, teaching, and community service. Men Having Babies Corner

Daddy Squared Around The World SEASON FINALE: Russia, China, Iran Jul 12, 2021

Throughout the season we've interviewed gay men from countries around the world, but all of these countries could easily be argued incredibly supportive of the LGBT community and of LGBT parenting. Not so much the three countries that we are focusing on in this episode The Not-Such-Great-Places-to-be-a-Gay-Dad Episode This season, Daddy Squared has (virtually) flown from country-to-country around the world talking to gay dads and experts about what it’s like to be gay and become a gay dad in places like Ireland, South Africa, Argentina, etc., etc. The countries we’ve covered have had all kinds of important variations in LGBTQ rights, parental rights, laws regarding Surrogacy and IVF, etc., etc. But one thing they all had in common was a basic belief in the right of a gay man to live openly – and have a family. For our season finale, we decided it was time to deal with the rest of the world: the many, many countries where not only is being a gay dad impossible, but homosexuality itself is forbidden or persecuted. For obvious reasons, our guests on this episode could not come to us live from the countries of their origin. Instead, X, Y and Alex joined us representing Taiwan & China, Russia, and Iran, respectively. It’s a fascinating and meaningful talk. And yes, we know: Way to end the season on a high note! But actually, having just listened to the episode ourselves, we’ve realized that the perseverance held by members of the LGBTQ community everywhere in the world is nothing short of miraculous – and ultimately, we shall overcome! China LGBT people in China face legal and social challenges that are not experienced by non-LGBT residents. According to the Constitution of China, same-sex couples are unable to marry or adopt, and households headed by such couples are ineligible for the same legal protections available to heterosexual couples. No anti-discrimination protections exist for LGBT people. Iran Iran's government structure is parliamentary. It has a "democratic" layer with a tripartite separation of powers, above which looms the "theocratic" layer with the Guardian Council and Supreme Leader. LGBT people in the Iran face legal challenges not experienced by non-LGBT residents. While people can legally change their assigned sex, sexual activity between members of the same sex is illegal and can be punishable by up to death. Bottom line: it's scary to be gay in Iran. Russia Russia has long held strongly negative views regarding homosexuality. Although same-sex sexual activity between consenting adults in private was decriminalized in 1993, homosexuality is disapproved of by most Russians, and same-sex couples and households headed by same-sex couples are ineligible for the legal protections. Our Guests Eddie Chen, an entrepreneur born and raised in Taiwan, moved to the United States in 1990 at the age of 16. He graduated from USC then founded a few businesses including a wearable heated clothing company called VENTURE HEAT. With ongoing business in China and some family members in Taiwan; he travels back to Asia frequently. This allows him to stay connected to his heritage and familiar with current social climate. He currently resides in Orange County, California with his loving husband of 5+ years. They welcomed their first son in 2019 through surrogacy in California and they have a second son due in 2021. Dimitry Kostantinov moved to Los Angeles from Russia, and raises his 14-months son, born through surrogacy, with his husband, Casey. Life for LGBT People in China, Iran and Russia: Related Articles Man forced to flee Iran for being gay after police raided family home (London News, January 25, 2022)Iran’s new government leaves country’s LGBTQ community hopeless (LA Blade, August 16, 2021)WeChat in China shuts down LGBTQ-related accounts (LA Times, July 7, 2021)'All Discrimination Comes from Ignorance.' Meet the Chinese Ex-Cop Creating a Global LGBTQ+ Community (T...

Daddy Squared Around The World: Ireland Jul 06, 2021

Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast looks at gay rights and fatherhood options in Ireland. We talked with Irish Minister for Equality Roderic O'Gorman, to get a taste of what it’s like being gay in Ireland, and researched options for Irish gay men who want to become dads. Ireland's Minister of Equality, Roderic O'Gorman responds to Westlife star Mark Feehily call on Irish government to put surrogacy legislation in place. "I think in terms of surrogacy, the problems that are faced by gay couples, we have very little legislation about surrogacy, and how the law treats children born through surrogacy," Minister O'Gorman said on Daddy Squared podcast, "and that's something that this government is acting on, we're committed to acting on this." "Laws of surrogacy are dealt with by our department of health and they will be leading on this but my department of equality and also the departments of children and of justice," Minister O'Gorman explains, "We have all been working together, so the three ministers have met a number of times with our attorney general. As I'm sure you know, there are many different circumstances in which a child can be conceived as a result of surrogacy, and different people can be involved depending on the approach taken, so there's a whole range of legal relationships that has to be regulated. Obviously of course, the center to that are the rights of the child, and I'm actually meeting with the minister for justice and the minister for health next week to continue to work on this." "Obviously our department of health, like every department of health across the world, has been absolutely focused on COVID over the last 15 months, but I think as we come out of COVID now and the situation here in Ireland has been improving significantly, we need to prioritize issues like this and it is a priority for this government. I know Mark said it's not an emergency, but it leaves hundreds, if not soon to be thousands, of children in a really grey area in terms of their legal rights with respect to their two parents and that can't go on." Our Guest: Minister Roderic O'Gorman Roderic O'Gorman is an Irish Green Party politician who has served as Minister for Children, Equality, Disability, Integration and Youth since June 2020. He lives in Dublin with his partner, Ray Healy. He has said that he knew he wanted to be a politician even before he identified his sexuality. Surrogacy for Gay Men in Ireland "I think that surrogacy is what's growing at the moment [as an option for gay men to build their family in Ireland] and that's why it's so important to provide that regulatory and that legal framework protection for children and to make sure that the legal relationship between the child and their two dads is clear and strong," Minister O'Gorman said on Daddy Squared Podcast. There is no Irish legislation to cover the legal issues arising from surrogacy. Due to this current vacuum, the legal status and rights of all involved are governed by legislation dealing with non-surrogate births and children. Read about Ireland's surrogacy legal status on CitizenInformation.ie Fostering and Adoption for Gay Men In Ireland "Internally in Ireland, there aren't as many mothers giving their children up for adoption anymore," said Minister O'Gorman, "so the number of children who are available to adopt every year is very small. Some adoptions will take place within the family, maybe family members are deceased." In Ireland, there are currently over 6,000 children and young people in care and almost 90% of these are living with foster caregivers. If you are thinking about becoming a foster family, please make sure you follow all the prerequisites: You must be over the age of 25You need a spare bedroomYou need a full driving licenseYou must have flexibility in your working arrangementsIf you are fostering as a couple, you will need to have been together for three years and living together for at leas...

Daddy Squared Around The World: Brazil Jun 28, 2021

Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast looks at gay rights and fatherhood options in Brazil. We talked with Brazilian Senator and gay dad Fabiano Contarato, to get a taste of what it’s like being a gay dad in Brazil, and researched options for Brazilian gay men who want to become dads. Brazil has a constitution that guarantees equal rights under the law for all Brazilians regardless of background or sexual identity. "But in actuality," says Senator Fabiano Contarato, "it is a country that unfortunately is racist, sexist, classist and homophobic. Especially in terms of the nuclear families, I would say that in terms of the prejudices that we experience as gay men and other LGBTQIA+ it is our nuclear families that eventually has the most prejudice against our kind." "I will say that within Brazilian society, if a gay man is able to gain better position of power, we do end up gaining more rights within society," The Senator adds. It wasn't until 2019 that the Brazilian supreme court gave equal standing status to homophobic attacks at the same plain of race-based attacks. And it wasn't until 2020 that the federal tribunal in Brazil allowed for LGBTQA people to donate blood. "The rights of LGBTQA people in Brazil were not gained through the normal means of legislation," says Senator Contarato, "but through the supreme court where we would have to fight for the rights." Fabiano Contarato is currently married and has two children through adoption. As the first ever LGBT senator elected, he contributes a lot to the visibility of LGBT people in Brazil in general, and same-sex parents in particular. "Despite all the prejudice I was able to work at the police force and as a law professor," he says. "I was able to be elected as Senator and have more votes than the current governor." Our Guest: Fabiano Contarato Fabiano Contarato is the first openly LGBT person to be elected for the Brazilian Senate. He was the most voted candidate for the Brazilian Senate in the state of Espírito Santo during the 2018 Brazilian general election, with over one million votes. He's a Brazilian law professor, a former police chief, he lives with his husband and two adopted children. Ouça a entrevista completa e não editada com o senador Fabiano Contarato em português. No estúdio em Los Angeles estão pais gays e o casal Yan e Alex, com o tradutor para o português Mario Guevara-Martinez https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPmLtLwRefc Adoption for Gay Men in Brazil Adoption is legal in Brazil following a supreme court decision in 2010. The procedure is relatively simple, and begins with submitting an application for qualifying for adoption at the Children's and Youth Court of the city where the gay single or couple resides. They then present an initial petition containing: complete qualification, family data, certified copies of birth or marriage certificate or statement relating to the period of common-law marriage, copies of RG and CPF, proof of income and residence, certificate of physical and mental health, criminal record certificate and civil distribution clearance certificate. The maximum period for completing the qualification for adoption is 120 days, which can be extended for an equal period. Read more about adoption in Brazil (Portuguese) Surrogacy for Gay Men in Brazil Commercial surrogacy is not allowed in Brazil, as the Constitution prohibits the commercialization of organs and tissues. However, since there is no specific law expressly prohibiting such a reproductive technique, surrogacy may be performed altruistically. The Surrogate must be a family member of the first, second, third, or fourth degree of one of the intended parents – and can’t be over 50 years old.Similarly to the UK – the surrogate has parental rights, and so does her husband – and this is where problems can occur. As far as going overseas for surrogacy -- there's no problem bring the baby back to Brazil.

Daddy Squared Around The World: Israel Jun 21, 2021

Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast looks at gay rights and fatherhood options in Israel. We talked with Israeli pop star and gay dad Ivri Lider to get a taste of what it’s like being a gay dad in Israel, and researched options for Israeli gay men who want to become dads. Parenting is engraved in Israeli culture. In this episode of Daddy Squared we give a taste of gay fatherhood in Israel as well as explore options for gay men to become dads. "In Israel these days it's really very common for gay men to have kids," singer Ivri Lider tells Daddy Squared, "it's pretty amazing what happens in Tel Aviv. In the last 10 years it became the obvious thing, like the normal obvious thing for gay couples to have kids. In Israel, having kids is something that is very much intrenched in society and it's, like, important. Having kids is like the most important thing you can do with your life." Despite the normality of gays with kids in Israel, and the popularity of surrogacy among gay Israelis, surrogacy is still illegal in the country, and gay men are forced to have kids abroad. "It is something that we really are fighting for these days," Lider says, "because right now it's a discriminating law. If you're a straight couple you can do surrogacy in Israel and also if you're a woman you can do surrogacy in Israel, but if you are a man you can't. It's kinda obvious that it's more of an anti-gay law because there's not a lot of straight men who go through surrogacy alone. We definitely see it as something discriminating against gay men, but the Israeli Supreme Court ruled last year that it should be changed. So it's this moment in time when we're waiting to see what's gonna happen with that." Lider, had his son, Alby, through surrogacy in the U.S. in 2019. "It's such an amazing thing," he says about parenthood, "suddenly to having a little kid and watching the world through his eyes, learning about the world with him and being able to teach him --it's just incredible." "It took time for me to decide that I'm doing it and how I'm doing it. At the beginning I was in a long relationship and I was thinking I would be doing it in a relationship, and then we broke up--partially because of that, because he wasn't ready, and then I was a long for a while, thinking I would do joint parenting, and I met with a few girls and then after a while I was feeling that this is not really for me, I was feeling that I'll never feel ready to do it with a woman who's not my wife, and I felt in a kind of deep psychological way for me to not commit enough. So I thought, 'ok, you're going to commit,' and I was still single when I started the process." "And the most amazing thing is that I met Yonatan, my boyfriend, right after I started. So I started the process as a single man but eventually when Alby was born we were already in a relationship. Yonatan will tell you that on the first date we were sitting at my house and talking and having wine, and I was like, 'yeah, I'm having a kid.'" Surrogacy for Gay Men in Israel Surrogacy is illegal for single men and gay couples in Israel, therefore, gay men travel abroad, mostly to the U.S. and Canada, for their journey. Joint Parenthood (Co-Parenting) for Gay Men in Israel "It's very common to do it with someone you know for many years," Ivri Lider says. "Like, a lot of my friends will tell you, 'oh we were friends in high school,' or we know this woman for 20 years and now we're going to have a kid together.' In a very Israeli fashion it's very family-like, a close relationship." Our Guest: Ivri Lider Ivri Lider is an Israeli musician, pop star, icon. He took the Israeli music world by storm and has sold over a million copies of his albums, which includes 12 original albums, live albums and DVDs. His performances are highly-praised by critics and audiences alike, and are always quick to sell out. Lider has fans spanning all generations – teenagers, soldiers, students,

Daddy Squared Around The World: Australia Jun 14, 2021

Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast looks at gay rights and fatherhood options in Australia. We talked with Equality Australia founder and gay dad Tom Snow to get a taste of what it’s like being a gay dad in Australia, and researched options for gay men who want to become dads. Gay dad Tom Snow was a key person in Australia's Marriage Equality campaign. Though the Australian campaign was fueled by the success in Ireland and in the United States, in the interview on our podcast Tom explained the key difference between Australia and those countries. "In Ireland the biggest message around marriage equality was about equality," Snow explained. "In the U.S. there were a few things that were use but freedom was a big one, equality and rights were also big in the states. But when we message-tested those in Australia, the biggest thing that Australians get is fairness. And what we realized is that people just saw it as not fair that same sex couples were not able to get married. They could see the unfairness of it, and they were like 'that's not decent' that there's a group of people that are not treated the same." Winning marriage was important for the country, however, Snow told Daddy Squared it wasn't quite important for parenting, as gay men could have kids, even before marriage, in a few different ways. "Surrogacy, adoption and co-parenting are probably the big three," he says, "historically many gay men and lesbian women did it through co-parenting. The good news in Australia is that adoption is reasonably equal in the law, in that case it's reasonably equal for gays and lesbians. We do have some issues that some of the adoption agencies that are religious-based, discriminate against our community and continue to do so." "Surrogacy is harder for gay men in Australia, there might be a family friend or a family member who might carry a baby for a gay male couple. That's difficult [to find a surrogate] so many gay men do go overseas." A dad of a twin 10-year-olds and a 6-year-old through surrogacy, Snow shared his own story of parenthood. "Never is everything under control," he laughs, "but it's the most fun experience, every day is just a riot of fun. I say this to everyone looking at being a parent, it's a lot harder than I ever expected it to be, but it's also a lot better than I ever expected it to be. It is a complete change in your life." Adoption for Gay Dads in Australia Currently in Australia, laws around adoption and fostering by LGBT people differ by state/territory. The first step for prospective parents is to research which type of adoption or permanent care is possible in your state or territory. There are three types of adoption in Australia: domestic adoption (local and from out of home care), inter-country adoption, or permanent care and foster care. Helpful information about adoption in general and by-state in Australia can be found on adoptchange.org.au It's important to state that religious-based foster care agencies may appeal to legal provisions allowing them to refuse to assess LGBT applicants. Full information sheet on adoption and foster care in Australia by Australian Psychology Society (APS) can be found here. Surrogacy for Gay Dads in Australia Surrogacy in Australia is based on state-by-state laws. Western Australia, for example, only allows single women and heterosexual couples to engage in surrogacy. There are different rules, and generally the laws are you can have altruistic surrogacy so you can pay for costs but you can't pay for someone to undertake surrogacy for you. A typical surrogacy journey within Australia costs around $70,000 AUD. Most of these costs are the costs of IVF. Cost of surrogacy in the U.S. can reach up to $200,000 AUD. More info about surrogacy for gay men in Australia can be found here Co-Parenting for Gay Men in Australia Currently, co-parenting is still largest avenue for gay men to become parents (surrogacy is catching up fa...

Daddy Squared Around the World: Argentina Jun 07, 2021

Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast looks at gay rights and fatherhood options in Argentina. We talked with Argentinian LGBT activist Pablo Fracchia to get a taste of what it’s like being a gay dad in Argentina, and researched options for gay men who want to become dads. Pablo Fracchia signed up to adopt a child in 2017, and after two long years of waiting he got a phone call from a family judge. The judge matched him with Mia, a little girl who suffered with a severe gastrointestinal condition, needed serious medical attention and her biological family was unable to provide it, so she was sent to an institution for children with health issues. Fracchia adopted her after she was living in the hospital for a year, alone. His story was told all over the world. ״It's been a crazy year," Pablo admits on Daddy Squared Podcast. "The article came out last year in Argentina for our Diverse Families Day, the newspaper wanted to make an article about diverse families, they contacted me and for the last year it's been crazy. "A lot of people contact me through social media and I'm trying to [answer all the questions about my story]. There's a lot of misconception about adoption in Argentina, about this process that used to be a very complex, but was simplified over the years so a lot of people ask me questions, I became some source of information and since I'm also a social worker and work on LGBT issues, to me it's a way of activism by itself to help people to achieve their parenting dreams." The most inspiring detail in Pablo's story was his decision to adopt a child as a single man, a decision that according to him wasn't easy to make. "The first thing I did when I decided to adopt on my own was to gather my family and tell them you know I'm making this life decision and I'm not going to be able to do it if you're not supporting me," Pablo tells us. "I needed to know that they were going to be by my side and of course they were absolutely on board. "I was thinking that it was time to break the idea that in order to have a kid you have to be in a relationship. I worked that with my therapist, and said ok let's do it." Despite the acceptance of the law in Argentina in regards to LGBT people, visibility of LGBT parents makes life for LGBT families in Argentina a lot better. People like trans actress Florencia De La V, gay dancer and TV Judge Flavio Mendoza, and trans comedienne Lizy Tagliani had famously have gone through surrogacy in the United States and are outspoken about their families. "In a way, traditional families are still a thing, even if statistic says that they are a minority," Pablo says. "40% of the families are traditional, the rest are a wide variety of combinations, so even if they are minority, representation is still a thing, and it matters a lot." Adoption for Gay Dads in Argentina Differently than other countries, in Argentina all of the adoption process is done through a family court. Depends on your province, you have to go to the justice system in your province. Print it and present it to family court to open the file process of interviews of social worker and psychologist the judge oks you to become a parent. According to Pablo, most often than not the process of adoption in Argentina is slowed down by a lot because of conditions intended parents have about what kind of child they'd like to adopt. "There's a difference between what adoptive parents are expecting and what kind of kids are in the system," he says. Surrogacy for Gay Dads in Argentina In Argentina there seems to be a legal vacuum in regards to surrogacy. It is not prohibited, but neither is it regulated. According to Argentinian Press the first the first gay couple to have a child by surrogacy in Argentina was in 2015. After the baby is born, it is discussed in court on who the legal parents are going to be. There are known surrogacy cases where the judge has decided against the intended parents af...

Daddy Squared Around the World: United Kingdom Jun 01, 2021

Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast looks at gay rights and fatherhood options in the UK. We talked with Brit actor Charlie Condou to get a taste of what it’s like being a gay dad in the UK, and researched options for gay men who want to become dads. The number of gay dads in the UK is increasing. Many gay men are exploring parenting options, and to make things easier, Alex and Yan have called for the help of actor Charlie Condou who has been outspoken about his life as a gay man and as a parent. "Things are certainly better than they were when I was a young man," actor Charlie Condou tells us in this episode, "and you see it with the younger generation of the LGBTQ community. They walk around holding hands, which is something that we certainly never would have done. Everything seems to be much more acceptable. Gay relationships as a whole, the fact that we can get married now, and the fact that we can have children." "It's relatively new, I suppose. I mean, I think that gay women have been getting on with having kids for a long time, because, you know, it's easier for them to have children. Gay men have never really been a part of the conversation for a long time and I think, if you were a gay man and you wanted to be a parent, you either got married to a woman and went down that lie, or you parked it and you thought ok this is something that I have to put out of my mind and put out of my life because it's not an option for me." "We couldn't adopt, surrogacy wasn't a thing, and we're a very different place now, and younger gay men today, when they get into a relationship and even if they don't want to have kids, it's still part of the conversation, they'll still have that discussion." During our interview, Condou described his inner thoughts, from the idea of wanting to become a dad, to figuring out how to do it as a gay men in the UK at the time. "As I got older and realized that I want to do it sooner rather than later," he said, "surrogacy wasn't a thing then, gay men couldn't adopt then, certainly single gay men couldn't adopt. So co-parenting was something that, it wasn't even a word, but it seemed like the best option to me. I'm going to have to find a female friend who wants to have children with me. Of course in my naive early 20s mind I thought 'yeah that'll be fine, somebody will want to have a kid with me, you know, who wouldn't?!' I did not realize that a lot of straight females-- it's not their first choice." "I started to have this conversation with girl friends of mine, just in a very vague kind of 'what if'? And I had one friend in particular, Cathrine, who said, 'yeah, I wanna be a parent, and if I'm still single at 40 then, yeah. Let's get on with it.' It was a bit of a joke, because why would she still be single at 40, but she was." Gay Dads in the UK: Co-Parenting "We sat down and said, ok, let's talk about it then. How would it work? We didn't know anybody who did anything like this at all. It was a completely new territory. So we talked about every eventuality, all the possible scenarios. What happens if someone moves to Australia? I don't know why even, but we talked about it. And I knew very quickly that if I was going to co-parent, it had to be 50-50. I didn't want to be a dad that is just around every other weekend." At some point during the conversation with Catherine, Charlie met his now-husband, Cameron. Early in their relationship Charlie had told him about his plans with Catherine and Cameron was on board. "And then it became the three of us, and the conversation had to change a little, because how does that work, with three parents? What will the three of us bring? How do we navigate that?" The Three of Us - Charlie's Column in The Guardian "It works really well," Charlie says, "We have the kids completely half and half, and that's the way that it's worked for a long time. Catherine has them on a Monday and a Tuesday,

Daddy Squared Around the World: Denmark May 24, 2021

Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast looks at gay rights and fatherhood options in Denmark. We talked with Danish singer songwriter Bryan Rice to get a taste of what it’s like being a gay dad in Denmark, and researched options for gay men who want to become dads. Rainbow Family is the term used in Denmark for families with one or more LGBT persons in an immediate family. Our guest in this episode, singer and songwriter Bryan Rice, is a prominent example of a rainbow family, as he co-parent his daughter with his husband, Mads Enggaard and Mads' high school (straight woman) friend. "I feel it's quite common here, I don't feel special," Bryan says. "There is a common sense that families like mine are just as much families like others'. we have so many different types so this is just, as I call it, a happy divorced family. We don't have the baggage that often divorce families have." "Liv, [Bryan and Mads' daughter] has a mother who also live here in Copenhagen as well, who is an old friend of my husband Mads, so they have known each other since they were in high school and I have known her for all the time I know Mads, so we are a Rainbow Family." Liv's mother came to the couple when she was about to reach 40, and said that she had no boyfriend and she reached a point where she wanted to have a kid and she wanted to know if they wanted to be the fathers. "When we started talking about the project, we talked about how to start when the kid is born, what do we do at a certain age, when do we start splitting, when will she start to have one or two nights at our place without her mother," Bryan recalls. "We have what we call a child contract, and that is quite common here. The contract is based on our thoughts about how we are supposed to do it but also based on knowledge from other couples." Brian comes from a little town outside of Roskilde in Denmark. He came out at 17 "it has to do with a lot of things," he says, "in my surroundings it wasn't a problem to come out, and in my family I didn't really come out. To me it was just a matter of saying, 'I'm bringing home my boyfriend.'" Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast returns for season 4, Around the World, to capture gay dad options and rights in a post-pandemic world. In each episode, Alex and Yan, a married couple and fathers of five-year-old twins, talk with gay dads from a different country, discussing equal rights and options for gay men. Co-parenting in Denmark As far as parenthood options for gay men, Denmark is a "co-parenting culture." The majority of gay men tend to go with the co-parenting route, either with a woman friend who they know, or through meeting women on matchmaking websites that are specifically for creating Rainbow Families (see links below). In these websites you can search for other people who also want to become parents and are looking for one or more co-parents who share the dream to have together a child who knows both his biological parents. In the co-parenting model, all parents involved take part in the child's everyday life, development, etc. Surrogacy in Denmark Surrogacy is illegal in Denmark, therefore men who want to do it have to travel, most go to the USA, for their surrogacy journey. "I think that it is a quite strange that surrogacy is illegal in Denmark," Bryan said in our interview, "because Denmark has been on front of every other legislation in the LGBT area. We're very liberated country but still on this issue we're very much behind." "I feel that the politicians are almost afraid to talk about this subject, because they know that it's a problem that we are so much behind in Denmark but because it has to do with women's rights they are reluctant of raising this issue." Once you come back to Denmark with your baby, the biological father will have to prove genetic relations through a simple paternity test, in order for the kid to receive Danish citizenship. Adoption in Denmark

Daddy Squared Around the World: Germany May 17, 2021

Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast looks at gay rights and fatherhood options in Germany. We talked with German stage actor and blogger Kevin Silvergieter (AKA "Papapi") to get a taste of what it's like being a gay dad in Germany, and researched options for gay men who want to become dads. Despite Berlin's reputation as one of the most gay-friendly cities in the world, it's surprising to know that Germany is not as tolerant for LGBT parenting as one might think. Not only is there a lack of visibility for gay dads in the media, gay men report discrimination in adoption and the general attitude towards them raising kids. "Still there are a few parts where I’m like ‘um, we live in Germany and it’s 2021 and are you kidding me?!'," our guest in this episode, famous blogger Kevin Silvergieter, tells us, "do I still have to deal with that as a gay man?" Until 2017 gay marriage wasn’t even legal in Germany. There was something like ‘written partnership by law.’ "With us not being able to marry we were not able to adopt kids as couples." Kevin explains. "We still have [discrimination] in quite a few areas of German law. For example, blood donation is not allowed for gay men because our behavior raises the risk of HIV, which is, of course, ridiculous. They did come up 5 years or so ago with a law that gay men can donate blood if they haven’t had sex for 12 months." With adoption, it's really rare for gay men to be selected, according to some testimonials, because of a strong preference by the authorities and the birth parents to give kids to heterosexual families. "I don’t want to call it discrimination but it’s kind of odd that we’re not good enough for adoption but the agencies will placed very troubled foster kids with us," Kevin says in the interview. Foster Care is definitely more common for gay men than adoption. "I know that there are a few gay couples who were closer by age more than my husband and I and they adopted 6 years ago," Kevin says. "They both have been a better match for the authorities than we have, so one of the dads adopted and then three years ago when the law changed the other one could adopt them as well. Also, overall, there are not many kids available for adoption. The ratio is 10 heterosexual parents waiting for every one kid, and on top of that one gay couple. And the biological parents can decide with the authorities together where to put the kids and most of them prefer to place their kids with heterosexual couples." Kevin and his husband were reluctant to go with the Foster Care route because of fears for growing close to a child only to have them taken away. He was surprised to find out that there was a 'permanent foster route,' where he can get a court document that affirms that the kids will stay with him. "In April 2014 I called Foster Care and asked for an interview to see if this option really doesn’t fit us or we just didn’t know enough," Kevin tells us. "I just thought that if we don’t hear it first-hand we can’t really rule it out. So we started, and then in September 2015, after a long, long road with lots of paperwork and talks with psychologists (a process which was really frustrating at the time, but which I now appreciate for the extreme care involved), our son moved in. Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast returns for season 4, Around the World, to capture gay dad options and rights in a post-pandemic world. In each episode, Alex and Yan, a married couple and fathers of five-year-old twins, talk with gay dads from a different country, discussing equal rights and options for gay men. Foster Care in Germany Foster Care is currently the main option for gay men. In recent research of types of parenting for gay men, it was found that 54% of families with gay dads were created through Foster Care. The main difference between Foster Care and Adoption is that parents or guardians with custody must be involved in important decisions made by the foster family.

Daddy Squared Around the World: South Africa May 10, 2021

Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast looks at fatherhood options for gay men in South Africa. We talked with South African Power Couple Andrew and Brent (who are responsible for the first ever Primetime gay kiss on South African TV) about parenting options and rights for gay men in South Africa. South Africa was pretty much at the forefront of human rights for the LGBTQI+ community. During the apartheid era, homosexuality was a crime and that was written into the law until 1994. Because of the African National Congress (ANC), the freedom fighters, and people who had really fought for democracy, equality, and human rights, they have passed laws that made homosexuality legal and shortly after also brought same-sex marriage to the South African constitution in 1996. Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast returns for season 4, Around the World, to capture gay dads options and rights in a post-pandemic world. In each episode, Alex and Yan, a married couple and fathers of five-year-old twins, talk with gay dads from a different country, discussing equal rights and options for gay men. By 2002 the Constitutional Court gave the right for same sex couples to adopt, and that was written into the Children's Act in 2005. So adoption is legal for gay men in South Africa, surrogacy is legal too, and there's no difference in the application process whether you are two dads or a mom and a dad. And in Andrew's case, even marrying a woman and having kids with her is legal :) Andrew and Brent have been co-parenting their two children with his former wife. "I don't believe that I would ever have imagined that I'd meet someone with children already," Brent says. "I didn't think that it'd be part of my life's journey, but when I met Andrew the first night we went on a date, I knew he was the one, I knew that this was the guy for me and yes, we spoke about the fact that he had kids on that first date. He was very upfront about the fact that he had kids, and I didn't let it disturb me, because I thought, I like this guy, I think that this relationship can go somewhere, maybe kids can be a bonus. Maybe having kids around can actually add value to my life." Adoption in South Africa South Africa the only country in Africa to allow LGBT adoptions. There are approximately 1.8 million adoptive children in the country so if you want to start a family through adoption you would follow these steps: Orientation session where all the details are explainedFill out the application form and send it to the agencySet up a personal profileApply for a police clearance certificateUndergo psychometric testingAn interview with a social workerAn interview with a panel of social workersHome visitFinal ApprovalWait for "the call" that matches you with a baby More info about adoption Surrogacy in South Africa In a country with high unemployment and high poverty rates it's so easy to exploit the legality of surrogacy. The law is there to protect against that, and to have surrogacy in the country in the most ethical way possible. Surrogacy in South Africa is highly protective of surrogates – surrogates are not allowed to get paid, and every surrogacy journey has to have a valid agreement that is approved by the court. There are a number of formal requirements when a woman considers becoming a surrogate in South Africa. The surrogate and her husband/partner must firstly be domiciled in South Africa. Read more about the South African requirements/laws on surrogacy Many of the gay men who go through surrogacy in South Africa do use a surrogate who has some form of connection to them, whether she is a friend or a distant relative. "Of the four people that I spoke to, and this obviously not statistically valid, all four of the surrogates were personal friends of the gay couples," Andrew says on Daddy Squared. Our Guests: Andrew Ross and Brent Lindeque Power Couple Andrew and Brent have been together for 13 years,

Daddy Squared Around the World: Canada May 03, 2021

Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast looks at fatherhood options for gay men in Canada. We talked with actor Brad Harder Arychuk, a father of two, about being gay dads in Canada in a post-pandemic world. Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast returns for season 4, Around the World, to capture gay dads options and rights in a post-pandemic world. In each episode, Alex and Yan, a married couple and fathers of five-year-old twins, talk with gay dads from a different country, discussing equal rights and options for gay men. Canada is was referred to as the most gay-friendly country in the world, when it was ranked first in the Gay Travel Index chart in 2018, and among the five safest in Forbes magazine in 2019. Our guest in this episode, actor Brad Harder Arychuk, says that despite the general acceptance, there is still a long way to go. "We live in Vancouver, it's tremendously gay friendly," Brad says. "People don't look at you at all being a gay family, but I grew up in rural Alberta in a farming community and that definitely wasn't the same sentiment, and unfortunately still isn't. All my extended family is still there, and I don't [go back there]. Because there's no reason for me to go back, unfortunately. Unfortunately it's not an option. Gay rights and gay freedom in Canada have come so far and I'm so glad that we are such a beacon for LGBTQ rights and representation globally. But we still have a long way to go." In terms of parenting, both adoption and surrogacy are available for gay men in Canada. Brad and his husband Graham tried to adopt before they finally had their kids through surrogacy. "There hasn't been a moment when I pictured myself not being a parent," he says, "and I know for my husband it was a different journey but we just kinda got to talking about it before our wedding in 2018, we've heard from other friends that with adoption it takes a while, we actually looked at adoption first. "We really wanted to have a newborn and so we did pursue and set up some meetings with a few adoption agencies locally. It seemed like a viable route but there were so many things about it that we just couldn't control. First of all the number of newborns in our province is extremely low and the waitlist for newborns is something around 3 or 4 years and there's a few hundred people on the list. So we decided to also look at surrogacy." "When you become a parent the rollercoaster ride of learning at the beginning is so intense that sometimes you feel like you're going to be in it forever and before you know if you're out," Brad says. Adoption in Canada There are three types of adoption available for gay men in Canada: Public AdoptionThe Children’s Aid Society connects children living in foster care homes with adoptive families. (Cost: $0–3000 CAD) Private AdoptionAgencies who work with birth parents to match children with adoptive parents. (Cost: $10000- 20000 CAD) International Adoption Agencies who work in other countries. Surrogacy in Canada The surrogacy process in Canada is very similar to that in the United States although Canada follows what's called an altruistic model, which means that surrogates are not actually paid, but they have their expenses reimbursed. Generally those are set out in your contract and then there are expenses on top of that.Once the baby arrives there is a post-order, Declaration of Parentage, and you go to court and you have the surrogate's name removed and both fathers names put on. "When we created our embryos that was in a private medical clinic, some of our screenings and some of her screenings were done in any of our public clinics which we didn't have to pay for," Brad said on the podcast. "Other than that when they implanted the embryo and the meds that went with that - that we had to pay for but everything else, all the checkups but then, once you're pregnant, everything is paid for." If you are bringing the baby home from another country you...

Daddy Squared Around the World: The Netherlands Apr 26, 2021

Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast looks at fatherhood options for gay men in The Netherlands. We talked to writer, former politician, and actor, Boris van der Ham, a father of two co-parenting with lesbian moms, about being gay dads in the Netherlands in a post-pandemic world. Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast returns for season 4, Around the World, to capture gay dad options and rights in a post-pandemic world. In each episode, Alex and Yan, a married couple and fathers of five-year-old twins, talk with gay dads from a different country, discussing equal rights and options for gay men. In 2001 The Netherlands was the first country in the world to recognize marriage for same sex couples. With that the option for same sex couples to adopt jointly and with stepchildren opened. "When I became a dad and I told people - even very progressive people - they said, 'oh, I thought you didn't want that.'" The thought was that if I was gay it meant that the family "lifestyle" was not for me and that what I was really looking for was to party all the time. "We are now going into a new phase, in which you have the right to be different from other people. The next step is that you can be different in being different as well. So some [gay men] want to party their whole life, like straight people can do too, and others want to have another way of life. The diversity of gay men is now coming to the surface. With religious gay people, non-religious, different kinds of religion, kids, no kids… " Paul de Leeuw was one of the first famous gay men in The Netherlands to have kids through adoption. "That was, I think for me also, an eye opener because I thought to myself, 'is this possible?'" "There's a gay version of the famous TV reality show The Bachelor [in The Netherlands], called Prince Charming. And this gay guy and the guy he chose at the end, they are still a couple, were asked in a lot of interviews 'do you want to have children,' it became a very normal question to ask gay people, and I think for me, I'm 47 now but if I was in my teens developing my sexual identity I would have been helped a lot that the option that you can have children when you are gay is visible." Adoption The Dutch Parliament began allowing same-sex couples to adopt children overseas in 2009. Currently, it's only allowed to adopt from the Netherlands, the USA, Portugal, and South Africa. You must first register with the Ministry of Justice, which places you on a waiting list. After completion of the compulsory courses by both partners, there is a family survey. If all of this has been found to be okay, you will receive a permit for adoption in principle. For more info on adoption (in Dutch) visit www.justitie.nl, www.adoptie.nl, www.anewway.nl Surrogacy Surrogacy is possible under certain circumstances in the Netherlands. However, promoting (commercial) surrogacy is prohibited. In concrete terms, this means that prospective parents are not allowed to place an appeal or advertise that they are looking for a surrogate mother and - vice versa - for a prospective surrogate mother who is looking for prospective parents. Wish-parents are allowed to look for a surrogate mother within their own circle, for example from friends and family members. Compensation can be given for costs incurred by the surrogate mother. For more information, see the National Government . Co-Parenting The LGBT organization Meer dan Gewenst (see below) runs a classifieds ad section for people who are looking to co-parent. See it here. Examples for co-parenting agreements and more info can be found here Our Guest: Boris van der Ham Boris van der Ham is a Dutch writer, humanist, former politician, and actor. In 2002 he became a member of the House of Representatives and later became the president of the Humanistisch Verbond (Dutch Humanist Association). In 2016 he began pursuing his passion in the entertainment arts. In the musical Ciske de Rat,

Daddy Squared Around The World: Sweden Apr 19, 2021

Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast looks at fatherhood options for gay men in Sweden. We talked to European Parliament Member, politician Tomas Tobé, to look at Swedish laws for LGBTI people in general and gay parents in particular. “Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast” returns for season 4 to capture gay dad options and rights in a post-pandemic world. In each episode, Alex and Yan, a married couple and fathers of five-year-old twins, talk with gay dads from a different country, discussing equal rights and options for gay men. It was in the 1970s when it was declared that homosexuality was not a disease in Sweden. Still to this day surrogacy for gay men (and in general) is illegal. "The door for [gay men to become parents] is adoption. Adoption for gay couples has been legal for many years, but it's not easy and very rare," Tobé explains, "I know a lot of people who tried to find arrangements with other friends or other couples and to solve it that way. [Me and my husband Marcus] tried to find other solutions to create a family and for us surrogacy in the U.S. was the best option." "It was important for us to work with an agency that has been doing it for many years and they were really cautious in making sure that the surrogate was not in some kind of financial need." Surrogacy is very debated in Sweden. "You have voices coming from both the left and the right," Tobé says. "People are saying that the surrogacy ban is about protecting women, that is one side of the argument. But on the other side there's people argue that if it's a choice and you can have it in a good way then it should be fine. Sweden has been a very progressive country when it comes to gay marriage, gay adoption and the values in society but when it comes to surrogacy it's not going forward. I don't see it moving forward for at least 10 years. Something needs to happen in the political debate about it." Adoption Most adoptions in Sweden are transnational, as domestic adoptions are rare (simply because of low numbers of children in the system). With transnational adoption, the first transnational adoption to a Swedish male couple occurred in 2017, and since then very few same-sex couples have been able to adopt, partly because of the limited access to foreign organizations that accept same-sex adopters. Read more on Swedish Gay Men’s Pursuit of Fatherhood by Anna Malmquist & Alexander Spånberg Ekholm. Shared Parenting Arrangements Previously, shared parenting arrangements have been a relatively common route to parenthood for LGBs, but since lesbian couples gained access to ART in Swedish healthcare, they typically choose to raise the children on their own. Read more on Swedish Gay Men’s Pursuit of Fatherhood by Anna Malmquist & Alexander Spånberg Ekholm. Swedish Organizations that Help Gay Dads RFSL - Swedish Federation for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Rights Gay Dads in Sweden: Related Articles and News Dad speaks of his amazing international surrogacy journey (Yahoo News, March 3, 2022) Äntligen hemma! ”Vi vill tacka QX-läsarna för alla donationer (QX, 2020) Janne och Wesley fick barn med hjälp av surrogatmamma (Dagens Nyheter, 2019) Our Guest: Tomas Tobé Tomas Tobé is a Swedish member of the European Parliament since 2019. He lives outside Stockholm with his husband Marcus and his twin daughters (via surrogacy). Born on 16 February 1978 in Gävle, Sweden, Tobé was elected as a Member of the European Parliament in 2019 and is the Chairman of the Committee on Development and Member of the Committee on Civil Liberties, Justice and Home Affairs. He is a Substitute Member of the Committee on Industry, Research and Energy and also belongs to the European Parliament Intergroup on LGBT Rights. Prior to being elected to the European Parliament, he held various positions in the Swedish Riksdag since his first election in 2006. These include positions as Chairman of the Committee on Justice,...

Daddy Squared Around The World: France Apr 12, 2021

On the Season Premiere of Daddy Squared Around The World we're checking to see what's life like for gay dads in France. We spoke with Aurelien and Nicolas, stars of the documentary Ghosts of the République, we look at stigma in surrogacy and try to figure out the options for gay men in France to build their families. In the first episode, Yan and Alex look at options for gay men in France, with guests Auerlien and Nicolas, starts of the US/French documentary ‘Ghosts of the Republique.’ France is one of many European countries which is considered progressive and supportive of the gay community, in general. But in the category of gay parenting, there are some serious complications. French law not only bans all surrogacy (for straight and gay people) in the country, but also ‘punishes’ parents who go through surrogacy abroad by refusing to recognize the children as their parents’ legal children. “The punishment is for the child and that’s why it’s really weird that France has been condemned by the European court many times, I think 12 or 13 times, because the only person who has difficulty because of these policies is the child, who does not have the same rights as any other French child,” Aurelian says in the interview. “Right now people are still fighting for the rights of these children who are already living in France.” 'Ghosts of the République' No More According to Dominique Boren, co-chair of APGL, the situation has changed dramatically since the documentary. "Surrogacy is banned in France (even inciting to engage into surrogacy journey) punished by fine and even time in prison," Boren says. "However, to my knowledge, NO ONE has ever been subject to prosecution and even less faced trial. The main goal being this non implemented law is to refrain promotion in France of surrogacy (which is quite effective with almost no surrogacy agencies holding promotion or marketing event on their services, in France." "Since 2015 (due to our family case settled by French supreme court) no kid has been left outside of French system, and to my knowledge, progressively, all hurdles have been left. As for the parents, French legal system does recognize automatically at least one of the parents as 'real' parent (mainly the one of the parents who decides to identify himself as declared parent), the dilemma is for the second (same sex) parent. If the parenting rights acquired in the country of birth are deemed to be as per French adoption rules, then the second parent is granted same rights as the 'real' parent, through a legal process referred as exequature. Almost a formality.If not, and this is mostly the case, and will become the rule after law on access to IVF for lesbians and single women will become effective, then the second parent MUST (be married to the other parent) make an application to a family court to be granted status of adoptive parent with all parental rights attached thereto. to date, this legal process is quite simple and lean but takes time and money, and I must is meant to refrain surrogacy or least prevent from being "simple." "Kids are not punished as such, it is rather the second parent who is facing discrimination (legal discrimination) as to establish his legitimate and rightful status of 'true' parent as the other parent. So imperfect and discriminatory though it is, at the end of day, kids do have their parents with equal rights." Adoption "Contrary to what is a common practice in the USA, France does not have foster care system and adoption regulations," Boren says, "and processes are fully in the hands of public administration and a collective board (in each department… more or less a state, in short) composed of representatives of various organizations, and until recently, no LGBT families NGO was present in any of the board, and APLG is to date the only NGO with representatives in few boards. (In practice, civil administrators prepare fills for adoption on behalf of appli...

Daddy Squared Greatest Hits Jul 21, 2020

Alex and Yan look back at the three seasons of the show. Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast first aired in September 2018. Since then we have done three seasons, a COVID-19 thirty-day challenge and a Pride 2020 episode. This extended episode gives you a taste of what the podcast is all about using clips of stories and moments from the three seasons of the show Your Gay Dads Hosts Yan Dekel, an independent web designer and social media manager, and Alex Maghen, a Technology executive at Warner Bros., are a married couple, living in West Hollywood, California with 4.5 year-old twins. Alex, a U.S. native and Yan, an Israeli immigrant, have been together since 2007 and got married in 2013. They talk openly about their relationship and couples therapy, combined with examining who they are as gay men, as individuals and as parents. In each episode they bring a guest and tackle an issue that arises in parenting in general and in gay parenting in particular. What's New in IVF Technology? Ask your doctor about how the Embryoscope offers a significant increase in pregnancy outcome. Time-lapse technology allows for continuous embryo assessment and reduces stress on the embryos during culture. These factors improve the selection of optimal embryos and increase pregnancy outcomes. This revolutionary IVF breakthrough increases pregnancy rate and live birth rate, decreases pregnancy loss rate. Embryologists use the EmbryoScope as a tool for the selection of the most optimal embryos by analyzing greater than 5,000 images for each embryo. Time-lapse monitoring was associated with a significantly higher live birth rate. Episode Sponsor Dr. Mark Surrey is a true ally when it comes to IVF and surrogacy for gay men. We chose Mark as our sponsor as part of our quest to help future dads to have the best experience (and best results) in their surrogacy journey. Please hear Dr. Surrey’s opinion on your specific journey as part of your research on surrogacy. It’s important to get the best consultancy possible before getting into this journey. Fill in your details below to get the Daddy Squared “VIP Care” consultancy from Dr. Surrey‘s team. Ask Dr. Surrey a question: [contact-form-7 id="2703" title="Contact form 1"] Episode Credits Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenDaddy Squared Opening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereAir Date: July 21, 2020 Listen to previous seasons of Daddy SquaredJoin our Facebook groupConnect with us on Instagram 🇩🇰 De homoseksuelle dads podcast er bragt til dig fra West Hollywood, Californien. Det er til homoseksuelle mænd, der er far, der overvejer at blive far eller for dem, der gerne vil kigge ind i de homoseksuelle fars liv. 🇳🇱 De gay dads-podcast wordt je aangeboden vanuit West Hollywood, Californië. Het is voor homomannen die vader zijn, die overwegen om vader te worden of voor degenen die graag een kijkje willen nemen in het leven van homo-vaders. 🇫🇷 Le podcast des peres gays présenté de West Hollywood, en Californie. C’est pour les hommes gays qui sont papas, qui envisagent devenir papas ou pour ceux qui aimeraient jeter un coup d’œil dans la vie des papas gays.🇩🇪 Der Podcast für schwule Väter wird Ihnen aus West Hollywood, Kalifornien, gebracht. Es ist für schwule Männer, die Väter sind, in Betracht ziehen, Väter zu werden, oder für diejenigen, die einen Blick in das Leben schwuler Väter werfen möchten.🇯🇵 ゲイのお父さんのポッドキャストは、カリフォルニア州ウェストハリウッドからあなたにもたらされます。それは、父親であるゲイの男性、父親になることを検討している、またはゲイの父親の生活をのぞきたい人のためのものです🇰🇷 게이 아빠 팟 캐스트는 캘리포니아 웨스트 할리우드에서 가져 왔습니다. 아빠가되는 것을 고려하는 아빠 인 게이 남성 또는 게이 아빠의 삶을 들여다보고 싶은 사람들을위한 것입니다.🇳🇴 De homofile pappapodcastene blir brakt til deg fra West Hollywood, California. Det er for homofile menn som er pappaer, vurderer å bli pappaer eller for de som vil kikke inn i livene til homofile pappaer.🇷🇺 Подкаст отцов-геев доставляется вам из Западного Голливуда, Калифорния. Это для геев, которые являются отцами, которые собираются стать отцами,

Daddy Squared Pride 2020 Special Jun 17, 2020

As gay parents, we educate our kids on diversity by showing them that there are many different people in the world, and many types of families. But when is the right time to also teach them that there are people in the world who treat each other poorly just because of the color of their skin or their sexual orientation? How do we as gay dads (and allies) raise children who will fix the world? The Pride 2020 episode, on race and human rights, is now available. Pride 2020 was supposed to be swallowed by the coronavirus pandemic, but then came a Black Lives Matter civil rights revolution which got us all out of our homes and our closets and into the streets with our very old quest for true civil rights equality. Our Guests Rev. Alfreda Lanoix Renowned Motivational Speaker, Rev. and Author, Alfreda "Freda" Lanoix, has been a mover and a shaker her entire life. Fearlessly truthful and extraordinarily insightful, she views the world through a multi-faceted lens of laughter and self examination. Freda married, gave birth to a son and daughter, gradually accepted her sexual orientation, and ultimately was ordained in 1995 as an openly lesbian minister for Unity Fellowship Church of Christ. Freda is currently in demand as a workshop facilitator, keynote speaker, lecturer, conference trainer and guest panelist. Among a host of appearances, she was featured in a Logo Network special entitled "True Lives", which focused on her experiences as a black, lesbian mother; featured in a documentary called "Finding God In The City Of Angels"; and was guest on the public affairs radio program "Revolutionary Spirituality". Thomas J. Pier, Therapist Los Angeles-based therapist, Thomas Pier, offers in-person and online (throughout California) supportive therapy to individuals and families in all realms of Health, Healing and Life Transitions. Thomas provides individual, family and group therapy in person and through encrypted video conferencing. Thomas lives in Los Angeles with his husband of 28 years, Russell, and with their son and daughter (through adoption), ages 6 and 8. Silky Nutmeg Ganache We all remember Silky from last year's season of RuPaul's Drag Race (Season 11). The performer, whose original name is Reginald Steele, is originally from a well-educated family in Mississippi, he holds a master's degree in organizational leadership, and the drag started a a giggle for Steel and and turned him into an international success. Ganache guest starred in Germany's Next Topmodel, in Lizzo's music video for her mega-hit 'Juice', and is set to star in her own series on WOWPresents Plus series entitled Shantay You Pray, a series exploring Ganache's relationship with religion. Our Sponsor Dr. Mark Surrey is a true ally when it comes to IVF and surrogacy for gay men. We chose Mark as our sponsor as part of our quest to help future dads to have the best experience (and best results) in their surrogacy journey. Please hear Dr. Surrey's opinion on your specific journey as part of your research on surrogacy. It's important to get the best consultancy possible before getting into this journey. Fill in your details below to get the Daddy Squared "VIP Care" consultancy from Dr. Surrey's team. Ask Dr. Surrey a question: [contact-form-7 id="2703" title="Contact form 1"] Episode Credits Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuests: Rev. Alfreda Lanoix, Therapist Thomas Pier, Silky Nutmeg GanacheOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here Listen to previous seasons of Daddy SquaredJoin our Facebook groupConnect with us on Instagram

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 30: The Physical Therapist May 21, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: On the last day of our quest to interview 30 essential worker dads in 30 days, we caught up with Rick Pagnillo from New Jersey who works at Kessler Rehabilitation Center. Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 29: The Funeral Director May 20, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Joey Martin is a Funeral Home Manager at Jessen Funeral Home in Indiana who raises three kids with his husband. Joey Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads https://youtu.be/HAo_LxJzALw

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 28: The Amazon Worker May 19, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Ron Rife, a husband and a dad of an 18-year-old who works at Amazon warehouse in Ohio, talks about working for the giant online sales store during CoVID-19. Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 27: The CoVID Drug Maker May 18, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Kevin Karr-McGraw works for Regeneron in New York, making coronavirus drug. Kevin at work Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 26: The Therapist May 17, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Michael Stokes, a therapist at Stokes Counseling Services in Connecticut talk about life, work and anxiety during the pandemic. Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 25: Gay Dads and the Seven Kids May 16, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Elio is a nurse at a Military Hospital in San Antonio, Texas, who raises seven kids with his husband David, a teacher. Elio at work Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 24: The Social Worker May 15, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: David, a social worker in Oregon, talks about the challenges in his line of work during the pandemic. Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 23: The Booze and Produce Purveyors May 14, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Nick, a liquor store stock manager and husband Sean, a grocery store manager, are very essential during CoVID-19 pandemic. Nick at work Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 22: The Anesthesiologist May 13, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Todd Calhoun is an anesthesiologist in Toronto, Canada, who had to live apart from his husband and kids due to daily exposure to CoVID-19. Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 21: The Lab Technician May 12, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Ray Lipinski is a lab technician that manages test results reports -- including CoVID test results. Ray at work Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 20: The OB-GYN May 11, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Georges Sylvestre delivers babies of CoVID-positive patients in New York. Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 19: The Police Officer May 10, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Doug Hove with the Seattle Police Department faces new work challenges during the CoVID-19 pandemic. Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 18: The Pilot May 09, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Alexander Morton-Adams, a pilot for United Airline, has more medical supply than passengers during CoVID-19 pandemic. Alex at Work Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 17: The TV Anchor May 08, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Blair Miller turned his home office into a studio, and then his son came in to tell him that the pizza has arrived during a live broadcast. Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 16: The Paramedic May 07, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Jonathon Miller is a paramedic in West Virginia and a dad of three with his husband Blair. "I've been a paramedic now for 20 years, I've seen a lot in 20 years, I responded to the Pentagon on 9/11, I've been in Guatemala and delivered a baby, I've been in Mission trips there, I've delivered babies in the back of a cab, I've held family members' hands when their loved ones is taking their last breath--but nothing prepared me for CoVID-19." Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 15: The IVF Case Manager May 06, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Romain Taillandier at the Las Vegas Fertility Center faced the problem of babies being born when their parents are locked out of the U.S. Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 14: The USPS Worker May 05, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Eric Maisel is a Post Office manager in Georgia, who has to make sure mail is delivered even to homes of CoVID-19 patients. Together with husband James, Eric has 5 kids through both men's previous marriages. All of his kids are grown up and have left home, nevertheless the couple worry about them during these times of global epidemic. Eric at work Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 13: The New Dad Nurse May 04, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Stevey Pope-Allred is a dad of an 11-month old baby who faces CoVID-19 patients at his job as an E.R. Nurse. Stevey is joined by his husband, Micah, in this interview. The couple's personal surrogacy journey inspired Micah to become an ultrasound practitioner. Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 12: The CoVID Team Doctor May 03, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Dr. Chad Martins is an Internal Medicine Physician and a CoVID team member in a hospital in Georgia. Chad (on the right) with his husband and their daughter Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 11: The Family Nurse Practitioner May 02, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Emmanuel Pantoja is a Family Nurse Practitioner in Texas. Emmanuel at Work Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 10: The Cardiac Nurse May 01, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Steven Scott is a Cardiac Nurse in Georgetown, Massachusetts. Steven at work Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 9: The Primary Care Pediatrician Apr 30, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Drew Cronyn, a Primary Care Pediatrician in Tucson, Arizona has only one goal--keeping young children away from hospitals and ER rooms as much as possible at this time. Dr. Cronyn at work Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 8: The Patient Safety Coordinator Apr 29, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Zachary Schellhase is in charge of maintaining the safety of nurses and patients who are exposed to CoVID-19. Zachary at work Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 7: The Frontline ER Nurse Apr 28, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Jadore Mattis is a registered nurse in New York City who had to isolate himself from his husband and son due to daily exposure to CoVID-19 at work. Jadore at work in NYC Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here for the full list of dads

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 6: The Soup Kitchen Organizer Apr 27, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Single father Romayne Pollard organizes a Soup Kitchen in Chicago. Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time.

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 5: The Oncologist Apr 26, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Dr. Eli Diamond works with cancer patients during COVID-19. Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time.

Gay Dads Save The World, Day 4: The Visiting Nurse COVID Command Center Manager Apr 25, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: David Rosales runs the COVID Command Center for a visiting nurse service in New York City. His job was completely transformed due to the destructive effect the global pandemic had on the city. David with husband Eli Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click for the full list of Gay Dads Save the World

Gay Dads Save The World Day 3: The VA Health Administrator Apr 24, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Jonathan Holmes, who works at the VA Medical Center in Wisconsin talks changes amid Covid-19 outbreak Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. Jonathan Holmes We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time.

Gay Dads Save The World Day 2: The Flying Nurse Apr 23, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: John Cunningham Works as a Flying Nurse in Philadelphia. John (on the right) with his husband Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes (“podcast extras”) that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time. Click here to see the full list of featured essential worker dads

Gay Dads Save The World Day 1: The Pediatric ER Doc Apr 22, 2020

A daily dose of gay dads on the front lines of the global pandemic: Algernon Cargill Jr. Works as a Pediatric ER Dr. in New York City. Algernon at Work Every day we call one gay dad who is an essential worker, and ask him the same questions: how has his changed during the pandemic, how it effected the family, and so on. These are bite-size episodes ("podcast extras") that are designed to show the world the contribution of members of the gay dads community during global crisis like this. We are very sensitive to all those who have suffered first hand from the virus, but we also want to try to change the energy and point the silver linings of this very special period in time.

3×14 Coming Out AFTER Having Kids Mar 30, 2020

Coming out after being married to a woman and having kids takes a certain bravery and strength. In this Season Finale we bring you two fascinating and new stories of men who tried to force themselves to live a straight life and eventually came to terms with who they really are. Kade Bartlett comes from a small, extremely religious town in north Oregon, and for years suffered from homophobia, both self-homophobia and from his community. He tried for years to ‘pray the gay away’ for years before finally coming out of the closet. “I had somebody who was very close to me, almost like a mother, she was very religious,” he recalls. “I came to talk to her with things like ‘my marriage is on the rocks’ and she said ‘you gotta lean into God more,’ ‘you gotta pray more’.” FREE DOWNLOAD: Daddy Squared SEASON 3 Cheat Sheet! Join our mailing list by filling in your name and email and we’ll send you a link to download! #mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } * indicates required Email Address * First Name (function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true); “When it finally came down to it and she said it was a choice, I kinda lost it,” Kade said. “I said, ‘who in the hell in their right mind would choose this shit?! With all the baggage and the crap and the threats, even the murders that happens, who would choose this? Why would anybody want to choose that?!’” For Josh, who lives in Canada, the religious environment and various conversion therapies he went through (including medication to decrease his libido) caused serious trauma. “I volunteered myself for different therapies that were focused on dealing with what I labeled at the time ‘dealing with unwanted homosexual attraction’,” Josh says. “Conversion Therapy is kind of an umbrella term for a bunch of different therapies that proport to modify your sexuality, and I started in my very early 20s, maybe when I was 20 years old, and that was also a fucked up community because the first therapist I ever saw, he actually came on to me in session, and he was the one saying that these are bad feelings. I had to put a stop to that therapist. “And then I found an online group called Setting Captives Free, and I was engaging with a different online therapists, or so they call themselves, I highly doubt that they’re actually therapists. They would tell me basically, if you ever act on these feelings you’re on the road to becoming a pedophile. And so that’s what I was convinced would happen, I never had any attraction towards that population whatsoever, but I was terrified that that would eventually happen, so further came the need to suppress who I am.” The Wife's Reaction The difference between Kade’s and Josh’s stories is the reaction of their ex-wives. Even though Josh’s wife was extremely supportive and they have became friends, the scars from living life in the closet are not going away easily. “I’m debating going into trauma therapy,” he says, “because I felt immense shame over who I was, that really defined a large part of my relationship with my ex-spouse, because every decision that had major consequence in our lives, from my perspective, I was always going to relent because who I was, was a bad person and who I was, was illegitimate.” Not only are these men’s stories dramatic and inspiring, they each share important lessons as they now reform their lives as gay men raising kids, co-parenting with their ex-wives. “At the beginning I was so upset about the reputation of the man I had heard [my ex-wife] was dating that when I got my kids I would sit there and ask them a ton of questions about what was going on at mom’s house,” Kade says, “— don’t do that! I mean, Unless there’s an absolute threat to their wellbe...

3×13 Free Range Kids Mar 23, 2020

Have We Parents Gone Nuts? When we were kids our parents let us run around the neighborhood alone at the age of 8 or 9 – some even younger. Now parents accompany their kids to playdates at those ages. Have we become so fixated on our kids’ safety and on the quality of their experiences that we’ve robbed them of the freedom to learn and grow on their own? We invited Lenore Skenazi on to talk about her philosophy of Free Range Kids. We're all trying to do our best as parents, and one of the things that is keeping us from doing our best and turning us just into frantic fanatical parents is the fear of hearing somebody say to us, 'You Suck!' But the truth is you're great. Nobody is going to get it right. "If there was a perfect formula we would all have one book and we would all read it and do it," says Lenore Skenazi, who was called 'World's Worst Mom' for letting her kid ride the subway alone. She started Free Range Kids to fight the belief that our children are in constant danger. "Parenting is so confusing," Lenore says, "and we've imbued it with like everything we do. There're gazillion of moments before they hit 18 and they can't all be perfect, they won't all be perfect. In fact, it's better if they're not all perfect so they'll end up rolling with some punches. They'll be like 'dad isn't perfect either so I don't have to be so hard on myself'. "We just have to take a step back and say, it's going to be okay. The kid is going to be okay. Give them some freedom, give yourself some freedom and it's going to be okay." When to Start? "When parents are wondering about an age, like, what age can kids play outside or walk to school or run an errand or babysit, I ask them just to think back on their own lives," says Lenore. "If you were walking to school at age 5 and you were in a neighborhood that isn't more dangerous than when you were growing up - there's no reason that your kid can't be doing what your parents allowed you to do oof you think it was good for you back then and if you appreciate the freedom that you were given." "Our goal at Let Grow is to really change the what you see as normal because this new normal that we have of only constant supervision it's not doing kids any favors and parents have to spend every single second not doing anything except chauffeuring and watching them, it's not great for them either. I mean, we all love spending time with our kids but it doesn't have to be every single second." Our Guest: Lenore Skenazi A journalist by trade, Lenore spent 14 years at The New York Daily News as a reporter-turned-opinion columnist, and two more at The New York Sun. In 2008, after her column "Why I Let My 9 Year Old Ride the Subway Alone" landed her on every talk show from The Today Show to Dr. Phil, Lenore founded the book and blog “Free-Range Kids.” These launched the anti-helicopter parenting movement and garnered her the nickname, “America’s Worst Mom.” She got a promotion of sorts when Discovery Life tapped her to host the reality TV show, World’s Worst Mom. Lenore has lectured internationally from Microsoft to DreamWorks to the Sydney Opera House, and been profiled everywhere from The New York Times to The New Yorker. (She was even on The Daily Show!) Over the years, she has written for everyone from The Wall Street Journal to Mad Magazine. Yes -- Mad. After 10 years of watching parents nod along as she described how our culture has force-fed them fear, her aim at Let Grow is to turn agreement into action, making it easy and normal to give kids the same kind of freedom most of us had -- and loved. Lenore received her B.A. from Yale and her Master's Degree from Columbia. She lives in New York City with her husband and beloved computer. Her sons have (safely!) flown the coop. Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuest: Lenore Shkenazi, President, 'Let Grow'Opening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode:Why I Let My 9 Year Old ...

3×12 Gay Dads of Color Mar 16, 2020

Do gay dads of color need to be more visible? Is being a gay dad of color a “thing” that needs to be discussed on its own? This week we tackle – ok, perhaps “approach” is the better word - racial issues with two gay dads: actor Joe Aaron Reid and activist Greg Yorgey-Girdy. We talked prejudice and extra-levels of sensitivity and difficulty on one hand, and on the other, setting an example, drawing from diverse and rich cultures, and educating the straight, black community. Gay dads of color draw special attention just by walking into a store with their kids—especially when their kid is not the same color. “People would think that I took [my daughter] from someone or I was, like, a housekeeper,” says Greg Yorgey-Girdy, a father of three kids through adoption. “Except for one lady, she was an older black woman, I remember her coming to me and saying, ‘your daughter is absolutely beautiful.’ I think what she meant by that is ‘who’s that kid?’ – she allowed me to say ‘thank you’ or allowed me to say ‘no that’s not my kid.’” Turns out that many in the black community see gay fatherhood as a ‘white’ thing - mainly because of a lack of visibility of gay dads of color. “It’s very easy for, let’s say, a black church to see a couple of gay white dads and say, ‘well that’s what they’re doing.’ But if they see a couple of gay black dads, or an interracial couple, something that’s a little bit closer to home, maybe there’s the kind of understanding of ‘oh, it’s not a them thing.’ There’s so much of ‘this is them and we’re us’ and I think that representation matters.” According to Yorgey-Girdy, it was in his African-American family culture to hide the fact that he was gay and not discuss it, even after he got married. When the kids came along, it forced the family to normalize his relationship, and now they have different conversations. For Joe, the path to fatherhood was via surrogacy. He and his husband, an interracial couple, ended up using a mixed, “half-black Half-white, donor,” he says. “We thought we’d end up having some sort of shades of caramel, and it would look like what would happen if two men could have a baby. That’s not what happened at all – my daughter looks exactly like me and my son looks exactly like my husband.” “So I’m out with my son, a blonde-haired, blue-eyed white boy, and he has a tantrum in the middle of the store or whatever, screaming ‘no, no,no’ and theres a 6”2’ black man grabbing him. People are like ‘who are you to this child?’ and you have to deal with the tantrum and explain who you are at the same time. “That boils down to a bigger conversation, like, the idea of racial constructs in our society and what does that mean,” Reid continues. “I think that gay dads of color should be out and vocal, because there are many gay dads who are white or white-appearing and I think that that’s predominantly the culture of gay parenting nowadays. Gay dads of color have so much to offer, their culture and upbringing, values and things that are specific to our culture, and I think that it’s important to pass that along.” “Our job as gay dads is to educate, is to be open and vulnerable and put ourselves out there because how do we expect people to normalize something that we’re not willing to put out there as normal” Our Guests Gregory Yorgey-GirdyGregory maintains an active agenda of philanthropic undertakings, which include, his role as Co-Chair of Liberty City Lesbian and Gay Democratic Club, Committeeperson for Ward 48/Division, Treasurer and Board Member of Philadelphia Family Pride, President of the Philadelphia Texas Exes, and as an active member of the Philadelphia 1st Police District’s Advisory Council. Gregory is an attorney, blogger, and activist, but his most important title is “dad.” Read Greg's Blog: daddaddykids.comFollow Greg on Instagram: @yorgeygirdy Joe Aaron ReidJoe Aaron Reid is a husband to Francois and Daddy to five year old twins, Axel and Daphné.

3×11 Gay Adoption: Start Here Mar 09, 2020

If you are a gay man or a couple looking to adopt, the first step you have to figure out which route you want to take. One is adopting through a non-profit agency, an agency that in addition to adoption services also helps dozens of pregnant women without means every year. We spoke with Tara and Jean-Charles from Friends in Adoption, about adoption; how much it costs, what is the process and what happens if the pregnant woman changes her mind. If you are looking into adoption as a gay single or couple, there are three ways that you can adopt 1. Foster-to-Adopt (the government route)2. Private Attorney3. Private Agency The third option, which is the most common, divides into two types of agencies: an agency that is a business, and an agency that is also a non profit organization. The difference between the two is where the “agency fees” that you pay as part of the cost go. To a non-profit organization there is a charitable side, which helps pregnant women who have no one to turn to. “We receive inquiries from about 300 individuals a year who are pregnant or parenting,” says Tara Stalis, Executive Director of Friends in Adoption, a non-profit adoption agency. “[We help people] from all over the country to consider their options, we provide counseling, support and education, we provide help with housing if they need that help to stabilize them. We also provide [access] to a doctor, to appointments, food and things like that so that they can really be in the best place possible to look at all of their options, one of which might be adoption. Out of those 300 inquiries a year we do about 30 placements. So part of the agency fee helps provide case management services to individuals who may not decide on adoption, but we literally helped hundreds of people to truly look into their options and decide what's best for them.” Adoption: How Much It Costs The average cost to adopt whether you decide to adopt with a private licensed non-profit adoption agency, or even adopt privately using an attorney and not using an agency, is about $45,000. “There is a wide range and a lot of it does depend on the situation, the pregnant individual that you're matched with and what her needs are as far as expenses,” Tara explains. “Part of it covers an agency fee, and the rest of the expenses are, for example, your attorney, attorney for the birth parents that you're working with, counseling fees, home study fees plus placement fees. Agency fees really cover case management services, if someone wants to adopt they will have a case manager from the time they reach out to us, right through deciding to work with us, and right through [the process] and becoming matched with the pregnant individual and the placement. And we're also a life-long resource, we keep in touch with the adoptive families…” Wait Time Waiting time can be another key factor in choosing your adoption agency for some gay parents-to-be. “Our average wait time is about 14 months,” says Tara, “and the way we measure that is between when you become active until you become matched, so if you decide to work with any adoption agency, you would have to go through the home study process and have a home study completed and you would have to create an adoption profile. Once those two things are done in Friends in Adoption you're considered “active” - we post your profile on the website, pregnant individuals can find you, you're active. So the average is 14 months but I will say that in the past several years people have been moving through more quickly and most people don't wait longer than a year, so the good news is that people are not waiting as long as they used to, but it could happen.” Guest Co-Hosts Stephen Horn (Talent and Organization Developer at a BioTech company) and Spencer Barnes (Celebrity Make Up Artist) met two years ago in Los Angeles through mutual friends. The couple are seriously considering having kids and begin their research through us at...

3×10 Imperfect Parenting Mar 02, 2020

None of us is born a parent, and so we look for the knowledge to "fill the gap.” Facing our kids' growing pains and wanting them to be kind, empathetic, responsible, attentive kids with high emotional intelligence and a good sense of problem solving. We turned to psychologist and parenting coach Dr. Courtney Bolton, to coach us on some of the problems we face with our toddlers, including tantrums, lying, and facing homophobia. Dr. Courtney Bolton offers free consultation session for Daddy Squared listeners. To use that please go to drcourtneybolton.com/daddy-squared and use the coupon code: DADDY2 Raising children is a creative endeavor, an art rather than science. And when it comes to parenting - it's not about learning tips and techniques, authority and rules. It's about the special, unique relationship you form with your child. Sometimes that’s rough when you lose your belief in your parenting abilities - often in comparison to other parents for whom it always *seems* to be going great! "We live in a culture right now of presenting that perfect image of parenting and really posting those things that are wonderful and even in our moments when it's not wonderful, we'll make light of it on Instagram. What we don't show are those times of when we're yelling, crying, losing our minds - feeling terrible regret. One of the hardest things for children, especially at a young age, is finding their boundaries. If they are being told that there’s something they can’t do or can’t have it can very possibly result in tantrums or other unwanted behavior. Dr. Courtney sees these moments as great opportunities to teach - and learn ourselves. "We want to help our kids create a little bit of flexibility and a little critical thinking,” she says. “So we help them with problem solving skills, [like] creating redirection, or 'what can we do if we don't have that... it's really something that you do, I mean, even adults sometimes need facilitation in that way. We just get into that moment where we think 'oh my goodness, I don't have this. I'm done!' And then there's 'actually, wait, is there something else that I can do.' So we just walk them through that and give them the options." Our Guest: Dr. Courtney Bolton Courtney Bolton Ph.D. is a psychologist and parenting & child development expert. She has worked with parents and school districts for the past several years to help ensure children thrive in their home and school environments. After earning her BA from Vanderbilt University and a PhD from the University of California, Santa Barbara, she served as a postdoctoral fellow and clinical instructor at UCLA in the Department of Psychiatry and Biobehavioral Sciences where she conducted research, mentored graduate and undergraduate students and provided therapeutic services to youth and their families. Here, she developed her love for parent coaching and sharpened her skills in how to effectively work with parents to tailor evidence-based advice for their families. She has published papers and articles on child development, educational readiness and resilience and has been a key note lecturer on building friendship skills, belonging and stress management. Dr. Bolton is a mom of four, avid coffee drinker, bibliophile, and loves spending time outside year round. Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuest: Dr. Courtney BoltonOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode:Big Little Liars (Jessica Grose, The New York Times)ScreenTime: Diane Sawyer Reporting (selected clips on YouTube)Listen to previous seasons of Daddy SquaredJoin our Facebook groupConnect with us on Instagram

3×09 The Mom Role Feb 24, 2020

Newsflash: "Mom" is not a gender-- it's a role. And "the mom role" can be successfully played in a family of two dads. This week we asked Julia Dennison, executive editor of Parents.com and also a co-parenting single mom of a toddler, to join us for a discussion on gender roles and how they're changing, and about guiding your child to be comfortable with the differences in his family structure. The "traditional mom role" - or social stereotype of what is maternal - includes cuddling love, talking about feelings, sensitivity to the kids' needs, soft attitude (including on education). Can gay dads fill that role? Absolutely! "Of course we all have social stereotypes and ideas about what is maternal," says Julia Dennison, Executive Editor of Parents.com, "the word 'maternal' has all these connotations like, 'the caregiver,' 'the person that the kids run to if they need an extra hug,' there's all these ideas about what moms might do and in the past that included a lot of things like keeping up the house alongside everything, cooking and cleaning. Of course now those moms, these women, are at the work place just as much as men, these ideas of what makes a mom or what makes a woman, are really changing so that the rest of the world is starting to be just as confused or just as changing." In the developing discussion, we talked about the differences between men and women, even if we can't put our finger on what it is, is there a basic value to having both genders present in the upbringing of a Child. Dennison thinks that the 'maternal' relationship with the child contributes a lot to the positive development of the child -- but this relationship doesn't have to be with a 'mother.' "If being a mother means talking about emotions and nurturing and the cuddling side, we see a ton of benefit from that," she says, "so whoever does that, it doesn't have to be [a woman], I think that there's a benefit to that maternal relationship between the parents and the children." Our Guest: Julia Dennison Julia Dennison is the executive editor of Parents.com. She co-parents her 3-year-old daughter Esme (and pughuahua) with her ex . With an amazing experience in digital and print media, Julia is a content strategist, covering a wide range of topics from health, parenting, and women's lifestyle, to pop culture, politics, food and technology. Follow Julia Dennison:Instagram: @juliadennisonTwitter: @julsdennison Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuest Host: Braden SanfordGuest: Julia DennisonOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode:How to Make Your Marriage Gayer (Stephanie Coontz, The New York Times)Listen to previous seasons of Daddy SquaredJoin our Facebook groupConnect with us on Instagram

3×08 Baby (And Toddler) Whispering Feb 17, 2020

Raising articulate, communicative children begins from day one. Developing baby communication skills and setting good boundaries can result in a less-frustrated, happier baby. We talked with Etel Leit, a baby communications specialist, about teaching our babies language from day one, saying “no” and the types of no, toy recommendations and much more. If you have a toddler in the house, you may have found yourself once or twice in a trance of saying ‘no’ to them. But ‘baby whisperer’ Etel Leit says that the secret of reducing the feelings that we are our kids’ cops, is simply creating a 'yes' environment to begin with. “If there is something that they go and play with and you don't want them to touch--just take this thing out instead of saying 'no! No! No!" Etel says. She adds: "I'm a curious person and I believe we should raise curious kids, so if you provide them with something that attracts their curiosity don't be surprised when they go and play with it." As a baby sign language expert who also runs an online course for parents who want to learn communicating with their babies, Etel recommends teaching your baby three types of signs, “The three 'F' signs,” she calls it. “Parents remember that.” The first one is Functional. For example Milk, or Daddy or any type of food. Etel Signing 'Milk' The second F is Fun. Like a pet or a toy in your home – though not necessarily at home. And the last one is Feeling. Because we want to expose our kids to feelings at a young age. Usually words like Happy or Frustrated or Curious. Etel Signing 'Happy' One sign that parents tend to teach their kids and Etel strongly recommends to avoid, is “More.” "No more more!” She says. “Parents are excited because the child is signing something but what do I want more of? And more can easily become a cry and pointing. We want to teach our kids to be articulate. And these kids grow up to be very specific, articulated and communicative because from a young age they know to tell you exactly what they want." Guest Co-Host: Braden Sanford Braden is a blogger and a stay-at-home Dad raising 4 kids under 3… including triplets and identical girls (aka a valiant attempt to retain my sanity…). Braden blogs at doingitdaddystyle.com Our Guest: Etel Leit Etel Leit, MS, is a transformational empowerment leader and a consultant for communicating with babies. In addition to being the Founder and Owner of SignShine®, a communication center for individuals and families, Etel is a communication advocate, motivational speaker, parenting consultant, and a repudiated author. Etel a widely sought-out speaker at many conferences, workshops, and events across the world. Etel draws from her extensive background in education and writing curricula, as well as her research on sign language and parenting. Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuest Host: Braden SanfordGuest: Etel LeitOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode:Mella Ready to Rise Children's Trainer, Alarm ClockEtel's Book: Where is Water (the Daddy and Papa Family)SignShine App (Free Download)Listen to previous seasons of Daddy SquaredJoin our Facebook groupConnect with us on Instagram

3×07 Valentine’s Day Feb 11, 2020

This Valentine’s Day we did the most romantic Daddy Squared episode we could come up with. With no guest in the studio, Alex and Yan reflect on love, marriage - yeah, and even the baby carriage. We talk coming out, how we met (and almost broke up over sexting), why we stayed together, and some terrible times we went through in our relationship. This is our story. We’d love to hear yours. If you’ve been listening to our podcast for the past 3 seasons (and we sure hope you have), you know we’re certainly not afraid to talk about ourselves. Warning: In this episode, that’s pretty much ALL we do! In this half-an-hour special for Valentine’s Day we give you our back story: How we came out, how we met, our wedding, the hard times in our relationship and how we brought it back on track with couples therapy. We talk personal development and how having kids contributed to our personal growth – and contributes to our lunacy. We doubt there’s anything all that unusual or crazy about our relationship (except for Yan’s unbearable taste in music), but maybe that’s sort of the point: We hope knowing us better will make the rest of season 3 and beyond feel a little… closer. Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenOpening Song: Deliver Me - The Beloved (Alex and Yan's Walk-Down-The-Aisle song)Daddy Squared Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode:Using a Friend for Surrogacy or Egg Donation (Daddy Squared, Season 3 Episode 6)Kylie Minogue - Confide In Me (Yan's coming out song)Imperfect Thing Called Love (Yan's book on first year in therapy after breaking up)Listen to previous seasons of Daddy SquaredJoin our Facebook groupConnect with us on Instagram

3×06 Gay Surrogacy: Start Here Feb 03, 2020

This is dedicated to all of you #futuredads out there. There is so much information on surrogacy for gay men and having biological babies, that it can sometimes be overwhelming. In this episode we help gay couple Stephen and Spencer, with their baby steps in their research on having kids. We interviewed Dr. John Hesla from ORM Fertility, who answered the couples’ questions, including the pros and cons of having a surrogate and/or an egg donor who is a friend. There’s fascination especially from women and girlfriends of gay men, around gays becoming dads. Have you ever had a girlfriend coming to you, like, ‘Oh my God! I want to have your kid!’? Well, maybe it’s worth it to take them to dinner and figure out how serious they are about it, because it sure saves you tens of thousands of dollars in the process of building your family. “If you go with someone you know, most of the time the expectation is that that person will have a role in the child’s life, and probably the child will periodically see her,” Dr. Hesla told Stephen and Spencer on our podcast. “If a friend or a family member agrees to donate eggs for you, she may not be optimal in terms of her egg quality or in terms of her family medical background. So if the woman, the donor, is someone the couples knows, she would have to undergo a thorough screening process. I treated donors who have been as old as 40 or 41 who have been sisters of one of the men in the couple, and the treatment has worked, but the chance of it working is much less if the egg donor is older because there’s much higher risk of genetically abnormal eggs.” As far as having a friend as a surrogate, Dr. Hesla says that your friend should undergo the full screening process in order to make sure she’s a match. “We obtain the medical records of the potential surrogate’s past pregnancies and deliveries and review them to make sure that there were no complications in previous pregnancies. All surrogates are women who’ve had children in the past and have children who are living at home with them at present. There are potential risks in women carrying pregnancies and we want to make sure that a surrogate is someone who has lower risks.” Of course we talked about so very much in the episode. Listen to the conversation – and then go make some babies! :) Our Co-Hosts Stephen Horn (Talent and Organization Developer at a BioTech company) and Spencer Barnes (Celebrity Make Up Artist) met two years ago in Los Angeles through mutual friends. The couple are seriously considering having kids and begin their research through us at Daddy Squared. Follow Stephen and Spencer on their journey to parenthood on Instagram, at @stephen_william89 and @spencernarnesla. Our Guest John S. Hesla, MD, is a board-certified reproductive endocrinologist specializing in the treatment and care of patients with endocrine and infertility issues. He joined ORM Fertility in 1999 as co-founder of its IVF program — helping to build one of the first embryology laboratory clean rooms in the world. Dr. Hesla is internationally recognized for his innovative methods for treating infertility, and for his overall tenacity and dedication to helping patients achieve their dream of a successful pregnancy. Dr. Hesla has lived in Portland, Ore., much of his life. He was valedictorian of his graduating class at Sunset High School in Beaverton, and at the early age of seventeen he interned at the Oregon National Primate Research Center (ONPRC) — which drew him to reproductive medicine. Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen, Stephen Horn, Spencer BarnesGuest: Dr. John Hesla, ORM FertilityOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode:Where to Start If You’re A Gay Couple Wanting to Have Kids (Yan Dekel, Daddy Squared)Listen to previous seasons of Daddy SquaredJoin our Facebook groupConnect with us on Instagram

3×05 Couples Therapy Jan 27, 2020

Awkward silences, frequent "jokes" and cynicism for each other - and lack of sex can be signs for a couple to seek therapy. And when you have kids, the distance can be amplified since work/kids take all the focus off of the relationship. As avid couples therapy fans, we turned to Ken Howard, a therapist who specializes in gay men, to discuss some of the elements that are brought up in couples therapy, and how they present themselves in a gay male couple. "When you feel like you don't know what the solutions are, when you feel like you can't get passed your point of you versus your partner's point of view” – That’s what gay men’s therapist Ken Howard advises to look for as an indicator of whether a couple should consider therapy. “I think it's when you get to that 'now what?' feeling," he says, that can lead you to follow your commitment to the man you love and work on the relationship at a deeper level. Lack of sex can also be an indicator that something is off in the relationship. "Although people forget that that's awfully normal in both straight and gay relationships,” Howard says. “My mentor Michael Shernoff who is a gay men specialist therapist for 30 years in New York used to say that 'sometimes a period of hot sex cools into a lifetime of warm sex.’ And I do work with couples who do not necessarily have sex with each other." Howard also teaches his clients 'The Three C's' principles of Commitment, Communication and Compromise. It emerged following years of treating couples and noticing what do long-term happy couples tend to have in common. "Relationships work in four levels,” he explained on Daddy Squared podcast, “emotionally, physically including sexually, domestically-meaning managing a house together which a lot of couples underestimate, particularly manning finance, and a forth one I call 'managing the other,' which means coping with stress in a gay relationship that come from the outside in, a homophobic relative... you know, gay couples have stresses that they have to fend off that straight couples don't have." Our Guest: Ken Howard, LCSW Ken Howard is the founder of GayTherapyLA and has over 27 years experience as specialist in therapy for gay men and gay male couples. He helps gay men overcome challenges, setbacks, barriers, and losses in life, to heal and thrive again, overcome challenges such as depression, anxiety, trauma, job stress, career direction, dating/relationship skills, sexual dysfunction and addictions, as well as building a better relationship with your partner. Ken also teaches graduate courses in psychotherapy practice and LGBT issues at USC. In-person and phone/webcam sessions available. Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuest: Ken Howard, GayTherapyLA.comOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode:Gay Men’s Relationships: Reconciling the Living Room with the Bedroom (Ken Howard, GayTherapyLA)Keeping The Passion Alive (In Marriage) (Sarry Refael, Imperfect Thing Called Love)Listen to previous seasons of Daddy SquaredJoin our Facebook groupConnect with us on Instagram

3×04 Gay Divorce Jan 20, 2020

Marriage Equality means Divorce Equality. Although it's not being talked about a lot, sometimes things just don't work out and you have to break up your marriage. We asked journalist and author Steven Petrow, who often writes LGBT educational editorials in the Washington Post and the New York Times, and a gay divorced man, to talk to us about what it means to have had this experience. There are roughly 646,500 same-sex married couples in the US, according to a 2019 report by the William's Institute. For LGBTQ couples, the odds of breaking up are about 0% to 1.8% annually, which is slightly less than their heterosexual peers, who have a 2% divorce rate. Journalist and author Steven Petrow have recently made his divorce a teachable moment in an opinion article he published on The Atlantic. It turned out that many of his and his ex-husband's friends—straight and gay—didn’t think divorce laws applied to same-sex couples. Fred Hertz, a California-based lawyer specializing in same-sex-family law, had told him that many of his clients are surprised that nowadays there's no separate set of rules for gay couples . A divorce is a divorce. So in retrospective, how does Steve see his divorce? "The best and the fairest way to describe it," he tells us, "as a friend described it to me, if you think of a couple that starts off, think of them as railroad tracks. You hope that they're parallel, and they're going to stay parallel and you'll stay in tandem forever. But if they're just off a little bit, like if the one on the right is bending a tad to the right and the one on the left is bending a tad to the left, well they're close at the beginning but 14 years later they have really diverged a huge amount and you're in different places. And that's how I understand what happened to us." At a time when gay marriage is such a big deal to the community must a gay couple stay married as a symbol of our success? What does it mean that a gay man gets divorced after we worked so hard to get married in the first place? "As a professional who was giving advise to LGBTQ people about their relationships, who wrote a book about gay weddings I did feel a certain sense of responsibility about doing it in an appropriate way and of course I felt huge sadness,” says Steve Petrow in our interview with him. "I did have that conversation in my head as well, and of course when something doesn't work out there's a personal disappointment. As I said to friends, I never imagined in this lifetime that I would be married as a gay man nor did I ever imagine that I would be divorced." Gay Divorce is Part of Marriage Equality Steve wasn’t alone in these feelings and this experience. "Early on people were quietly getting married and many of those - I call them the early marrieds - they ran aground fairly quickly. I think we're now seeing stabilized numbers where in the end the percentage of same-sex couples who divorce will be about the same as opposite sex over time which is to say about 50 percent." So is there anything qualitatively different between gay marriage and straight marriage that may speak to the potential success of such a commitment? This is a good question. We talk in this episode about the opportunity that comes with the novelty of same-sex marriage to establish new patterns in relationships. Will such patterns improve the quality and longevity of marriages? We don’t know. But we’d love to hear your thoughts too. Our Guest: Steven Petrow Steven Petrow is an award-winning journalist and book author who is best known for his Washington Post and New York Times essays on aging, health, and civility. He’s also an opinion columnist for USA Today, where he writes about civil discourse and manners. "Steven has long been an eloquent voice for civility in public discourse, and such a voice is needed now more than ever," editorial page editor Bill Sternberg said in a release. Steven's 2019 TED Talk,

3×03 Fear and Grief Jan 13, 2020

After Losing our beloved dog Koobeh earlier this year, we faced the challenge of explaining death and grief to our kids. When we started working on this season of the show we wanted to create an episode that will help parents who had to experience loss in front of their young children. We found Jesse Brune-Horan, a minister and a grief consultant who faced the worst of all - the loss of a child. In this episode we explore fear and grief, how to move through them and how to deal with our kids' facing them. Jesse Brune-Horan doesn't recommend pushing yourself through your grief. "We're inundated with self help things and material like that that people feel like they have to power through your enlightenment or your healing or whatever it is," Brune-Horan explains, "and sometimes it's not helpful." "I really encourage people to always take the most peaceful path in the moment, whatever that is for you. Sometimes it looks like not dealing with it, putting on your sweats and watching Netflix for the weekend and that's ok," he adds. Deal with your grief when you're ready to deal with it When going through grief and loss, some people experience relief when they are 'giving themselves permission' to be sad. To just stay in the sadness and cry for as long as they need. "When I work with people who are moving through grief there's like big, big piece of permission I give them, like, do your best in the moment, today, what's the most peaceful thing you can do today," Jesse explains. "And when we focus on peace, then whatever it is that's preventing us from feeling that peace will naturally arise. And if we're patient enough then we can sort of look at what's coming up in that moment and we get to choose, like am I ready to tackle that horse yet or am I letting it ride by for now. The good news is, and you have been through enough life to know that, if there's an issue that needs to be dealt with, then it eventually will be dealt with or [it will show up over and over again in your life] and you'll be miserable." "Be a Man" Jesse believes that we as dads should show our kids how we deal with our emotions - especially the 'bad' ones. "A lot of what we were told, what a man is supposed to be and how 'a man' supposed to act - toughening up, not showing emotion, not being sad and all that stuff," he says. "And now we know that it's all bullshit and unhealthy and doesn't really serve anybody. So to allow yourself to express emotion in front of your kid I think it's a brilliant beautiful thing and you should, and you should let them know that it's ok to be sad, it's ok to have these experiences, it's ok to grieve, show them how to grieve." "I think that's the key: the key is we teach through our demonstration. We show them what it is to be sad, what it is to be happy. We show them what healthy boundary is, we show them what love is, we show them what family is." Our Guest: Jesse Brune-Horan Founder and Spiritual Director, Active Love Ministries.Jesse is a celebrated spiritual teacher, writer, activist, and lifestyle expert with over 15 years in the field. He's the co-founder of Inspire Spiritual Community, a Los Angeles based Independent New Thought organization serving the LGBTQ+ community & allies. He served as Spiritual Director from 2013-2019. Since 2010, he's offered hundreds of teachings on spirituality, facilitated retreats, workshops, and group counseling. Jesse leads classes based on the teachings of Science Of Mind, A Course In Miracles, The Way Of Mastery and A Course Of Love. He offers meditation training, meets privately with clients as a spiritual coach, facilitates yearly healing retreats, and offers live teachings. He's a guest-teacher/presenter at various universities in Southern California. As a lifestyle expert, Jesse has co-starred on series for Bravo, The Food Network, and OWN. He was part of the Day Time Emmy winning series, "Home Made Simple".

3×02 Single Dads Finding Love Jan 06, 2020

Daddy Squared is playing matchmaker: When you are a single dad, it seem almost impossible to find time for dating. In this episode we tried to explore the (potential) love life of single gay dads, with Daniel Vandenbark, a divorcee and a single dad of a 7-year-old, who spoke candidly with us in the studio, and with Tammy Shaklee of H4M, a professional LGBT matchmaker. Having to juggle house management, kids and work, some single dads often testify, "I'm comfortable being alone." But sometimes, this 'comfortable' situation is just a result of not wanting the constant filtering through extra noise of trying to find love. We brought Daniel Vandenbark, a single dad and a (gay) divorcee, to the studio and he spoke candidly about trying to date as a single dad. "I sit here and I start pondering, ok is it because I'm 43 now and you reach that certain age when you less willing to deal with this sh*t. I don't want the antics I don't want the silliness, I want someone who has responsibility, professionalism, etc," Daniel said. "I get annoyed with the apps," he added, "because it's the same antics that probably many people here know about so I don't really love the apps. But yet, I hold out hope because [every now and then] you talk to somebody and they're like 'oh, we met on Grindr' so there might be hope." More in this episode: We are dads, not 'daddies,' plus Alex and Greg give tips on how to hit on men in bars, we discuss setting your financial goals for 2020 and of course -- don't be scared of matchmaking! Now is the time to date a gay dad! Guest Host: Greg of @greginla Blog Greg, a single gay man, grew up in the northwest suburbs of Boston in a middle-class family with its share of enjoyment and challenges. He grew up with an interest in biology and a passion for health and fitness. He started weightlifting in college and graduated with a degree in biochemistry. He started his career as a tech and scientist in the biotechnology/ pharmaceutical industry in the Boston area while documenting his fitness and modeling journey on instagram. In 2015, he moved to Los Angeles, CA to pursue a more enjoyable lifestyle as a young gay fit man while his career slowly became more engineering focused and regulation-driven. More recently, his Instagram became better focused on showing others how to live a healthier lifestyle. In 2018, he launched his own lifestyle blog to supplement his Instagram to help others with their fitness journeys and mental awareness to pursue the lifestyle they have dreamt for themselves. Our Guest: Daniel Vandenbark Dezineinc.comInstagram: @dznrdad / @dezineinc Daniel Vandenbark is the founder and principal of DEZINE INC, and works for over 20 years in interior design and branding in Los Angeles. When he isn’t creating beautiful homes for his clients, you’ll likely find Daniel making adventures with his seven year old son. And when you can’t find the two of them in the city - well, they’re probably up in the mountains, regardless of the time of year.“I really love exploring the world through my son’s eyes. It’s fresh, it’s simple, and often entertaining. I look forward to sharing that with someone special again.” On the Phone: Tammy Shaklee, LGBTQ Relationship Expert and Founder of H4M Matchmaking Since founding the national offline matchmaking company in Austin, Texas in 2012, Tammy and her team have successfully paired thousands of LGBTQ clients across the country that were seeking long-term committed relationships. Shaklee's unique process focuses on traditional introductions and dating for LGBTQ singles who are interested achieving relationship success that rivals their professional success. An LGBTQ ally and advocate, Tammy understands the challenges singles face when looking for a suitable mate, as she met her husband through a matchmaking service herself. Tammy and her husband, Clif reside in Austin, Texas where she runs her national company.

3×01 Raising A Positive Child Dec 27, 2019

All we really hope for as parents is that our children will grow up to be not only healthy, but also positive, optimistic people. How wonderful life can be for them if they see and imagine the bright side. We began our third season with some positive inspiration from life coach Scott Cruz, and talked to him about positivity and how to instill it in our kids. We all want to raise a positive-thinking child, right?! According to Scott Cruz, a leading LA life coach, being ‘positive’ is subjective, and it’s only a matter of preference, how would you like to perceive your life? "When people focus too much on positivity they become very judgmental,” Cruz told us in the podcast, “so I would say if we focus on our own personal preferences we just end up being naturally positive." "Negative thoughts will always be there, it's all about teaching [your kids AND yourself] how to use them. For example, self worth or self confidence, let's say if a child is not confident in what they're doing, and they really love, for example, creating art. They're not confident because they're comparing themselves to others. That's a negative thought, but you can use the comparison to build their artistic style or to be more inspired. So they can take the negative feeling about themselves to push them further... so the negative challenges can turn more into self-defining experiences. If people are trying to run away from it or numb it that prevents growth. " Teaching Your Kids Optimism While we argue that raising a positive child has a lot to do with an optimistic way of thinking, Scott thinks that optimism and pessimism can be instilled in a child by their parents, to a certain degree. So those who wonder if the fact that they come from a non-optimistic household will automatically make their kids pessimistic will be relieved to know that being pessimistic is not biological, it's belief structure. By working on yourself and facing your own challenges you can “correct” negativity that was passed from generation to generation in your family. "If your kids are having their own point of view and their inner being is very optimistic,” Scott says, “they’re just going to resist you. I mean, the older they get, the more that they will try to go to [Alex] and less connect with you - because they don't like your pessimistic energy." "If you work on that within yourself you let your children understand that being defeated is not even an option and experiencing failure is just a growth experience, not an end result. You want to tell your children, ‘It's not about what I do wrong or what I do well, it's about, are you allowing yourself to grow from the experiences?’" According to Scott, instilling of positivity and negativity towards life happens at a very early age, "Between ages 1 and 7 the human brain is in fetus state, which means the child is purely observing,” he says. “So maybe [for a 6-month old baby] words don't mean anything but the words are reflections of your energy and your intentions. For example, there's a three-month-old in the crib, and you guys are constantly in distain of each other, the baby feels that energy, of disconnection. But if you're aware of figuring out through your nonsense, even if you're showing distinct toward each other but then you resolve it and they see you resolve -- they're going to pick up on resolution. It's not the argue that was the issue, is about the fact that you resolved that and then back to the same page, team work." Co-Host: Braden Sanford Braden is a blogger and a stay-at-home Dad raising 4 kids under 3… including triplets and identical girls (aka a valiant attempt to retain my sanity…). Braden blogs at doingitdaddystyle.com Our Guest: Scott Cruz Scott is a gifted metaphysical teacher: with 10 years experience as a Life Coach & Clairvoyant Medium. With his gift of insight, he helps those seeking answers related to relationships, career, health, limiting beliefs,

2×14 Daddy Squared Movie Awards! Jul 29, 2019

It was just a matter of time, wasn’t it?! Everyone else has done it so now, introducing, the Daddy Squared Movie Awards. Our season finale this season, will hand a magnificent ‘Gayby’ Statuette in multiple categories of movies for kids of gay dads. No more just 'mommy recommended' stuff! The gay dads community has voted on the best movies for kids and now we give the ‘Gay Dads Recommend' stamp on children's movies. Guest gay dads studio executives judges help us decide who takes home the ‘Gaybys’ in multiple categories. View the categories and nominees. Listen above to find out who won or scroll down to download Daddy Squared Season 2 Cheat Sheet for the full list of winners. Why Are We Doing This? As the number of LGBT families in general and two-dad families in particular grow on a daily basis, we would like our type of families and values to be more visible and represented in kids’ movies. We hope to influence movie studios and executives to consider our community’s opinion and become a significant ‘customer buying power.’ Our Guests Andrew Hotz is the executive vice president of worldwide digital marketing for Warner Bros. Pictures. Hotz previously served as head of industry at Google, managing the relationship between Google/YouTube and NBC Universal, and consulting with the studio and networks on digital marketing efforts. He also worked on Google’s TV ads business and managed its relationship with Procter & Gamble. Hotz began his career in production at DreamWorks Animation. Daniel Leary is the Digital Co-Executive Producer, “The Ellen DeGeneres Show.” Daniel joined the writing and producing team of “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” in 2010 and was promoted to Digital Co-Executive Producer in September 2016. Leary has overseen the creative vision for apps and games, as well as the social platforms and digital strategy for “The Ellen DeGeneres Show,” currently in its 16th season. Leary has earned six Daytime Emmy® Awards for his work on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show.” Leary started his career in stand-up working with The Improv in Hollywood. He then began producing at LOGO creating original series for the network. Daniel currently resides in Los Angeles, CA with his husband, Ben, and his two children. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1WXN1wBu6I Get The Daddy Squared Season 2 Cheat Sheet! Join our mailing list by filling in your name and email and we’ll send you a link to download! #mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } * indicates required Email Address * First Name (function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true); Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuests: Andrew Hotz, Dabiel LearyOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode:"Ooga Boo" Music Video feat. Cher from Netflix's Home AdventuresJoin our Facebook group!

2×13 The Schools Episode Jul 22, 2019

Finding the right school for your kids is difficult for anyone, but gay dads sometimes have to face an additional challenge making sure that the school that their kids go to is open to diversity and inclusivity of LGBTQ parents. How to start looking for the right school for your kids? And how to help your kids’ school be more inclusive? We talked to Steve Disselhorst, an adoptive gay dad and co-chair of Our Family Coalition, an organization that works for equality of families in education (among other things). Our role as a parent is to create a safe environment for our kid at school. Sometimes it requires spending extra time in talking to the teachers, the principle, and whoever provides this environment, to make sure that your class and school are inclusive supportive of same-sex families, and specifically for two-dad families. Especially when it comes to activities at school around days like Mother's Day. "In our house, the month of May is the most difficult month of the year," shares Steve Disselhorst, a coach and consultant, and co-chair of Our Family Coalition. "Mother's Day is real. We live in a culture that really adores mothers. If you look at a lot of kids books there's always a mother figure. So for us, we had challenges with Mother's day. "We had a negative situation that happened, not in kindergarten, but in preschool. They were very open to LGBTQ families, the director was adopted so she totally understood our kids for being adopted, but then came Mother's Day and I went to pick up my daughter the Friday before Mother's Day, and I looked up on the wall and it said, 'what's your mom's favorite to cook,' 'what's your mom's favorite color,' 'what your mom's favorite…' and I was horrified. I was literally in tears and went up to the teacher and said How could you put my child in this position, she can't answer these questions. "So that was a big learning lesson for me. So now when the school year starts and I get a new teacher, during the first parent-teacher conference, [I say to her] we've got 8 months to work on this: what are your plans for Mother's Day and how are you going to include our family, and what do you plan to do and can you share that with me in advance of Mother's Day - and that had worked really well." Regardless of how much we try to protect our kids, bad kids can happen, even in the most accepting schools. In our discussion with Steve, he shared an incident that happened where his daughter was picked on for having two dads and no mom. "The most important thing that I do, I do a lot of it, I talk to my daughter about how it feels for her," Steve says. "'how does it feel when they say that to you,' 'how do you feel that you have two dads,' 'how do you feel that you don't live with your mom.' Those are the things we talk about because I need to help her understand and build the tools because I'm not going to always be there to protect her. She's going to grow, and she's going to change, and maybe at some point she's going to be embarrassed of her dad-gay or straight-being around. "My role as a parent is how do I teach her to understand what she's feeling, how these things are impacting her and then how does she resolve them: either talking to me or talking to her friend or her teacher." "I don't believe in trying to take away discomfort," Steve says, "I believe in trying to be present and witness discomfort--and move through it." Our guest: Steve Disselhorst Steve Disselhorst is a proud husband, father, consultant and coach. He is thefounder of his own firm, which focuses on personal & professional leadership development and diversity, equity & inclusion consulting. Previously, Steve worked as a Diversity & Inclusion Business Consultant for Genentech, a member of the Roche Group. During his tenure, he focused on a leadership development program to advance historically under represented groups to become future senior leaders.

2×12 Daddy, Which Belly Did I Come From? Jul 15, 2019

When you tell your kids the story of how they came to be, is the woman who delivered them identified by a face and a name? That’s a decision that every gay dad has to make when it comes to having kids through surrogacy or adoption. In this episode we explored two ways of keeping in touch with the birthmother (for adoptive kids) or the gestational surrogate (for IVF and surrogacy) as part of gay dads’ children's birth story. Some adoptive parents choose to have an 'open adoption,’ where the child gets to meet the birthmother. Parents who go through surrogacy sometimes keep in touch with the surrogate and have their kids meet her when they are old enough. Relationship with the Surrogate There are some dads whose surrogacy journey ties them emotionally to their surrogate—as a result a lifetime friendship is developed; for others, the relationship with the surrogate dissolves due to distance and… life. Heather Manoijlovic, a two-time surrogate for gay dads and a surrogate coordinator at Circle Surrogacy, spoke from her experience and from the experience of working with other surrogates about the type of relationships and expectations between surrogates and intended parents. ‘Are You My Birthmother?’ Erik Alexander from New Orleans (AKA ‘NOLA Papa’) blogs about his and his husband’s choice to pursue open adoption with their eldest daughter. Despite fears of reunifications (child being returned by a court to the birth parents), the couple were open to the possibility of having their child’s birthmother in some sort of touch with them. When they were matched, it was pretty clear that a large part of the birthmother’s choice was for her child to be adopted by a gay couple. This was not only because her brother is gay, but also, as Ethan Cohan mentioned in the previous episode of our podcast, some women seek to maintain their ‘mother’ status by making sure no other parent will be called ‘mom’ by the adoptive child. Erik and his husband’s adoption process was supposed to take 5 years but was actually completed in 3.5 weeks! In our interview he talked about his fear, his ability to be honest with his daughter and also about what happened when their daughter figured out who her birthmother was. Our Guests Erik Alexander is from New Orleans, Louisiana, and is married to the love of his life, Douglas. Together 11 years, they adopted their 2 beautiful daughters, Alli Mae in December of 2015 (open adoption) and Ella in May of 2017 and their lives have been in hyperdrive ever since. Whether it is baby proofing, parenting hacks or navigating through this crazy world, Erik is excited to share his journey. You can also find his blog at Nolapapa.com"My hope is that through my blog I am able to bury my insecurities, my fears, and my failures- for all to read, in hopes to see my weaknesses sprout and transform into self improvement, resilience, and embrace an unapologetic renewal. My past helped make me who I am today- but who I am tomorrow depends on how I choose to get there, today." Heather Manojlovic is a two time experienced gestational carrier living with her tight knit family of four in Northeast Indiana. Heather has a passion for helping others and loves walking amazing women through the surrogacy process within her role at Circle Surrogacy as a Surrogate Coordinator. Heather's unique perspectives on surrogacy have been featured on Gays with Kids. When Heather isn't advocating for surrogacy she can usually be found enjoying a good Netflix binge and snuggling her Great Dane. Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuests: Heather Manojlovic, Erik AlexanderOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode:Modern Family - Jay learns Spanish is in Season 6 episode 7The Loving Process Behind Our Open Adoption Plan (Gays With Kids)Join our Facebook group!

2×11: Adoption: Myths & Misconceptions Jul 08, 2019

For gay men looking to become dads, the world of adoption sometimes may seem impossible to navigate. There's so much information, so many opinions, stories, and ways to adopt that it may seem overwhelming. In this episode we've tried to lay the groundwork for adoption. A former social service worker, an LGBT specialist in an adoption organization and a gay dad with three different adoption stories had a vibrant discussion with us on the various paths to adoption, on myths, on homophobia – and much more. Download the full, unedited discussion of this episode (53:08) In preparation for this episode, we've searched the internet for common myths among gay men on adoption. Here's what we've found, and what our guests in this episode said about it: Biological parents perceive a gay-dad household as an ‘immoral environment.’ - NOT TRUE (IN GENERAL). According to Ethan Cohan, two-time adoptive dad, some bio moms specifically look for gay dads, just because they feel better knowing there will be no other 'mom' but them.Gay men, and especially gay single men, are being pushed down the list of adoption, and wait more time to be matched. - PARTIALLY TRUE. According to Nitara Frost, Parent Support Specialist for LGBTQ Parents at the North American Council on Atoptable Children, there's some evidence that single parent households are being pushed down the list, especially with foster-to-adopt route. Judges prefer reuniting kids with their biological parents over approving gay men as adoptive parents. - TRUE. There's an overall attempt of reunifications with the birth parents as part of the adoption process, mainly to give the bio parents the opportunity to not give up the child, instead of trying to get the child at a later stage.Some adoption agencies are not gay friendly, even if they don't specify it on their websites. - TRUE. Our guests in this episode recommend to check your adoption agency against lists like HRC or ask other gay dads who worked with this agency to make sure they are as gay friendly as they say they are. Some agencies will not indicate that they are not homophobic, but will discriminate against gay dads. Our Guests Nitara Frost, Parent Support Specialist for LGBTQ Parents at the North American Council on Atoptive Children (NACAC)Nitara Frost has worked for North American Council on Adoptable Children as the Parent Support Specialist serving LGBTQ adoptive parents in the state of Minnesota for almost 9 years. She had also been working Nationwide supporting LGBTQ adoptive and pre-adoptive parents for 7 years. She and her wife are adoptive parents to 5 children. Check out NACAC Staff Page Eufe de la Torre, Therapist and former social worker in Child WelfareEufe (www.eufetherapy.com) is a licensed Marriage and Family therapist in private practice. Eufe has over 25 years of clinical experience working with LGBTQ individuals and couples who are working through relationship or personal issues, including those who are preparing to become parents. Eufe lives in Los Angeles, CA. He and his husband are adoptive parents to two boys who are now 15 and 18 years olds. He can be reached at this email. Ethan Cohan, Adoptive FatherEthan is a partner at the Century City entertainment law firm Del Shaw Moonves where his practice focuses on entertainment transactional law with an emphasis on deal-making and production in television, film and new media. Born and raised in New York, Ethan currently lives in Los Angeles with his family, including their two sons and one dog. If you'd like to speak with Ethan personally please email us Preparing for Adoption Here's a list of recommendations for general preparations to make if you are gay men looking to adopt: Build your support system -- before embarking on the journey it's important to make sure you have family and/or friends by your side, and also people who have been through adoption. Reach out to gay dads group on Facebook or even write to us to g...

2×10 Interfaith Families Jul 01, 2019

How do you raise kids with dads from separate faith backgrounds? Interfaith relationships are not uncommon in the gay community, and with the ‘gaybies’ explosion, some couples choose to raise their kids with awareness of both partners’ religious backgrounds. We spoke to Ferd and Brian, fathers, husbands, and founders of GaysWithKids.com about religion and faith, and building a home where both Christmas and Hannukah are celebrated, though with a clear understanding that Brian’s passion to raise the kids Jewish strongly outweighs Ferd’s interest in Catholicism in their home. “We surely came by dads who have different faiths and traditions and they celebrate them both,” explains Brian Rosenberg, who co-founded GaysWithKids.com, the world's biggest online resource and magazine for gay, bi and trans dads, with husband Ferd van Gameren, “the idea is that the children have a good understanding of the background of both religions and they will get to make their on decisions and choices when the are adults.” Having been together for almost three decades, Ferd and Brian started blending their holidays a long time ago. “We used to be more relaxed about how we spent them,” Brian says. But since becoming dads, they are much more focused on celebrating holidays that hold special meaning for them. “We've been creating new traditions around these holidays that I hope will stay with our kids well into their adult lives.” Our conversation with Brian and Ferd sparked some thoughts about what kind of people, in general, find a partner with a different religious background. “When you are a single person looking for a partner and the religion is really, really important for you, I would imagine that you then primarily look for a partner in the pool of people who have the same religion as you,” says Ferd. We came out of the interview with a realization that men who marry men from other religious backgrounds are open to establish an interfaith household to begin with, just out of love and respect for their partner’s heritage. Nevertheless, Brian emphasizes that religion and traditions should be something that an interfaith couple should discussed as part of the overall conversation and research prior to having kids. “You need to talk about it upfront before you become dads [so you’ll have a vision on the environment in which you raise your kids]. I think that so often in relationships, when they fall apart or where there are big challenges it’s because of a lack of communication, and a subject like culture and traditions should definitely be discussed.” Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuests: Brian Rosenberg, Ferd van Gameren GaysWithKids.comOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode:Interfaith Gay Dads Find Joy in Chrismukkah8 Pieces of Advice for Interfaith Families, from Interfaith FamiliesYan's Favorite Thing: Osem Wafers ChocolateJoin our Facebook group!

2×09 Raising Girls Jun 24, 2019

Do hospitals really give seminars to gay dads on how to clean a vagina when they have a newborn girl? We had to check out this myth and other girl-related issues in a two-dad house hold. We brought on Eli and Ido, a NYC couple with two girls to discuss gay dads raising girls in the age of #girlpower and #metoo. It turns out that in a 'vagina seminar' in hospitals for newborn girls "they basically teach you to clean from the vagina to the anus and never the other way around," concludes Ido Bendet-Taicher, father of two girls and husband of Ido. Not having a women in the house, gay dads may face some issues raising girls that they have to seek education themselves, even if they've been with women before coming out. "One day our older daughter complained she has pain in her chest," reflects Ido, "and she kept complaining, so I had to ask a girlfriend of mine about it and she was the one who told me that girls experience pain in the area before the beginning of the development of the breasts. I didn't know about it." Another interesting thing is that according to the dads, the fact that the girls come from a same-sex family doesn't differentiate the way they play. "You would expect from kids in a same-sex family that when they play with dolls they would play not only mommy and daddy, but they don't do that, and that's really interesting," says Eli. "I told them once, 'you know you can also play mommy and mommy or daddy and daddy,' and they said no, they wanted to play only mommy and daddy." Our Guests: Eli and Ido Bendet-Taicher Eli and Ido live in NYC and have been together for over 15 years, 11 of them as a married couple. Eli is the head of global learning and development at Outbrain, an Ad Tech company, and Ido is the head of professional services at Bizzabo, an event software platform company. Eli and Ido participated in the innovative AOL documentary series Connected, which showed their life as a same-sex family in NYC. Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuest: Eli and Ido Bendet-TaicherOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode:The Bendet-Taichers on a Sprint campaign for 'Connected' (Eli and Ido)Join our Facebook group!

2×08 Father’s Day Episode Jun 16, 2019

It’s Father’s Day and it would be pretty bizarre if Daddy Squared, the Gay Dad’s Podcast, decided to cover China Trade Tariffs or something instead of doing a Father’s Day Special Episode. Usually, we bring on an expert for our topic. Today is no different except that this time we had the ultimate experts in being a gay dad – the dads themselves. Download Father's Day Gift: Gay Divas Coloring Book Back when you first came out, what did you think about having kids? Why do you think you ended up having kids? If there’s one thing you could teach your kids that they’d take through life, what would it be? All that, and memories of childhoods with their fathers, only goes to show how very different gay and straight men are – and how exactly much the same. Happy Father’s Day! Khalil Maghen, Alex's Father (RIP) Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuests: Dylan, Jason, Paul, Scott, SebastianOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode:Dads Are Now Offering Free Hugs at Pride Parade for Kids Whose Parents Rejected ThemJoin our Facebook group!Download the Daddy2 Father's Day Gift: Gay Divas Coloring Book(free)

2×07 Dad Shaming Jun 10, 2019

Almost every dad has suffered some unwanted criticism either on social media or in real life, from people who 'know better' about parenting. Dad shaming is a thing, parents tend to judge other parents, and it manifests itself both on social media and in real life, making dads just feel awful about themselves. As a follow-up to our Pride episode, we talk about the opposite of pride - shame. We brought on Jeremy Hooper, a writer and consultant for GLAAD, who has been dad-shamed before he even left the hospital with his newborn, to discuss dealing with dad shaming, 'momsplaining,' and other forms of criticism. On the eve of publishing this episode we received an email from a person who chose to remain anonymous but made sure he let us know that he had heard one of us asking our kids not to touch every single item on the Starbucks counter and the way we talked to them made him 'concerned that we are beating our children.' Less than a year ago we confronted a mom who literally told us we're bad fathers because we didn't handle a parenting situation like she would. Dad shaming is everywhere, and it happens to almost all of us, and it hurts. Even if we pretend that it doesn't. "I've been encountered a lot of [dad shaming] online," says writer and activist Jeremy Hooper, "when my child was born both Human Rights Campaign and GLAAD posted a congratulatory post about my child being born, and when we were in the hospital with her I got anti LGBT activists on Twitter saying things like 'this is so sad,' 'no mother for this child.' That's just a weird thing to experience when you're feeding a new baby in this lovely little bubble of new life. I've experienced a lot of it that way, and definitely in the online space that's happened to me." Ariel Foxman wrote on O, The Oprah Magazine: "Andy Cohen’s proud-papa pics have ignited multiple firestorms. One scroll through his account, and you’ll see comments like: How could you take a newborn on a plane? How could you place your baby in a crib with pillows? How could you even think of letting your beloved rescue beagle Wacha anywhere near your boy or his toys? How could you compromise your son’s privacy by posing together for the cover of People magazine?" Some feel that dad shaming should be ignored, because we can't get into a fight with everyone who throws a little comment on us. Others feel that we should take advantage and use these 'teachable moments' to 'momsplainers' and other forms of judgment on our path to equality. Which side are you on? We just say: be kind, and think about the person you're judging or commenting to. We're all human. We're all people with feelings, and we all do our best to raise happy, healthy and kind children. Our Guest: Jeremy Hooper Jeremy Hooper is a longtime LGBT rights activist and father. His widely read blog, Good As You, won an number of awards and was a major player in the movement’s more recent fights. Since 2011, Jeremy has worked with GLAAD on opposition research and strategy, devising campaigns to push back against anti-LGBT forces. Jeremy became a father in 2011, and divides his time between parenthood and activism. Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuest: Jeremy HooperOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode:Dear Internet, Please Stop Dad-Shaming Andy Cohen Dads' brains are ready to bond with kids (CNN, 2014)Jeremy Hooper page on GLAADJeremy Hooper attacked by homophobic bloggers Study: Most New Fathers Experience "Dad Shaming"5 Ways to Silence Shame (Psychology Today) Daddy Squared’s Top 10 Healthiest Fruit100% Pomegranate JuiceJoin our Facebook group!

2×06 The Pride Episode Jun 03, 2019

What is Pride? As Pride Month approaches, we wanted to take a look at pride, maybe a little more from the parenting perspective: how can we instill self-pride in our kids - pride for our kids in who they are and in where they come from? We turned to Ariel Foxman, a writer, a journalist and a thinker, to talk about the issue. We hope that our conversation will inspire you. Take Action: Demand a same-sex parent family on Peppa Pig! “I think that what’s interesting about being a gay dad, which I don’t think straight parents necessarily think about. It’s like ‘I can be something that my child may not be,’” says Ariel Foxman. “We’re Jewish, my child will be raised Jewish. Will he stay Jewish? In practice? I don’t know. Will he have the fundamentals of Judaism? Yes, because that’s the house he grows up in. “[my kid] is Hispanic, he will always be Hispanic. I will never be Hispanic but his other father is. So what’s our responsibility in terms of understanding his culture, his heritage where he’s from, where he’s going. My being gay, though, has no bearing on whether or not he will be gay, queer, straight, whatever. So I think there’s a little less pressure about that for me in that ‘you need to know that all people are the same, everyone is different at the same time and that’s ok. You don’t have to worry about having to judge one thing verses the other. Everything is ok.’” It’s pretty clear that these little things we consistently do in front of our children add up. “For me, and I know for my husband, it really boils down to not being judgmental as best we can as human beings and respecting everyone as they cross your path,” says Ariel. “I think it’s probably easier to say ‘take them to museums and read them books and put them in a class and be very, very proud about the things that you are and then be in a household where they don’t treat some relatives nicely, talk about people behind their back, they’re short with the waiter in the restaurant, these things that insulate people and make them feel better or higher than other people “It’s not necessarily what comes to mind when you think about pride or respect but if a child sees that you consistently treat everybody equally, then having pride in yourself is like a no-brainer.” Gay Dads: Show Up At Pride Parades A note to all you gay dads and prospective gay dads about Gay Pride parades and events this month: Many of us might be tired of these things. And especially if we live in one of the super gay cities, we may wonder what, really, is the point? But Alex & Yan are here to ask you to go. Show up. Bring the kids. I can promise that no matter where you live, many, many young people (and some not so young) at the Parade will be secretly asking themselves, “Can my life as a gay man be full? Can it be real?” All of you are the very best answers to that question. Go answer them by BEING THERE! About Our Guest: Ariel Foxman Ariel Foxman is a content specialist working with a portfolio of lifestyle and direct-to-consumer brands. He is also a contributing editor to Vanity Fair and writes a regular column on gay parenting for Maisonette.He has written for Time magazine, Fortune, New York, and The New York Times, among others, and was editorial director of leading fashion media brands InStyle and StyleWatch. Ariel is a frequent speaker on such topics as careers, fashion, and publishing, and is a lecturer at New York University’s Summer Publishing Institute and School of Professional Studies. He's also a board member at GLAAD. Ariel and his husband Brandon live in New York City with their son, Cielo Rimon Foxman-Cardet. Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuest: Ariel Foxman, Journalist and writerOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode:Call Me By What Name (Ariel Foxman / Maisonette)Dana International (Get the subtitles ON)GLAADAnti Defamation League (ADL)Get your Dad Bod t-shirt for Pride

2×05 Transgender Kids May 27, 2019

Here’s a fact: gay parents are much more attentive to their kids’ gender expressions than heterosexual parents. Just from the nature of growing up different, sometimes in an unwelcoming environment, we don’t want our kids to suffer the emotional pain that we went through. This is a partial explanation for an amazing growing phenomenon, where gay couples step forward and adopt transgender youth who were thrown out of their homes. In this episode of Daddy Squared we brought on David Strah, a family therapist from Los Angeles who specializes in LGBT. David is also a father of a transgender boy, and shares from his own personal experience. “It’s sort of a myth that trans people or trans kids come out and say ‘this is the way I am’ at age 2, David explains. “There’re normally a few things that happen or that show up, and sometimes it means that they are going to be trans and sometimes it doesn’t, and sometimes it means that they’re going to be somewhere in the middle. I think it’s about educating ourselves, about being sensitive, about creating a household that’s trans friendly, talking about things, really getting in front of the issues, talking about the gender spectrum - all the differences, and how it is a spectrum and you don’t have to be one way or the other. You can be somewhere in between or you can lean towards being a boy or lean towards being a girl and then another day you can decide to do something different.” Strah thinks it’s really important to listen to our kids and if they’re saying something very clearly, to really respond to that and cooperate with them. “I think that when my younger son, when he was a girl, probably at around 5 or 6, he definitely wanted to wear boys underwear, briefs,” David shares. “So we went out to the Gap and bought boys’ briefs and we were absolutely fine with that. We didn’t really know what it meant but we felt that he was directing that and that’s something he wanted to do so we did it, and at that time, to be perfectly honest, we thought well, he’s got two dads and a big brother so he probably wants to wear underwear like he sees on other people in his family. “There was another time, around Rosh Hashanah, and she needed a new dress. She absolutely refused to wear a dress, she wanted a suit, so we said ok, and went to J. Crew and bought a suit and we said ‘but you have to wear a flower on the lapelle-which was kinda silly in retrospect on our part—but that was a compromise, she was very happy and she looked very chic. “There were also about two years, probably around 9-10, he only wanted to wear board shorts and tank tops to school. I thought that was a little odd, my husband at the time was in fashion, but we went with it. And then a little bit older, around 12, she went to summer camp and then we saw a real shift all of a sudden. She wanted really feminine clothes. She wanted bikinis and clothes from brands that we never heard of. I think she was dealing with the peer pressure at camp at that time so we sent her a bunch of stuff, and for years she was very feminine, she wanted her hair blown out, had her nails done every other week, and then it was kind of like a switch that went on at age 14 and she said ‘I think I’m a boy and I wanna get my hair cut,’ and so we said ok.” David says that he saw a lot of male energy in his child, and thought she maybe would be a lesbian, and that he and his husband were really surprised when their kid said he was trans. “I have really only recently come to the realization that our children are really not here to fulfill our own narcissistic needs,” David says, “and that’s really hard.” “As a parent, I will tell you honestly it was really difficult [for us] and we really did some soul searching. As a clinician, I think it’s really important to have those conversations and if it’s directed by the child then you have to go with it.” David Strah Marriage and family therapist David Strah has two masters degrees in psycho...

2×04 Cooking For Kids May 20, 2019

When you’re a young couple it’s easy to order in or dine out on a daily basis, but when the kids come along, spending time in the kitchen to prepare nutritious and healthy meals for them can become a problem for some dads. We turned to gay dad and celebrity chef David Burtka who just published his debut recipe book Life is a Party, to get some advice, inspiration, and support as we take our baby steps in the kitchen. One of the main things we learned from our interview with David is that healthy eating habits for your kids stem from the way we, the parents, behave and interact with them when it comes to food. “I think that some parents also don’t want to put up a fight and don’t want to argue with their kids so they’ll just make a second meal,” David says. “You know, there’s no option in our house, there’s no second meal. What we’re eating for dinner they’re eating for dinner.” “My kids will eat anything you’ll put in front of them. And I think that there’s a lot of parents that just give their kids jarred baby food, and there’s no salt, there’s no flavor, and of course they’re learning to eat bland so no wonder they just want to eat chicken nuggets and macaronie and cheese. I think that the more we try to expose our kids [to flavors] the better eaters they will be.” For those who struggle in the kitchen, David suggests to start with cooking chicken. “A roast chicken is one of the easiest things you can possibly do,” he says. “All you do is you pat it, you put salt and pepper on it, you put it in the oven, 425 for an hour. That’s it. “You can have it that evening and then you can have chicken for the whole week. And there’s so many things you can [make from it], like soup or chicken pot pie, chicken enchiladas or a chicken salad – which is putting it on a regular green salad. It has endless possibilities. Even with a roast, you can cut half of it and put it in the freezer, I mean, proteins freeze really well, you can put them in the freezer for two weeks and then repurpose it in another way. That’s what I’m always doing.” David Burtka is an award-winning and sought-after host, chef, caterer, and actor. He has appeared on Broadway and in numerous television programs. David studied at The Cordon Bleu culinary school and interned at the acclaimed restaurant Babbo. He has also worked with Cat Cora, Thomas Keller, and Ina Garten. His Food Network special, Life's A Party with David Burtka, aired in 2016 and was awarded a Telly Award and 1st Prize at the New York Film and TV Awards. David lives in New York with his husband, Neil Patrick Harris, and their twin children, Gideon and Harper. Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuest: David BurtkaOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode:The Netherlands Wins Eurovision 2019 (Billboard) [discuss Eurovision with Yan on Instagram!]Our HarvestSwap.comJoin our Facebook group!Download the Daddy2 Season 1 Community Connection Sheet (free)

2×03 Traveling With Kids May 13, 2019

If you feel that after a vacation with the kids YOU need a vacation – you’re not alone! Traveling with kids is not always easy, sometimes we want them to have so much fun, that we forget to have fun ourselves. We brought on Instagram-known traveler and blogger Devon Gibby to share his experience and give us some tips on traveling with kids (and also without!) “A lot of [my traveling] is pretty impulsive,” Devon reveals in Daddy Squared interview, “travel is the way that I express my impulses, like, I booked this flight [to LA] two weeks ago. With the kids is a lot more planning. We follow accounts on Instagram that track flights from Salt Lake City, if we suddenly find a great deal that we can’t turn down, well, we’ll do it.” “I grew up camping a lot, I grew up in a farm in southern Idaho, and so traveling for us was either taking a camper or just tents and finding a place to camp for the night. So I didn’t do a lot of traveling until I was 19, I went on my Mormon mission to Trinidad and Guyana and I did not want to come home. My parents, at the end of my Mission they came to pick me up and we rented a car and drove all around the island, went on some hikes, went swimming in this fresh water streams, it was absolutely gorgeous. We camped on the beach, watched sea turtles lay eggs… I definitely fell in love with traveling then.” Three tips about traveling that we learned from our discussion with Devon: 1. Let the kids pack their luggage themselves- like always, involving the kids creates a sense of control and purpose in them, which makes them more excited and determined to cooperate in traveling and well-behaving. 2. Don’t tell your kids where you’re going until the last minute– the element of surprise is exiting and doesn’t leave too much room for rejections or any unwanted drama. 3. Follow deals accounts on Instagram – it’s an easy way to get deals come to you rather than constantly looking for them Do you have any traveling tips? Let us know in the comments, write us an email or message us on Instagram Our Guest: Devon Gibby Newly single and Proud dad Devon shares his adventures with his two kids to show that no matter what your family looks like, it's worth celebrating. It takes a village, so Devon also highlights other dads and daddies that are playing a positive role in the lives of kids. Episode Credits Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex MaghenGuest: Devon Gibby, Dad 'N DaddiesOpening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy hereArticles Related to this episode:Taylor Swift's ME! -- horrible, really-really-bad cover sung by kidsJoin our Facebook group!Download the Daddy2 Season 1 Community Connection Sheet (free)

2×02 Family Equality May 05, 2019

For our Family Equality Day special we brought on Stan J. Sloan, CEO of Family Equality Council, to speak about the work of the organization and about gay men who don't have kids and would like to connect with LGBTQ families. International Family Equality Day celebrates the diversity of LGBTQ families around the world, and takes place every year on the first Sunday in May. By celebrating International Family Equality Day, Family Equality Council raises awareness among politicians and the general public about the need for equal treatment and recognition for all families, regardless of the sexual orientation or gender identity of their family’s members. To mark this important day of visibility that kicks off Family Equality Week, we turned to Stan Sloan, Chief Executive Officer of Family Equality Council, to talk about the organization's work and how each of us can contribute for the sake of a better future for our kids' generation. “Our research has shown that 77% of millennial LGBTQ people are contemplating having children and 63% of them are actually planning on it, which represents a huge explosion in the decade ahead for LGBTQ families,” Stan says. “The goal of Family Equality Council is that every one of those millennials who wants to plan a family is able to do so. Our goal is to help people no matter where they are geographically, no matter what their income level, live their dream of becoming a parent.” Family Equality Council now has over a hundred chapters spread out across the United States that are doing synchronized activities to raise the visibility of LGBTQ families. "Every time we raise our visibility, discrimination that people are still facing in red states and rural areas gets easier.” - Stan J. Sloan An issue that we wanted to tackle on this family-oriented episode is gay men who don’t have kids and want them, somehow, in their lives. “Those of us who are in our fifties and sixties and seventies, when we were young we never imagined that we would be able to get married, let alone the idea of forming our own families,” Sloan says. “There’s a small fraction of us who pressed for it and they did make it happen but for the vast majority of us it just wasn’t an option, it was not something that we thought about. “For folks around my age there was a pain in feeling we didn’t have that option and ‘excuses’ like ‘I’m too old now’ or ‘I’m too selfish’ were things that we kind of told ourselves to ease our pain a little bit. If I was younger Jan and I would be having a baby, I feel certain of it. And I’m not. No criticism, of course, of younger people who are not having kids, but I’m pretty sure we’d have kids if we were a generation younger.” Family Equality Council’s mission is to advance legal and lived equality for LGBTQ families, and for those who wish to form them, through building community, changing hearts and minds, and driving policy change. One of the most prominent activities of Family Equality Council is Family Week in Provincetown. This is the largest annual gathering of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer-identified families in the world, and will be held this year between July 27th -August 3rd. Registration for Family Week in Provincetown now open Our Guest: Stan J. Sloan A leader in the homeless, LGBTQ and AIDS service communities for over two decades, Stan J. Sloan was named CEO of Family Equality Council in June 2016. Previously, he served as the CEO of Chicago House, a social service agency that provides services to individuals and families disenfranchised by HIV/AIDS, LGBTQ poverty and/or gender nonconformity. Ordained in 1991, Stan is an Episcopal priest. He has a Master’s in Divinity from the University of Saint Mary of the Lake and a Master’s in Theology/Theological Studies from Weston School of Theology. A native of Amarillo, Texas (and a mean cook and margarita-maker), Stan lives with his husband, cardiologist Jan Lopes, and their dog,

2×01 Surrogacy: Can We Make It Cheaper? Apr 26, 2019

Bringing a biological baby into the world can cost $180,000. For twins it can be around a quarter million. The biggest question is: Can we make it cheaper? Through our podcast we have met so many dads in various stages of the parenthood journey. But whether it’s in gay dad Facebook groups or in face-to-face interaction, there’s no doubt that the biggest issue gay dads tackle is the cost of surrogacy. In our season premiere of Daddy Squared we decided to dive into the costs of surrogacy and try to figure out how flexible (downward, we mean) these costs are. The first step for us was to find a surrogacy agency that we can trust and that agrees to be transparent with us on the money issue. Our motto was: no hidden costs. Yan conducted research by asking gay dads in Facebook groups and dads in the community on our Instagram account. In the research, Circle Surrogacy was the #1 agency that dads were happy with in terms of client service and support. We turned to Circle Surrogacy asked to talk about money, and surprisingly (to us) we were answered quickly and warmly. — A quick disclosure: Circle Surrogacy, through this process has also become a sponsor of Daddy SQR podcast, but in our episode they speak generally about options, not specifically about themselves, and their openness has been truly refreshing. According to Sam Hyde, President of Circle Surrogacy, costs can be flexed up or flexed down based on small choices you can make along the journey. Examples include travel costs, surrogate location, egg donor history, etc. “When you’re going through a journey like this there are, unfortunately, quite a few ‘fingers in the pie’ with regard to costs,” Hyde explains, “and I think that what drives confusion sometimes, or anxiety around the costs, is the different parties that are involved.” “To break it down at a high level, there are a couple of big buckets you’ll be looking at when it comes to cost,” Sam says. “The first one that I list, just because of my position, is the agency fee. This is the cost associated with the surrogacy or egg donation agency that will help you and holds your hand along the journey.” During our research we realized that some agencies (Circle, for example) include in their fees all the legal costs as well. Other agencies use an outside fertility lawyer that bills separately, so when comparing agency fees make sure you’re comparing “apples to apples.” “The second bucket,” continued Sam Hyde, “is compensation for the actual women helping you along on this journey. So that’s compensation for the egg donor to go through a cycle to produce the eggs that create the embryos, and compensation for the gestational surrogate who carries the child. “The third big bucket you’ll run into is costs around the actual medical care that needs to be done. You’ll work with a clinic that you’ll pay for the medical work of the journey. “The last big bucket that you’ll run into is about maternity insurance. This is usually a point of confusion for some of our international clients who come from countries with a universal coverage. In the U.S. we need to put insurance vehicles in place for both the egg donor and the surrogate.” Conclusion: In the case of Circle Surrogacy, your surrogacy costs split between two parties: agency and fertility clinic. Here’s your journey and how it splits financially: Stage 1: Embryo CreationAgency ExpensesCircle$9,500Legal Support FeeCircle$3,200Freeze Sperm and TestsFertility ClinicSee BelowEgg donor compensation Circle$9,000Travel CostsCircle$2,500Egg donor legal feesCircle$600Creating embryos for freezingFertility ClinicSee Below Stage 2: PregnancyAgency Costs Circle$27,750Surrogacy Program Costs*Circle$9,200Surrogate's Legal FeesCircle$1,200Arrangement of Surrogate's Local Clinic for monitoringCircle$500Surrogate Travel Circle$2,500Embryo TransferFertility ClinicSee BelowPregnancy feesCircle$46,500Birth+hospital feesInsurance$20,

1×14 GBF: Gay Best Friend (Season Finale) Dec 17, 2018

There are so many things that change from the time you decide you want to become a parent until it happens... and then after it happens. But one of the changes that may not be so obvious is the effect that all of this can have on your social life in general, and especially on close friends. And relationships with your closest gay friends - many of whom often don’t have children - can be a real question. In our season finale we brought on two guests -- each of them is best friends with a gay dad couple, to explore changes in close friendships after parenthood starts. Get the Daddy2 Community Sheet! Download a cheat sheet of what we learned during the first season of Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast, some gratuitous pictures of pretty men, and some ideas to think about. Also, we want to stay in touch with you and build an army of dads (and friends). Fill in your name and email and we'll send you a link to download! [email-subscribers namefield="YES" desc="" group="Public"] A couple of years ago, entrepreneur Leslie Farnsworth, who decided she didn't want to have kids, gave an advise on TODAY for parents who want to remain close with a child-free friend: "talk about your children, because your girlfriend truly does want to hear about your little ones," she said, "but don't get into a long dish session on every detail of your kids’ lives and completely forget to ask your friend what is happening in her world." The internet is filled with advice and information for straight people (and especially for straight women) about friendship after major changes in life, and in particularly staying close when one friend has kids and the other doesn’t. But what about the gays (“But What About the Gays” could be our podcast’s sub-title)? The 'gayby boom' and the daily discourse on same sex parenting has yet to cover this subject, even though this issue is one of the biggest concerns among gay men who wish to have kids: what's going to happen to our social life? What's going to happen to our family-like relationship with our childless gay friends? To open a window to this discussion we brought on not one but two gay best friends, who each share from his personal experience what it’s like staying friends with a gay couple after they had children; what's changed and what hasn't. Scott Bufford has been friends with Alex for 17 years, long before Alex met Yan. Originally from St. Louis, Missouri, Scott lives in Los Angeles and works as the Creative Director for the Television Academy and had previously worked in the art department at Disney. He is currently single. Dwayne Landry has been friends with Richard and Tommy for 18 years, he knew them separately before they met each other. He has been through their child-making process with them up close, and has been in their twins' lives in the past 10 years like family. Originally from Louisiana, Dwayne lives in Los Angeles and works as an IT consultant. Episode Credits: Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen Guests: Scott Bufford, Dwayne Landry Music: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here Join our Facebook group! Download the Daddy2 Season 1 Community Connection Sheet (free) For any questions, comments or advise, please do not hesitate to contact us at hello@daddysqr.com, on Twitter @yanirdekel, or on Instagram Daddy Square: The Podcast is a part of GaysWithKids.com

1×13 Making Babies (Part 2) Dec 10, 2018

When thinking about having kids via surrogacy, the legal part is just as important as the IVF process itself. Making sure that the agreements with the surrogate and the egg donor are set up properly is a solid base for the whole process itself. And then there are issues like legal guardianship and birth certificates that are also crucial for finishing the process with babies that are completely, legally yours. We turned to Fertility Lawyer and gay dad Richard Vaughn of International Fertility Law Group, to set the record straight about the legal steps that must be taken when having babies through IVF. If you're going through the surrogacy path, you're going to have more than just the agreement with the egg donor and with the surrogate. "You would typically have an agency, if you're being match with a surrogate or a donor agency, so you may have two agencies or you can find your surrogate and egg donor at the same agency," explains Fertility Lawyer Richard Vaughn. "You will have written agreements with the clinic, these are usually called Informed Consent Documents. In these documents the doctors need your consent before they proceed, so they should, in writing, explain the procedures, the medications, the risks to those things, the benefits, the goal." "Then you'll have contracts with the donor and with the surrogate, and there's additional legal work that follows after that including guardianship documents and the parental establishment court process." "The analogy to construction or building a house is quite crystal clear because in buying a house you've got escrow and you've got tons of documents that you're signing, some of them electronically, and you just click, click, click," adds Vaughn. "In many of these situations, at least with the Informed Consent Document at clinics it's a lot of stuff that goes over your head unless someone is explaining it to you." Get the Daddy2 Community Sheet! Fill in your email in order to get a link to download! [email-subscribers namefield="YES" desc="" group="Public"] About Richard Vaughn Fertility law attorney Rich Vaughn combined his passion for family formation with over 20 years of experience in business and technology law and founded International Fertility Law Group (IFLG), one of the most successful and best-known law firms in the world focusing on assisted reproductive technology law. Rich is also married to Tommy Woelfel and a father of twins born via surrogacy. Vaughn first studied reproductive and fertility law at Loyola University Chicago School of Law in the early 1990s. In 1993, Rich began providing litigation, contract, technology, marketing and corporate legal services to individual clients, companies and municipalities in Chicago and Los Angeles. During his own experience of becoming a parent via egg donation and surrogacy, Rich discovered a renewed passion for fertility law and launched IFLG, which focuses exclusively on assisted reproductive technology legal services. Since then he’s had the opportunity to help thousands of intended parents from all over the world create families via assisted reproduction. Episode Credits: Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen Guest: Richard Vaughn, International Fertility Law Group Music: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here Join our Facebook group! For any questions, comments or advise, please do not hesitate to contact us at hello@daddysqr.com, on Twitter @yanirdekel, or on Instagram Daddy Square: The Podcast is a part of GaysWithKids.com

1×12 Men Having Babies Conference Dec 03, 2018

In this special episode, we flew to New York City to experience the annual Men Having Babies Conference. MHB provides unbiased surrogacy parenting advice and support for gay men worldwide. The Conference featured parenting options in the USA and Canada, in-depth panels — including on insurance, budgeting, and teen surrogacy children, and an Expo of surrogacy parenting info. In this episode we shed a light on the history and work of Men Having Babies, on the conference and on the Canadian surrogacy option. Did you know? Men's Having Babies' Gay Parenting Assistance Program (GPAP) helps make the dream of fatherhood a wider reality with financial assistance for prospecting parents' surrogacy journey. Click here to find more info Get the Daddy2 Community Sheet! Download a cheat sheet of what we learned during the first season of Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast, some gratuitous pictures of pretty men, and some ideas to think about. Also, we want to stay in touch with you and build an army of dads (and friends). Fill in your name and email and we'll send you a link to download! [email-subscribers namefield="YES" desc="" group="Public"] With over 8,500 future and current gay parents worldwide, the international nonprofit Men Having Babies (MHB) is dedicated to providing its members with educational and financial support community forum. The MHB conferences is organized with the help of prominent LGBT parenting organizations, provide unparalleled opportunities to get unbiased information, access a wide range of relevant service providers, and connect with others going through the surrogacy process. Special interest panels for parents, prospects and professionals include topics such as parenting for HIV+ men, speaking to your children about surrogacy and gay parenting, testimonials from teenagers born via surrogacy, and ethical considerations in surrogacy. This is definitely the recommended first step to take if you are a gay couple considering having biological children. It's definitely your boot-camp to kickstarting your parenting journey. View Men Having Babies' Mission Statement sheet Episode Interviews Anthony Brown, Founding Chairman of MHB Anthony currently is a senior associate at the law firm of Chianese and Reilly Law, P.C., heading its family and estates law division. He has been with MHB since its early days, was appointed as a board member and Secretary of the board of the organization upon its incorporation in July 2012. Anthony has served as Board Chairman since 2013. In 2010, CNN aired a documentary that followed Anthony and his husband Gary's quest for a family of their own. The documentary is titled 'Gary and Tony Have a Baby.' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYIIsdKgZjY Ron Poole-Dayan, Executive Director of MHB Ron has over 20 years of experience in marketing and business strategy development both in the USA and internationally. Ron and his husband Gary are among the first same-sex couples in the nation to father children through gestational surrogacy. Their twins, born in 2001, were conceived with the use of eggs donated by Greg's sister, and carried by gestational carrier. Ron has been the MHB program coordinator since 2005 and was appointed as the Executive Director of Men Having Babies upon its incorporation in July 2012. Frank Nelson, Board Member Frank is a high school teacher working with at-risk youth in Toronto, Ontario. Frank and his husband BJ have a son, Milo, who was born in June 2014 via gestational surrogacy. By some twist of fate, their birth photo went viral, and their surrogacy story was shared around the world. BJ gave an interview for Daddy2 in early 2018 in which he described the aftermath of their famous photo, and raising Milo in an interfaith home. Frank and BJ have written a children's book called Milo's Adventures: A Story About Love, about their surrogacy journey. Frank believes it's important to teach others about surrogacy and to show the world that family is about lov...

1×11 Other Ways of Parenting Nov 26, 2018

So far in our podcast, we mostly interviewed dads who had their kids either through surrogacy or adoption. But there are other ways in which you can become dads. In this week's episode we look at two ways that are often overlooked: Known Sperm Donor, and Co-Parenting. David Dodge, managing editor at GaysWithKids.com is a father of two children, who he had together with a lesbian couple. Though he has no legal rights with the kids, they still call him 'papa,' and his parents go to visit their grandchildren even when he's not around. In our interview, David sheds light on being a Known Sperm Donor. [sbscrbr_form] In our second interview we had Bill Delaney and husband J.R. Parish on a Skype call from San Francisco. They are co-parents of two girls together with a lesbian couple. In the call they discuss this carefully planned (and amazing!) arrangement. Bill and J.R. have also provided us with the sample that they've found and used as base for the co-parenting agreement with their girls' mom (download here) and also created a cheat-sheet of questions and topics that should be discussed upon the decision to go into co-parenting During the episode, we count the ways* in which gay men can currently become dads: 1. Adoption 2. Surrogacy 3. Men who come out of straight partnerships and marriages 4. Sperm Donation (known or unknown donor) 5. Co-parenting *If you would like to add to or comment on this list please write to us at hello@daddysqr.com Our Family Coalition Our Family Coalition (OFC) is based in the Bay Area but is the largest state-wide advocacy organization for LGBT families. They’ve contributed to varying degrees to everything from marriage equality court cases, to getting LGBT inclusive curriculum added to CA’s public school system, to achieving the multi-parent legal recognition that was mentioned on our interview with Bill and J.R. Episode Credits: Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen Guests: David Dodge GaysWithKids.com, Bill Delaney & J.R. Parish Music: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here Articles referred to in this episode: Putting the ‘Known’ in Known Sperm Donor (David Dodge, The New York Times) The Known Sperm Donor (GaysWithKids.com) Top Three Benefits of 'Intentional Co-Parenting' for Gay Men & Couples (Bill Delaney, GaysWithKids.com) 11 Steps Gay Men Should Take Before Co-Parenting With a Female Friend (Bill Delaney, GaysWithKids.com) For any questions, comments or advise, please do not hesitate to contact us at hello@daddysqr.com or on Twitter @yanirdekel Daddy Square: The Podcast is a part of GaysWithKids.com

1×10 Working Dads Nov 19, 2018

It's very much in vogue to talk about "work-life balance." And if ever the question of that balance was most important - and difficult - it's when babies and kids enter the picture. We interviewed Mike Stommel, who seems to have figured this out pretty well, to tell us what worked for him and his family, what didn't, and how it's evolved over time. And as an added bonus, your hosts had a thinly veiled fight on-air about how it's working (or not) for us. What more could you ask for?! View the episode page on GaysWithKids.com “I try to follow routine. I think for us is about trying to find the balance between work life and spending quality time with the kids during the weekdays as well,” says Mike Stommel, founder and principal of Lucky Break PR firm, a hard working dad. "I think that when they were newborns it was much easier. As they get older you have much more responsibility for their activities.” Mike says that after the age of 6 it's really important to keep a balance of trying to put the phone down, put the computer away and focus on “not-in-front-of-screen” activities, like cooking dinner, working with kids on homework or working on after school activities. “My 10 year old is acutely aware of how much time I spend on my phone or my computer,” he says. "I think that for the longest time she’d like to say that I didn’t work, I just stared on my computer all day… and I'm like, 'honey that is work, I work for my computer.’ so I think for her she’s always asking why I’m always working and I feel like when I give her response it sometimes it’s something like my parents would say. (‘you like nice things don’t you?!). I do feel a little bad, I think again It’s finding balance and making sure that I take time off, I disconnect from electronics, I do dinner, I cook dinner pretty much every night, I sit down, do homework with them…” About Mike Stommel Founder & Principal, Lucky Break Public Relations. Mike is a seasoned media professional with nearly two decades of experience leading high-impact PR campaigns for some of the nation’s most established and respected brands. A coastal Virginia native, Mike grew up in a rural area with his parents and three sisters. Following his graduation from Virginia Tech, Mike moved to Los Angeles, California eventually meeting his now husband of 17 years. Mike enjoys a healthy balance of work and family life as a husband, father of two young children, and the founder of a thriving national communications firm. A frequent traveler for both work and leisure, Mike maintains an active lifestyle whether it is hitting his local CrossFit gym or supporting his children on the sidelines of weekend youth sports leagues, enjoying a family day at the beach or riding bikes around Los Angeles. Mike is an avid supporter of LGBTQ causes and is passionate advocate for LA’s homeless youth. Episode Credits: Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen Guest: Mike Stommel, Lucky Break Public Relations Music: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here For any questions, comments or advise, please do not hesitate to contact us at hello@daddysqr.com or on Twitter @yanirdekel Daddy Square: The Podcast is a part of GaysWithKids.com

1×09 Stay-At-Home Dads Nov 12, 2018

Don't mislead yourself: Stay-at-Home parenting is a full-time job - or more. It may be even tougher than the 'traditional' job because there're no days off, no sick days, no Medical, Dental and Vision coverage and no bonuses at the end of the year. Nevertheless, many dads choose to stay at home to take care of the kid(s). Some of them do it out of need to give their kids the 100% care they've always wished for, others do it as a part of a complete change in their life's direction. We spoke with Craig Sauer, who chose to stay at home and take care of his three kids until they were old enough that he could follow his passion of photography and turn it into a business of 3D Real Estate photography. Craig talked about being jobless before the kids came along and what part that played in his committing to be a stay-at-home dad, his full-time daddy job, and the transition to being a WAHD: Work At Home Dad. Craig says that having a stay-at-home dad can result in some guilt in the partner. Therefore, he advices to couples who consider having one of them stay at home to have the roles of each one of them clearly defined before the baby comes. "Not that one person has to do everything," Craig explains, "but it will be easier if one person will be Chief Management Officer of the household. "One of the choices that we made was that I was up all night with the kids, and I was like 'don't be guilty, go sleep. I need you to be able to make your decisions for your job to bring us money, and when I'm stumbling through the day so you'll be able to say hey I think you're boiling the baby instead of the dinner' or something. So going into this with those roles agreed upon and defined was really helpful to us." Episode Credits: Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen Guest: Craig Sauer, Craig Sauer 3D Opening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here Articles referred to in this episode: Most Americans say children are better off with a parent at home (Pew Research Center) The Amazing Journey These Gay Dads Took To Build Their Family (Huff Post) Stay-at-home moms turning into WAHMs (CNN) Daddy Square: The Podcast, Episode 2 'The everyday sexism I face as a stay-at-home dad' (BBC) Do Something that scares you For any questions, comments or advise, please do not hesitate to contact us at hello@daddysqr.com or on Twitter @yanirdekel

1×08 Entertaining Babies Nov 05, 2018

Some of us used to sneak out to mom's closet and try on her shoes and clothes, pretending to be Cyndi Lauper-- this is what 'Entertaining Babies' is all about! How to use our inner (some would say: hidden) creativity during our time with our babies and toddlers. From the moment they open their eyes, bring out the Cyndi Lauper in you in order to stimulate them, create a vibe of music and laughter in the family without leaving your home! This episode is great for the winter season. Unless you are Lord Whatsisface of Downton Abbey, you're gonna have a pretty significant amount of time with your kid(s) from day one. When you're not changing diapers, feeding, bathing (and occasionally crying into your hands in the other room), how will you entertain and engage them during the period of their lives where they absorb the most? We interview Mark Reis, an entertainer himself - and a gay dad - about what he does. And, of course, we have no shortage of thoughts and opinions (oh, the opinions) of our own about what works. Spoiler Alert: The Itsy Bitsy Spider does not come off well in this episode. Go to the episode page on GaysWithKids.com About Mark Reis Mark is an actor, singer, dancer, solo artist, children's author and father relocated to Los Angeles with his partner in 2005 to learn more about adoption and creating a family. In 2008, with the help of Southern California Foster Family and Adoption Agency (now Extraordinary Families) they adopted their son Bodhi. Mark comes from a dance and theatrical background from the University of Utah, and 16 years in New York City as a professional Broadway dancer with credits such as FOSSE, CHICAGO, RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL, JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR, FUNNY GIRL, 42ND ST to name a few. In Los Angeles, Mark's main priority is Bodhi, but still he finds time to remain creative in his work with Disney in the FROZEN Live show at The Hyperion Theatre, performing his two solo 1 Man Shows (Broadway World Award for Best Male Cabaret Performer), performing regionally for The Hollywood Bowl, Music Theatre West, and 3D Theatricals, and teaching tap when the opportunities present themselves. Episode Credits: Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen Guest: Mark Reis, Actor, Dancer and Yoga Teacher Music: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here Articles referred to in this episode: Our Kids and "Gay Music" (Daddy Square blog) Carly Rae Jepsen - I Really Like You For any questions, comments or advise, please do not hesitate to contact us at hello@daddysqr.com or on Twitter @yanirdekel Daddy Square: The Podcast is a part of GaysWithKids.com

1×07 Making Babies (Part 1) Oct 29, 2018

We turned to Dr. Guy Ringler, Reproductive Endocrinologist at California Fertility Partners to get an updated overview of the IVF and surrogacy options for gay men from a medical point of view. Are you too old to have kids? How to find the right egg donor? Is IVF becoming less expensive? These and other questions are answered in this episode of Daddy Square. "The cost [of IVF and surrogacy] is actually going up," Dr. Ringler states during the Daddy2 interview. "It's going up because everything gets more expensive, our Petri dishes are more expensive, the technology gets more expensive actually. And there's such a demand for surrogates that the amount that the agencies have to pay the surrogates goes up. So it's gradually increasing. It's not inexpensive, it's something you have to plan for." "I tell my patients it's somewhere between the cost of a really nice car and a small house in the Midwest." Go to the episode page on GaysWithKids.com Dr. Ringler's 5 Steps to Start Your Family: 1. Freeze sperm in Los Angeles Provide a semen sample for freezing and blood for infectious disease and genetic carrier screening. 2. Select Your Egg Donor Find your ideal donor from a diverse group of candidates. 3. Create Embryos For Freezing Embryos are cultured to the blastocyst stage and frozen. They can genetically screened prior to freezing if desired. 4. Select Your Surrogate Choose and meet (in person or via Skype) the surrogate mother that you would like to carry your child. 5. Embryo Transfer Transfer your embryo(s) into the surrogate. Ten days later is the pregnancy test and the beginning of your surrogacy journey. Terms you should be familiar with: IVF - Stands for In Vitro Fertilization. An assisted reproductive technique that is used to treat infertility due to multiple etiologies including tubal disease, male factor, endometriosis and unexpected causes. PGS Test - Preimplantation Genetic Screening. Testing the embryos to determine if they are genetically normal. Egg Freezing - a revolutionary technique that provides fertility options to delay pregnancy. Egg Donation - One of the most important factors effecting the pregnancy rate with IVF is the egg quality which is directly related to the age of the egg provider. IVF using eggs from a young and healthy egg donor provides embryos of optimal quality and pregnancy potential. About Dr. Guy Ringler Dr. Ringler graduated with honors from the University of Michigan before attending the Wayne State University School of Medicine. He trained in Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of Chicago and completed a fellowship in Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility at the University of Pennsylvania. In clinical practice in Los Angeles for over 25 years, he has developed an international reputation for excellence in all aspects of reproductive care, especially third-party reproduction utilizing egg donation and surrogacy. He was one of the world's first physicians to use assisted reproductive technologies to help gay men having children. Dr. Ringler was awarded a Family Building award from the American Fertility Association for his work, and has been named a Super Doctor by Los Angeles Magazine. He has lectured around the world to help educate members of the LGBT community about family-building treatment options. He continues to work and live in Los Angeles with his husband, architect Mark Rios. Episode Credits: Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen Guest: Dr. Guy Ringler, Reproductive Endocrinologist at California Fertility Partners Music: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here Articles referred to in this episode: Where to Start If You’re A Gay Couple Wanting to Have Kids (Yan Dekel, Daddy Square blog) Get Ready for Embryos From Two Men or Two Women (Dr. Guy Ringler, Time) Men Having Babies: The 14th Annual NY Men having Babies Surrogacy Seminar & Gay Parenting Expo is coming up November 10-11, 2018 Unsung Heroes: Surrogate Mothers to Same-Sex Couples (Dr. Guy Ringler,

1×06: Pets and Babies Oct 22, 2018

Dog and cat lovers! This one is for you: babies and puppies are a winning combination for cuteness, but it’s a hell of a combination to keep them all happy and healthy. This week we talked to Mark Hiebert, Medical Director at VCA TLC Animal Hospital in West Hollywood, about our pet-babies, about introducing a new baby into a house with pets, and - of course - about health and safety of our babies and puppies. Chocolate is not as toxic as you might have thought! Veterinarian Mark Hiebert blows up the chocolate-myth and says that it’s dangerous relatively to the dog’s weight and would require a whole lot more than you might think to do harm! Go to the episode page on GaysWithKids.com “Chocolate is not toxic in itself much more for your pet than even for you,” the veterinarian confirms. “The problem is - and the type of chocolate is very important, so let’s pick milk chocolate - the toxic dose is about an ounce per pound. This means that you have to eat a certain amount before it affects you. If I ate 164 ounces of milk chocolate I would be really ill. So if you dropped a chocolate chip on the floor – don’t panic. But don’t wrap your solid dark chocolate bar and put it under your Christmas Tree because the dog will smell it, they’ll eat the wrapper and the chocolate and they will need to come see me in the ER.” What is more concerning to veterinarians is consumption of raisins and grapes. “Raisins and grapes were banned from my house when we had dogs,” Dr. Hiebert says. “They can potentially be fatal. Even a tiny box of them for a medium-sized dog can potentially cause kidney failure. The same with grapes. Another thing that people don’t know about is the sweetener Xylitol. It’s in many sugarless gums; it’s in a lot of sugar-free gummy bear type things. It’s very safe for people and in diabetics it’s a very common sweetener. Very little [for dogs] can potentially cause liver failure, low blood sugar and so forth.” The Pet Food Industry is Insane “You’ve probably seen the ‘grain free’ symbols on dog food. It’s not nutritionally driven. it’s not under AFCO which is an organization that looks at nutritional quality for pets,” Dr. Hiebert reveals. “It started out as an advertising gimmick by one company. They put a grain-free logo on their bag and it soon took off and now the general population believes that ‘grain free’ has come from somewhere [because dogs are supposedly wolves and wolves eat meat].” “[Dogs] are no more wolves than we are our predecessors thousands of years ago. So genetically through selection, what wolves eat and what our pets eat is a little different. But there’s a whole marketing ploy, I mean, the pet food industry is insane. What you feed your dog is as controversial as what religion you are.” Protecting your Kids by Protecting Your Pet “For parents who have young children I really swear them away from [dogs’] raw diets,” Dr. Hiebert says, “because of the risks to human health. The Center for Disease Control has information on it’s website about feeding raw food diets to your pets because of the type of pathogens that are in the raw foods. Salmonella would be an example.” “Everybody washes their food and vegetables before they give them to the kids but they are not worried about the child going over and petting the dog. So if the pet has Salmonella in the stool and they’re going in the back yard, in the grass, the environment may have Salmonella organisms. That’s just one example. There are also other types of parasites that dogs and cats can get that can effect children so those would be things that I talk about with people with children. I try to address routine intestinal parasite control, flea control, things like that.” About Mark Hiebert Dr. Hiebert's family had a menagerie of pets and farm animals in northern Canada. After the first time their veterinarian came to their farm to examine one of the cows, Dr. Hiebert decided that he wanted to become a veterinarian too.

1×05: Single Dads Oct 15, 2018

If you think parenting is hard for a couple, imagine what it’s like to be a single dad. This week we talked to Calvin Fleming, a gay, single dad and the owner of Public Relations and Marketing company, about work-life balance, raising two kids by himself – and, of course, about dating. “There was a point where I did consider opening myself up to dating, but after the adoption was finalized I started to open myself up to it and I went on Ok Cupid or Match and went on a couple of dates,” Calvin reveals. “You get the guys where you end up talking about the kids more and then you’re like ‘wait, which one of us do you want to date?’ and then you get the guys that are super cool that I have kids and they tell you how they already have Disneyland annual passes and they are ready to [get married]. It’s not a good path.” Nevertheless, Calvin says he remains open to dating but "I proceed cautiously. Right now I’m actually happy being single,” he says. No matter what gay couples think, the hardest challenge that single gay dads face is work-life balance. “I do work for myself so it makes things a little easier, because my schedule can be more flexible,” he says, “especially with the foster-adopt process, it takes time because you have a lot of meetings with social workers and therapists so you have to be flexible. I don’t understand how people with full-time jobs can jump in and out on a whim.” Speaking extensively on the foster-adopt path, Calvin advises to drop your prejudices about the biological parents who give up kids for adoption. “A lot of the time bio families in the adoptive world are seen as bad but they are not always bad,” he explains. “There are a lot of biological families that have good intentions but they know what boundaries they need to set for themselves (financial and realistic).” Also, Calvin finds it valuable to connect with gay single dads. “I find joy in meeting other single dads because it’s good to have something in common with other dads,” he says. Click here for the single gay dads group on Facebook About Calvin Fleming Calvin Fleming has more than 22 years of experience leading PR and marketing outreach on behalf of major consumer brands, start-up companies, cause-related marketing initiatives and government public education campaigns. Based on his wealth of experience, he’s able to bring together diverse teams to help clients meet their specific goals – collaborating with Spanish and multilingual media experts, social media and web developers, event planners, video production companies and other specialists. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdfXsMb3agU&t=23s Episode Credits: Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen Guest: Calvin Fleming, GoodPR Music: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here Articles referred to in this episode: Gay Dads Group on Facebook For any questions, comments or advise, please do not hesitate to contact us at hello@daddysqr.com or on Twitter @yanirdekel

1×04 Dad Groups Oct 07, 2018

Interactions with other gay dads benefit both the dads and their kids: The dads can hang together and openly discuss -- y'know -- gay stuff, and the kids grow up witnessing other families similar to theirs. On this week's episode we tackle gay dad groups with John Ireland, the president of Pop Luck Club, the biggest gay dad group in LA. Ireland, who adopted four kids (and fostered another 2) also discusses fostering and adoption as a part of the Raise A Child program that grew out of Pop Luck Club. Last but not least, a big message to gay couples thinking about becoming parents: you are already a member of the gay dads community. Starting your own support group of gay dads in your city is much less complicated than what you might think. “I am surprised how easy it is to start an grassroots organic [group] like this," says John Ireland, the president of Pop Luck Club, "because if there’s a need people will show up.” “Find a tree in a park, put out some blankets, bring on some food and then get it into the paper somehow so people understand that’s what you’re doing. Put up a sign, talk through local networks, coffee shops, flyers. I am constantly surprised how many people there are who want to start families…you have to be creative to get the word out.” You can also write to us and we’ll help you set up an online structure. We also invite gay couples thinking about becoming dads to become part of our community. We don’t want people to feel they only become 'real' when they have children. “I think it’s very important to always create a safe space for people without kids," John says. "Every email we ever send reminds them, this is also very focused on prospective parenting, when we march every year in the gay pride parade in west Hollywood, half of the group doesn’t have kids. I want people to understand that we’re on a path, you’re not just become a member when you get your child because the reality is it can take a while and sometimes it takes much longer than you anticipate.” Remember: parenting is not as easy for some people as it is for others. This is why it's important to become each other's support group. Tips and Recommendations Discussed in This Episode You can start your own gay dads group with as little as two dads (or sets of dads), and build from there. Get on a WhatsApp group and add new dads as you meet them. 2. Find a tree in a park, put out some blankets, bring on some food and then get it into the paper somehow so people understand that’s what you’re doing. Put up a sign, talk through local networks, coffee shops, flyers. 3. If your kid refuses to do something (for instance: go to school), shoot a "photo diary" by documenting the process and send it to Shutterfly to create a book. When the process becomes a story it can be easier for your child to get used to that process). 4. In order to avoid conflict with toddlers it's not a crime to sometimes give a vague answer, like "maybe later," or "let's do that other thing first and then we'll see." The answer doesn't have to always be a defined "Yes" or "No." Episode Credits: Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen Guest: John Ireland, President, Pop Luck Club Music: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here Articles referred to in this episode: Virginia Mom Warns Parents After 'Perfectly Healthy' Toddler Nearly Dies From Teething Gel (People Magazine, 3/8/2018) 10 Infant Deaths May Be Related to Teething Remedies, F.D.A. Says (The New York Times, 10/18/2016) For any questions, comments or advise, please do not hesitate to contact us at hello@daddysqr.com or on Twitter @yanirdekel

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