Camp Wild Heart

12. Joyful Resistance: One Dad's Call to Action Oct 24, 2023

We’ve talked before about voting for your kid, and the rafts of legislation that are directed at taking away rights from trans people and trans kids. Even here in the Pacific Northwest, kids and their families are scared.

As of recording on August 15th, 2023, there were 358 active pieces of anti-trans legislation in 49 states. That doesn't include the 80 bills that were already passed, and it doesn't include the 128 bills failed.

This isn't going to stop anytime soon.

Today, we’ll hear from a dad, Mitch, who moved his family from Texas to Washington to escape the oppressive legislation passed there. You’ll also hear about Mitch’s activism on behalf of his trans daughter and gay son, from school board meetings to testifying at the Texas state house, and the impact it had on him, his marriage, and his kids. And he talks about being in the messy middle of transitioning to a new home while missing their friends, colleagues, and many of the things they loved about their lives in Texas.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

The grief of leaving behind their lives, colleagues, friends, and community and starting over
Why Mitch chose to focus on “joyful resistance” in his approach to activism
The sometimes surprising support and affirmation Mitch’s daughter received in her Texas school
What Mitch learned from his students about affirming, loving, and supporting his daughter when she came out
The impact of Mitch’s commitment to advocacy on his mental health and his relationships
Why Mitch says it’s vital for dads of trans kids to get involved
The final straws that made it clear the family had to leave Texas

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Resources:

Season 01 Ep 05: Suicide Prevention: Facing Our Fear Of The Dark

11. From Heartache to Healing: The Power of Self-Acceptance with Randi Oct 10, 2023

So often when I talk to parents about their children’s decision or request to transition, parents express concern that their child will regret their decision, and that their child’s regret will come back on them as parents.

In fact, I’ve worked with a number of parents who have said, “They can do whatever they want when they’re 18, but I’m not going to be responsible for any regrets that they have later.”

I’ve always translated this as a fear response. And I get it. There are a lot of unknowns and a lot of uncertainty, and nobody wants to screw up their kid or make their future not what they hoped it would be.

Today we're going to hear the story of a trans woman who didn't transition when they were young, even though they knew that's what they wanted and needed. She's going to share the story of the life that she has lived struggling with who she is and how to be in the world.

Her name is Randi, and she's a white, middle-aged trans woman. She's married, she has kids.

Randi asked me if she could share her story with you all because she wanted you to know the other side of the story for trans folks who can't transition, or choose to wait until they're adults to do so, and what regret means to her.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

How Randi knew from a very young age that she was different–and that she had to hide her differences
The experience of social and emotional isolation that resulted from not being able to be herself
Why Randi turned to hypermasculine expression in the wake of realizing that she was trans
How suppressing her identity impacted Randi emotionally, in her relationships, and even economically
How Randi finally came out to her wife and her family
How Randi’s pastor and faith community have provided support as she transitions
Randi’s advice for parents of trans kids

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Resources:

The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward, Daniel H. Pink

10. Words to Say When… Keeping Your Power in Difficult Conversations with Prof. Jaime Hamilton Sep 12, 2023

Transphobia is all around us, and often inside us.

As parents, we face it in everyday conversations with colleagues, family members, and friends. Our kids face it in school from peers, teachers, and friends.

Over the years, the biggest concern I hear about raising a transgender child isn’t about the medical stuff, it’s fears about the way the world will treat that child. We know it’s not all going to be nice. We know that our kids will face bullies and bigots.

And I've heard from some of you that you want to fight back.

So much of the anti-bullying policy and training in our school systems teaches kids to ignore it or walk away and find an adult. And it doesn’t actually teach kids to extinguish bullying behavior or give parents tools to help.

So what do we do?

Today, I brought in an expert in communications with a specific focus on anti-bullying awareness. She’s going to share some tools that are actually effective in helping kids stop bullying and hold on to their own power through a technique of using neutral responses.

We’re going to dig into what that means, why it makes sense and is effective, and how teaching kids to keep their power can spill over positively into other parts of their lives.

Jamie Hamilton is a communications professor who knows that communication is the magic with which all relationships are created and destroyed. Jamie’s passion is to teach people how to communicate in ways that enhance the areas of their life that matter most.

With over twenty years of experience, Jamie has garnered an academic platform of excellence in higher education and is the founder of The Comm Experts, a communications consulting and coaching firm.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

The difference between one-up, one-down, and neutral responses and how they influence power dynamics with bullies
Why just ignoring it and walking away doesn’t work
How responding neutrally and factually builds confidence
Why role-playing and practicing these responses with your kids is absolutely key
Why it’s essential that kids have affirming, trustworthy adults in their lives when they’re experiencing bullying
How parents can use communications tools to respond to difficult comments from other adults
Why the block button is the most effective tool for online bullying

Find out more about Jamie Hamilton:

The Comm Experts
TikTok: @the_communication_expert

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

09. Catherine: Living With Love, Not Fear Sep 05, 2023

Remember that time before you were a parent and you thought you at least had some clue what you were getting into and that you’d be good at it?

I know I did. I knew it wasn’t all snuggles and giggles and that it would be a lot of hard work, but caring for others is part of my wiring.

Of course, none of us are really prepared for what waits for us in parenthood. Even after you’ve had your first kid, you can get thrown for a loop on the second, third, and so on because every kid is different and you’re different too.

When we sign up to be parents, we don’t get to choose the kids we’re going to raise. We don’t know what personality traits they’re going to have or what genetic anomalies will unfold. We get hit with all kinds of unexpected adventures and challenges, and nobody handed us a manual for our kids.

Today’s episode is a parent story. We’ll hear from Mama Bear, Catherine, about how she and her family navigated her child’s coming out and transition, and how different her experience has been as a parent from one kiddo to the next.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

The challenges of having a younger trans child who can’t fully express what they’re feeling
Why Catherine says that aiming for gender neutral parenting may have actually caused her to miss some early signals from her child
How parenting a trans child adds an extra layer of vulnerability to being a parent
How raising a trans kiddo challenged Catherine’s sense of herself as an ally
How Catherine set difficult boundaries with family members to protect her kiddo

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

08. Body Trust: Coming Home to the Body with Dana Sturtevant and Hilary Kinavey Jul 04, 2023

“How do we know this is about gender and not body image? Doesn’t everyone feel uncomfortable in their body at that age?”

I get these questions from parents all the time. And my answer is this: body image is about being dissatisfied with how we look along with unobtainable beauty standards. Body dysphoria is about the cues their body sends to the world about how to interact with and treat them, how that doesn’t align with how they feel, and how it can make them feel invisible.

It’s similar, but also very, very different.

Struggles with body image and with body dysphoria can lead cis and trans kids to patterns of disordered eating and disconnection from their bodies. Eating disorders are prevalent in the trans community because they are often a coping mechanism for the stress and stigma of being trans.

Which is why I wanted to talk to today’s guests, who are experts in eating disorders and whose treatment model, centered on trusting and coming home to the body, is so different from standard treatment modalities.

Dana Sturtevant helps people let go of chronic patterns of dieting and disordered eating and move into a more authentic, sustainable way to occupy and nurture their bodies. She advocates for food and body sovereignty as a nutrition therapist, educator, speaker, writer, and activist.

Hilary Kinavey works with people to reckon with the vicious cycles of disordered eating and dieting, body shame and weight bias, and the fragmentation, oppression, and trauma that often sits at the center. As a licensed professional counselor, facilitator, educator, and coach, she sees that we have been separated from our embodied knowing of our value and wholeness.

Together they founded the Center for Body Trust and co-authored the book Reclaiming Body Trust: a Path to Healing and Liberation.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

Why parents need to do their own work around rebuilding body trust
How to bring awareness and choice to body checking and comparison behaviors
How our cultural beauty standards–for cis and trans people–are tied to white supremacy
Suggestions for supporting kids and framing the conversation when they’re exposed to toxic body image messages
Three phases of repairing body trust
Why gender affirmation has to be the first step in building body trust

Find out more about Dana Sturtevant and Hilary Kinavey:

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Resources:

07. Neurodiversity and Transness: Honoring Intersectionality in Healing Spaces with Dr. Sam Zoranovich Jun 27, 2023

Every single one of us has a body.

People are complex and our bodies are no different.

Some of us feel at home in our bodies, while others of us do not, and it’s not always because of gender.

Difficult emotions can play a significant role in this disconnect, as well as trauma and its impact on the body. And having a disability, disease, or other condition can further strain the connection with the body.

But for many trans people, their transness is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what makes them and their bodies so different.

Today we're diving into a crucial topic that affects the health and wellbeing of transgender individuals.

It's no secret that members of the LGBTQ+ community face unique health challenges, though there’s no definitive data or research correlating any of these issues with transness. They’re simply conditions that we commonly see in the same patients.

Which is why I wanted to talk to someone who has experience and expertise in treating patients with a lot of these co-occuring conditions that can make it harder for trans individuals to connect with their bodies.

Today we’re digging into the relationship of neurodivergence and transness and how it impacts the body and how holding a marginalized identity or identities literally shapes the body.

Dr. Sam Zoranovich is a chiropractor who specializes in providing care to the LGBTQ+ and BIPOC communities. Their own experiences with chronic pain, multiple surgeries, and feeling broken and betrayed by their body inform their practice and how they help people go from managing symptoms to thriving in their lives.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

How the siloing of traditional medical specialists impacts diagnosis, treatment, and healing
Why neurodivergence and how the brain processes stimulation can have such profound physical impacts
The overlap of neurodivergence, digestive issues, hypermobility disorders, skin complaints, and more
How neurodivergence and trauma impact the body’s fight or flight response and what happens when it gets stuck

Find out more about Dr. Sam Zoranovich:

Zoranovich Chiropractic
TikTok: @doctorsamz

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Resources:

06. Mindful Masculinity: Embracing Superheroes and Sensitive Souls with Rocco Kayiatos Jun 20, 2023

Toxic masculinity is more than a buzzword.

Toxic masculinity is part of the gender training we receive starting in childhood, where we learn the rules about how to be a man or a lady. Man up. Boys don’t cry. And it hurts all of us.

Toxic masculinity is a narrow and repressive description of manhood and frankly, I’m surprised more men aren’t pissed about it.

What does that have to do with raising a transgender child?

Toxic masculinity can manifest in many ways and have a profound impact on your children.

It can show up in the ways we talk to our kids, the expectations we place on them, and the way parents and kids perceive gender and gender identity. And it can lead to feelings of shame and internalized transphobia.

Which is why today I’m talking with Rocco Kayiatos about toxic masculinity, how it shows up and impacts our children, what we can do to reeducate ourselves and our children about what it means to be a man, and how embrace mindful masculinity.

Rocco Kayiatos is a musician, poet, actor, and activist. His work centers around gender identity, queer liberation, and social justice. Rocco’s artistry and activism have gained national attention and made him a leading voice in the transgender community. He has brought his powerful message to stages across the country and uses his platform to inspire and empower others to embrace their true selves.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

Rocco’s evolution as a performer, publisher, and activist and why it’s so important to create inclusive spaces and model possibility
How Rocco went about uprooting his own toxic ideas about masculinity and let go of being a “man-hating man”
Why Rocco says the goal should be to expand our definitions of gender, identity, and expression with compassion
How cultural assumptions about what it means to be a man can make trans men shy away from claiming their full identity as men
How a rejection of perceived femininity can lead to expressions of toxic masculinity in trans boys
How parents can start interrogating how toxic masculinity shows up for them and expand their ideas about gender

Find out more about Rocco Kayiatos:

Instagram: @roccokatastrophe
Connect with Rocco on LinkedIn

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Resources:

05. Gendered Lives: Privilege, Parenting, and Identity with Erica Courdae Jun 13, 2023

There are so many things about our lives that are gendered.

And some of those things are a lot more important and hold more cultural significance than we realize–that is until we have kid who comes out as trans, and then all of that privilege you had and all the mental energy you didn’t have to spend on thinking about all the ways in which the world wasn’t set up for your transgender kid is gone.

Now, I should be clear, when I say “we” I’m talking about cisgender, heterosexual, white people. People of color, which I am not, have a lot more awareness about the ways in which the white Western world was not built or designed for them.

One of the most common conversations I have with white parents of trans kids, usually pretty early on and always because they bring it up, is about their awareness of exactly how much privilege they have, and also how much it sucks to lose it.

Today we’re talking with Erica Courdae about culture, hair, privilege, gender and race.

Erica is the host of the podcast Pause on the Play® and has built an exceptional community of listeners who are showing up and exploring ways to make their values more explicit at work and at home. She has curated connections and learning experiences that will help anyone challenge harmful norms, show up as an imperfect ally®, and live in alignment.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

How Erica’s experience in the beauty industry informs how she helps people investigate cultural norms and show up as themselves
How having a trans child exposes the fragility of the norms and assumptions parents hold
Why it’s so critical for parents to do their own self-work of acceptance and questioning apart from their kids
Why parents need to be able to admit they were wrong and apologize to their children
Why neutrality is not an option

Find out more about Erica Courdae:

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

04. Fear vs. Curiosity: Being Alive and Trans with Flint, Just Flint Part 2 Jun 06, 2023

Get ready for part two of my conversation with Flint. If you haven’t listened to part one, hit pause and give it a listen, then come back for part two.

In this episode, we’re continuing our conversation about creating a safe and supportive space for trans kids, and the trans adults they need in their lives to show them that they will be fine, and that what they are experiencing is normal.

Flint is an English teacher in Southern California. They are white, use they/them pronouns, are vegan, married to an artist, and are nonbinary. They are the kind of person who really goes out of their way to make sure that students, colleagues, and friends are valued and appreciated.

They play and coach roller derby, and have cultivated a large social media following on multiple platforms simply by sharing their genuine and authentic experiences as a trans teacher.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

How Flint found a community of trans teachers online and grappled with coming out at school post-remote schooling
How Flint leads with questions to defuse conflict within the community, and why it’s important to know when to end the conversation
Reflecting on Flint’s gender journey and why it’s never too late to claim your identity
Why kids need to see a diversity of experiences of gender and sexuality
Why you need to create an environment where it’s safe to ask questions and talk about hard things
Why we need to untangle gender and sexuality

Find out more about Flint:

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

03. Fear vs. Curiosity: Being Alive and Trans with Flint, Just Flint Part 1 Jun 06, 2023

We have all heard and experienced how different school is now from when we were kids. It’s a whole different world.

And while I could easily be referring to school policies and the way that kids are taught math - I’m not. I’m referring to the social universe and obstacle course that kids navigate day in and day out.

And one of the hardest things about that change is that it doesn’t really end when the bell rings. It continues on social media and smartphones. Kids don’t really get a natural break from it.

They need your help to find balance, but also to help them navigate a world that you didn’t ever really know.

Today we’re talking to a teacher named Flint about what kids are really facing in schools, how to support them while they’re trying to get their education, and how to communicate with teachers to help them understand the unique needs of your student.

Flint is an English teacher in Southern California. They are white, use they/them pronouns, are vegan, married to an artist, and are nonbinary. They are the kind of person who really goes out of their way to make sure that students, colleagues, and friends are valued and appreciated.

They play and coach roller derby, and have cultivated a large social media following on multiple platforms simply by sharing their genuine and authentic experiences as a trans teacher.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

Why parents need to let their kids shove them out of their boxes
Tips for keeping your kid from shutting down in conversation
How leading with curiosity improves your relationships and makes you a better advocate for your child
Why parents and teachers need to do their own work to educate themselves on LGBTQIA+ issues

Find out more about Flint:

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

02. Believing in Your Child: Embracing the Journey of Trans Identity May 30, 2023

You never know how people are gonna react to your child's coming out and socially transitioning.

I wish there was a clear indicator that I could give you that says, these are the ones who will support you, and these are the ones who are going to get spooked and do really ugly things. If that thing exists, I haven't discovered it yet.

I've seen families who are progressive and open-minded about others get completely closed off to the idea that something like this could be happening with their child. I've also seen people who go to church every Sunday read the Bible, own a lot of guns, who absolutely get it and show up for their kids in some very beautiful ways.

Everyone responds differently.

Today's episode is a parent story.

We'll hear from Mama Bear Kate about how she and her family went about supporting her trans child, Rachel, without a map, navigating the seas of judgment as they began to socially transition.

Kate is white, middle class and married to a cisgender man. She has two children and lives in the Pacific Northwest. Kate's also a writer, and she recently shared this story in the Huffington Post.

In this episode, Kate opens up about her experience as a parent of a transgender child. She talks about the challenges she faced in accepting her child's gender and the journey toward embracing it fully. She also shares how she educated herself on trans issues and how she navigated religious and cultural barriers, and how she showed up to support her child through the ups and downs.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

How a school form started the process of Rachel’s coming out as nonbinary
How Kate and the family navigated questions about Rachel’s identity being a phase, and a rough year in first grade as he began his social transition
How Kate and her husband intentionally worked to create a culture of openness to tough questions in their household
How Kate’s process of educating herself about trans issues quieted the voice in her head yelling that Rachel’s desire to transition was an emergency

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Resources:

Our 6-Year-Old Wanted To Use 'They/Them' Pronouns. We Had No Idea What We Were In For.

01. What Do I Do When My Kid Won't Talk to Me? with Flyn Alexander May 23, 2023

I think we’ve all been in that place with our kids where they are clearly going through something big - something with friends, something with sex, mental health, transness, something that makes your parent heart go “Oh god - I need more information about this so I can help and protect and make sure that nothing bad happens to them.”

So you put out the bid for connection and try to engage in the conversation and your kid gives you NOTHING.

They stare blankly at you, they say “I don’t want to talk about it,” or “I dunno.” And you get emotionally snared and the harder you push, the less they want to talk to you.

Sound familiar?

In this episode, I’m talking with Flyn Alexander about ways to talk with trans kids who may be hesitant or uncomfortable discussing sensitive topics, such as their transition.

Flyn Alexander is a clinical social worker who specializes in working with transgender individuals and their families. He graduated from Michigan State with his MSW. Flyn uses he and they pronouns and is an out and proud trans man.

When Flyn approached me about working at Wild Heart Society, I was like “I really don’t have room to take on more people” but after spending 20 minutes with him I was like “I”m gonna figure out how to do this because this guy is flipping awesome.”

His energy is contagious. He is courageous, calm, funny, joyful, introspective, and a changemaker. I’m so thrilled he is on our team, and I’m so excited to share this conversation with you.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

Why asking your kid a lot of questions can make them clam up so hard
Why you have to separate the narrative of your kiddo’s life that’s in your head from the truth about themselves that they’re telling you
Why parents should investigate their own gender journeys and how gender and other complicated conversations are handled at home
Strategies and key reminders for approaching conversations about gender with your child

Find out more about Flyn Alexander:

Wild Heart Society Bio

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

07. Talking Queerness: Gender-Affirming Perspectives and Resources with Lindz Amer Oct 25, 2022

When I was a kid, nobody talked to me at all about queer people, except maybe to tell me that they were sinful and going to hell. I don’t think I really even started to learn about queerness in any way other than the negative until I was in high school. And even then, it wasn’t exactly what I would call affirming. And I know my experience isn’t uncommon.

Times have really changed when it comes to the acceptance of the queer community by the dominant cishet society that we live in in the U.S. and it has opened to door to having conversations with kids about queerness and gender much earlier and in a much more positive way.

The problem is because so few of us parents had a positive introduction to this, there are lots of questions about when and how to start these conversations with our kids.

We need resources for talking to kids about queerness.

And that’s where today’s guest comes in.

Lindz Amer (they/them) is the founder and CEO of Queer Kids Creative, a digital entertainment company spreading queer joy and queer-focused intersectional, all-ages media. They wrote, produced, and co-hosted Queer Kid Stuff, an original LGBTQ+ educational web series for ages three and up, for four season and over 50 episodes. They continue to perform QKS music and stories at schools, museums, libraries, and local LGBTQ+ centers all over the country.

They also produce and host a family-friendly podcast called Activist You, where they explore social justice topics through interviews with kids and youth activists. And they just launched a new podcast called Rainbow Parenting.

Their work has been featured by Good Morning America, Kids Screen, NBC Out, Teen Vogue, Shondaland, and Parents Magazine, among others, and their TED Talk, Why Kids Need to Learn About Gender and Sexuality, has been viewed almost 3 million times.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

How Queer Kid Stuff evolved as a way to meet kids where they already were with “queer theory meets Mr. Rogers”
Lindz’s practical and emotional advice for helping your kiddo navigate social media
Why Lindz is making parent and adult-focused content that helps them create affirming environments for their kids
Why every human needs an education on gender and sexuality

Find our more about Lindz Amer:

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

06. Sharing the Weight of Coming Out Sep 27, 2022

Coming out is an age old tradition for queer kids. Some even think of it as a right of passage.

But what we don’t really consider is how emotionally taxing it is for the person doing the coming out. What we don’t realize is that by even having this cultural set up, we’re creating a world where our kids are othered. Wouldn’t it be lovely if we didn’t have to come out and we could just be ourselves without having to explain our identity to anyone?

I realize that the world is far from this utopia I imagine. But it’s not as far away as we were when I was a kid. A world where they don’t have to come out, and just get to be is coming.

But that day is not today. And as you navigate the coming out process it is sure to bring up lots of questions. So to help us in this conversation, I’ve asked my good friend and co-counselor, Jess Guerriero to join us.

Jess Guerriero always wanted to be a Boy Scout and comes prepared as your guest counselor to journey through all of the adventures and self-discovery at Camp Wild Heart. Though afraid of the dark, they are not afraid to go to dark places with young people and their families to find some hope and reasons for staying alive. When not at Camp Wild Heart, they utilize their training in social work and their nerdy gender studies degree to help gender expansive youth and adults navigate exploring their identities and identifying ways to feel affirmed. They also bring their fierce and tender heart into parenting their five-year-old and loving on the various members of their relationship constellation. They come to Camp Wild Heart with almost 14 years of experience working with youth and families.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

Questions for parents and kiddos to consider when deciding when, how, and to whom to come out
How well-meaning family members can unintentionally disrupt and stunt their relationships
The impact of your language and framing when making an announcement on behalf of your kiddo
Why parents need to set boundaries and expectations for family members’ questions about their kiddo’s transition

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

05. Growing Alongside Your Kiddo Sep 13, 2022

Parenthood is a state of nonstop learning and adapting. I love being my kids' mom more than anything. And it's a good thing I like a challenge because it is also the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Parenting is hard for so many reasons - even when you’ve got a neurotypical, cisgender kid with no mental health issues. Parenting a neurospicy, gender expansive kid is a whole other level of challenging.

And being a parent shines a big bright light down on all of our own stuff. The lifetime of stuff we have been pushing into the dark corners to hide from the world and ourselves.

As parents, no matter how much we love our child, our own stuff comes up. It creeps in. It gets in the way of us being able to show up for our kids in the ways they need us to, and the ways we want to. We can be resentful of this, or we can see it for the gift of reflection that it is.

Today’s Camp Wild Heart guest is brave dad, David. David is the father of Jimmy, who is 17 at the time of this recording. David, his wife, and their whole family have been on this gender journey together now for six years, and they’ve experienced the growing pains lots of families feel when a child transitions. There is no one way to parent any child. David kindly shares with us some of the ways he, his wife, and Jimmy have written the playbook for their family, and some ways he’s had to grow as a dad in the process.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

How David and his wife found community and understanding with other parents of trans kiddos
The impact of transition, from haircuts to top surgery, on Jimmy’s mental health and wellbeing
How David and Jimmy’s relationship has evolved and deepened over the course of his gender journey

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

04. The Magic of Voice Transitioning with Nicole Gress Sep 06, 2022

Have you ever had the experience where you open your mouth to speak, and the voice that comes out of your mouth is barely recognizable?

Or have you ever heard yourself on a recording and thought, “Whoa! Is that what I sound like?!”

These experiences aren’t exactly the same as the gender dysphoria many trans people experience in their lives, but they are as close as I can get to helping you connect to the feeling of vocal gender dysphoria.

So what do we do about it? How do we help a girl whose voice has dropped? Or a boy who is the only one of his friends whose voice hasn’t changed at all? Vocal Coaching.

Vocal coaching isn’t a quick fix. It takes diligence, time, practice and more practice to transition a voice. The traditional medical model of weekly visits with a Speech Language Pathologist can take up to three years to complete the transition.

So thank goodness there is more than one model to transition a voice. Today’s campfire guest is Nicole Gress, MS, CCC-SLP. Nicole is white and uses she/they pronouns. They are the queer, trans founder and CEO of Undead Voice. Undead Voice is an online platform empowering and educating trans, non-binary, and gender-diverse folks to create a voice that aligns with their identity. Undead Voice's mission is to increase access to trans healthcare by making voice transition resources affordable, accessible, and affirming.

Nicole’s model for vocal transition is innovative, and creative - and does my favorite thing - creates community for those who participate.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

Where the traditional model of voice transition falls short
Why access, affordability, and community were Nicole’s main goals when developing Undead Voice Lab
Why Nicole uses non-gendered language when talking about voices and voice goals
Why they say it’s important for people to continue to be able to access their full vocal range
How the program addresses the emotional and mental components of voice transition to help people achieve their goals

Find out more about Nicole Gress, MS, CCC-SLP:

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

03. Creating Communities of Support For Gender Expansive Kiddos with Shannon Collins Aug 16, 2022

It certainly isn’t the case for everyone, but for many parents, raising a transgender kiddo can feel like a pretty isolating experience.

Who do I talk to about it? Where do we find more information? What supports are even available to our family? What does any of it mean?

Finding other families can be very difficult. And there are so many factors that make it difficult. Where you live is usually a big one. There are certain parts of the country that have more resources and support than others. But even in those communities, it can still be hard to find what you need. Another big barrier to finding support is the age of your child.

When kids come out early (like before puberty) it often leaves parents with a “well what do we do with this? We don’t need medical interventions. I’m not even sure my kid needs therapy. I just want them to feel like they aren’t the only one.”

The truth is, most of the resources that exist in the US are resources that focus on teens and adults. Finding social support for younger kids can feel very challenging.

That’s why sometimes, parents end up taking it into their own hands. That’s exactly what our campfire guest, Shannon Collins, did for their kiddo.

Shannon is a white, nonbinary, queer person who uses they/them pronouns. They partnered with their local library to start an online group for young trans and gender expansive kids. And they’ve worked with a number of business owners to donate time and resources to create a breathtaking photography project called Youthphoria, that offers free photography sessions for trans, nonbinary, and gender expansive youth in the Philadelphia area.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

Why it was important to Shannon to partner with a library on Rainbow Connections
Steps they take to make the Rainbow Connections online community welcoming and accessible for a range of kids
How the pandemic shifted Shannon’s journey of learning to take up space and claim labels
How Shannon’s experience in the wedding industry influences how they talk about gender at home
The common overlap of trans and nonbinary identities and neurodivergence

Find out more about Shannon Collins:

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Resources:

02. Non-Binary: Love, Kindness, and Self-acceptance with Jeffrey Marsh Aug 09, 2022

When kids come out as trans, there is often, but not always, a progression to it.

It is not at all uncommon for kids–particularly adolescents–to start with coming out as gay, and then progress into a non-binary identity, and then to a re-binary identity.

But not everyone takes that route. And a lot of kids and adults discover the concept of non-binary or something similar and go, “Yes! This is me - finally.”

There are so many labels in the gender universe, and because it is continuously evolving, it makes continuous learners out of all of us.

My hope is that as people hear more gender journey stories like today’s guest’s, an awareness will be built and that more and more people will feel confident going on a journey of gender exploration.

Today’s campfire conversation is with Jeffrey Marsh. Jeffrey is a viral TikTok and Instagram star, nonbinary activist, and LGBTQ keynote speaker. Jeffrey was the first nonbinary public figure to appear on national television, being interviewed on Newsmax in 2016, and Jeffrey was the first celebrity activist to use they/them pronouns. Jeffrey’s #1 bestseller, ‘How to Be You,’ was the first nonbinary memoir. And Jeffrey is the first nonbinary author to sign a book deal with any “Big 5” publisher worldwide, for Penguin Random House. Jeffrey Marsh’s TikToks and compassionate short-form videos have over one billion views.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

Jeffrey’s perspective on self-kindness and self-love as a lifelong relationship
The role parents play in helping their kids with the realities of being LGBTQ+ in the world
Why you can’t, and shouldn’t, shield your kiddos from everything
How non-binary identity creates a dialogue

Find out more about Jeffrey Marsh:

JeffreyMarsh.com
Instagram: @theJeffreyMarsh
TikTok: @theJeffreyMarsh
How to Be You: Stop Trying to Be Someone Else and Start Living Your Life

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Resources:

Guanyin - Wikipedia

01. What the Heck is Gender Dysphoria? with Karen Kopulos Aug 02, 2022

Dysphoria is a word that gets thrown around a lot in the trans community.

Dysphoria is an intense discomfort, distress, or unease that typically has to do with one of three aspects of gender identity: physical, social, or mental.

Dysphoria is NOT a qualifier for being trans.There are plenty of trans people who don’t experience dysphoria.

But since it is very common, we thought it would be worth telling you about how and when it shows up, what it feels like, and how you can support your kids through it.

To help me with this conversation, I’ve brought in my good friend and colleague at Wild Heart Society, Karen Kopulos.

Karen is white and uses they/them pronouns. Their work focuses primarily on trans and queer youth and their families and they have been doing this work in various forms for more than a decade. Clients rave about Karen’s ability to meet kids and parents right where they’re at, without judgment and gently moving them forward.

Karen hails from Ohio and moved to Portland after college, where they’ve found love, happiness, and a community of support. When they aren’t working, they’re spending time with their partner, playing with their dog, or immersing themselves in nature.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

Common environments that may trigger dysphoria
How physical dysphoria may show up for AFAB kids as they grow
How allowing kids to transition gives them the freedom to explore their gender expression
Why AMAB kids may develop mental and physical dysphoria earlier and require medical interventions sooner
Different ways to approach bottom dysphoria for both AFAB and AMAB kids

Find out more about Karen Kopulos, LMHC:

Wildheartsociety.org

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Resources:

Binders - https://www.gc2b.co/
Binder Safety FAQ
A Queer Owned Sex Shop with a wide range of gender expression options https://www.sheboptheshop.com/gender-expression/
Clothes, binders, swimwear - tomboyx.com
Clothes, swimwear - dapperboi.com
Clothes and swimwear for trans girls - https://rubyshines.com/
Masturbation Sleeve for trans boys, and other affirming products - https://www.ftmessentials.com/products/shotpocket
Custom Suits for Trans Bodies - https://www.bindleandkeep.com/

07. Understanding Intersectional Identity with Martha Stebbins-Aguiniga Apr 05, 2022

Sometimes we look around, or turn on the news, and it feels like we’re just being pummeled with injustices and it can feel overwhelming.

Maybe you’ve already been fighting social biases based on race, income, or ability - and now here comes this kid that you love more than life, and they’re thrusting you into a whole new world of oppression that you probably didn’t even know existed.

I think that advocacy and inclusion work as a parent of a trans kid is almost inevitable. You’re going to find yourself in positions to educate and advocate over and over and over and over again. Some parents find this to be overwhelming, others find it empowering, and love being able to find their voice as they fight for their child’s rights.

I don’t think any parent recognizes that this is going to be part of their parenting journey until they’re facing discrimination head on. They didn’t know that the people they might have to push back against are their friends, family members, and colleagues. And sometimes they can get resentful of how their child doesn’t have the same privileges they thought they did, and how their lack of gender privilege also spills onto them.

Today’s campfire guest is a therapist, social justice advocate, racial equity trainer, small business owner and overall badass, Martha Stebbins. Martha owns Mente Counseling and Consulting in Seattle Washington. She is bilingual/bicultural and her pronouns are she/ella.

Martha is incredibly knowledgeable when it comes to working with little kids and trauma, and she also has a wealth of knowledge and experience in helping families of color navigate mental health and social injustice.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

How intersectionality interacts with our implicit calculations of danger and safety
How intersectionality is impacted by both self-identification and external perceptions and interactions
Why oppressive forces and intersectionality matter for everyone, even if we hold privilege
How parents can approach their trans kiddos’ intersecting identities with openness and curiosity

Find out more about Martha Stebbins-Aguiniga:

Mente Counseling and Consulting

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Resources:

06. Imperfect Parenting and the Power of Showing Up with Michelle Mar 29, 2022

Showing up for our kids seems simple enough, right?

Showing up means more than just your physical presence in a room. Showing up for your child is about the quality of your presence. Showing up means connection and attention–putting your phone down while your child is on the playground, taking advantage of every second of the three minutes your child engages with you about their day.

Showing up is about making sure our kids feel soothed, safe, seen, and secure.

And the research on child development clearly demonstrates that one of the very best predictors for how any child turns out–in terms of happiness, social and emotional development, leadership skills, meaningful relationships, even academic and career success–is whether they developed security from having at least one person who showed up for them.

Across cultures and around the globe, these studies reveal a universal finding about how we can parent well, if not flawlessly.

Today’s campfire guest is mama bear, Michelle.

Michelle is a Latinx cisgender woman and mother of three. She and her husband, who is white, live in suburbia with their youngest child. Their oldest child is off conquering the world, and their middle child died in late 2020 by suicide. We’re going to be talking much more about how Michelle chose to show up for her kids and what that has meant for them and for her entire family.

Content warning for discussion of suicide.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

How Michelle showed up for her kids with listening, regularly acknowledging she didn’t have all the answers, non-judgment, and accountability
Why you need to know when your kids are most open to conversation, whether it’s face to face, in the car, or outdoors
Why Michelle says being able to laugh at ourselves is a key lesson to model for our kids

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Resources:

The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired, Tina Payne Bryson and Daniel J. Siegel

05. Seeing Ourselves As More Than a Body with Lexie Kite Mar 08, 2022

You know that feeling when you’re walking down the hall, or through a room of people and it feels like everyone is staring at you?

And you know in those moments you almost start to stare at yourself?

You become acutely aware of the way your clothes are hanging on your body, your posture, the way you’re walking, the hairstyle you chose that day–and chances are you’re not thinking about how awesome you look.

There is a name for this experience.

It’s called self-objectification and we all do it.

We’re groomed for it from birth. It is at the root of so many of our own body image problems. And we’re raising our kids to do the exact same thing.

Self-objectification is the concept of trying to look at ourselves through the eyes of others. We cannot see our own bodies walking through the world, but we definitely imagine them and when we do, we imagine them through a lens of criticism and unworthiness. There are so many reasons we do this, and NONE of them are healthy.

Today’s guest at the campfire is Lexie Kite.

Lexie and her identical twin sister, Lindsay, are the co-directors of Beauty Redefined, a nonprofit working to help girls and women improve their body image and self-worth as they wade through harmful cultural ideals. They are the co-authors of the book More Than a Body.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

Defining internalized objectification and self-objectification and how it presents in cis and trans kids
Why expanding the definition of beauty isn’t enough
Ways to empower your kiddo to challenge body-centered talk and build body image resilience

Find out more about Lexie Kite:

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

04. Embracing the Gender Journey with Mikki Gillette Feb 22, 2022

Gender affects us all and matters to us all.

We all have a gender story. And the societal rules about gender that are wired into us deeply affect the way we treat people. Otherwise why would it matter if you can’t tell what someone’s gender is?

Gender journeys are something that trans people think about a lot. And if you haven’t ever thought about your own, I highly encourage you to.

Today Mikki Gillette is going to share with us a bit about her gender journey.

She’s also the best person I could think of to talk to you about how to show up advocate for your kids, hopefully changing some of the messages that they’ll receive about their own gender and their worth as a transgender person in America.

Mikki Gillette is the Major Gifts Officer at Basic Rights Oregon, the state’s LGBTQ policy and advocacy organization. A transgender woman, she’s helped organize the Portland Trans March and the City of Portland’s Trans Day of Visibility event. Last year, Mikki also testified at the state legislature in support of the LGBTQ Panic Defense Ban.

Mikki is also a playwright whose works have enjoyed readings across the city. She was named a 2020 Queer Hero by GLAPN Northwest.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

How your trans kiddo can only be the expert on how they’re feeling right now
Why you need to undertake your own education on trans issues, plus recommended resources
Why your kiddo needs to know you’re on their journey with them
How connecting with other parents and getting involved can help when you feel powerless

Find out more about Mikki Gillette and Basic Rights Oregon:

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Resources:

03. Learning to Swim With the Struggle with Kristen Feb 15, 2022

When we’re looking at any life transition, we’re in for a bumpy ride.

Even when that change is good, transitions are hard. We’re bound to have missteps and hard moments in the messy middles that most of us work really hard to avoid because of how uncomfortable they are.

But there are some times, like when your child comes out and wants to transition, that those moments become unavoidable.

Navigating anything that goes against social norms is never simple.

It might mean having to have hard conversations and make hard choices around extended family. It means having to fight for your child in school. It means rumbling with all kinds of emotional baggage most of us didn’t even know we were carrying.

It might even mean a change of faith.

There’s nothing simple about the massive ripple effect that your child’s gender transition has on your life.

Today we’re going to be talking to Mama Bear Kristen. Kristen is the mother of two kids, and she and her family live in a rural community where they own a farm. Kristen’s sons are both teenagers.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

How his childhood stereotypically feminine presentation made Alex’s coming out more of a shock to Kristen
The challenges they faced with his name and pronouns with grandparents
How they grappled with their church’s response the Alex’s coming out and finding a new spiritual community
How Kristen came to terms with Alex’s desire for medical transition and hormones

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

02. Focusing On Your Parts So You Can Show Up For Your Kids' with Delena Meyer Feb 08, 2022

Have you had those moments with your kid that have left you feeling totally confused about what the right next step is?

Parenting can feel stressful and downright overwhelming. Confusing, traumatizing, joyous, disappointing, and like the best thing we’ve ever done all in a matter of moments.

All those emotions have messages and they often conflict with each other.

If we don’t sort through these emotions, or parts of ourselves that are showing up in this chapter of parenthood, we are sure to misstep and blow it somehow.

This is why one of the most helpful things we can do as parents when we’re working hard to support our trans kiddos is to get clear on what it is we’re experiencing, and what we really need to do with it.

As a society, we’ve done a pretty poor job of accurately learning and teaching each other how to integrate and embody our emotions with intention and understanding.

Personally, I love emotions, and feelings and that’s because I’ve made a career out of it, and have learned so much about myself in the process. I’m made up of all kinds of different parts. I’m complex, just like you.

And just like my guest today, Delena Meyer.

Delena Meyer wears a lot of hats. She is a mom, partner, and founder of Deviant Compassion Consulting, where her team helps people bring more compassionate humanity to their work.

Today, Delena is going to talk with us about her youngest child, Oliver, and all the parts that came up or got activated as she and Oliver charted the path of transition.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

How part of Delena attached to a trauma narrative that made it difficult to process her son’s coming out
How therapy for both Delena and Oliver helped them both delineate whose parts were being activated
How they both use humor to soften sharp edges and confront hard things about themselves and each other

Find out more about Delena Meyer:

Deviant Compassion Consulting

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Resources:

01. GENDER 101: Beliefs About Bodies with Rachel Simon Feb 01, 2022

The way we talk to kids about bodies and gender is so important.

When I was a kid, we didn’t really talk about gender in any particular way, but it was everywhere and it was clear what the roles were. We didn’t really talk about bodies either - other than what was wrong with them.

I wanted to do things differently with my kids. I wanted them to have an inclusive upbringing and understanding that their bodies were theirs and that they were wonderful, powerful, and the wisest part of them.

I wanted them to know that their gender and their biological sex were different and that there were all these invisible pressures and rules for them but that they didn’t need to follow any of them.

In early learning, whenever we want to teach kids social lessons, we turn to literature, and there was a shocking LACK of children’s literature that was inclusive and body positive. I stumbled my way through trying to explain gender and bodies to my kids because I didn’t really have a good resource to turn to when they were very young.

This is why I’m so excited to talk to Rachel Simon.

Rachel is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist who offers therapy, gender and sexuality education, and consulting to youth, parents, families, educational faculty, professional organizations, and health professionals.

She received both Masters degrees from Widener University and received her BA in Psychology and LGBT Studies from the University of Maryland. Rachel has provided training and consultation on gender, sex, and LGBTQ issues for groups in the US and abroad. She currently runs her private psychotherapy practice in Philadelphia, specializing in queer and transgender youth and young adults. Rachel is the author of the sexuality education book for children, The Every Body Book: The LGBTQ+ Inclusive Guide for Kids About Sex, Gender, Bodies, and Families.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

Simple ways to answer kids’ questions about gender and transitioning
How to introduce gender expansiveness from an early age through play and language
Teaching kids empathy while recognizing and acknowledging differences
Advice on boundaries, advocacy and not getting trapped by anxiety for parents and families supporting gender-expansive kids

Find out more about Rachel Simon:

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Resources:

EP 15: Therapy and Assessment for Trans Youth - Forging a Supportive Path Forward with Laura Edwards-Leeper, Ph.D Jun 22, 2021

There are lots of different opinions on the best way to support trans youth.

Even among the community of affirming providers, there are lots of opinions of what should or should not happen for youth.

According to standards of care written by the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH), once a person is 18, they should have access to care through the informed consent model.

Meaning, they walk into a clinic, they say they're trans, they receive education about hormones and what they'll do to their body, they sign some forms and they're good to go.

There are many individuals who feel that this should also be the path for youth. But according to WPATH, youth are required to undergo a comprehensive mental health assessment before they can proceed with hormone replacement therapy (HRT).

Some professionals in the field, as well as within the trans community, feel like this is gatekeeping and creates unnecessary barriers to getting life-saving care.

Others feel that this is a necessary step to assure that trans youth are clear on what they're experiencing and are ready for the changes that will come with HRT.

Why? Shouldn't a person be able to say what they need and we believe them?

Today, we're going to hear from Dr. Laura Edwards-Leeper. Laura is a pioneer and had the courage to step up for trans kids years before any of the other gender clinics started doing this work. She was the founding psychologist in the first youth transgender clinic in the United States and is currently the chair of the Child and Adolescent Committee for WPATH and is heavily involved in the revision of the standards of care.

She has a private practice outside of Portland, Oregon, where she works with transgender and gender-diverse children and adolescents and adults for therapy and assessment. She also provides consultation and training to providers and clinics around the country. Internationally she's often a go-to resource for media outlets, including the New York Times, the Atlantic, the Washington Post the BBC and most recently 60 Minutes.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

Why the standards of care for children and adolescents are different than those for adults and why that includes a comprehensive mental health assessment
What parents can do to be part of the assessment process to maintain or strengthen their relationships with their kiddos
Advice for how to find a clinician skilled in working with adolescents and their families for assessment and therapy
Why an assessment is not a final yes or no, but a source of information

Find out more about Laura Edwards-Leeper, PhD:

DrLauraEdwardsLeeper.com

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Additional resources:

World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH)

EP 14: Medical Insurance–Opening Doors for Medical Intervention Jun 08, 2021

Every step along the medical journey requires some level of interaction with an insurance company.

Prior to the Affordable Care Act, most, if not all, insurance companies did not cover any gender affirming care. They saw it purely as elective and not a medical necessity, but as you are experiencing firsthand, times they are a-changin’.

And with that, so has what is and is not covered under insurance benefits.

Some of the most comprehensive coverage plans I've seen will cover everything a person might need in order to feel affirmed: blockers, hormones, surgeries, voice therapy, the list goes on. Whereas other plans cover far less and/or have more hoops that they want people to jump through in order to approve an intervention.

That's why I've asked Rachel back to the podcast. Rachel is the mama bear of Archie, who is 16. We first heard from Rachel in Episode 7. Rachel is one of the fiercest parent advocates I've met doing this work. When her kid needs something, you better believe she's not going to rest until they get it.

For our conversation today, we're talking about insurance, top surgery and her experience in navigating both of those things at the same time and still managing to stay sane.

It's my hope that Rachel's story will provide you with the awareness and common humanity that it isn't just your kid. It isn't just you that has to wrestle with the bureaucracy to get what you and your family need.

Pushing back is a headache, but the payoff of seeing your child thrive, if medical intervention is something that they need, will be well worth it.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

Why shifting her mindset from being the container for her son’s transition to being the channel for it has made it easier for Rachel to advocate for medical support
Why Rachel advocated for top surgery as a mental health and social wellbeing issue when it came to getting insurance authorization
How working with experienced professionals writing letters in support of services can alleviate some of the insurance hurdles
Asking for help and seeking out resources to navigate insurance from your company and your community

Additional resources:

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

EP 13: Overcoming the Emotional Hurdles of Medical Intervention May 18, 2021

Sometimes kids have a clear vision of what they want and need their body to look like in order to feel affirmed in their gender.

If a child doesn't know that doesn't make them not trans, it just means this stuff is confusing and they aren't sure what they need.

This is one of the main reasons we go slow.

It’s also one of the reasons we always want to be sure that you as a parent have a comprehensive support team to help you through the medical side of transition.

Knowing when it's time or when your kid is ready for medical transition is very difficult to do when you're trying to also manage your own feelings and whether or not you are ready for it.

Today, we're going to hear again from Laura. We first met Laura in Episode 3 and we heard about her journey with her son Lucas and how she found the courage and support to deal with her own feelings about him coming out.

Lucas has been out a while now, and Laura has come back to share with us about what it's like to navigate the medical side of transition with him.

We’ll also hear a bit about a real-life version of Camp Wildheart based in New England. Camp Aranu’tiq is a camp established specifically for trans, nonbinary and gender diverse kids. I had a chance to sit down with Nick, the camp director, and want to share our conversation about the magic of camp.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

Laura’s journey from being scared for her son’s future to being a “mama bear” advocate and ally
How getting her son on blockers quickly after he came out has been crucial for his confidence
Why testosterone and top surgery have been harder for Laura to wrap her brain around
Why support from parents and professionals who understand the experiences of trans kiddos and their parents is key

Find out more about Nick and Camp Aranu’tiq:

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Resources:

Episode 03: I Was Not Ready For This – When Your Child Comes Out as Transgender

EP 12: The Many Paths of Medical Intervention with Dr. Kara Connelly May 04, 2021

Hormone therapy, testosterone, estrogen. I've seen these words throw so much tension and chaos into families.

In our first medical episode, we introduced endocrinology and talked mostly about puberty, suppression medication or “the pause button.” Today, we're leveling up and talking about hormone replacement therapy or HRT.

So often, a child is begging for HRT, and the parents are giving the full-on deer in the headlights look.

Which makes sense, a lot of the time the child has been longing for hormones long before they ever came out. And teens, being so good at timing, tend to drop this request on their parents who are still wrapping their heads around what transgender even means.

What I’ve found is that because there's so much misinformation about gender and transition, that it is really easy to get lost in the BS. I've also found that most parents’ fears ease a bit after they learn more about what hormones do and don't do.

So to answer some of the most foundational questions parents regularly ask about hormone therapy, I've wrangled the help of Dr. Kara Connelly.

Dr. Connelly provides care for patients with a wide variety of endocrinology disorders. She is also the medical director for the Doernbecher Gender Clinic, which provides comprehensive medical care for transgender and gender diverse children and adolescents, under the umbrella of the Oregon Health and Science University Transgender Health Program.

She's involved in local and national research and advocacy efforts and is passionate about reducing barriers to care for gender diverse youth.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

Why making an appointment with an endocrinologist is not a commitment to any one course of action
The ways hormone therapies affect teenage bodies (changes are much slower than you think)
The potential impacts of HRT on fertility, and what resources might be available to teens and families navigating those questions
How supporting your teen in getting access to affirming care gives them a stronger foundation to move into adulthood

Find out more about Dr. Kara Connelly:

Doernbecher Gender Clinic

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Resources:

Camp Wild Heart EP 11: Navigating the Rapids of Puberty Suppression with Dr. Karin Selva

URGENT - The SAFE Act In Arkansas: We Need To Talk Apr 20, 2021

On April 6, the Arkansas state legislature overrode the governor’s veto to pass the SAFE Act—Saving Adolescents From Experimentation.

The law outlaws access to gender-affirming medical care for transgender youth by labeling perfectly safe, common, and lifesaving treatment as “experimentation.”

All of us who work to support transgender children and their parents are appalled and heartbroken.

This is not the first inhumane law to be passed severely limiting the rights of transgender people and it won’t be the last. But through years of doing this work, I’ve realized that the only thing that makes these obstacles to progress any easier to navigate is knowing that I am not alone.

So I gathered some of my fellow warriors for an emergency conversation about how we can show up for the kids, families, nurses, social workers, and doctors in Arkansas.

We also have those of you in Texas and North Carolina being threatened with similar legislation on our minds and in our hearts, too.

Listen to hear reactions and reflections from social workers Jess Guerriero and Clancy Roberts, and endocrinologists Karin Selva and Kara Connelly.

In this fight—and in this grief—they're great company.

Resources:

ACLU - Transgender People and Health Care
HB 1570 - SAFE Act
Arkansas on the Ground Resources:
ID Arkansas
Transgender Map - Arkansas Resources
THEM. Articles
45,000 Youth Could Lose Gender-Affirming Healthcare if Anti-Trans Bills Pass
Meet the Transgender Activists Fighting Arkansas’ All-Out War on Trans People
Camp Wild Heart Ep 11: Navigating the Rapids of Puberty Suppression with Dr. Karin Selva

EP 11: Navigating the Rapids of Puberty Suppression with Dr. Karin Selva Apr 06, 2021

No parent wants to navigate any part of the medical system for their child beyond checkups.

Medical can be a confusing and scary journey.

Of course, we all want to do as little damage as possible to our kiddos, and many parents see medical interventions for transition as a recipe for potential damage.

There is just so much misinformation around the subject of medical. It’s no wonder parents are so confused about it!

And you do not have to navigate this terrain on your own.

You are part of a community now. There are parents who have been through this, and well-trained therapists and endocrinologists who can help you and your family create a plan for whatever comes next.

Our guest today is a well-established and respected member of that community of support.

Dr. Karin Selva is a Chair of the Pediatric Medical Executive Board at Randal Children’s Hospital in Portland, Oregon, and the Director of the Randall CHildren’s Hospital T-Clinic. She’s been rated as a top doctor by Portland Monthly magazine more than 10 times - and with good reason.

Today, we kept our conversation focused to puberty suppression, medication, and her approach to working with young transgender children and adolescents. We’ll hear about other interventions in future episodes.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why it’s a good idea to take your kid to an endocrinologist before puberty starts, starting that relationship early on
How long you should expect your kid to be on blockers depending upon your goals for transition
Why puberty blockers aren’t the right fit for everyone and what other option there is
How to approach medial if your child is non-binary

Learn more about Wild Heart Society:

EP 10: An Introduction to Medical Intervention Feb 23, 2021

Without a doubt, the most controversial aspect of raising a transgender child comes with making medical decisions to assist with transition. As we started this podcast, the vast majority of questions I've received from listeners have been on this subject.

And I won't lie: I've been delaying it in large part because first and foremost, I wanted you to know that you're not alone in your journey with your kid. There are many other parents who've been right where you are and without the community to lean on—and it seems like I would have been doing you and your kid a disservice.

Trans kids are kids and they need loved and supported more than anything else.

From my clinical perspective, without the love and connection that only a parent can give we're setting our kids up for the hardest possible path.

So it's my hope that this next series of episodes will help ease some of your fears and ultimately allow you and your family to write some of the most challenging chapters of the playbook that works best for all of you.

This is a huge subject and so, in this episode, my goal is to give you an introduction, answer some basic questions, and dispel a couple of myths when it comes to medical intervention and your trangender kiddo.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

When medical interventions are available to transgender kiddos (and why it’s likely not as young as you think)
Why an endocrinologist is the best equipped to manage medical care through transition
When your transgender child should start seeing an endocrinologist
Ways to support and affirm your child even if medical intervention is not part of the conversation
How shame is the most damaging and painful of all emotions and how it can make your child feel unloveable and unworthy of love

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Resources:

PFLAG

HOLIDAY BONUS: 13 Ways to Fill the Holidays with Joy, Gratitude, and Love for our Kiddos Dec 15, 2020

One of the aspects of common humanity and parenting is that we are all doing the best we can and trying to inflict the least amount of damage possible on our kids.

Some days it feels like a hallmark movie and other days, an MMA pay-per-view special. And on some days, it is both. Anyone who tries to pretend it's anything different is just full of crap.

So here's what I've started reminding myself and I encourage you to do the same as you continue on the journey of parenting your transgender kiddos, particularly during the holidays:

There is no path for this.

You are basically pioneering the Wild West of the gender frontier.

And we are certainly in this with you and ready to support and help in any way that we can. But there isn’t a formula, model, one size fits all, or crystal ball that will show you what to do. There are no guarantees.

The only real magic we have is the love and connection we give to our kiddos and to each other.

So as you head into the holiday season, knowing that there's not a path to follow, I want to leave you with a few things to consider when trying to shift this holiday from a hard, grief-filled time to one of joy, gratitude, magic, and love for your kiddos.

Happy Holidays!

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Some ways you can shift this holiday from a hard and grief-filled time to one of joy and gratitude.
How wrong the myth is that therapists have got it all figured out
How the desire to be a pleaser, keep the peace, and not have needs can really mean you are striving for the status of invisibility
How there is no path for this and how the only way out of this wilderness is through it. Do not try to pretend it isn't happening. It will only make it worse.
This is an awkward journey. You are going to make mistakes. That's okay. You’ve got this!

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Gift Ideas:

For Trans Boys: Chest binders - gc2b.co
Swimwear: tomboyX.com; dapperboi.com
Teen Vogue - Best Gifts For Your Transgender Loved Ones
Huffington Post - Trans Youth Girfts
Buzz Feed - Gifts That Support the Trans Community

Resources:

The TransSanta Project
Extra Support: www.thetrevorproject.org

EP 08: Learning How To Be An Ally To Your Trans Child Dec 01, 2020

I know a lot of parents who, when their child first came out to them as transgender, were not surprised and celebrated their child’s ability, courage and willingness to live their life authentically.

However, I also know a lot of parents who started in a place of fear and denial about what their child was telling them. This followed with them pushing back and denying their child the ability to explore what they were feeling in a safe way—or express themselves in a way that felt authentic to them.

For those parents, the journey to understanding and affirming their child is a journey and it usually doesn’t come overnight. Over time, through their own education, self-reflection and growth, these same parents shifted to an affirming lens and started to celebrate their child for who they are.

In between is where it can get messy and, oftentimes, the child is the one who feels the weight of it. Unfortunately, that emotional load can have lifelong repercussions—both for the child and for the parent-child relationship.

In the first part of this episode, you’re going to hear from Brave Mom, Shawna.

Shawna is letting us in on some of the struggles that she and her son have gone through after he came out six years ago and how to be an ally and an advocate for your trans child.

So, I Have A Question:

This interview with Shawna will probably bring up a lot of questions for you around how to become an ally to your trans kid.

That’s why I’ve solicited the help of Jenn Burleton.

Jenn is considered an authority and nationally recognized leader on issues relating to transgender and gender diverse children and youth.

In addition to her role as founder and program director of TransActive Gender Project at Lewis & Clark Graduate School of Education and Counseling, Jenn has served on Oregon Health & Science University’s Transgender Program Advisory Committee, and the LGBTQ Child Welfare Workgroup for Multnomah County.

She was awarded the 2014 Multnomah County “Sy Award” for a lifetime commitment to social justice. On top of all of this – she’s one of the few remaining elders of the trans community and an absolute delight.

I fully intend on making her one of my new best friends, and a regular here at Camp.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

Shawna’s experience navigating her relationship with her son throughout his gender journey
How Shawna has showed up for her son by advocating for him publicly with family members and at his school
Why advocating for our transgender chilrden can sometimes feel like we’re constantly explaining to people
Jenn explains why there is no one-size-fits-all playbook for families with transgender kids
How to avoid damaging your relationship with your kiddo who’s come out as trans

Find out more about Jenn Burleton:

TransActive Gender Project

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

EP 07: Getting Our Trans Kids to Tell Us What's Really Going On Nov 17, 2020

As parents, we like to believe that we know our child better than anyone. Maybe better even than they know themselves. But do we really?

For some parents, that’s one of the hardest things about making sense of a child coming out as transgender. They didn’t see it coming. How could they have missed something so huge?

Most parents suspect something is going on—but they just don’t know what it is.

When we recognize that something is off with someone we love, we might ask questions like: are you okay? Is there anything going on that you want to talk about?

Sometimes our loved one will tell us: yes, there is something. But most of the time, they usually say everything’s fine and then we go about our day worrying the way only parents and people with anxiety disorders can.

Sometimes we miss it altogether. Sometimes we see it and we're too afraid to ask.

So how do we get our kids to tell us what's really going on?

Today, we’re opening Camp Wild Heart with Brave Mom, Rachel. Rachel is the mother of 15-year-old Archie. Rachel and Archie have been on this gender journey together now for a few years—and they’ve experienced high moments and low moments along the way.

There’s no one way to parent any child. As Rachel shares, there are some ways that she and Archie have written the playbook for their family. And, in some ways, she’s had to grow as a mom in the process.

So, I Have A Question:

This interview with Rachel will probably bring up a lot of questions for you.

In the second part of this episode, Dr. Linda Hawkins, PHD., will lend us her expertise and answer some common questions she and I receive from parents as we do this work.

Dr. Hawkins is the Director of the Affirmative Therapy for Transgender Communities Training Program at Widener University & Director of the Gender & Sexuality Development Program at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. She has more than 20 years of experience as a clinician.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

How it’s not only okay but important to ask hard, scary questions
Why you and your child need to work together to determine what the playbook for support looks like
How your support playbook is specific to your family—and it might look really different from other families—and that’s OK!

Find out more about Dr. Linda Hawkins PHD.:

Dr. Linda Hawkins at Widener

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Additional resources:

childrensnational.org

BONUS EPISODE: Vote For Your Kid Oct 29, 2020

If you’re listening to this podcast, I’m guessing that you love someone who is transgender - probably your child.

And many of you might not have known during the last election, that you were parenting a transgender kid. Or maybe in the last election, the stakes didn’t seem so high.

This year, in case you didn’t have a reason to get to show up and vote, I want to make sure you know that your child needs you to vote - for them. Their rights literally depend on it.

Every year, in every state there are pieces of legislation that are aimed specifically at limiting, or reducing the rights of transgender people. So I want you to think about the world your child needs you to help create so that they can live the healthy, content life you’ve always wanted for them.

That world requires them to be able to go to the bathroom in schools and have a learning environment safe for them so that their brain will allow them to learn.

That world requires them to be able to love openly, unashamed, and free.

That world requires them to be able to marry.

That world requires them to be able to walk down the street without being harassed.

That world requires that they can’t be fired based on their gender or sexuality.

That world requires them to have the same rights and protections as cisgender people.

And yes - I think that this year, that matters more than taxes, and pretty much anything else that could affect your child’s wellbeing in the future.

Your kid can’t vote yet and they need you to use your vote to create a community where they can thrive.

I hope it would be abundantly clear who on your ballot is going to work to do that. If it isn’t, I’m sure every candidate has an office full of people ready and willing to talk to you about how they plan to support gender equality and LGBTQ+ rights.

The date to vote is November 3rd.

EP 05: Suicide Prevention: Facing Our Fear Of The Dark Sep 22, 2020

Today at Camp Wild Heart, we’re going to talk about everyone’s favorite topic: suicide.

Naturally, this is not a conversation that is super common which is why we feel it’s even more essential to talk about, especially as it relates to—and impacts—trans people.

The reality is that no one is protected from it—people of all walks of life and of all genders experience suicidal thoughts. However, trans people seem to be more vulnerable to it—not because of their transgender identity but because of being marginalized and oppressed in society. They are rejected by people who are supposed to love them unconditionally. That kind of emotional experience leads one to feeling like life isn’t worth living.

Since transness isn't the root of suicidal ideation, but rather it's more about the way that trans people are treated in our society, this episode is going to focus more on what it means and looks like to be suicidal as opposed to being a trans person who's suicidal.

Instead of talking to a parent as we typically do, in this episode, I’m having an extended conversation with Jess. Jess always wanted to be a boy scout and comes prepared as a guest camp counselor here to journey through all of the adventures and self discovery at Camp Wild Heart.

Though afraid of the dark, Jess is not afraid to go to dark places with young people and their families to find some hope and reason for staying alive. When not at Camp Wild Heart, they utilized their training in social work and nerdy gender studies degree to help gender diverse youth and adults navigate and explore their identities and identify ways to feel affirmed.

Jess also brings their fierce and tender heart into parenting their two year old and loving on the various members of their relationship constellation. They come to Camp Wild Heart with almost 10 years of experience working with youth and families.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

Jess’ experience with depression and chronic suicidal thoughts—and how that influences their work
How Jess can intuitively know if someone is more at risk of suicidal ideation
What parents can be on the lookout for in their kids and how to parse out if something is due to teenage angst or something deeper
Why getting curious is key to supporting and affirming trans kids

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Additional resources:

Trans Lifeline 877-565-8860
The Trevor Project 866-488-7386
Affirmative Therapy for Transgender Communities
PFLAG
The Atlantic: Suicide Memes Might Actually Be Therapeutic

EP 04: When You're the Last To Know – When Your Child Comes Out As Transgender Sep 01, 2020

Most cis-gender people have a hard time imagining what it's like to be transgender but I don't know anyone who hasn't had some experience of not being seen for who they truly are.

Maybe you know what it's like to have someone look straight through you. Maybe your voice or ideas are regularly left out of meetings. Maybe you've been on the receiving end of some absolutely terrible customer service that leaves you wondering whether the person sees you as another human being.

Ultimately, not being seen sucks.

And yet transgender people regularly go unseen and even worse—they regularly have the experience of dealing with people and institutions that refuse to see them. They are regularly met with messages from strangers, family members, and friends that who they are is wrong, that it isn’t real, or that they’re just confused.

To constantly have your life and identity in question hurts—and it often triggers a deep sense of scarcity and shame. Unfortunately, shame can make us feel totally alone and like we'll never be good enough.

During our campfire talk today, we’ll hear from fierce and kind mom, Jennifer. Jennifer will share about her experience with her kid, Aaron, coming out and having to swim through the sea of shame with him to a place of resilience and healing.

Please note that this story is a bit more intense than ones we’ve shared previously but it highlights an incredibly important and very real threat to transgender children.

So, I Have A Question:

Jennifer’s story might have brought up some questions for you so in the second part of this episode, Dr. Linda Hawkins, PHD. will lend us her expertise and answer some common questions she and I receive from parents as we do this work.

Dr. Hawkins is the Director of the Affirmative Therapy for Transgender Communities Training Program at Widener University & Director of the Gender & Sexuality Development Program at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. She has more than 20 years of experience as a clinician.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

Jennifer shares her son’s coming out story and her first response to it and, if she could go back, what she would say now
Why Jennifer reached out for professional help right away after her son came out as transgender—and how she found the right therapist for their family
How Jennifer and her husband worked together to support each other and their son
Dr. Hawkins discusses the very real threat of suicide for transgender people, the role parents play in keeping their child alive, and different ways that parents can show love and affirmation to their transgender children

Find out more about Dr. Linda Hawkins, PHD:

Dr. Linda Hawkins at Widener

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Additional resources:

EP 03: I Was Not Ready For This – When Your Child Comes Out as Transgender Aug 18, 2020

There is no singular storyline that fits what it’s like when your child comes out.

Every kid is different. Every family is different.

Sometimes trans kids come out when they’re little—and sometimes they don’t.

Sometimes parents are on board from the get-go—and sometimes they aren’t.

Whether parents are on board or not, it’s crucial to get support.

No one prepares for the day their kid comes out as transgender. By calling in for backup, it makes rising to the meet the moment just a little bit easier.

And when we can get help, we’re much more likely to thrive—and so are our kids.

During our campfire talk today, we’ll hear from brave mom, Laura. Laura realized that asking for help, being vulnerable, and showing up in community with other parents was more important than being judged. Through PFLAG and a therapeutic group for parents of trans kids, Laura saw how other parents modeled compassion for their kids and for themselves.

Laura will also share about how her son, Lucas, came out and how she cultivated the courage to make her way down the path of affirming and supporting him through love and how she found connection with other parents going through something similar.

So, I have a Question:

Laura’s story might have brought up some questions for you so in the second part of this episode, Dr. Linda Hawkins, PHD. will lend us her expertise and answer some common questions she and I receive from parents as we do this work.

Dr. Hawkins is the Director of the Affirmative Therapy for Transgender Communities Training Program at Widener University & Director of the Gender & Sexuality Development Program at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. She has more than 20 years of experience as a clinician.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

The first signs Laura noticed that her son was transgender
How PFLAG offered a place for Laura to connect with other parents of transgender kids
Why it takes time for some parents to get on board—and why that’s OK
How to find the right support and why affirming your child is hard—but so worth it
Ways to love your child for who they are

Find out more about Dr. Linda Hawkins, PHD:

Dr. Linda Hawins at Widener

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Additional resources:

EP 02: How Do They Really Know? – When Your Child Comes Out as Transgender Aug 18, 2020

Most kids don’t necessarily walk up to you and say, “Mom/Dad, I’m trans,” when they come out.

Most of the time, however, they show early signs that they are exploring their gender and that they don’t feel right in their body.

Some parents welcome the exploration.

Others actively try to shut it down.

Some parents shut it down without even knowing it—and when they do, they often unintentionally shut down a child’s willingness to be vulnerable and open with them about gender and other difficult subjects—often for years to come.

So, how do you avoid closing the door on the coming-out conversation before it even happens? How do you encourage your child to be their most authentic self? And how do you find the courage to rumble with the discomfort of knowing they will face a world that will continuously tell them they aren’t good enough and judges them—and you—every step of the way?

In the first part of this episode, we’re going to hear from Tina Mulqueen. Tina’s daughter was assigned male at birth, but she knew rather quickly that her kiddo was not a boy. We talk about what this experience has been like for her and what she has done to support her kiddo as much as she possibly can.

Tina is the founder of Kindred PR and Executive Director of Cause Influence, a non-profit dedicated to amplifying marginalized voices. She's also a sought after speaker in sustainable entrepreneurship with a focus on such issues as minority representation in media and technology.

So, I have a Question:

This interview with Tina will probably bring up a lot of questions for you.

In the second part of this episode, Dr. Linda Hawkins, PHD., will lend us her expertise and answer some common questions she and I receive from parents as we do this work.

Dr. Hawkins is the Director of the Affirmative Therapy for Transgender Communities Training Program at Widener University & Director of the Gender & Sexuality Development Program at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. She has more than 20 years of experience as a clinician.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

The early signs of gender expansiveness Tina saw in her child
The playbook Tina and her family created to support her daughter
How Tina’s family has navigated life so far, what keeps her up at night, and what inspires her about her daughter
Dr. Linda breaks down the difference between sex and gender
How parents can show their child that they love them in regard to gender identity

Find out more about Tina Mulqueen:

Kindred PR

Find out more about Dr. Linda Hawkins PhD.:

Dr. Linda Hawkins at Widener

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Additional resources:

EP 01: New Camper Orientation Aug 18, 2020

Welcome to Camp Wild Heart!

All of us at Camp Wild Heart are so excited you’re here. Showing up here means you’re looking for a way to show your love to your trans child in a way they understand and receive it. I don’t think there is anything closer to real magic than love. We know from the research that it is the most important protective factor kids have against trauma and stress. How cool is that?!

Consider this first episode your New Camper Orientation.

Just like any camp, we’ve got some rules. Rules help us learn what’s in bounds and what’s out of bounds, what behavior is encouraged and what is off-limits.

The rules help to keep people from getting hurt. While we can’t prevent every bump or scrape, our goal is to keep anyone from drowning.

As you listen, I have some things I want you to keep in mind. These are our Camp Rules if you will:

Camp Wild Heart Rules:

1. Keep your judgments to yourself

2. Conversion Therapy is Abuse

3. Shame is not a tool for change

4. Your child should not be your source of support through this

5. “The goal is not perfection, the goal is growth” - Britt Hawthorne

6. Look for the common humanity

7. Send us your questions - camp@wildheartsociety.org

Each week at Camp Wild Heart, you’ll hear from parents who are bravely sharing their stories. Many times the parents I talk to will be sharing times they sat in the dark, made mistakes, or just felt confused & alone. But often these stories will have moments of joy and celebration and community, too.

Thanks for showing up today and welcome again to Camp Wild Heart.

Links:

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

Introducing Camp Wild Heart Jul 08, 2020

No one plans for having a transgender kid. Camp Wild Heart is your guide for raising a transgender or non-binary child and nurturing an affirming family. We help you ease your fear and navigate your confusion. Mackenzie Dunham, clinical social worker and co-founder of Wild Heart Society, talks with parents, experts, and transgender adults about the ins and outs of coping with internalized transphobia, fostering shame resilience, exploring medical transition for youth, understanding identity development, knowing what language to use when, and more. Camp Wild Heart is full of people just like you who are lost and searching, brave and afraid, and trying best to do right by their children. You’ll cry--but never alone… and you’ll also laugh, really hard. Welcome.