Stay ConnectedThe Creative Introvert Podcast is the podcast for creatives, makers, artists and entrepreneurs who prefer to work solo.
Cat Rose digs deep into the struggles creative introverts face and provides you with actionable tips every week. Topics tackled include: battling fear, increasing confidence, self-promotion without feeling sleazy, and overcoming procrastination.
Copyright: © Cat Rose Astrology
Today I had the chance to talk to the lovely Alex Pearson, founder of one of the World’s Greatest Bookshops (as voted by Lonely Planet guides) and the Yurt Academy, here in Brighton.
We discuss:You can leave a rating and review on iTunes (here’s how to do that) and I will be as happy as a kitten playing with a laser beam (or sob into my pillow, depending on what you write.)
Oh boy am I hesitant about sharing THIS one: the one in which I visit a medium.
As in, someone who channels spirits.
Especially after last week's yoga one, or any of my other more New Age adventures... because this really takes the biscuit.
And at the same time, I'm certainly not judging anyone who wholeheartedly buys into this stuff, because quite honestly: I don't KNOW. I don't know whether it's possible to channel spirits of the dead, or whether there even is such a thing as spirit or soul.
But boy do I love to explore the question.
I'll preface this with a bit of an explanation: myself and a good friend (hi Rebecca!) have started a new podcast adventure, called the Seeker and the Skeptic.
If you hadn't guessed already, I'm the seeker! Yep, I'm the one standing up for a lot (though not all) of the weird things we investigate, from mediums to astrology to pyramid healing. You should be able to find it in your podcast player, just search the Seeker and the Skeptic.
Anyway, this trip to our local Spiritualist church was part of that investigation, and the plan was to go for something called a 'Demonstration of Mediumship.'
Sounded pretty harmless. I'd seen mediums on TV before, and as a kid, found it captivating... but I rapidly became suspicious. Because, logically, if I was a ghost, why on earth would I be hanging around these people? If I wanted to communicate with someone I loved, I'd surely send the message in the form of something likeable, like a cat or a donkey, not in some creep charging lots of money for the message.
Anywho, we went along, and did not pay a lot of money - it was £3 entry which seemed fair. The church itself looks very unchurchy from the outside, and any listeners from Brighton would likely recognise it's wavey concrete facade.
Inside however, it looked much like a regular church, or at least the entrance before you step into the main room... I'm sure there's a proper word for that but I don't know it. Bad Catholic.
OK so we sat down in a small room, a bit like a chapel, with 30 or so others. I assume they all came believing in spiritualism, or at least mediumship. So we were on our best behaviour: at least I think we were.
The medium was introduced, a woman with a very friendly face, a roundness I associate with a kindly aunt. She began by saying how nervous she was, which made me warm to her further - I know how nerve-wracking it is to speak to a crowd of expectant faces, but can't imagine how intense it is when those faces are expecting you to channel their dead relatives. Yikes.
Anyway, she got to it. She usually started with something like a letter, 'I'm getting an M' or something more obscure, like 'shoes' - though she's often say where the idea came from, like she said she couldn't stop looking at someone's shoes.
The first was a dud - the young girl she spoke to seemed to know nothing about the grandmother that was being channeled. But the next one blew me away in the accuracy of detail.
Whatever was going on, whether the audience were being nice and polite by agreeing with the medium's suggestions, OR there really were some spirits communicating - I did love that the medium always ended with a nice, sweet message.
'Just keep doing what you're doing' or 'Be brave, you are loved' that kind of thing. It can't hurt to hear nice, comforting words like this, regardless of what the source is, right?
Anyway, I had a lovely time - though I'm not sure my skeptic friend was convinced.
Fun Rating: 7.5/10Do I recommend going to visit a medium? Um... not if it means investing your life savings, but I do think it's worth seeing these people in the flesh and judging for yourself before you make an assumptions either way. This is why I love skepticism: it never assumes, only questions. A healthy attitude to have in these days.
I have a bit of a personal one today, that comes from a lesson I’ve struggled a lot with learning.
See, some of the stuff I share with you are lessons I’ve learned fairly easily, I see a better way of thinking or doing or being and I change my ways, without too much fuss.
Others…
Well, others I’m still learning. And each time I think I’ve got it - I get thrown back on my ass again, like someone telling me to get back in the ring, we’re not done!
Anyway, this lesson is more on that side. A bit of a slippery one, I tend to forget… until I realise I’m feeling all the feels. Exhausted. Frustrated. Resentful. Even mistreated.
But in any case, the only one who is ever mistreating me… is, ME!
OK so the lesson is: It’s OK to NOT do it.
It’s a bit of a weird one, because most of the advice or lessons or ponderings I share with you are actions to take or ways of doing things - but this one, this one is about NOT doing.
It’s about… identifying what you really don’t have to do. Moreover, it’s about dropping the GUILT that comes from not doing the thing.
Let’s get into some real examples.
Going out with friends.
A job from a client.
A collaboration with a fellow creative.
A new morning routine.
In any case, if you were to consult your rational, thinking mind, you’d probably rest on the side of doing the thing, going ahead with it despite your resistance because there are perfectly good reasons to. It will benefit you in the long run. Or it will make someone else happy. Or it will make you money.
All good things!
Unless, you’re soul is telling you otherwise.
OK, I won’t go too far down the esoteric rabbit hole here, but I will admit I believe in some part of us - and it may only be the unconscious mind, parts of our mind that we don’t have conscious awareness of, emotional centres and so on - but whatever you believe, I think most of us have a sense of something that feels, but doesn’t necessarily think. It’s THAT part of me I want to pay attention to more.
Why? Can’t I just overwrite my feelings with my more modern, progressive, thinking mind (the neocortex?) Well, no. Sorry. No matter how advanced you think you are, you’re still subject to the older part of your brain: and ignoring the signals it’s giving you is unlikely to end well.
It usually ends up in the therapists office.
But the good news is, is that this part of us - the soul or the unconscious - is giving us clues about what we should and shouldn’t do. It gives us clues about how we really feel about that group of friends, or what time we should wake up in the morning.
I’m using the word ’should’ here, even though I’m not a fan. The only time I like to use it is in this context: because in my experience, the only thing we should do is pay attention to what ’s best for us - and I know that might sound selfish, but the result of NOT doing what’s best for you is that you are going to be less helpful to those around you, in the long run.
OK so back to these clues we’re getting.
What kind of clues show up when you’re trying to force yourself to do something you don’t, deep down, want to do?
In mild cases, you might just feel a bit annoyed or less joyful than usual when you think about doing it. You might - unconsciously - procrastinate instead of doing it.
You might lose sleep over it. You might feel resentful to people involved. I turn into a moody little bitch.
In extreme, cases that extend over time, you might become chronically ill. Yeah. I’ve read some evidence to suggest that this is the kind of thing that leads to chronic illnesses, and while I’m definitely no expert, I do respect those who are doing research into this and the connections our mental wellbeing and physical wellbeing have.
OK so, before I start scaring you shitless - let’s go through the protocol I’ve been using to help you STOP doing the things you don’t really want to do.
1. Identify what’s not workingSo the first step in saying no to something is of course, to work out what that thing is. It’s also the part where you have to determine whether it’s truly something that you don’t want to do and isn’t in alignment with your most ‘true’ self - OR is it just plain old fear rearing it’s head.
I won’t pretend this is easy, and no one but you can know what’s best - so I’d steer clear of advice from others on this one, UNLESS you take all the advice you get with a very hefty grain of salt. All the advice you get is telling you about the advice GIVER - not about you, so you can see it’s usually irrelevant. However, if you want to gather advice from others - particularly those who have been in a similar position before or whose opinions have proved useful in the past - feel free to do so.
One thing that can be helpful is to ask someone for advice, then check your response to what they say. The resistance or relief you feel will be a dead giveaway.
And that’s how this step works: that’s how you identify what’s not working. You feel inside for what brings up resistance OR what brings up relief.
A question I like to ask myself is: how would I feel AFTER I do (or don’t do) this thing. If it’s relief, then I follow through. If it’s ickiness, then I do something else. Asking yourself how you’ll feel AFTER is often very different to how you’ll feel DURING the thing. If you’re only paying attention to how you feel DURING something, you’ll likely be steered by your fear, not by your true self.
For example, public speaking. 9/10 times during the speaking gig I feel like CRAP. Anxious, insecure, judged, sweaty - all of it. But after? I feel amazing. So 9/10 times, I know it’s right for me to speak, despite the fear I have before and during.
OK so take some time to identify the stuff that makes you feel ICKY.
2. Have the difficult conversationsNow you know what you don’t want to do, it might be you have to have some difficult conversations. It might be telling a client you can’t take on their crappy project.
It might be telling a friend you can’t go to their house party. It might be more serious than these things, but hopefully you get the drift.
In any case, I want to encourage you not to bottle out at this step! This is the one that might require face-to-face communication, and some seriously uncomfortable moments. But keep in mind: this too shall pass.
No matter how badly someone takes your news, please be aware that the good folk will stick around if they’re worth your time and energy. The people who aren’t good for you will fall away. But this only works IF you’re true to yourself. Speak your truth, take the fallout, and wait to see what (and who) sticks by you, regardless of your truth.
3. Set your boundariesI’ve got a whole mini-course on boundaries in the Creative Introvert Academy, but to summarise: boundaries are basically mental agreements you have with yourself, and sometimes others, about the world around you. So, a boundary for me might be: I don’t work in-house for design agencies for less than a certain amount of cash or over a maximum amount of days.
You might have personal ones, like you don’t speak to your mum on the phone more than once a week because it takes over your life or makes you feel like shit otherwise. In some cases you’ll tell others, in some cases you won’t: be your own judge of that. The important thing is that you are aware of your own boundaries, and keep the deal with yourself going forward.
4. Find your rhythmI learnt this one recently from Rob Bell, who has an awesome podcast.
He was talking about having a rhythm that for him is something like every 6 months of work, he needs a solid break, I can’t remember how long for but it’s substantial, a month or more.
And that just applies to work; a rhythm could also apply to socialising or exercise or other parts of your life.
For you, may be your party rhythm is once a week, or once a month - or if you’re me, once every blue moon.
This does take some tweaking, but once you start to spot your rhythm, knowing it is invaluable. I know I need social contact every 3 days because if I don’t, I turn into a genuine hermit: I find it difficult to form proper sentences, and my personal hygiene starts to suffer. Not good! but I also know that if I have social events back to back for more than 3 days, I become exhautsed and grouchy.
But when I figured that out, I made changes. I make sure to have some kind of social event planned even if it’s a yoga class or a coffee chat every 3 days or so.
5. Check inPart of this process is making regular check ins with yourself, to figure out if you’re staying true to your needs, managing your energy and to remind yourself of what you’re learning. If you had a really exhausting week, reflect on that. What got in your way? What did you feel pressure to do? What can you change next week?
Your checkins don’t have to be daily, though I do journal every morning without fail, they could be weekly. And they don’t have to be in writing, you might prefer to talk to your cat or your partner or a friend about how you’re doing.
Or you could do this as a meditation: getting into your body and figuring out from there how you’re doing and what you might need more or less of.
6. Forgive yourselfThis is a process - and often, a messy one. There might be some sleepless nights, difficult conversations, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, broken promises, and so on.
BUT. I promise you: this is worth it. Because - and yes I’m going to say it - YOU’RE worth it. You’re worth respecting! That means, YOU have to respect your needs.
That means: you might have to say NO, despite what others want you to do.
So. Just know it will pay off. You’ll feel so, so much better when you’re living from a place that feels true, authentic and leaves you feeling energised and empowered.
Ahhh trust me - it really does feel good.
OR you could ignore everything I’ve just said, because… I’t OK NOT TO DO IT, including what I’m saying!
POWERED BY PATREONThis podcast is made possible only by means of my generous supporters on Patreon. Thank you! Supporting this project gets you lots of goodies, from a mention in my weekly Museletter, early access and previews of new products and access to monthly workshops usually reserved for members of the League of Creative Introverts only! Hitting milestones also funds future projects, and ideas guided by you, my supporters.
Oh yes, I will not deny this one is a bit left field. I mean, how often have I mentioned yoga on this blog or podcast, ever?
When I told some friends that I was going to be taking a YTT 200 - or a yoga teacher training course that leaves me minimally qualified to teach yoga - well, it's fair to say they were quite surprised.
They were polite about it, but I was met with comments like 'wouldn't that be like me, someone who can't speak Japanese, deciding to spend a few weekends learning and then start teaching?'
Which, is understandable. I'm not the kind of yogi you see on Instagram standing on their head, with the sun setting in the background...
But I have actually been practising for about 6 years.
Yeah. It's been a fair old while, and even though I hadn't considered the possibility of being able to teach until earlier this year, yoga has been a big part of my life.
In fact, it was the thing that I attribute to sparking my self development journey, and the thing that pulled me through the darkest times back when I worked in London at an office.
Anyway, I'll save the full story of why I decided to take the training for another day, but let's just say I was inspired by my trip to Peru to spend more time helping people face to face, then from behind my laptop screen.
I also believe strongly in cultivating group environments that are 100% introvert friendly - because I know how valuable this has been in my own life, and how I feel in a group that is NOT introvert friendly.
One of my Leaguers (in the League of Creative Introverts) Kesse Hodge is flying the flag on making yoga super inclusive and accessible, so if you are interested in more of that, do check out change.yoga.
Ok so let's get to the training! A quick overview, this course is going to take up 3 full days each month till January, which isn't a big time investment, but for those weekends: it's pretty intense for this introvert!
I haven't spent a full 9-5 with a group of strangers in a closed setting since... working in that office in London, which I left back in 2013.
So yeah, I was nervous about how I'd fare, energy-wise.
I was also nervous about my yoga ability. Yeah, I've been practising for a while, but mostly... from Youtube. Not exactly the most disciplined practise, though I do owe so much to Yoga with Adriene.
Anyway, I got my big girl yoga pants on, and went with an open mind.
And I was pleasantly surprised.
First of all, everyone on the course is bloody lovely. Of course they are - they do yoga!
And the teachers, of which there are 3, are all amazing in their own way. One of them is like a big sister, one of them is like a mum, and one is like the cool aunty who was likely a hippy back in the day.
So yeah, good people, a good start.
Then there's the learning.
I roughly break this down to anatomy - of which there is a LOT - so I have a newfound respect for yoga teachers, at least ones trained in anatomy. Then there's philosophy, which I was honestly VERY skeptical about. I mean, as soon as I hear the word 'chakra' in a yoga class, I cringe.
But I will say our teacher made the subject super interesting, regardless of what you choose to believe. Then there's the practical stuff: how to teach each pose, and actually doing yoga, of course.
Which it's fair to say I'm struggling with, but the more I do it, the more I love it and - I'm already seeing improvements now I understand the underlying mechanics of each pose.
Ugh! You guys: this is SO fascinating for me.
I've also been pleasantly surprised with how much of a loud mouth in class I am. I think part of this is coming from my own sympathies with the teacher. I know how it feels to ask a question in a workshop and get NO response, so I'm quick to raise my hand if no one else is to ease that pain.
I also think this has a lot to do with how comfortable I feel with the other people in the group, nothing like school where I did NOT feel comfortable. And then there's my overall passion for the subject: again, nothing like most classes in school.
Of course, I'm still thinking about my energy. I was wiped out after the first day, and could do very little when I got home. But I'm not feeling cranky-drained, so that's good. I'm making sure to get off on my own during the lunch break, which seems to restore my energy somewhat.
And I discovered a homemade Bounty bar that the cafe nearby makes, which is definitely helping with my energy ;)
There's only been one faux-pas so far: that was our first trial of teaching a class. Actually, we only had to teach a sun salutation A, which is like 2-3 minutes long. but I of course had to have notes, and insisted on reading them, quite blatantly. Teacher told me off, kindly, but enough to make me feel a bit shit.
I know I need to get over my fear of 'winging it'; I know I can teach without notes, I know I could do this podcast without notes but... still, my notes are a crutch and one I have promised myself I WILL work on.
We're all work in progress, and if I'm honest, I don't mind that. I like having something to work on, something to improve at, something to learn.
I guess that's why I'm having so much fun on this course.
So my fun rating is:
Fun Rating: 9/10I'm hardly going to recommend all of you to go out and take a YTT course, but if you are into yoga already, may be consider going to a workshop or a longer class, local to you. It's amazing how learning more about the practise can really boost your enthusiasm for it.
I'll be sharing more of my yoga journey at YogisWhoShave.com and on Instagram at @yogiswhoshave
In this week’s episode of the Creative Introvert podcast I talk to Cat Byrne of Gatto Web, someone who I have a lot in common with - and not just the name.
What we talked about:You can leave a rating and review on iTunes (here's how to do that) and I will be as happy as a kitten playing with a laser beam (or sob into my pillow, depending on what you write.)
Last week I had the pleasure of attending a 3 hour workshop on Botanical Illustration with the Yurt Academy.
Honestly I was a bit nervous before I went, partly because I've never attempted a formal illustration class, though I've done a fair amount of life drawing. Also, botanical illustration is no joke! If you can picture a traditional botanical illustration, you know it's super detailed, highly realistic in most cases, and very delicate almost painstaking work.
Whilst I've always been a fan of detailed work, I'm not exactly the most patient when it comes to art - so never really got far with more detailed, delicate stuff.
So with my insecurities aside, I went along anyway.
Another thing that added to my nerves was our teacher, or Yurt Keeper - Cherry Denman, who is a proper real-life, full-time illustrator - who's published books and worked on a book for one of my favourite TV shows, Q.I.
The idea of embarrassing myself in front of her wasn't too appealing, but fortunately for me she was a lovely woman with a great sense of humour, super encouraging to all of us, and a damn good teacher in my opinion.
We started the class with some simple (in theory) drawing exercises. The idea here was to show us the importance of looking. Trying to draw a bicycle from memory will do that for you.
Then we practised our pencil control - drawing cones, spheres, tubes, practising pencil pressure and shading - the lot.
It reminded me that no matter how long we've been drawing for, there's nothing like going back to the basics and getting warmed up again for taking your work to the next level.
OK so then we got onto our 'work of art'...
I selected a nice leaf, the name of which I've of course forgotten... it looked a bit like a fig leaf (to me) - anyway, if you can identify it - please let me know!
We started by drawing, which was my favourite part. Actually painting it was another matter, but I was pleasantly surprised by the end result.
Cherry came around to each of us regularly to give us pointers and encouragement. The whole group seemed to be enjoying it, but I might have been projecting my own enjoyment onto the room - I had that much to go around.
I mean, when do we ever get a chance to sit down and really draw, or paint? Unless it's your job, but even then - you're making art on behalf of someone else. There's a point to it.
This felt much more like art for art's sake. Like what ladies of leisure would do in Victorian times. It was also nice to do it with others - to laugh about our mistakes and egg each other on.
If you can't tell, I had a very nice time. I definitely wasn't in my comfort zone to begin with, but by the end I had decided that I was going to take on Botanical Illustration as my next hobby... not that I need another one, but hey - it's good to have back up plans.
Fun rating: 9/10The perfect balance of challenge, pleasure and reward. I would highly recommend going to a similar art class if you have any local options, or even checking out some of the workshops offered by the Yurt Academy if you're in the UK.
Oh and if any of you are botanical illustrators, get in touch and send me a link to your work! I'd love to learn more about this beautiful art form.
One of the biggest misconceptions people have about introversion is that we are all shy, quiet and social recluses. It’s just not true!
In fact, both introverts AND extroverts can be shy - it really all depends on other social factors and life experiences.
In short, introversion/extroversion is more to do with where you get your energy from. Introverts tend to get their energy recharged by spending time alone, whereas extroverts tend to get their energy from being around people and interacting with others.
OK - with that cleared up, I’d like to move onto another myth - and this is one that I’ve held in the past - clung onto it, in fact.
And that is: that if you’re an introvert, you’re better off doing as much as you can alone. I took this energy from spending time alone thing SERIOUSLY.
Five years ago I quit my job as a web designer in a busy little London agency in order to go freelance. I wanted to work for me, myself and I. The less people I had to deal with - the better.
I was also under the impression that I would get clients and commissions purely from people finding me online, through my fancy website.
I sat back, and waited for the jobs to come in.
And before long… I started to panic. It turns out, my theory of just attracting clients through my website was not going to fly. I actually had to go out there and meet other people. Yikes.
Now, I don’t know about you but I am pretty allergic to networking. A bunch of strangers standing around, pushing business cards in each others face, totally bored and uninterested - most people just desperate to get a new lead. Pretty gross.
This creates a bit of a dilemma, if you’re an introvert trying to build a business or go self employed. If the one thing you need is people - connections, recommendations, referrals - but you only have so much energy for these networking events - what do you do?
I struggled with this for quite a while until I - accidentally - realised there were other ways to meet people, connect on an authentic level and actually get a lot of new business. All without having to play ‘extrovert’ or be something you’re not.
Now, I’d love to share with you the three discoveries I made in my years of experimentation. These are the discoveries that led to me ultimately being booked out, collaborating with people who are top of their game, and doing things that I couldn’t have fathomed doing alone - like co-hosting Wildfire Women, a live event for ambitious, creative women coming up this October.
Ok so without further ado… let me share the first of these three discoveries:
1) We need CommunityI grew up thinking that community was something for people who lived in small villages, not for someone who grew up in London suburbs. In the same way, I assumed that as a small business owner, I could do everything myself.
I assumed that as an introvert, I was better off alone, and that anyone doing the same work as me was competition. This mindset is a scarcity mindset. It assumes there isn’t enough of the pie to go around.
Not only is this totally untrue - it is actually harmful to hold this belief. It prevents you from getting the support that emotionally we ALL need, regardless of whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert.
Having a community of like minds who you can meet for coffee, co-work with, bounce ideas off, get questions answered and get encouraging words of support is so, so vital - especially if you’re attempting to build a business or take on a big project.
And I’ve found that the more you cultivate a community, the more opportunities arise - the pie starts to expand, not get gobbled up.
When I moved to Brighton, I didn’t go to intimidating networking events - I went to Meetup groups - if you’re familiar with Meetup.com you might know there are tonnes to choose from - something for everyone.
And if there isn’t one that suits you? Start one! I started my own creative meetup group and before long, I had formed solid friendships, gained clients and contacts and I did it all in a way that felt suited to my introverted tendencies.
So, have a think about how you might be able to join in in your local community - it might be yoga classes, mum’s coffee mornings, creative writing groups - have a look around and give it a try. I promise they’re much nicer than most formal networking groups and you never know what might come from it.
Ok next up, discovery two is…
2) Magic happens when we CollaborateSomething else that came out of my dabbling in community is collaboration. This is the combined effort of two or more people, for a mutually beneficial cause.
Again, my introversion made me very skeptical about collaboration - i figured if you want something done right, you’ve got o do it all by yourself.
How wrong I was. For one, I was missing the fact that I didn’t have all the skills required to do many of the big dream projects on my bucketlist, like create a live event.
I so badly wanted to create an event that was introvert friendly, that inspired us without leaving us feeling slightly depressed because the speakers were so perfect and so different from us that we can’t possibly soar to their levels of success. I wanted an event where I would feel welcomed, comfortable and included. I wanted to be able to talk to the speakers, learn from them and ask questions and walk away feeling ready and raring to take action, and make my wildest dreams happen.
Oh - but I knew doing this alone would never happen. I needed an extrovert, someone with a very different skillset to mine, and someone I could get on with and giggle with even when things got tough.
Amazingly, I did find this person, Thea Anderson - who you heard from on this episode of the podcast, but I would never have found Thea had I not been open to community and collaboration.
I had to let go of my control as a self-sufficient introverted solopreneur, and be open to sharing the workload, and admitting where I needed help.
The result was hosting a phenomenal live event last year that was everything we had dreamed of, and coming back this year once again to level up even more, at this year’s Wildfire Women.
Where in your life can you share the load? Where can you collaborate? This doesn’t have to be in business or work related - it might be in your personal life. May be it means asking for help when in the past you’d try to take on even more and struggle with the load. Who in your life has complementary strengths and skills to you? Have a think and may be ask them if they’d be up for joining forces.
Finally, we have my third discovery:
3) Success depends on CommunicationNow, one of the things that kept me stuck in my lonely loop of doing everything myself was… I was afraid to ask. I was afraid to communicate what I needed to anyone else.
Without this piece, communication, you’re unlikely to get very far with community or collaboration - because no one will know what your dreams are, what you can offer or how you can help each other.
It’s true: good communication does require a level of vulnerability that many of us, introvert or extrovert, do struggle with. It feels like we’re laying down our armour as we prepare for a reply that isn’t what we hoped for.
Of course, no one says this better than Brené Brown:
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they're never weakness.”
And communicating our needs is anything but a weakness. What I’ve discovered time an time again is the pleasant surprise that: people on the whole, really like to help. People really want to connect and they want to collaborate.
When you give someone the opportunity to join forces with you, anything is possible.
More on asking for introverts >>
OK so community, collaboration and communication - my three discoveries which hopefully will be of some help to you, regardless of what your big dreams are.
And as I mentioned, we’ll be showing what comes from these three C’s very soon, at Wildfire Women happening on October 6th, in London.
We’ll have incredible speakers you’re no doubt familiar with: Psychologies editor-in-chief, Suzy Walker, as well as Cate Mackenzie, Mary Fenwick and so, so many more.
Like I said, we make a big effort to cultivate an environment that suits both introverts and extroverts, we’ll make sure you feel welcome and you’ll walk away with real advice and action steps to apply to your own calling.
I've been in two minds trying to decide what fun I could share with you this week - you might have noticed I missed last week's fun update, and that was because I was away in Menorca (a small Balearic island) and had a pretty impossible wifi connection.
So my debate was whether or not I should tell you about my trip to Menorca, or tell you about what I did over the weekend (host a creative meetup).
The creative meetup won out, because Menorca was... well... you don't need to hear about me reading by the pool or my dislike of hot weather - which, if you read my Museletter you are probably very sick of after the summer we had.
So: the meetup!
Now, I feel like I've mentioned meetups in the past - specifically the kind you can find and create on Meetup.com, which is the platform I use. Not affiliated with them, and honestly I'm not a fan of them as a company because their customer service SUCKS, but for someone who is interested in meeting new people and doing new things - it's a pretty great option.
OK so I might have also told you that when I first moved to Brighton from London, I was at a bit of a loss. I realised my introversion had its limits, and my tendency to hermit myself had increased to the point of vitamin D definiciency. I'm kidding - redheads make extra vitamin D so that wasn't a problem.
But I was definitely craving the company of people - even if it was for a few hours a week.
I also wanted to do something creative that didn't involve the laptop... which, if you're anything like me, isn't so easy to motivate yourself to do. I needed accountability.
So yes, I created a meetup group. This was called Creative Cafe, and consisted of a Saturday morning, 11-1pm, in a cafe (or a pub actually) and anyone who came was welcomed, but also left alone if they wanted to work on whatever creative project they wanted.
I actually handed over ownership of the group some months back - I moved further away, to Hove, and ultimately needed a break.
But since my energy has picked up again, I've been craving my weekend morning creativity and social boost, and so... I started another group.
So my new group is called Caffeinated Creatives and just like with Creative Cafe, I've made sure to do things on my terms, and remember that people who want the same will be drawn to it, and people who don't... won't. That's my first tip for meetups: suit yourself, at least at the beginning. There's no point in doing something you're uncomfortable with, because YOU won't want to go!
I also chose a time I'm usually free, and at my creative peak: 10:30 on a Sunday morning. I limited this one to just 1.5 hours, with time afterwards put aside in case anyone wants to book in a quick Q+A session with me and of course people can stay at the cafe for as long as they like.
I'm not trying to pitch this to you because I know most of you aren't anywhere near Brighton, but if you are, I'll stick the link in the shownotes in case you do want to pop down on Sunday.
So the first one went very well: I met some lovely people, writers, artists, even a life coach - and all were super friendly. I chatted a bit, but I also got some mandala drawing done - yes, still my go-to creative outlet, especially if I want to be able to chat and work at the same time. That said, I'm going to accommodate my fellow writers as well, and make sure we've always got a quiet table for quiet work - and any hardcore introverts who want a time out. Which may sometimes be me.
All of this is to try and make the point that I often come back to: balance. We introverts do have a certain quota for alone time to fill, and a certain quota for people time. I truly believe there are only extreme rare cases when someone is a true hermit or does better off in a cave in the mountains... and I know I'm not one of them.
And that isn't easy: because with the rest of us, we need to work out this balance, and honour it. Sometimes that goes a bit wrong and we overdo our solo time or our social time, and need to address that. That's why a meetup like this is so great for me anyway, because I can use it to balance those needs - and get my creative needs met too.
Fun rating: 8/10In this week’s episode of the Creative Introvert podcast I talk to Jean Smith, social and cultural anthropologist and social intelligence coach.
This podcast is BY FAR the one I’ve most hesitated to publish because… I get coached. I don’t get coached on something you might expect either - not a topic we normally tackle on the podcast, but one I’ve been really hoping to, because it undoubtedly effects pretty much everyone at least if you’re… single.
What we talked about:You can leave a rating and review on iTunes (here's how to do that) and I will be as happy as a lamb frolicking in sunshine (or sob into my pillow, depending on what you write.)
Have you ever been asked what your superpower would be, if you were a superhero? I always struggled to pick between being able to fly and being invisible. Typically introverted answers: picking the two superpowers that would let me escape extroverted situations…
More than being a fun game to play when you’re six, this is a great question to ask yourself throughout life. Your superpowers don’t have to be extraordinary or win you any awards, let alone save the world… they are simply the abilities you have that come easier to you than most, and that energise you more than most.
Individually, they may not strike you as special at all – in fact, until you hear this podcast episode, you might not be aware of them at all – but when you do identify them and start to harness them more, you start to see evidence of your true capabilities.
Stop focussing on your kryptonite!Introverts tend to be especially critical of themselves, because of our tendency to focus inward so much. Unsurprisingly, treating yourself too critically can easily reduce your self esteem. Low self esteem makes life a lot more challenging. In short: you want to bolster your self esteem, not tear it down.
It does serve us to be critical when it comes to honing our skills; being able to accurately assess where you’re at is one of the core ingredients to getting to where you want to go. But there will be nothing to assess and improve at without first acknowledging what your superpowers are.
Not sure what your Superpowers are yet? That’s OK: here are some ideas to get the ball rolling, based on what we know about the nature of introverts.
1. You’re probably considerate of othersThis is particularly helpful when it comes to communication with others. It means an introvert doesn’t give too much away and can be more deliberate and diplomatic in their speech.
It also makes us less quick to make judgements – which, when done without much thought, can land an extrovert in hot water.
However, overthinking can lead to unnecessary anxiety. Anxiety about speaking your mind can mean you appear closed off and distant to others and hinder real connection forming, which is vital for trust and forming long-lasting relationships.
2. You’re probably a deep-thinkerWhat they say has gone through a natural mental filter, which tests how accurate, important and appropriate something is.
This means that a 1-to-1 conversation can be very rich and full of depth, leading to more meaningful friendships.
The downside to this is that it takes a while for our thoughts to mature and develop to a state where we’re ready to let them out into the world. This is definitely a drawback in heated, fast-paced debates.
It also means on the whole we’re averse to small talk - again, not the best at dinner parties or networking events.
3. You’re probably quite focussedYou can pay attention to those you are speaking to. Which is great if you’re speaking to one person, but even at a larger scale this can be picked up. For example a lecture in a theatre will often be able to notice if there’s someone paying true attention to them: and this will mean a lot to them.
The problem is for introverts who in turn, also need to focus quite intensely in order to get a good understanding of something. This is particularly true for highly sensitive introverts who struggle to maintain focus in an overstimulating environment.
4. You’re probably very attentiveAs a result of our focus, introverts also make for great at paying attention to others, making for great listeners. There is a difference between passive listening: which usually looks like someone who is purely being quiet out of politeness, and is really just waiting for their conversational partner to finish speaking. Active listening however looks like someone who has all there attention focussed on you, and who is getting ready not to just speak their own opinions or to steer the conversation in their own self serving direction, but to dig deeper into the last thing you said.
The downside is introverts can also pay too much attention to what others are thinking about themselves: which can cause stress and anxiety when doing something that exposes you to the public.
5. You’re probably independentCompared to extroverts, who very much rely on the responses and feedback of others, introverts are less concerned with their outside world. This is particularly true for the more left-brain, analytical introverts (usually ISTJs, INTJs, ISTPs, INTPs - check out Marti Olsen Laney for more on left-brain introversion.)
This gives introverts greater ability to be selfless: to create from a place that is not driven by vanity or muddied by the opinions of others.
6. You’re probably empathicThey have the ability to tune into their communication partners and this is done through intuitive strength rather than using any sleazy influence tactics.
Mirror neurones are a real thing: and both introverts and extroverts have them but could it be that introverts, particularly highly sensitive people, are more able to tune into them?
Empathy is a great skill, whether it comes naturally to you or you learn to develop it. It means people are quicker to trust you and feel less threatened by you.
Now we've talked about the generic introvert superpowers, let’s talk about your unique Superpowers - the ones that set you apart from the next creative introvert. You might have some or even all of the introvert superpowers, this isn’t where your Superpowers end. You have your own unique Superpowers, that distinguish you from the next creative introvert and that will make you the one fit for your life purpose.
Not sure what your unique Superpowers are? That’s understandable. One of the mistakes people make when identifying their Superpowers is that they immediately think of their abilities in areas that society tends to deem the most important. You might think of your academic history… and how difficult you found maths. You might think of sporting achievements… and remember you were always picked last for teams. You might think of your workplace history… and remember how you always got passed by for promotions.
In focussing on the big, obvious (and actually very insignificant) roles society has suggested you play, you end up missing the Superpowers you do have in other areas.
It can help to think about something that doesn’t feel emotionally loaded. For example, baking cakes with your mother when you were a child - or baking cakes with your children now.It’s these little moments that bring us joy, boost our energy and feel so easy to us that point to our actual Superpowers.
ACTION STEPS:1) Have a Superpower brainstorm by jotting ideas down from the following questions:
• What are you really good at? • What comes naturally for you? • What activities make you feel energised? • What quality do you bring to an activity? • What do you get asked for help with by others?
2) Put your Superpowers to use
It’s one thing to have a nice list of things you can keep in your wallet when you need a pick-me-up (which I do recommend) but it’s another to actually put these to use as much as possible in your daily life.
Now you have your list (you can also add the typical introvert Superpowers too if they resonated with you) start to list real life ways you can use these Superpowers.
For example, if one of my Superpowers is being attentive, I know I can bring this to occasions when I meet new people. These aren’t usually the most introvert-friendly events, but if I know I have my Superpower in my back pocket, I have more reassurance that I can use this to my advantage.
Think about how these Superpowers can help you through day-to-day life as well as the more challenging occasions we might face. Try following the sentence structure below to work through each Superpower:
I can use the Superpower of ________ when I _________
Go one step further and think of an event or upcoming project where you can really put your Superpower/s to use. Make a point of using this as your intention in going into that event/project (often a much better way of setting goals than focussing purely on the end result.)
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