Crooked Butterfly Podcast

Persistence & the Wolf Spider Oct 01, 2024

Some story telling and reflections that a Wolf Spider gave me regarding Resilience and Persistence.
How we've let learned behaviors get transferred into areas of our lives where they don't belong...

Thoughts from 1 Year of Sobriety Jul 13, 2024

Wrapping up a year of sobriety and processing the take-aways that I couldn't have scripted going into the journey.

Opinion, Advice, & Counsel Jun 01, 2024

I'm at no shortage of receiving conversations about what I could, should, or need to being doing; personally & professionally.
Most of the time I'm required to wonder if I'm getting opinion, advice, or counsel.
What I'm finding as a common theme is that the more someone offers answers vs questions, the quality ( for my best interest ) of what they are delivering goes lower and lower.

Increased Capacity Doesn't Mean Increase Load Required Feb 25, 2024

Coming out of the trough (again) after a few really hard weeks of trying to simply hold on. As I get better and better at managing/ navigating these times I somehow still keep finding myself back in them.
After a recent procedure in Annapolis, I'm finding myself happier & more productive than I've been in the past few years. I'm also in a place recognizing what needs to happen to break the cycle of going back there instead of just adding more load to this new increased capacity I have.

Some Thoughts & Growth from the TN Mile Dec 14, 2023

Coming back from running a 40h marathon in TN and sharing some thoughts, observations, and where I'm focusing on personal growth.

Self Care & Boundaries Nov 29, 2023

Talking about the importance of Self Care not only for a leader but also as an example for their people. it's about creating an appropriate balance to keep operating levels for individuals at a high.
We also introduce setting good boundaries for leaders and their relationships. Healthy boundaries that support growth, expectations, & professional relationships through consistency.

Expertry and Mastery Nov 21, 2023

Connor and I exploring out loud trying to tease the subtleties & nuances that differentiate experts and masters. Not the sheer skill aspect, more of the 'soft' skills/ traits as it helps us inform our discussion on Leadership.

Performance, Effort, Meritocracy & Mediocrity Nov 02, 2023

We what happens when we reward; whether it's through praise, recognition, opportunity, award, etc. always results and absent effort? Same thing holds true in reverse. What are the unintended consequences on our audience that is excluded in the reward.
It's not as simple as acknowledging everyone for their unique contributions. And, everyone is wired to respond differently to different types of rewards.
When you really start to think about the ins and outs with all the different perspectives you can see how we end up in a mediocrity system too often.

Book Writing #4 Oct 20, 2023

Talking about how to listen. Truly listen with the intent to engage and understand vs respond.
It's a fundamental step to earning trust & respect.
"Seek first to understand and not respond." ~Stephen Covey

Book Writing #3 Sep 28, 2023

Spending 90 min grinding aways at some more basics:
Don't Lie, Cheat, or Steal; it's all Stealing, Grey Areas, Who am I circles, and a few more things and tying them into Being a Good Human Being as a core competency to Leadership.

Book Writing #2 Sep 21, 2023

Digging in on "Being A Good Human Being".
Specifically, common courtesy, decency, & respect and how it ties into "caring" as a key component of Leadership.

Book Writing #1 Sep 13, 2023

Connor & I picked back up on our writing project. We are going to record our writing development sessions together; essentially the content we are discussing shaping for a leadership book. We figured we would also publish these as a podcast for a few reasons.
1. Help us stay honest and on task ,
2. Shape our organization & collect our content,
3. Open it up for people to respond, critique, inject, and give general feedback,
4. Ultimately stay authentic to our purpose & intent behind the project in the first place: share thoughts with other in hopes to add value and/ or perspective.
This first recorded session is generally about the why and the what behind the theme of the book.
In the end, not all the material will get published via podcast and it will all go through a pretty rigorous editing process.

Mentorship Sep 09, 2023

Sharing a few short thoughts about what mentorship is and isn't. Not sure I'm really digging deep enough into it, but wanted to hear out loud the looping that was going on in my head while splitting some wood.

4th Annual Fundraiser Thoughts Jun 20, 2023

Some thoughts and reflections on this year's annual Event & Fundraiser. Looking to have a few guests to help polish out the perspectives and ideas to fully memorialize the event.

Vulnerability, Courage, Tiny Beacons of Light, Championing Apr 28, 2023

Recognizing all the good that's going on, however small or seemingly insignificant, is pretty much my first step when trying to settle the pressure in my head.
Ultimately, this is just a sharing to get to the point that you just keep holding until a shiny beacon of light arrives. And if you live a few moments that don't require having to hold on, look to shine a little light onto someone's dark corner.

Optimal Conditions vs the Hard Way Mar 11, 2023

Largely some ramble as I sort through talking about what Optimal Conditions Only is and how it is going to lead into much of the Hard Way Project methodology.
I've talked before about a Smarter Hard. Not the obstinate or ignorant 'Tommy Tuff Nutz' sort of hard. On the other end of the spectrum are those that become psychologically stressed (and even put into duress) when conditions are sub-optimal. They perform only under Optimal Conditions Only (OCO).

Exploring "Winning" w/ Connor Mar 03, 2023

I hadn't seen Connor but only once since returning from the Talisker and wanted to reconnect; we always share cool conversations together when 1:1. He gets me thinking in a different way sometimes when he asks his questions.
So, after some Mexican food and a few beers we decided to take our 'Winning" conversation to the recording table.
It's nice to have someone to go back and forth with to help shape and evolve thoughts and how we articulate.

The Pain Cave Feb 21, 2023

You don't look to go into the Pain Cave. And you don't thrive in the Pain Cave. If you think you do then you have never been in it, you've only waited in line or stood in the antechamber.
Too many people pound their chests and use the Pain Cave chatter to make themselves and others think better of themselves; to get special attention and applause.
if you've ever actually been in the Pain Cave, you know so much different about it.

What is Winning Feb 16, 2023

Sharing thoughts on how I define 'Winning' and why.
Defining our terms so not to arbitrarily or accidentally dilute them so that they can inform our behavior, ultimately to support our intent towards reaching goals; desired results.
This is the start at scratching out words for manuscript.

Talisker Whisky Atlantic Challenge 2022 Jan 31, 2023

Starting up Season 5 after a limited contribution last year.
It's been almost 3 weeks now since finishing up our row across the Atlantic Ocean. What an incredible experience and a pretty cool accomplishment.
Sharing a bit of a long (not long enough to be the full) recall of much of the race.

Being Busy, Essentialism, Know It Alls, & Wholesome TV Aug 18, 2022

Just a bunch of stuff that I've had on my mind for the last 3 weeks.

Self Care Thoughts Jul 19, 2022

I 'm pretty sure we've all heard and/or used the phrase "An empty well can fill another's cup." Or something to that effect.
I never really thought of my well ever really getting that close to dangerously low or empty. And if it was I never thought I would say out loud or to others that I just needed space because I don't have anything right now to give. And the presumed guilt I would have if I did say something as such and I left someone in the wind for worse.
Well, here I go...

Project Warman Stuff Jul 05, 2022

Had an opportunity to talk to Connor to capture some thoughts on Diesel Days, Big Fish Fundraiser and a few random happenings after he processed the past few weeks with a handful of other participants on his own 'Project Warman Podcast'.
I'm a fan of this young man.

Wrestling w/ OK Jun 21, 2022

The last few weeks/month I've been struggling with a lot of internal dialogue regarding whether I'm Ok: not as OK as I think I am and/or more OK than 'they' want or need me to be.
I dunno. But, I promise, I'm not not OK and fundamentally the things I'm working through are normal and natural; not requiring to be 'solved' or 'fixed'. Just better appreciated & understood.

Building Wealth Jun 09, 2022

Finally recording some thoughts regarding a podcast I listened to a few months ago.
Naval Ravikant - How to Build Wealth @Jorgenson's Soundbox
Boyd Varty - The Lion Tracker's Guide to Life on @ The Tim Ferris Show

Chasing Bigger, Better, More... Jun 02, 2022

I've been thinking a lot about exploring capacity, experiences, and margins. Specifically in regards to these challenges and physical events I find myself endeavoring towards. A sense of adventure that keeps getting greater and greater. Maybe my appetite is nearing full, for now, and I want to enjoy the campaigns I've already uncovered?

Back in the Saddle May 26, 2022

First podcast in a while; January. Felt good to find this again and just some ramble about tasks and being busy.
Committed to digging in again and not falling into my own trap of moving goalposts.

A Veteran Entitlement Conversation Jan 23, 2022

Just a little conversation how I see things when it comes to thinking we're special.

New Year & Holiday Reflection Jan 09, 2022

Not sure what the New Year will bring in regards to episodes, but I guarantee they will be authentic.

Essential Ingredient Required for Change Dec 02, 2021

A massive ramble as I am working on a couple of things still in my head.
Necessity or Genuine Desire as an essential requirement for true change?
Then somehow I ended up on Informed vs Influenced which is really bothering me as I navigate social media, ignorance, manipulative news sources...
Hopefully I will have some stuff cleaned up over the next few weeks.

Courage to be Yourself Nov 07, 2021

Pulling from the IG post yesterday to elaborate a little.
Why feign to fit in when it creates a dissonance inside yourself, assumes a lot about what other's intentions & fancy, and over time increases in effort to upkeep?
Just be You, for whoever that You is right now, endeavoring to be safe, good & happy and attract naturally those that share like common interests & values.

Recharged by the Good Life Sep 16, 2021

Back from hunting for a week up in Montana with some amazing people. It's hard not to feel recharged after spending time with a caliber/ quality group on a ranch living the good life.

Lead, Don't Chase Sep 08, 2021

Lead, Don't Chase.
It's something that a good friend and mentor said to me once and that he holds it close to when leading his business. I'm finding it strikingly relevant lately as I look into friendships, goals, business; and maybe most significantly, at myself.

This is Leadership? Pfft. Aug 26, 2021

People who do not truly know what Leadership is and cannot get away from their own personal interest/ ego should not be Leaders. Especially among the governing body of our Nation and responsible for the better good/ lives of citizens.
Our Nation's Leadership is a joke. It is failing our country. From local & state through Congress and upwards.

Trust. Trust Who? The Government? Aug 18, 2021

I find it increasingly hard to figure out who to trust these days. Certainly not the media. Certainly not the Government.
Whatever happened to Leadership. Like, true genuine Leadership?
If there was anyone to be trusted it should be ourselves - to start thinking critically for ourselves. Instead of being continually conditioned to just believe and follow what we are presented.

Wanting to Get Picked for the Team Aug 06, 2021

Coming off a two week client engagement and on the back side of coming out of the 'crud' I am finally up and sharing some thoughts again.
I'm sharing how I look at Leadership from a certain lens of driving myself to be more.

Reinforcing Consistency & How I'm Wired Jul 15, 2021

Spending a few moments talking about making sure how I'm influenced supports who I am and what drives me.

Evaluating Friendship Jul 01, 2021

Spent some time recently thinking about my needs, wants, and ability to deliver on friendship. Relationships are less than clean and there likely isn't any single blueprint given we are all different and think and value in our own manners. It felt good to just listen to myself try to organize how I appreciate and evaluate friendship.

BFF Fundraiser Decompress Jun 23, 2021

Just finished up our annual fundraiser for our non-profit: www.bigfishfoundation.org and trying to sort through the fuzz I'm feeling. What a great success but it's hard not to feel a little empty and sad now that it is over.
It always happens like this after immensely powerful experiences. Thoughts are largely un-composed, feeling full yet fatigued and listing in drift. But, knowing all well that it had tremendous impact and value.

Forcing Life & Karma Jun 10, 2021

Back from a two week hiatus. Simply wrestling with the concepts of being consistent vs trying to force things at the expense of the authenticity that I'm pursuing.
Conversation about putting negative energy into the world and how it returns. A flip side of the coin that I talk often about - 'whatever you want most out of life, give it first."

Monsters & Dangerous Men May 12, 2021

Had a buddy of mine share an article and ask me some thoughts on this 'inner monster' Jordan Peterson and Jocko talked about on a recent podcast.
Coincidentally, I had just gotten done talking to a guy I served with who was having some issues feeling like he was going into a dark place and messaging another guy about staying in control as he struggled with anger and frustration.
So, on a long car trip I wrestled around with some thoughts and a few quotes from Peterson, Nietzsche, & Jung. Looking forward to reading the 'Beyond Order' book and listening into the Peterson / Jocko podcast now.

Self Discipline, Control, & Restraint May 05, 2021

A short conversation on how I am processing "goodbye instagram" or "quitting facebook".
Maybe try controlling what you can instead of not accepting that you have no self control?
Try these accounts out on IG...
@allthingsgoodco
@tanksgoodnews
@upworthy
@wholesomemeettheinternet
@globalpositivenews
@lovewhatmatters
@givingeveryday
@spreadlovemovement_
@worthentertaining
@khaby00

On Suicide - This Is Messy Apr 28, 2021

If you can't listen to try to understand a position and appreciate the intent of what I'm trying to sort out - don't listen.

Loose Ends Finding a Theme Apr 21, 2021

Sat down to record some loose ends and random thoughts from the past week and stumbled on a few themes that I processed aloud.
Also,
-Happy Birthday Chloe Amiya
-Good luck with surgery Chriss
-RIP Luis

Conversation w/ Connor Warman Apr 14, 2021

Connor is the young man who I decided to write a book with. We jumped right into something kinda heavy when he made the comment "I'm scared to be normal" that I took exception with.
Connor has his own podcast - 'Up Before You' and his own coffee company - 'Up Before You'. He's also a beautiful human being and has a rich soul.
I also made a reference to a podcast episode discussing the phrasing 'widen the gap' from "The Best How of Your Day" with Jasons Fernandez & Ackerman.

Just a Little Discipline Apr 07, 2021

Working through a few days of focusing on some small disciplines of behavior and thought.
As I built an Instagram post and was preparing the last few days to discuss the thoughts on this podcast tomorrow, I found myself this evening actually working through things and decided to capture the process aloud.

Filling Voids w/ Antagonists Mar 31, 2021

Just getting back from a long road trip and I noticed a strange pattern with my 'day dreaming' spaces.
Without giving too much of the conversation away; I want to develop triggers to be able to auto correct when I start entering a confrontational or adversarial fantasy land. Why focus on that vs reinforcing the positive narrative of our own value and belief constructs.
Listened to an amazing podcast also:
Jordan Peterson Season 4 Ep 6 w/ Gad Saad; Infectious Ideas

Discrimination, Value Sets, & Mat Fraser Mar 17, 2021

Spent the last week drifting in & out of three different thought patterns and find that they are actually woven together underneath.
Day One, Dollar Zero podcast with Will and Eli
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXWuq14Dzhk

Checking In w/ Myself Mar 10, 2021

Been taking a few the past couple weeks to check in with myself to question if I am stuck in the cycle of self talk validation. With all the "cancel culture" things going on it's hard to know what to think or how to think it. Even using the phrase "cancel culture" is biased.

3 Egg Omelet Feb 11, 2021

3 eggs in this one that are all intertwined for me this week...
The Art of Gift Giving
The Silent Professional
Feedback vs Opinion
The Jordan B Peterson @jordan.b.peterson clip I was talking about and fumbling is from Feb 10 on IGTV. He did a podcast with Matt Ridley discussing The Prisoner's Dilemma.

Reflecting on the Good / Accomplished Feb 10, 2021

Haven't recorded in two weeks, but have been engaged with accomplishing a lot. Walking through the discussion to have some allowances for small gaps but overall net positive momentum.
Current Book: "The Coddling of the American Mind" ~ Greg Lukianoff & Jonathan Haidt

Audacity & Arrogance vs Authenticity? Feb 03, 2021

Wrestling the past few weeks with how others with great audacity, sense of self worth, maybe arrogance maybe ignorance can carry so much credibility. And, also how they can be subtly condescending.
Most importantly, thinking through what responsibility I have through my attitude and behavior to reinforce this in others or have them respond to me in the manner that they do.
Transactional and Translational Leadership has a place; oftentimes it's a great impetus or starting point, but it has nowhere near the value of Transformational Leadership. Hype and Sound Bites only carry you so far and certainly not through great challenges or stress.

Checking In w/ Diesel Mike Jan 27, 2021

Mike has been a long time client turned friend turned 'Tree Fort Companion' over the past 5 years. He was in town for a beta run of Diesel Day 2 and we spent the better part of an hour catching up and recording some thoughts on what DD is about and it's benefits; since I haven't quite figured out how to articulate it myself.

Leadership Conversation w/ Alec (Pt 2) Jan 20, 2021

Continued conversation w/ Alec from last week; Episode 3.2.
We dig into questions concerning Identity, Consistency, Growth Mindset, Self Reflection, Rooftops, Special Forces, & Competition vs Collaboration.
Hope you enjoy.

Leadership Conversation w/ Alec (Pt 1) Jan 13, 2021

I'm excited to have my first guest after 90+ episodes spanning 2 years!
A young man found himself at my house today eager to pose questions on life, leadership, & service as he prepares to accept a commission in the Marine Corps.
I was fascinated by the first couple questions and our opening conversation that I had to ask him if he minded recording this and being my first guest. I was equally impressed by his 21yr old self awareness, reflections, & desire to weigh his near term responsibility on his shoulders with such professional interest.
This first 45min covers Compassion under Frustration, Trust, and Forgiveness.
Hope you enjoy.

Just Sadness Jan 06, 2021

Happy(?) New Year America
Trying to sort out the great sadness that I can't fully articulate on this horrible day, Jan 6, 2021.
The only thing Americans should be doing right now is sitting down and sorting out WTF and how did we lose ourselves that our nation should be so lost in the way we are conduct ourselves.
Our ship needs to be righted, before it's scuttled. But as a Nation, we are listing badly; somehow in opposite directions at the same time.

"The Social Dilemma" Dec 31, 2020

I watched this documentary last night and it was eye opening. Not that my eyes weren't open already, but the depth that they needed to be open maybe grew.
The Social Dilemma (link)
I would probably watch it before Big Tech takes it down.

Internal & External Resiliency Dec 23, 2020

Just a few thoughts regarding having the power of the word 'and' in regards to Resiliency.
Merry Christmas everyone.

'The Hard Way' gets borrowed Dec 17, 2020

I woke up this morning and was immediately put off balance by a few DMs bringing attention that somebody 'spun off' our 'The Hard Way' production.
I wanted to capture an in-the-moment of sorts processing of everything as I went through a host of emotions that started to spiral my well being through settling and digging into conscious and rational thought to retain ownership of myself.
In recording this, my ambitions are not to get into some petty social media something something or be righteous and muster defense but rather to identify the slow erosion of standards and honor that pass before us and how oblivious we've become to its happening.
Someone might say that I am trying to stir drama. I don't know. For sure I am at least choosing to stand up for Ginger, Puddin', & myself in some manner.
I also hope that my babble of thoughts and expressions might serve as a place for others to figure out how to self author when finding themselves in a spiral.
In the end, at minimum, I feel better for exhausting this from inside and not allowing it to further fester.

Fighting Convenience Dec 16, 2020

Stimulated after reading an @jameshobart IG on Convenience dtd 11/19.

America Nov 04, 2020

Some general thoughts about our country and surrounding the election.

Up & Outta the Hole Oct 28, 2020

Pulled out of the funk from the last two weeks. Answering a cool conversation asking how I went about it and what was my process.
Also, talking a little about Mindfulness and Resiliency
Poem: "The Prophet" ~Kahlil Gilbran
Book: "Man's Search for Meaning" ~Viktor Frankl

Just a Little Self-Pity Party Oct 21, 2020

Having a hard time recharging and finding drive the past few days. Just talking aloud to myself to increase the awareness of the landscape I'm working in to better leverage navigate through it.
No alarms. Just good to let it out so it doesn't fester.

Finding Failure 100H Oct 14, 2020

Talking through the purpose, design, and intended experience for the last challenge we undertook. I was surprised, not disappointed, and still not quite satisfied. But still also full of self respect for the accomplishment.
I was able to concentrate deliberately on putting into practice the 'Left Hand'. A sort of post offering validation. I've used it specifically and purposefully now on the Western States 100m and this little 100H 250m.

Diesel Day & Finding Failure Sep 23, 2020

A short conversation of Diesel Day and what the event I host is about; without spilling the magic.
Then the conversation turned into my next big events but with some dialogue on why and what I'm looking for out of myself.

Taking Stuff Off the Plate Sep 16, 2020

I was fortunate to be able to spend a quick 30 min on a call with Dave Colina; founder and CEO of O2 Recovery, and hear how he wrestles with a handful of the same things I do; both personally and professionally. Maybe nothing was novel, but the way he expressed and synthesized his thoughts resonated.
Sometimes Leaders need to be innovators, ideators, and directors of planning. And sometimes they need to realize that this has a cascading effect on subordinates/ peers/ themselves that creates more and more tasks which build up more and more pressure/ stress and ultimately consumes more and more time. The end result? More to do with less time to do it.
Simply put, Leaders balance driving vision with setting conditions for turning vision into action.

Feeding the Third Circle Sep 09, 2020

Imagine your Identity as three circles in a Ven Diagram; Who You Want to Be, Who You Think You Are, and Who Others Think You Are. The intersection in the center would represent the greatest approximation of your Identity.
I got caught up this week spending time thinking about how others think of me as I found myself looking at a few people and starting to become critical in how they are stuck on always having to over identify with something. Or at least the appearance of such is so from my point of view.

Real Time Self Talk Sep 02, 2020

I started the episode absolutely lost and absent, but just needed to get into it. What came out was on the spot self talk on getting through a 'moment'.

From Being Recharged to Max Drain Rate Aug 26, 2020

Just getting off a great hunting trip in MT with amazing people and feeling renewed in spirit and humanity to being reconnected to the word and absolute disgust.
What is going on!?

Self Awareness as a Fault Aug 12, 2020

I'm finding that sometimes (unwittingly) our self awareness is what holds us back or provides excuses.
It's the same as labels or stereotypes having an affect on us to only be just that. Except it is something we do to ourselves due to experiences and self awareness.
Stop reinforcing who you are for the sake of who you are?

Fighting Tasks & Burning Wood Aug 06, 2020

Talking out loud how it's easy to get buried and start to feel paralyzed by mounting tasks.
I have some strategies that I try to ply and am aware at where I succeed, fall trap, and regress.
Most of all, I am not allowing myself to look at others who make it seem easy or suggest they aren't actively managing the same issues and think there is something wrong with me or that I'm broken.
The 4 hour week week is bullsh*t.

Loss of Accountability & Fear of Confrontation Jul 29, 2020

Holding each other (ourselves) Accountable is NOT at odds with Tolerance, Patience, Understanding, or Forgiveness. In fact, it is ESSENTIAL in the process of growth & goodness.
Podcasts links where I was a guest this week:
The Sit Down w/ Sander Segers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yhb7zn8nQQ
The Resilient Life w/ Ryan Manion
https://ryanmanion.com/podcasts/
The WFO Life w/ LtCol Story & Dr Curtis
https://wfolifepodcast.com/2020/07/24/ep-050-interview-brian-chontosh-doing-hard-things-pushing-margins-to-find-ourselves/
Trail Runner Nation w/ Don and Scott [ Ep 480 & 482 ]
https://trailrunnernation.com/category/podcasts/

A Few Things I Practice Jul 15, 2020

This week I put together a few things that I keep in my pocket and always try to practice. They likely seem trite, but for me they transfer into success in many others areas.
If you spend the time doing the easy stuff consistently and having it ingrained in your character, it makes the once in a while hard stuff much less hard.

Respect & Loyalty Jul 08, 2020

Loyalty isn't simply given or granted. It can't be asked for, demanded, or bribed.
Loyalty is earned through Mutual Respect. It is predicated on Trust.
Anyone who plays the "loyalty card" under any circumstance is suspect. They will often shroud some sort of personal interest or character flaw/deficiency with some sort of appeal; another indicator to dig into some critical thinking and evaluation.

Thresholds & Responses Jul 02, 2020

Take 2 on this episode. I needed to re-center and communicate with less frustration.
No summary. Just listen.

Loud & Self Righteous = Red Flag Jun 24, 2020

A bit of a rant that was supposed to stay metered and simply use an example to articulate a way I am thinking about people who peacock their self righteousness or call to action.
Boycotting is not a tool of the mature & informed that is used as a first resort. Not even a second or third. It is usually more of an almost last resort.
Every time I see someone broadcasting loud and raising their hand hard & high about how they are standing against some injustice - it's a cautionary red flag. I already know 2 things going on: (1) their is a certain motive or agenda outside of the change instigator and for sure some other information they aren't sharing, and (2) they will be the first to raise their hands and shout "I did it, I helped create the change, I'm a change agent."
Let's be smart about Authentic Leadership vs Attention / Credit Leadership ( I hesitate to call it leadership; it's more a practice or strategy).

It's All In Your Head Jun 17, 2020

Processing Diesel Day ‘Grit Check’ to make the parallel between athletic endeavor and challenges of a Veteran.

Current brain fodder:
"How Will You Measure Your Life?" ~Clayton Christensen

Uncertain Times Jun 10, 2020

Just coming out of our Big Fish Foundation fundraiser event and into the CrossFit confusion. All of course amidst Covid-19 and the George Floyd injustices.
I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling adrift. But here is where my head is at and how I am working through staying sturdy.

Rebuffering Jun 03, 2020

I needed to sort through a few things about popularity, fitting in, and trying to get inclusion with the 'noticeable crowd' vs focusing on the crowd you have that accepts you and shares the more connected experiences.
Lately, I think I've just fallen a little prey to the social media influence trap. It's just time resettle back in and acknowledge the great stuff right at hand with each other.

Thoughts Post Memorial Day May 27, 2020

I recognize I'm a little off still, but Memorial Day is hard for me. I try to explain why.

Don't Feed the Fox May 13, 2020

Doing a little clean up from last week's episode after a few messages and comments in response. To punctuate - my overarching ambition of last week's dialogue was to inspect myself and look for ways to protect against falling into the trap of being expert, authority, finding positional privilege, mastery, greater experience, or whatever to the point that I lose a sense of humility and kindness towards others. There are many slippery little slopes to tumble down if you aren't aware of your footing.
But, the major goal of this week was to talk about my standpoint on not dolling out handouts, but rather try to help those in need who are also making efforts to help themselves and also pay it forward.

Machinations of Manipulation & Self Import May 06, 2020

After listening to this over I feel like I was a bit frenetic and not quite articulate in taking my thoughts into specifics. But, it's posted and I feel there are multiple layers of messaging.
1st. I gave up FoxNews and CNN in favor of a few more 'less manipulative' media sources. I couldn't have found a better start to settling into some inner quiet again and affording myself the opportunity to think freely/ engagingly.
2nd. Stanford Prison Experiment of 1971. The psychological effects of perceived power.
https://www.prisonexp.org/
After watching countless videos of 'authority' and how they seem to handle interactions with their fellow citizens reminded me of this experiment/study. I started down the road of looking at it not only in relation to power but also success, mastery, confidence, etc. and as a departure point to investigate humility.

How Do You Eat an Elephant? Apr 29, 2020

I suspect that for many who seek the motivational something somethings to help them find purpose, set goals, find success... that they really aren't wired to adopt the standard over played clichés of Goal Setting and whatnot. If they were, they wouldn't need those very same motivationals repeatedly?
The same would hold true I suppose for the contrast. But, for me, 'one bite at a time' mentality and processes work as so much more a better strategy/ reminder. It helps with initiation, sustainment, expectation management, staying present, and positivity.
Task Accomplishment vs Process Enjoyment
I wonder how instant gratification/ satisfaction issues confuse the application.
Thought instigator for the week:
Song; 'Humble and Kind' ~Tim McGraw

Is It Chatter, or Is It Communication Apr 23, 2020

Too many small instances this past week where I find myself looking back and thinking I wasn't communicating quite well.
I deliberately phrase it this way instead of - 'I was misunderstood' or 'Somebody else wasn't listening'.
I want to be responsible not only for my words that come out, but also for the manner that they arrive in another's head.
Also, came across a really cool "House Rule" from @nicchristensen for her family:
"#2 Don't hurt your own feelings." Spending some time in my head with this one; wonderful.

My Week of Self Correction Apr 15, 2020

After a little pity party and negativity last week, I work through out loud how I processed and where I'm at today.
Let's not confuse freedoms, rights & liberties with privileges, comforts, conveniences, wants, & desires. Especially not without a firm and healthy arrival at responsibilities, obligations, & duties or absent common decency, courtesy, integrity, patience, and release of entitlement.

Day One, Dollar Zero Apr 09, 2020

I'm embarrassed to even upload this "sound event". I don't even want to call it a podcast. My intentions were to re-direct everyone to a Podcast I recorded with Will & Eli a day before with very little other than a quick explanation why I didn't feel ready to record this week.
Then, I felt that it wouldn't be authentic of me to scrub and curate my own thoughts when that is exactly opposite of being open and real.
I went back and listened to myself today ( a day late on my regular Wednesday publish ) and again almost decided to not post. I sound like a whiney weak a$$ b*tch.
My apology is in not apologizing and just publishing. I had a mega constructive day since and will outline some calculated thoughts and discussion for next week.
But hey, I still submit that you are an absolute self absorbed douche nozzle if you can't think outside of yourself and your own comforts today.

Leading During Hardship & Uncertainty Apr 01, 2020

Audio File of a video podcast we did to discuss leadership during these uncertain and stressful times.
Leadership, Management, and Authority are not synonymous and it doesn't mean the three must co-exist. All three are essential components in life, are usually inter related, but not dependants.
Three things that are largely consistent across most scenarios/situations that we can especially invite into our leading behavior are:
-Consistency of personality and manner
-Maintaining routines and innovating how they are executed
-Listening & Leveraging (discernment between emotional vs rational, facts & opinions, and to avoid conditioning gossip, criticism, ignorance, and undue information).

Deterrence vs Discipline Mar 25, 2020

A few quick thoughts on increasing punishment (in both severity & quantity; with credibility) to prevent criminal activity. Rebalancing the risk vs gain ratio and recalibrating incentive to reward rehabilitation.
I would much rather deter someone from breaking into my home than have to realize the damage and loss and then the hassle of catching and reconciling the activity.
What if we adopted this mindset into other aspects of our way of life and leadership? Because right now the general prevail is opposite and that is a function contributing to many problems in our society, i.e. obesity, instant gratification, debt, ... not just criminal activity.
The (total) cost of rehabilitation is inordinately greater than prevention. What is the saying? an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure?
Live Podcast: Sunday 29 March, 7pm Mountain.
Topic: Leading During Times of Hardship & Uncertainty
Join Zoom Meeting

https://zoom.us/j/227055711?pwd=Tmt4WmQ1UVQyNXF3ZGJ0cVBlbDdTUT09

Meeting ID: 227 055 711
Password: 937405

Just be a Team Player Mar 18, 2020

At a certain point, the last thing needed is someone sowing seeds of discord. Especially not from a position untempered from personal, petty, selfish, or whatever discontent position.
In times of exception, the only thing to do is be part of the solution and support; however large or small. Criticism and challenge and narrow conversation are absolutely not needed. There can be a time for that post event, but it isn't midstream the execution. And beginning anew or reinvention of an 80% solution is absurd.
The use of constructive conversation and perspective sharing (opinions - personal or professional) require appropriateness in timing, delivery, medium...
We should all be taking note of those that are disappointing. Media should stop giving them a platform to broadcast their voice and attention. We should refrain from passing judgment and temper our emotions. And then, afterwards, remember these personalities and marginalize them from further harm.

Meaning Making Doesn't Have to be Always Intense Mar 11, 2020

You ever feel like something is wrong with you because you aren't super intense about goal setting, meaning making, or finding your purpose? Lately it seems there is such tremendous focus on living a purpose filled life, leadership, knowing your why, etc... that I get distracted from just living and enjoying the moment. The intensity and passion around all of this must be full steam or you aren't living up to your potential.
I think there is value in chilling out and enjoying the moment as well. Returning to balance. Being normal again with the understanding that not everything has to have some deep meaning or purpose.
Then, I started drifting into ownership, delegation, and supported/supporting relationships. I don't know why.

Stop Stooping to the Lowest Common Denominator Mar 04, 2020

Uphold the standards of class and dignity that you expect from others. Or, want to see from the world. Regardless of the disappointing reality of what is. Be the ideology, as best you can, and put money in the bank to invest in a better reality.
Stay the High Ground.
It's too easy to allow cute little phrases and sayings to guile you into acting less than you are. For example, fight how they fight, eye for an eye, war is hell, hit harder and get hit less, etc.
Stop looking for excuses & rationalizations to be less, look for cause, reason & purpose to be more. #elevate
Just a little disappointed in the leadership spectrum of our elected officials, across all parties, in representing the dignity of what I believe our citizens deserve and need. It's cute and funny and comical; and it's not.

Premeditating Thoughts at the Deathbed Feb 26, 2020

Why is it that everyone asks for forgiveness at Death's doorstep? Wouldn't the time to prevent needing forgiveness be now? Through changed behavior?
Maybe a better question would be - why do we allow people on their deathbed to be absolved of their bullshit when they have known better their whole loves? And chose not to change?
It's all about comfort - for them and for us.
Change requires Need. Want helps. Want can instigate. Want can sometimes be successful. But Need is absolute.
Thought instigators this week:
"At some point you don't need any more advice or motivational quotes, or clever sayings. You just need silence and a work ethic." ~sent to me from Mr Long.
"The best apology is changed behavior." ~@jesseburdick [ IG 20Feb20 ]
"How to Die" ~Seneca ( from Chad Cassady )
https://press.princeton.edu/books/hardcover/9780691175577/how-to-die?fbclid=IwAR2DlssWgaP4A9neHxY1lqDuVUbDpwnJ_0ge3dUhw5SB6lJIi8eyNl0iyTQ

Embrace Stress to Empower It Feb 19, 2020

I found myself falling into the trap of trying to seek comfort and escape from some recent daily stress; because I have the means, 'outs', and luxury to. And I am unravelling the more and more I opt to seek quick comfort fixes.
That's the problem, we are creatures of conditioning. In both directions: positive (progress) and negative (regress). You develop skills, mechanisms, and strategies to cope with stress when you force yourself to deal with it. Not run away from it. It's time under tension that builds strength.
Stop opening the fridge at the first thought of hunger, stop needing your scented candles and bath salts, 6 pack of PBR, massages, teddy bears, and coddling conversations. Spend time practicing to deal with things, constructively. Let things hurt a little. You'll be better than ok afterwards.
Thought instigator for this week:
Peggy Noonan: https://peggynoonan.com/the-democrats-unserious-week/

Calling Myself Out Feb 12, 2020

Too many little pokes here and there this week to not just dig into something in the moment.
Peeling back some layers to what it means "not to fall in love with your own bullshit".
From taking 'undue credibility', not correcting the truth, humility, self awareness, character, image management, ... to just simply being an ignorant, arrogant, self promoting, audacious load.

Leaving a Legacy Feb 05, 2020

I started up a conversation with myself on a long drive home; instigated, again, by: The First Agreement, listening to a Sam Harris interview w/ David Whyte, a Jordan Petersen quote about Character, and triggered by a few notable personalities stealing the truth about who they are through the use of feasible bullshit.
Should I leave behind a legacy, what would it be, how would it be described?
Spoiler alert - it would have very little to say about accomplishments or provide a list of 'been there done thats'.
Thought instigators this week:
"Waking Up App" interview of David Whyte & Sam Harris. The discussion about vulnerability.
Chriss Smith comment: "embracing that my story is good enough"

Mind Your Narrative Jan 29, 2020

Spending time digging into the 1st Agreement from "The Four Agreements".
#1 Be Impeccable w/ Your Word.
My mind has been racing all over from tell the truth, develop a vocabulary, positive self talk, be kind (honest/direct) towards others, reframing...
I'm brought into something that I've read and listened to Jordan Peterson talk about in his "12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos." Rule 10 - Be precise with your word.
I've just been struggling a little about not reinforcing the negative moments, not relying on the last positive moment, and how to define myself - maybe why? Giving others ownership or authority over who we are because of their word/communication.
Thought instigators this week:
Jordan Peterson Instagram posts: Jan 15th, 24th.
Deep thought conversation: "If I lost everything I have, right now, what would I do? Who would I be?"

Maybe It's Just Me, I Suspect Not Though. Jan 22, 2020

Digging in on some weird tosh psychological stuff here in how my response to certain things tune me.
I'm not going to summarize as I hope everyone listens. A short synopsis will not do anything justice this week and I would likely dilute/ distort my message.
Two thought move instigators for me this week:
Quote-
"Forgiveness is the scent the violet gives off to the heel that has crushed it." ~Mark Twain
Book-
"Wild at Heart" ~John Eldredge
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wild_at_Heart_(book)

So... You're Different and Have a Problem? Jan 15, 2020

I'm tiptoeing here and over the last few weeks around trying to get after some direct straight talk on suicide. In my head it all circles back and forth around hyper sensitivity, entitlement, the effort to be different, and a desire/need to have a problem for identity.
Maybe it is all just a sense or enmesh of validation?
I had to start talking it aloud because I was getting lost in my own head. As with all concepts, I suppose, it's best to start with a broad conversation and generalization and then work inward to teasing out details and specifics.
Whatever happened to intent having the preponderance of weight vs perception and feelings?
"The Soft American" ~JFK
https://www.si.com/vault/issue/43278/15
I misspoke in the podcast and called it The Softening of America and gave credit to Ted Kennedy. This is correct here. But google "The Softening of America".
A little experiment:
Write down 6 names of people you pour more energy into trying to or yearning to be connected to/ with. Delete one from your efforts entirely, e.g., stop following. Keep one and continue as is. The other 3-4 just leave alone and dismiss from your efforts / let go. Watch how much more energy and value other relationships you have flourish; ones where there is equal reciprocity.

If You Want / Need to be Weak, Go Sit in the Corner Jan 07, 2020

People have problems. It is normal, natural, and psychologically healthy - to have and process them.
It is absurd to need them for Identity. It feels like the world is growing where everyone needs to have problems, have them recognized, and even goes to the extent of encouraging them. Like, if you don't have a problem and are not sharing it there is something wrong with you.
It's a reinforcing cycle of weakness and inevitable downfall.
Isn't there room to just be and accept what is. To be able to give some feedback to someone that they are being a pussy - to help snap them out of it and march on. Room for tough love and reality.
Hey, tact isn't hiding what you need to say to compensate for your personal weakness and discomfort to say what needs to be said under the guise of making it more palatable to be heard by someone who is being weak. Too much tact and not enough holding accountable these days.
Hell - "On your last day on earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become." ~Anonymous
"A Christmas Carol" ~Charles Dickens
https://www.gutenberg.org/files/46/46-h/46-h.htm

Resolutions, Compromise, Calling Out Bullshit, Success Jan 01, 2020

Happy New Year and Welcome to Season 2!
I started out with a plan to dig into a few ideas I've been chewing on for weeks. Then I went off script and into a few things more pertinent to the day and a runoff from there.
Resolutions are suspect; just another way to eventually break a contract with ourselves and further reinforce that it's ok to do so. Then, it bleeds into other behaviors.
Compromises are cute ways of giving yourself an out or told you so. Decisions are the word choice.
Lift or lower your own toilet seat.
The balanced turf between reality and ideology is where you find success.
"The Four Agreements" ~Don Miguel Ruiz
https://www.miguelruiz.com/the-four-agreements
"Superman's Song" ~ Crash Test Dummies
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeyhKWjQaKk

Confrontation Default Reset Dec 18, 2019

Just back from an amazing total reset vacation and the contrast back into 'regular' life made me recognize how many subtle signals we're saturated with that keeps pushing us towards confrontation default.

Crooked Butterfly Podcast 2020 Dec 11, 2019

We're going to start off struggling out loud about last weeks episode ad how not satisfied I was (am still in this moment as I type this) with it.
Then, we are going to dig into stepping up to the plate with a little more effort and intent moving forward.
Next season's podcast is going to have some more structure to it. Some guests, direct leadership statements/discussion, continued ramble sessions, and some challenges.
Looking forward to receiving any input from listeners.

BigFish Foundation (BFF) Dec 04, 2019

This episode isn't ultimately about announcing the non-profit we're launching as much as it is about the why, how, and what driving me to do it.
I have a tendency to think small. Or maybe better stated - not think big; big enough. It's weird, because during my career I prized myself as seeing a little more robust. When I really think about it, it's that I don't think big enough picture when it comes to myself and endeavors. Then, if I do, I find myself waffling on whether it's a good idea or too much or nonsense later on down the road.
But, to say it aloud (and to an audience) is to breathe life into it and create accountability.
So, doing this is about creating consistency and resonance with myself; in a sort of fashion.

'The Hard Way' comments Nov 27, 2019

We recently released the full length video of "The Hard Way". Super happy with how it turned out and how every time I watch it, I'm brought brings back into the moment. To reflect and grow from the thoughts, emotions, and overall experience.
This episode just talks a little about what the intent was and drifts into some thoughts about how I tackle challenge, life, and design events. Some of the why.
Many thanks to Preston Smith, Jonathon Mayfield, and Con Williamson for supporting capturing the real and authentic aspects of the process.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRVdpsX_4KM&t=5s

Hey, Tommy Tough Nuts... Nov 20, 2019

Working through getting into when the programmed aggression / tough guy mode needs to be switched over to patient / prudent. Like, at what age or career progression through life is it time to start evolving through an anger originated behavior pattern. At what point do you start to be the tired cliche and marginalize your own effectiveness?
Be the man you needed twenty years ago for someone else today. Hey Commander or Colonel or First Sergeant or COO or whatever, isn't it time to stop being all "operator" asshole aggro and tough nuts?
It's a conversation I wish I had started with myself a little sooner in my career so to better help mentor the younger generation that the conversation needs to happen. You can't go through life to the end on asshole mode. Well, I guess you can, but that's pretty lamers.

Filling a Hole or Making it Deeper Nov 13, 2019

Entertaining a question received from a friend about the endurance events I enjoy so much.
~paraphrasing~
When you commit and find yourself consumed with participating in these endurance events, are you trying to fill a hole and do you end up making it deeper?
I think the question is answered differently for everyone. And the conversation can be applied to more 'obsessions' or 'passions' than just endurance sports.
I'm a fan of balance. Drifting to one side or the other from time to time but generally coming back to center. It's when you aren't having the conversation that the world will end up jerking you back over the center to autocorrect.

Toughness through Teamwork Nov 06, 2019

It's a simple conversation about how putting others first over your superficial personal needs will make you tough.
Deciding not to do a write up about this one. Just listen.

The Truth - Because, not If Oct 30, 2019

"The truth hurts because you let it"
I overheard someone say this the other day and I found it curious. I also found it oddly coincidental given some feedback and conversation about last week's podcast and calling out bullshit.
I don't think the truth hurts 'IF' you let it. It hurts 'BECAUSE' you let it. That suggests ownership of your actions/ decisions/ judgment before a controllable "oops" happens. Not a mechanism of control after the fact.
But, seems like these days people generally tend towards a desire to control others as it relates to themselves instead of remembering that they have ultimate control if they took their own diligent personal responsibility.

Thoughts from the Cheap Seats Oct 23, 2019

In response to a handful of messages, reach outs, and conversations regarding my IG post on Big Talkers.
I've been occupied in my head and heart for a few weeks actually, going back to another post I made about Tough Guys.
The world is made up of a wonderful spectrum of characters. All with their 'flavor'. Whether I like a flavor or not isn't the discussion, rather it's the thought processes that go on about the why and why different.
I do my best to be free of judgment and open to consideration of various perspectives in most everything I do. No exception with this dialogue. There's no attack, just contrast. I try very hard to keep the behind the curtain knowledge insulated from my train of reason.
Choose whatever flavor you want or like in life. Understand that my flavor tastes like transparency, authenticity, integrity, and humility. Maybe that's why I finish last at so many things?
Regardless, I feel better after listening to myself aloud instead of being constantly occupied internally and finding grumpiness.

The Message isn't about Hunting Oct 16, 2019

I didn't intend to ramble on for 20 minutes about hunting. And I didn't completely. There are a few spots in here where I digress (or progress?) into a message. I jut didn't punctuate it or capstone it in a final thought stream.
Do what you do passionately; with intention and authenticity. Stay vigilante that you don't create narratives that foster and support your own bullshit. Do what you do with integrity and be absent at the table of other's judgment.

Self Examination on My Coarse Side of Leadership Oct 09, 2019

During this past hunting trip I spent countless hours soul searching the harsher aspects of my leadership / personality style.
I know I'm not exactly easy to work for; for many reasons and although not necessarily at all times.
I struggle with communicating. Not communicating what to do or how to do it, but rather communicating the thought processes and bigger picture. Not communicating the decision analysis, considerations, and planning. I also struggle with "happy to glad" changes and "idea factories".
I default to decide and execute, which can get fussy for others because I'm not fussy about most things. I'm exacting. I'm standards based. But, whether french fries or tater tots I really don't care.
Mostly, this episode is a poorly articulated conversation on my arriving at digging deeper into delivering to a team what I would want delivered if I was on your team. I fall a little short of that.

A Short Conversation on Why, Again. Oct 02, 2019

I just wanted to remind myself aloud to reinforce who I want to be beyond this privacy of my office and microphone.
Not a know it all, not an aggressive opinionated prick, and not someone who isn't looking to learn and refine.
I share via this podcast in hopes to help people learn to think and ask themselves questions.
The podcast I was referring to was Will Grimes and Day One Dollar Zero.
Pre-recorded.

New Quote Relating to Mood & the Moment Sep 25, 2019

I came across a post on Instagram from @powerofspeech that is a great way of articulating not allowing your mood majority vote; like I like to say.
"Don't exchange what you want most for what you want in the moment."
This leads me to circle around and tie conversations about "actions speak louder than words" and "the path to happiness lies through discipline".
They are all interwoven.
Pre-recorded.

Life Doesn't Get in the Way, It is the Way Sep 18, 2019

This past week I realized I had been getting tense, off balanced, or stressed about things to a greater alarm than typical. Some events planned, some spontaneous, and others happening to me.
I found myself using a variation of a phrase that never felt really proper: "Life got in the way."
So, this podcast takes the opportunity to improv the topic even though I've only half digested it in the past and was planning on discussing at some point down the road.
Also, don't make choices in life - make decisions. There is a subtle difference that invites ownership and responsibility.

Loyalty Sep 11, 2019

I get a little long in the tooth reminiscing on a formative lesson I learned early on in my Marine Corps career regarding loyalty. It started the process of really thinking about the deeper and finer aspects of relationship bonds vs right & wrong and detangling emotions, convenience, sympathy, laziness, mood, etc... when trying to rationalize.
I wanted to use the specifics of a family situation but felt it would be too insulting or, at minimum, cause hurt through exposing circumstance. But, I think we can say the conversation is planted well enough for each their own to appreciate the finer elements and explore their thoughts.

Throwing a Few Things Out There Sep 04, 2019

A collection of half developed comments that popped up while on the road the last 12days. It all revolves around what I'm trying to identify as a root cause to some of the problems we face in our lives today.
My identifying isn't to find fault and fix blame, it's more to build a set of items for self investigation into where I add to the problem in my life and where I can start to repair.

Delivering an Authentic You Aug 28, 2019

I started out not really having anything much to dig through this week. This led me into trying to develop something for an audience to 'please them powerfully' and it felt less than right.
It then related into trying to be someone that we assume another wants us or would like us to be. Pleasing others in a sort. I make an attempt to pick at that a little and appreciate why personal authenticity is pretty special.

What the Airport Teaches Me Aug 21, 2019

This episode started out as a small mini rant, absent strong emotion, and evolved into a reflection. I'm determined to remain tolerant, compassionate, considerate, respectful, and courteous regardless of what is going on for me. Having a sense of personal awareness and social presence seems lost on too many too often.

Riding through a Rough Set Aug 14, 2019

Hey man, super fragile in sharing this. Not looking for fixes, ideas, pity, sympathy, judgment, help, motivation, worry, or anything. Simply needed to open up and share.
My hesitation mostly comes from now, interactions with anyone who has listened will be altered - tedious or over sensitive and awkward.
I do have a renewed idea of what my role is in support of others in managing the very same.

Recalibrating Judgment & Criticism Aug 07, 2019

I've recognized that I'm pretty critical and judgmental in identifying others' manner recently. It pops up in my thoughts more and more frequently and is less protected through my language than it has been before. Now, I am hyper aware of how it manifests in my advice I try to offer when queried or how I may be unduly reinforcing the same negative patterns in others. At a minimum, I am being unfair to those I am being critical of.
There's room for different manners in execution that can still be authentic and purposeful even though they don't fit and pattern against our own beliefs or values. Maybe to be laconic, I'm just trying to fix my skewed tolerance.

Where's the Leadership? Jul 31, 2019

Finding myself frustrated with the Government and the loss of civility & collegiality in Politics. It amazes me that there is such an absence in fundamental Leadership and Humanity among the elected to represent the People and Country.
And the Media's role in manipulating, sensationalizing, polarizing and preying on the common citizen.

Why try so hard to be an Extra? Jul 24, 2019

I hope everyone gets through the false close and into the last 90sec thought.
Talking my way through my desire to be an extra on someone else's set vs spending more energy on my own main character. Despite trying to bullshit myself that I am fine or don't, there are a handful of indicators and signals that I'm in fault.
I feel repurposed and energized moving forward after this one.
I want to be my own main character so I can author the story that sets conditions for my children and immediate loved ones to have the opportunity for the best possible story for themselves.

Self Doubt Struggles and Small WIns Jul 17, 2019

A conversation about struggling in the moment and the awareness in it for the small win. Putting a small action together on the heels of the awareness creates a lifting sensation and opens up the opportunity to reinforce a positive pattern in the eventuality of the next struggle.

Family Thoughts Jul 10, 2019

We recently returned from a cousin's wedding and a flood of memories from childhood regarding family has occupied my mind since. Mostly the greatest and fondest of sorts, but also some hard or uncomfortable ones. Along with those came a tremendous appreciation for the things that make my family so wonderful and how much I value them.
I started to entertain thoughts from this on a grand scale of citizenship, working my way back to a smaller population pool to where I might start to find these same feelings. It was an open ended thought that needs exploration; hopefully design, that gave way to questioning how I am/can provide opportunities for my own children, loved ones, & closest friends to have opportunity to grow these same memories and connections.

Annual Madness Challenge Jul 03, 2019

Just wandering around what the Annual Madness is and why I host it.
I had a truly unique and remarkable experience with a cadre of peers while an instructor at the Infantry Officer Course. I was surrounded by the best of the best at our craft and pressed everyday to be better than my best. Somehow somewhere an unspoken something something developed in the way we loved and respected each other. Predicated on experiences and values and a way of professionalism that was never intentionally designed. It was incredible and I look back at those guys and times with tremendous fondness.
The Madness Challenge and manners fo undertaking it are my attempt to recreate some sort of that and try to share it in a certain way with others. At a minimum, it helps me attempt to hold myself accountable to those same energies that drove me at my best then; in the absence of having each other at one's side today.
Semper Fi

Start w/ Right & Wrong and Work Your Way to Center Jun 26, 2019

So much to unpack in the episode this week.
Starting out by calling myself out and then walking through Black & White to reduce Grey Area and circumstantial / exception thinking and mentality. I like being definitive at both ends of extremes and working my way inward to identify where I can spend time developing thought, consideration, and consciousness.
I'm not a fan of individuals who have such strong opinions or are rationalizationaries (another new word) who do not have a sturdy foundation on what they believe, value, or stand for - don't play 'move the line' or create grey area exceptions with me when you can't do the simple easy with conviction.

Holding onto Barriers is Exhausting Jun 20, 2019

Returning from the Keala Leadership Camp, I spent a lot of time thinking about the common theme that young adults need instead of the specific needs of a specific audience/community might have.
Holding onto Anger or Hate is an absolute way to inhibit yourself to being present / mindful. Holding onto either is to shackle you to the past. Holding on to Being Cool is another way through tie yourself to artificial constructs of what is actually cool. It's all a part of building up walls - and that upkeep is expensive.
Then, I put myself in check with where I'm wasting energy at the expense of personal growth opportunity.

Response to a comment on Giving It First Jun 12, 2019

I recently recorded a short podcast for Spartan Race for my Monday show: Spartan Stand. It was about giving first whatever it is you most want out of life. It will always return and then, tenfold. But you can't give it for the sake of it returning, you must give for the pure function of giving. A much hard thing to do at first, especially when introduced the concept. But, you can habituate it by growing goodness.
Anyways, it's a fitting conversation as I head to work with the Keala Foundation for a week whose tagline is #give
This episode is a response to a gentleman who made a comment on the youTube channel where the Spartan Up podcast series is hosted. I start to tackle his common denominator mindset.

Longing, Lost Appreciation, & Re-Centering Jun 05, 2019

I find myself longing tremendously for a few things when I am apart from them; not talking about tangible material items. Then, not so conversely, my appreciation and awareness of the value when I'm with them is not so magnificent as the longing was. Or, at least, along the same recognition wavelength.
I'm working myself through on what this is all about and how I can influence changes in the imbalance of appreciation. I refuse to accept the "well, maybe it's natural that it is like this" rationale.

Weak People Suck May 29, 2019

It's easy to automatically assume I mean physically weak and I'm a meathead jerk. Maybe I was a dozen or so years ago when I started using this phrase. But, it means so much more to me today.
What I've come to believe is that people who are weak in any of the 4 areas: Physically, Emotionally, Intellectually, & Spiritually; are sucking at life. And, it's not on an absolute / comparative scale. It's in relation to oneself and their own capacity to develop.
I just want to touch on opening up the conversation about what it is to be weak in each of the areas for what it means to me. In an effort to further define and hone in on my personal maturity across all four.

The Road Less Traveled May 22, 2019

Be careful, or you'll misread it again...
This week is a short tie in between Ignorance, The Road Less Travelled, The High Road, and Thinking Outside the Box.
Not to insult anyone (Over Inflation...) I kept it a touch short to allow space for your own thoughts to keep wrestling.
Be critical.
I recommend reading the poem by Robert Frost and maybe a few interpretations before using the phrase again.

It's Easier to Keep Up, than Catch Up May 15, 2019

On a physical sense this is pretty obvious. The expenditure to catch back up to something after you've fallen behind is greater than it would have been to just put the little extra effort in to keeping up in the first place. This is only then exacerbated by age, time, increased life demands or responsibilities...
The parallel into the psychological sense is pretty tight. Once we start falling behind, if there is a desire to catch up, we start to look for short cuts and call them "efficiencies". If there is less desire than there is need, we begin to rationalize not putting in the extra effort at all. In both cases we lose.
I believe that the tide of influence is stronger flooding from physical habits into psychological patterns than the ebbing from psychological to physical.

Being Consistent & Lessons from a Bad Day May 08, 2019

We start out with a discussion on a recent IG post I hung about Consistency. How only a small slice of the concept, the paradigm slice maybe, is precise routine. If this is the only appreciation we have for the concept we likely fail and get disappointed, thrown off track, and require large amounts of inertia to regain momentum. But consistency is relative on a slider from a macro to micro scale.
There were a few tangents this week - from Mountain Lions to Being Gentle with oneself.
We somehow miraculously arrive at the instigating conversation I wanted to share; about a Bad Day target shooting and how I'm trying to convince myself that calling timeout wasn't quitting.

Stereotypes, Profiling, and An Eye for Inconsistency May 01, 2019

I find myself, at times, going down a path of reacting on assumptions or passing judgment that I'm not particularly proud of. Not that it isn't natural or normal, to a degree, but that I don't want it to digress any further than a simple reaction or initial starting point to confirm or deny. Ideally, working me back away from being 'ugly'.
When I land navigate and find myself creeping into uncertainty or disorientation I like to tackle the map solution with "Why am I not where I think I am?" vs "I must be right here because x, y, z." This process seems to be a wonderful tool when I catch myself inventing, assuming, or even analyzing life.

Why the High Road? Apr 24, 2019

It's been constantly coming up for me lately to question why. Why am I working so hard to be self aware, to have a consciousness, to strive to be good, better.
It seems like everywhere you look there are people taking short cuts, taking the road less high, leaving little room for the consideration of others, etc... and they seem to get further, farther, faster just fine.
I'm not sure I have resolved anything or that it is a question that even gets run full circle to ground. Kinda like the meaning of life. So what why. But the fact that you can have the discussion and go somewhere with an answer that satisfies continuing forward in the goodest possible manner, well, that might be all there is. That is exactly where I'm at with it right now and sharing what hits satisfactory for me this week.

Playing Dumb as a Strategy Apr 17, 2019

It started out as a strategy for a few different purposes somewhere in my career. It was a way to identify people who didn't respect you, were full of shit, or would take advantage of you. It was a chess move of sorts to unfold as an ambush down the road. Or, it was also a way of not being received as the no-it-all or be that annoying person who was always one upping.
Somewhere it habituated into a normal pattern of behavior; likely reinforced with other character traits and personalities, where people tend to not take you too seriously or truly value certain competencies.
Now, it feels like a bit more of an uphill battle breaking through an image or perception that I've built. Or, maybe it's just in my head. Most probably both at varying degrees from audience to audience.

Don't let your Mood have Majority Vote Apr 10, 2019

This is just another way of saying don't be an emotional based decision maker, don't be impulsive, or think about what you are doing / not doing. For me, phrasing it this way simply invites engaging about what it means to not allow a transitory feeling or emotion to rule on my actions.
I start to introduce the power of feedback mechanisms and discipline. When we give in to mood we have an often temporary high followed with a low of sorts. [ It doesn't always have to be the pleasure & guilt dynamic. ] What happens is the decision to arrive at the immediate high receives the connection to a response from mood and the further down the road low just gets labeled as a new mood that needs to be placated. The opposite is true where discipline to do an uncomfortable thing now yields a down the road high where if we can remember to associate that feeling of high as a reward to the decision to deny comfort (in this example) we can modify behavior and decisions.

Strong Opinions & Loud Voices Apr 03, 2019

After getting fired up by a comment and response thread on the IG this week, I spent a few days engaged with frustration, grumpiness, and thoughts regarding the relationship / indicators of inexperience w/ opinion & ignorance w/ the loud voice.
Ultimately it came full circle on a reflection of myself and resisting to pass judgment or make assumptions. The timeliness of a thing I saw "Carry yourself with the confidence of a mediocre white man" couldn't have been more positioned.
"Look at yourself now from five to ten years down the road" Will you be impressed?

Reflections from GodZone Mar 27, 2019

I recently returned from participating in the GodZone Adventure Race in South New Zealand and wanted to share a couple of pull outs from the experience. These ultra endurance tests inevitably provide tiny (sometimes not so tiny) snapshots of character that I'm fascinated with. While I'm not always proud of some of these selfies, I get a glimpse of myself and they provide incredible opportunities for self awareness and growth.

A ramble on Learning & Growth? Mar 20, 2019

As this episode publishes I am finishing up (if all went well) and traveling home from GodZone in New Zealand.
This episode starts out discussing After Action Reports and meanders through Iterative Learning, Shared Common Experiences, Meaning Making, Reframing and Opportunities for Growth.
I'd love to dissect these all a little more in future recordings and looking forward to feedback if anything is of interest.

Adventure / Ultra Endurance Racing Mar 13, 2019

I'm pre-recording and cutting in a conversation I shared with Jon Kinnick & Moe Naqvi from CrossFit Beyond the WhiteBoard about some struggles and failures I've had during a handful of events.
It seemed fitting as when this episode releases I'll be 3+ days into GodZone, a 600km Adventure Race in New Zealand.

Unpacking "The Box" (part 2) Mar 06, 2019

Here is the second half of last week's recording. This section begins to open into the transition to where I'm growing in outlook and approach at addressing things I've stashed away and bunkered in.
Ultimately, I think it's been a progression from hiding & ignoring, to protecting, through acknowledging then managing, and ideally now reckoning & growth.
...
I'm not looking for constructive feedback or acknowledgment/permission on the manner I've chosen to handle things. I am just sharing in the event that it helps others understand the thought processes and circumstance for how and why I chose.
I'm inviting others in. In to my healing process and emotional space.
...
I broke this into two parts and make no apologies for omitting some sort of splicing in intros, exits, or transition. I did it because I don't want 70min podcasts. I chose the parting point where I think a shifting from explaining the circumstances to a growth moment for me is occurring.

Unpacking "The Box" (part 1) Feb 27, 2019

I've been working for the last few years at pulling out "The Box" of experiences I wasn't ready to process; for various different reasons.
I don't know if it was a healthy thing to do, or constructive, or responsible, or whatever in how I chose to compartmentalize and bury it deep. I do know that it had its benefits and also drawbacks, not only for myself but for the example it may have set for others.
I'm not looking for constructive feedback or acknowledgment/permission on the manner I've chosen to handle things. I am just sharing in the event that it helps others understand the thought processes and circumstance for how and why I chose.
I'm inviting others in. In to my healing process and emotional space.
...
I broke this into two parts and make no apologies for omitting some sort of splicing in intros, exits, or transition. I did it because I don't want 70min podcasts. I chose the parting point where I think a shifting from explaining the circumstances to a growth moment for me is occurring.

Suffering, Really? Feb 20, 2019

I protect certain words of my vocabulary in order to preserve the power and value of that word.
I've never truly suffered. I've faced some serious adversity, experienced pain, and have been in absolutely punishing environments, but I've never truly suffered. I don't like to associate anything that I chose to do as a process to experience suffering. To me, it takes away my responsibility in success or enduring and it also forces me to take responsibility for failing.

What kind of Leader was I? Feb 13, 2019

I received a DM from gym_stu79 this week that took me off guard. Not because it was an off-putting query but more because I needed time to really dig in and think about it. I didn't want to answer in text so decided to take some time to reflect and now share.
What kind of Leader was I?
As I fumble through various categorizations and walk through the timeline of the beginning of my career until now, only a few things seem to pattern consistently.
I was always evolving. Going from getting comfortable in a position to becoming set in some way to then finding myself in a new position or environment to draw upon the past but to remain stagnant if I didn't evolve.
Maybe the most important thing that came out of this reflection exercise was identifying what I am today, where I can try to grow moving forward, and appreciate that it is an ever slowly evolving process to be enjoyed - not stressed about.

Liars, Cheats, & Thieves Feb 06, 2019

I'm taking a stance on this one and trying not to come off as righteous or on some high finger pointing platform. I'm also not saying I'm perfect or don't fail at times. But I am saying it's all the same and it's all Stealing. Stealing the truth, stealing opportunity, and just downright stealing. Where have we started to draw the line at almost tolerating cheats and accepting liars as kinda commonplace? I don't know, but I do know where the slippery slope starts: fibbery, white lies, and embellishment.

Over-Inflated Self Assessment Jan 30, 2019

I got triggered late last week to look at my own opinion of myself as I was tempted to respond to a few questions generally about self-promotion. I remember the gist of a phrase about letting others speak your worth is worth ten times you speaking your own. I decided to not go to adamantly down that path and ended up rambling about a research article I was presented on ignorance and self assessment. I don't want to be ignorant. I certainly don't want to be accused of it, but the former would be the greater of two worses.

Lead, Follow, or Get Out of the Way Jan 23, 2019

I've spent a lot of time thinking about Followership and can't help but to dislike the term. Spell check even says it isn't a word. I'm not a fan of the Leading & Following dichotomy. To follow suggests passivity and an absence of responsibility. And if it doesn't suggest it, I can't help but to feel soft when I take on the receipt of "follower". I'm always leading. I'm not always 'in charge' or at the endstate of authority / responsibility, but I am always leading; actively engaged in supporting the cause. Following drifts into mindlessness and creates patterns of dependency.

A Process to Resilience Jan 16, 2019

What started out as a conversation about a 7 day no calorie eating challenge ended up identifying a process to resilience, grit, mental toughness, ... ... whatever you want to call it.

Forgiving & Forgetting Jan 09, 2019

Spent an amazing last week+ digging into great things and it put me in a wonderful hole of introspection regarding forgiveness. Decided to try to talk it through what's in my head out loud to see if I could make any greater connections with it. I'm trying to not let things; especially simple things, bring me to increasingly agitated states and responses so quickly. I think there is a self correction in personal behavior that I can make that will have direct affect on my emotional reactions to other's behavior.

Consistency between Belief, Word, & Action Jan 02, 2019

Talk about a few little simple things that I habituate myself doing that carries forward to much bigger things. From "leaving it better than I found it" to the simple courtesies of please, thank you & you're welcome, and small acts that default to thinking of others first I'm grabbing back onto a few habits I somehow lost over the recent past.

Shifting Efforts & Selfishness Dec 26, 2018

Lately I've found myself increasingly sensitive to taking things personal. I think there's a handful of things going on as I deconstruct this and one area I think that's contributing to it is selfishness. I quickly touch on building a personal trigger and mechanism to autocorrect other potential areas that I am being less than the best I desire of myself.

Debut Episode Dec 20, 2018

In this opening episode I just ramble a bit, touch-stoning on a few concepts and beliefs I try to hold on to, as I examine inconsistencies in my life. Specifically, on why it's taken so much to simply get started with recording a personal journal of sorts.
I casually drift through fighting perfection, humility leading through hesitation into self-doubt and depreciation, and constructing a purpose. My aim is to toss a few concepts out that will serve as openings to rabbit holes for weekly riffs.

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected