Crown Jewels

May God Save The Betch Aug 31, 2023

For this episode, Samantha and Lex start off with an update. While we will no longer be producing weekly episodes of Crown Jewels, stay tuned for breaking royal news in the future. For this week’s Tea & Crumpets, they start some “polite conversation” about how the royal kids are not allowed to eat with their parents during holidays and official dinners (it’s giving kids table at Thanksgiving). While they banish their kids to eat alone, the royal family has welcomed Prince Andrew and Lady Susan Hussey back with open arms. Then, they Make It Reign on the Kardashian/Jenner family after the photo of Doria, Kris, and Kim was released. The duo closes out by guessing how much Princess Charolette is worth before naming the Spotted Dick of the week. Until next time, may God save the Betch.

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Our 2024 Monarchy Predictions Aug 24, 2023

Prince Andrew is a long-term problem? Yeah, duh. This week, Sam and Lex start off by agreeing with the royal family, who confess that Prince Andrew is seen as a bigger concern than Harry and Meghan. Then, they report on the absent Prince William and Harry’s not so absent hairline. They Make It Reign on the royal summit, or what the corporate girlies call an ‘off-site’. During this royal summit, King Charles will discuss his vision for the monarchy in the coming years, so Sam and Lex throw their own ideas into the mix. To close, they play a game of Mail or Fail before dubbing the Spotted Dick of the week.

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Royal Raves & TikTok Trends Aug 17, 2023

The 2023 Invictus Games are officially in full swing, and Lex and Samantha are very excited to see Harry in his element. But first on the menu for Tea & Crumpets, a report was released stating that Meghan and Harry are the most talked-about couple on TikTok, but the conversations around them are trending negatively. Then, they delve into news about the royal couple across the pond, making it clear that Wills and Kate’s recent activities have been somewhat unusual, as they’ve both been spotted attending clubs and 24-hour festivals. To close, they play in a game of Mail or Fail before naming the Spotted Dick of the week.

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The Dos And Don’ts Of Royal Etiquette (Ft. William Hanson) Aug 10, 2023

On this episode, Samantha and Lex are joined by royal etiquette expert William Hanson (@williamhansonetiquette), who lent his expertise to the upcoming film Red, White, and Royal Blue. They serve up this week’s Tea & Crumpets, starting with the removal of Prince Harry’s HRH title. Then, what’s really going on in the House of Sussex, and why were they the subject of so many gossip mag headlines last week? And finally, Archewell has bought the rights to bestseller Meet Me At The Lake, with plans to adapt it into a feature for Netflix. Next, they ask William to Make It Reign on his etiquette pet peeves, and get all their burning Red, White, and Royal Blue questions answered. They close with some American vs. British etiquette, and find out if Brits really do think Americans smile too much.

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Harry Is Back In Court, But Out Of Office Aug 03, 2023

On this episode, Samantha and Lex serve up this week’s Tea & Crumpets featuring Wills and Kate honoring rangers, King Charles and Camilla’s summer plans, and Harry being left out of his own company’s update. They double down on Prince Harry and Make It Reign on the recent setback in his lawsuit against The Sun, due to not providing timely evidence. They close by finding out what new position opened at Buckingham right before agreeing on this week’s Spotted Dick.

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Archewell’s Update Admist The Divorce Rumors Jul 27, 2023

We had another royal birthday this week! Samantha and Lex wish Prince George a happy 10th birthday (even though it’s making us feel old). They jump into Tea & Crumpets with some updates: One is about the Archewell website announcing their support of the not-for-profit organization, Equimundo, as well as an update to Sarah Ferguson’s Instagram, where she sends best wishes to her “little lion cub.” They Make It Reign on the divorce rumors surrounding Meghan and Harry. While they are taking these with a grain of salt, one has to wonder why more trustworthy publications are getting involved. The episode ends with guessing what our favorite royal author is up to, followed by naming the Spotted Dick of the week.

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The Royals Hold Court At Wimbledon Jul 20, 2023

At the beginning of the episode, Lex and Samantha wish Queen Camilla a happy birthday this week! Then, for Tea & Crumpets, they discuss Wimbledon and the Royals who attended, before questioning the Queen’s revoked allowance and President Joe Biden’s visit to the UK. After the news of Harry and Meghan’s docuseries getting snubbed by the Emmys, they Make It Reign on Netflix and their lack of support. To conclude, they examine how Prince William is getting around before finding it difficult to name the Spotted Dick of the week.

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Sweaty Smooches + Separate Beds Jul 13, 2023

We’re all about PDA this week! Samantha and Lex kick off Tea & Crumpets with a hearty serving of affection with Wills and Kate’s polo kiss. Then they discuss Lilibet’s covered face in paparazzi photos and Princess Charlene honeymooning apart from Prince Albert. Next, they Make It Reign on Buckingham Palace, because who would want to live there? Actually... we would! To wrap up, they speculate on the secret to the King and Queen’s marriage before crowning this week’s Spotted Dick.

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Harry And Meghan Are Reportedly All Smiles, But What’s The Real Tea? Jul 06, 2023

This week, Samantha and Lex catch up on the Kyle and Mauricio separation announcement before jumping into Tea and Crumpets: King Charles receiving the (replica) Scottish Crown Jewels, Kate securing her fashion icon status, and Prince Harry missing his best friend Jack Mann’s wedding for reasons still unknown. Then, they make it reign on the shady coverage of Harry and Meghan’s so-called "eviction" from Frogmore cottage, and discuss symbiotic celeb/paparazzi relationships. To close, they guess an £11m-per-year Mail or Fail and name this week’s Spotted Dick.

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What’s Next-flix For The Suxxess? Jun 29, 2023

Are Meghan and Harry ready to Netflix and chill? Or just chill? This week, Samantha and Lex serve up some Tea & Crumpets about Sarah Ferguson’s recent procedure and Prince William’s 5 year plan to end homelessness. Then, they make it reign on Meghan and Harry’s recent flop eras, first with Spotify and now Netflix. They were issued an ultimatum… no work, then no pay. To close they play a round of Mail or Fail before naming the Spotted Dick of the week.

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Archetypes Got The Royal Treatment Jun 22, 2023

There’s much to discuss this week, so Samantha and Lex jump right into this week’s Tea and Crumpets about the new “slimmed down” monarchy and Prince William breaking his silence on his brother. Then, they make it reign on the news that Archewell Audio and Spotify have mutually agreed to part ways. Was Bill Simmons correct when he called them “grifters”. To close, they guess the Bethenny Frankel comparison in a game of Mail or Fail and name this week’s Spotted Dick.

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The Battle Of Royal Lodge Jun 15, 2023

In this week’s episode, Sam and Lex dive into the scandalous love triangle surrounding the 30-room mansion, Royal Lodge, in Windsor Great Park. With William now in the picture, things are heating up. King Charles is making headlines by deciding to ride on horseback for Trooping the Colours, and they can’t help but be obsessed with the sheer ridiculousness of it all. They Make It Reign on Andrew and Fergie, who are accused of squandering Eugenie and Beatrice’s chances at a larger royal role. To close, they end on a round of Mail or Fail and dub the Spotted Dick of the week.

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Prince Harry Takes The Stand Jun 08, 2023

Samantha and Lex start off this episode with a big “Congratulations” to Princess Eugenie and her new baby boy, as-well-as to Crown Prince Hussein’s happy marriage. Then, they Make It Reign on Harry’s return to court, recapping the 5 hours he spent on the witness stand. With the cross examination still to go, they guess what questions will come out. They end the episode by naming the Spotted Dick of the week.

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Is The Daily Mail Kate’s Biggest Stan? Jun 01, 2023

To start off this episode, Samantha and Lex notice that the front page of the Daily Mail is quite pro Kate Middleton, has the Princess of Wales won them over? Then they serve us this week’s Tea & Crumpets about Buckingham rejecting the request to return Prince Alemayehu’s body to Ethiopia, and address the rumor that Harry and Meghan might be returning to the UK. They Make It Reign (literal tears) recapping the Queen Charlotte series and close with a game of Mail or Fail and Spotted Dick.

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King Charles’ Self-Care Routine May 25, 2023

We’re looking at you today, Harry! In this episode, Lex and Samantha are taking a closer look at some of Harry’s recent actions, and debate if they are justifiable. But first, they look to Transylvania… why? King Charles has decided to take some RNR there after his very stressful coronation weekend. They turn back to Harry and Make It Reign on his recent “car chase”. Why would his team exaggerate this situation? To close out, they finish on a game of Mail or Fail and name the Spotted Dick of the week.

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The Coronation Report Ft. Elizabeth Holmes May 18, 2023

In this episode, Samantha and Lex bring on NYTimes Best Selling author and royal style expert Elizabeth Holmes, fresh from her time at the Coronation. They delve into the nitty-gritty details about her firsthand Coronation experience, the mesmerizing procession line, and the drama that unfolded. Was Wills and Kate actually running late? What did the Aquazzura heels really mean? Listen to find out!

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EXTRA EXTRA Crossover: How Much Wealth Do The Windsors Have? May 12, 2023

In this Extra Extra crossover episode, Sami Sage looks to the “scaled back” coronation of King Charles to unravel the broader financial web supporting the royal family. Which ancient arrangements and stolen assets keep the royal family’s checkbook balanced? How many billions is King Charles worth? We look for the source of the royal family’s wealth and the colonial origins of the “crown jewels.”

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The Coronation Weekend Recap May 11, 2023

The wait is finally over! In this episode, Lex and Samantha are proud to announce the new King and Queen (yes, just Queen) of England. They will cover every controversy, rumor, meme, and mishap that took place over the long awaited weekend. Don’t worry, they couldn’t end without a round of Mail or Fail where they guess to see if anyone secretly attended the coronation ceremony.

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The New "Slimmed Down" Monarchy May 04, 2023

This week, Buckingham palace goes into an emergency lockdown, Charles has started hiding his much-maligned fingers, and Thomas Markle is looking for attention wherever he can get it. Samantha and Lex serve up some Tea & Crumpets with Princess Anne’s comments on a “slimmed down” monarchy, the internet rumor about Prince William's alleged secret love child, and Harry flying solo to the coronation. Then, they Make It Reign on Meghan Markle, in honor of her recent signing with WME. And finally, a round of Mail Or Fail about coronation crowds, and the Spotted Dick of the week.

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Prince William's Secret Settlement, & Meghan Hits Back Apr 27, 2023

On this episode, Samantha is joined by Betches own Dylan Hafer to share his thoughts on the recent Royal happenings. First up, they discuss Fergie’s defense of Prince Andrew and the public’s opinions on his royal status. Is Fergie making him look better or worse? They dive into the secret payment made to Prince William by Rupert Murdoch’s media company, and what this means for the royal family’s relationship with the media mogul. And of course, they couldn’t forget about the psychic goat named Billy who has made some interesting predictions about the future of Harry, Meghan, and William. Plus, they play everyone’s favorite game, Mail or Fail, and named the Spotted Dick of the week.

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Coronation Updates: Harry’s In, Fergie’s Out Apr 20, 2023

With King Charles’s coronation two weeks away, the dramatic updates are rolling in. Samantha and Lex start off Tea & Crumpets with reviewing the updated guest list and announcing the American Idols that Charles chose to perform. Then, they Make It Reign on the “built up resentment” that Kate Middleton has against Meghan Markle - the British media pitting women against each other… How original. Finally they close with a round of Mail or Fail and name their Spotted Dick of the week.

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Harry's Revoked Visa + Kate Shames The Family Apr 13, 2023

Samantha and Lex are coming out of Easter weekend with a heaping serving of Tea & Crumpets. This week, they decided if Kate wearing red nail polish, in fact, destroyed the royal dynasty and pondered why King Charles let Prince Andrew in the royal Easter outing at all, let alone right on his heels. Then, they Make It Reign on the 54% of US adults who think Prince Harry’s visa should be revoked, due to his drug use. To close out they try and guess which movie franchise Prince William and Prince Harry made an appearance in, right before naming their Spotted Dick of the week.

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CORONATION ALERT: Harry’s In… Meghan’s Out Apr 12, 2023

Breaking news… Harry is officially coming to the coronation, and he’ll be attending solo. Lex Niko & Samantha Bush are here with an instant reaction to the Buckingham Palace announcement today confirming that Meghan will stay home while Harry heads to the coronation service at Westminster Abbey in early May. They talk all about the pictures we will (and won’t) get, how Harry’s presence will play into the procession, and whether or not this will be a reconciliation for more than one member of the family. Finally, they talk about how the family came to an agreement with Harry to have him attend, and who it benefits the most from this arrangement.

Check beck tomorrow for another brand new episode of Crown Jewels!

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Let’s Compare The Royal Couple’s Compatibility Apr 06, 2023

Even the royal family can’t escape tax season. On this episode, Lex and Samantha start off reporting that the non-profit run by Sussex’s paid over $100,000 to a public relations firm. They continue the Tea & Crumpets topics by discussing King Charles’ Portrait that costs taxpayers 8 million pounds, and Harry’s return to London to attend court for his ongoing case against Associated Newspapers (we’re looking at you Daily Mail). They Make It Reign this week on the whole royal family by diving deep into their zodiac signs to see if stars truly do align. They finish with a round of Mail or Fail and they choose their Spotted Dick of the week.

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Daily Mail Hate + The New Lord In Waiting Mar 30, 2023

Samatha and Lex begin this week’s Tea & Crumpets in Monaco, to address the long standing marriage rumor circulating Prince Albert and Princess Charlene. They move on to the string of Daily Mail articles attacking Queen Letizia of Spain for rocking a silver streak and Meghan Markle for her lifestyle website, Tig. Then, they make it rain on King Charles and his new Lord In Waiting, David Cholmondeley. Now if you’re thinking “who the f*ck is that?!“, let’s just say Charles and William like to hide people in plain sight. They close with a game of Mail or Fail and name their Spotted Dick of the week.

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The Sussex’s Coronation Conditions + Trump’s Royal Letters Mar 23, 2023

The filming of The Crown’s final season is underway at St. Andrews and Samantha and Lex reminisce on their favorite William and Kate moments. Tea & Crumpets continued with reviewing Harry and Meghan’s three conditions to attend the coronation and Princess Anne’s attempted kidnapping in 1974. Then, they Make It Reign on Donald Trump after learning he will be releasing letters he received from Princess Diana in his new book. They ended with a game of Mail or Fail and naming the Spotted Dick of the week.

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A Royal Wedding, A Hen Party, & An Inheritance Mar 16, 2023

We’ve got our first royal wedding of the season! This week, Lex and Sam kick off Tea & Crumpets by sharing details from Princess Iman of Jordan’s stunning wedding. They go from the wedding to the hen party discussing Sarah Ferguson’s interview about Diana on her bachelorette and share their thoughts on the newly announced Prince Archie and Princess Lilibet official royal titles. They Make it Reign on King Charles’ giant royal inheritance and whether he’s got any handouts coming to his brothers and sister. And finally they close out with a game of Mail or Fail before naming their Spotted Dick of the week.

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The Rules Of The Royals + The Frogmore Saga Mar 09, 2023

Are there different rules for different royalty? Lex and Samantha start off this week’s Tea & Crumpets by reading off the laundry list of rules monarchs across the globe are required to follow, the Sussex’s e-vite to the coronation, and Harry’s therapist interview. Then, they Make it Reign on the Frogmore saga. Was this all a ploy to get Andrew out of Buckingham Palace? To close, they play game of Mail or Fail before dubbing this episode’s Spotted Dick.

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The Coronation Loses An Act, But Gains A Queen Mar 02, 2023

Samantha and Lex are back and so is Meghan? They begin by announcing Meghan’s surprise return to Instagram to give her coffee brand a boost. Then, they serve up this week’s Tea & Crumpets in which Courtney Cox confirmed she did NOT give Harry mushrooms (so don’t trip), more artists have declined performing at the coronation, and Prince Harry’s surprise ‘Spare’ event. They Make it Reign on Queen Consort Camilla, or will it now be just Queen Camilla? To end they guess which Sasha Walpole headline is real in a game of Mail or Fail before crowning this episode’s Spotted Dick.

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Andrew’s Financial Savior + Adele’s Coronation Invitation Feb 23, 2023

Welcome to the Monarch Cinematic Universe. This week, Lex and Samantha report on Princess Eugenie’s LA outing, while her father (Prince Andrew) found his new 'financial savior'. They Make It Reign on the coronation with another concert update and “Rumor Has It” Adele turned down her royal invitation. Then, they guess if George, Charlotte, or Louis have the largest net worth in a game of Mail or Fail, right before they choose the Spotted Dick of the week.

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Sasha & Samantha’s Fifteen Minutes Of Fame Feb 16, 2023

Lex, Samantha, and their fellow Bowlers start by wishing Camilla a speedy recovery. Then, in this week’s Tea & Crumpets, they review Sasha Walpole’s interview with Piers Morgan and question the “evidence” Prince Andrew thinks will clear his name. They Make It Reign on Samantha Markel’s lawsuit from March 2022, accusing Meghan of “defamation and injurious falsehood”. To finish up, they play their favorite game of Mail or Fail and name the Spotted Dick of the week.

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Eugenie’s Megxit & Harry’s First Shag Feb 09, 2023

We have yet another royal running for the hills… Hollywood hills. This week, Lex and Samantha reveal that Princess Eugenie and her husband may follow Meghan and Harry to California after the birth of their second child. Then, they Make It Reign on Sasha Walpole and her 15 minutes of fame claiming to be the first one to roger Harry's todger. They end by playing a round of Mail or Fail and choosing this week’s Spotted Dick.

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Archewell Exodus & Andrew’s Eviction Feb 02, 2023

Prince Andrew isn’t the only one being shown the royal door this week. On today’s Tea & Crumpets, Samantha and Lex tell us all about the Archewell execs who parted ways with Harry & Meghan, Alan Cumming returning his OBE, and Prince Andrew’s sizable teddy bear collection. Then they Make It Reign on King Charles finally making the decision to evict his brother from Buckingham Palace. To close things out, they play a round of Mail or Fail and pick their Spotted Dick of The Week.

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Royal Drama Goes International Jan 26, 2023

The Brits aren’t the only royals with family drama. On this week’s Tea & Crumpets, Samantha and Lex start us off with Kim Kardashian’s purchase of Princess Diana’s Attalah Cross necklace, update us on the coronation’s 3 day party line up, and the former king of Greece’s passing. They leave the U.K. behind and Make It Reign on Denmark’s Durek drama, Thailand’s crop top king, and Spanish Monarchy’s very tangled family tree. To close out, they play a game of Mail or Fail and nominate a very surprising Spotted Dick of The Week.

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Prince Harry’s Burn Book: Spare Review Part 2 Jan 19, 2023

The gift that keeps on giving! This week, Samantha and Lex are back to dig even deeper into Spare with the help of Betches’ own Sami Sage. Together, they discover that a second date to Botswana isn’t as original as Meghan thinks, note the rising “todger” count, and critique the now-infamous line “she didn’t know and I didn’t tell her”. After Sami takes off, they Make it Reign on Harry’s paranoia, suspicion, and his ongoing battle with the paps. Then to close things out, they try their hand at Mail or Fail and call out their Spotted Dick of the week. We’ve only skimmed the surface of Spare so come back next week to hear more.

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Prince Harry’s Burn Book: Spare Review Part 1 Jan 10, 2023

Prince Harry’s tell all book is finally here! Lex Niko & Samantha Bush have their copies in-hand and are joined by guest Dylan Hafer to unravel the long awaited mysteries of the fab 4 and more. From William & Harry’s knock down brawl and Meghan & Kate’s baby brain beef, to Harry’s frosty todger, this memoir leaves nothing to the imagination. They Make it Reign on an important topic covered in the book regarding Harry’s paternal drama and his relationship struggle with King Charles. Was Harry really the red-headed-step-child of the royal family? They close out with a game of Mail or Fail and name this week’s Spotted Dick. Make sure to tune in next week for the Spare review part 2.

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BONUS: Instant Reaction To Shovegate & Spare Book Leak Jan 05, 2023

Prince Harry’s book isn’t even out yet and we’re already floored… much like Harold himself. After a surprise leak of Harry’s upcoming book Spare, host Lex Niko offers her instant reaction to the allegations that Willy shoved his brother to the floor during their now-infamous 2019 confrontation. Can the royal brothers ever come back from this? What else do we know about the leak? And what questions are we left asking, just days away from the book’s public release? Lex covers it all in this special bonus episode of Crown Jewels.

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Is Abdicating Trendy Now? Jan 05, 2023

Is King Charles forgiving and forgetting? Lex & Samantha ring in the new year with news from Buckingham Palace that King Charles is willing to extend an olive branch to Harry “despite the many barbs from California.” They question what a coronation looks like in the 21st century and how monarchies will change now that more royals are coming under critical condition. They Make It Reign on the Danish Royal Family this week with the news of their abdication and future move to the U.S. Finally, they try their hand at Mail or Fail and choose their first Spotted Dick of 2023.

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The Crown Season 5 Deep Dive Dec 29, 2022

If you haven’t watched Season 5 of The Crown, here is your fair warning. In this episode Samantha and Lex take a deep dive into the latest season of The Crown. Combing through each episode, they chat about how the actors matched with their respective royal, the attention to detail in the writing, and of course the fashion. In this season, Diana was a large part of the storyline and Lex and Samantha were fascinated with every second of it. But, of course, Samantha wishes there were more Camilla in this season, even though we got our fill with “Tampon-gate”. To end they awarded the Crown Jewels of season 5, naming their favorite performer, their standout episode, to the most accurate casting.

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The Royal H&M Documentary Review Pt. 2 Dec 22, 2022

Are Harry and William done for good? The final three eps of Meghan & Harry’s doc are finally out on Netflix, so Lex & Samantha are recapping it all. They start with a reaction to the post-documentary reports that the royal divide has grown too deep to repair. Plus, they talk about rumors that H&M are asking for a royal sit-down. Then they dive into episodes four through six, starting with a walk back down the aisle as they relive the royal wedding of the century. We get a reaction to the circumstances that led up to H&M leaving for Canada, including the infamous family meeting where everything boiled over, and the source of the online hate that brought them to the brink. Finally, they talk about who really leaked Meghan’s letter to the press *cough* William *cough* and where things go from here. They finish with another round of Mail or Fail and pick their unanimous Spotted Dick of the week.

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The Royal H&M Documentary Review Pt. 1 Dec 15, 2022

The Harry and Meghan documentary is finally here and Lex and Samantha are giving their royal review. But first, the Tea and Crumpets for the week are about King Charles and Camilla’s Christmas card, Princess Anne and Prince Edward becoming counsellors of state, and Camilla’s cover girl debut on Good Housekeeping. Then they Make It Reign on Harry and Meghan: going into every detail from their Botswana trip (oh, they f*ck) and their first meeting with Wills and Kate, to the constant battle with the paps, and the infamous proposal. They finish with a round of Mail or Fail and let us know who they each picked as the Spotted Dick of the week. Make sure to come back next week to hear Lex and Samantha breakdown the final 3 episodes.

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Kate’s Green Screen Flop + M&H’s Netflix Trailer Drop Dec 08, 2022

Meghan and Harry’s documentary has debuted on Netflix and Lex and Samantha chat about their initial thoughts from the trailer. Make sure to tune in next week for the official Crown Jewels review of the first three episodes. The topics being served for this week’s Tea & Crumpets are: Susan Hussey’s racism, Kate’s green meme dress, and the Bravo Cinematic Universe x Royal crossover. While rooting for Meghan and Harry’s success, Lex and Samantha Make It Reign on their inability to keep a staff on payroll. After a game of Mail or Fail, they close by naming their Spotted Dick of the week.

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Is Meghan Markle Returning to Social Media? Dec 01, 2022

Coronation day has finally arrived. It’s the first episode of Crown Jewels and hosts Lex Niko and Samantha Bush tell us all about their personal royal obsessions, including who they’d pick as their fave monarch of all time. Then they get into this week’s royal news with Tea and Crumpets: topics include Meghan’s return to social media, the egging of King Charles, Queen Elizabeth’s possible cancer diagnosis, and Queen Consort Camilla donning the Sapphire Crown. They Make it Reign with a rant about Prince Andrew and how his friendship with Jeffery Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell cost him his tax-payer-funded armed guards. Next, they play a game of Mail or Fail. Can they spot the preposterous Daily Mail headline or will they fail? Finally, they pick their Spotted Dick of the week, telling us which steamed pudding they’ve had more than enough of.

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Coming Soon - Crown Jewels (Trailer) Nov 09, 2022

Crown Jewels with hosts Samantha Bush and Lex Niko starts December 1st, 2022! Follow us now on Spotify or Apple Podcasts so you don't miss coronation day.

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