Camp Counselors with Zachariah Porter and Jonathan Carson

Latest Episodes:

176 - Controversial Mount Rushmore of Fast Food Apr 08, 2026

Show notes

We're creating our Mount Rushmores this week and it's getting controversial. Well... for us. We ranked our top four fast food items, Counselor Zachariah's favorite places to just walk around, and then Counselor Jonathan built an Anti Mount Rushmore of his most hated fictional characters of all time. Some of you will agree, and some of you will be on the wrong side of Shady Birch history. Either way, leave a comment I guess. Then we've got an 80-year-old cafe owner who spent a month baking a 6,000-pound carrot cake for his birthday. The Philadelphia airport set a Guinness World Record by lining up 1,291 cheesesteaks between terminals (kind of a nightmare imo). We're also ranting about a dog that would not stop barking in a hotel room, having an anxiety attack at TJ Maxx, why fireflies are the greatest bug alive, and Lisa Kudrow's The Comeback deserves more love. Its a fabulous episode, duh.

This episode was mixed and edited by Kevin Betts.

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Works Cited:

➜ Hooper, Ben. "Cafe Owner Celebrates Birthday with 6,044-Pound Carrot Cake." UPI, 27 Mar. 2026.

➜ Kulkarni, Akshay. "For His 80th Birthday, Ted Martindale and His Friends in Quesnel, B.C., Baked a 2,500-Kilogram Carrot Cake." CBC News, 26 Mar. 2026.

➜ Vejpongsa, Tassanee, and Leah Willingham. "Longest Line at Philly Airport? Cheesesteaks, Not Security." Associated Press, 24 Mar. 2026.

Camp Songs:

Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

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Pregnant by the Gay Ex-Convict Guy from Upstairs - Trail Mix #126 Apr 06, 2026

Show notes

In this mini episode we read listener submitted stories about a camper in need of advice for supporting someone she loves through something she's never experienced herself, a camper who opened her backpack at 30,000 feet to the shock of a lifetime, and a camper who makes good money, but her workplace can only be described as a nightmare she cannot wake up from.

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Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!

Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

Social Media:

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

175 - Hot Priest Caught Stealing From Walmart Apr 01, 2026

Show notes

Hey our little April Fools! In this episode we have a cup of noodle betrayal that still hasn't been resolved, and ohhhh boy a lot more. A fisherman in Texas arrested for cheating in a bass fishing tournament. Meanwhile, the head priest of a historic Pittsburgh cathedral got caught stealing baseball cards from Walmart and allegedly may have been selling sacred church artifacts on eBay. That would totally make Jesus sad. We soft-pitch ourselves as a jingle writers, Jonathan explains why words that end in "sps" should be removed from the English language immediately, and dark mode. Naturally Zachariah loses his mind over people who can unexpectedly do the splits, and there's a full dispute about eating chips in bed after you've already brushed your teeth.

This episode was mixed and edited by Kevin Betts.

Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!

Works Cited:

➜ "Texas Fishing Tournament Winner Arrested over Cheating Scandal." New York Post, 10 Mar. 2026.

➜ "Episcopal Priest Accused of Baseball Card Theft Resigns as Pittsburgh Cathedral Dean." Religion News Service, 16 Mar. 2026.

Camp Songs:

Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

Social Media:

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

OOPSIE! I Ate The Whole Edible Arrangement - Trail Mix #125 Mar 30, 2026

Show notes

In this mini episode we read listener submitted stories about a teacher who ended up sopping wet with the school nurse, a camper who lost all self control at a track meet, and has been haunted for over 16 years, and another teacher in the middle of an HR nightmare.

Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!

Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!

Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

Social Media:

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

174 - Homemade Pasta Is Actually Bad Mar 25, 2026

Show notes

We have strong opinions about pasta this week. Zachariah takes a controversial stand against homemade pasta, and Jonathan tries to take down big Manhattan clam chowder. Plus, the story of a treasure hunter who found millions in sunken gold and then sat in jail for a decade because he refused to say where the rest of it was. We also meet Luigi Primo, the Italian semi-pro wrestler whose finishing move is chucking pizza dough in his opponent's face. Zachariah buys a pole chainsaw and is LITRALLY obsessed. Plus so much more. Just listen, okay? You'll get it.

This episode was mixed and edited by Kevin Betts.

Sponsors:

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Works Cited:

➜ "Italian Wrestler Shows Off Unique Pizza-Slinging Move in Viral Video, Pizza Hut Reacts." NDTV Food, edited by NDTV Food Desk, 13 Mar. 2026.

➜ "Treasure Hunter Freed from Jail after Refusing to Turn over Shipwreck Gold." BBC News, 14 Mar. 2026.

Camp Songs:

Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

Social Media:

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Dumping Bong Water on His Couch - Trail Mix #124 Mar 23, 2026

Show notes

In this mini episode we are reading listener submitted stories about a camper who was no match for basic home improvement projects, a camper who turned a minor issue into a full-BLOWN fiasco, and a harrowing tale of a camper who committed to a terrible cover-up with a splash of vodka.

Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!

Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!

Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

Social Media:

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

173 - From Hollywood to Hospital Hell Mar 18, 2026

Show notes

Wellp... this episode starts in Hollywood and somehow ends in the emergency room. We talk about Zachariah’s debut Hollywood gig, staying at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel (yuh the hotel from Pretty Woman), and a night out in WEHO before Jonathan’s injury that sent the trip off the rails and into the hospital.

This episode was mixed and edited by Kevin Betts.

Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!

Works Cited:

➜ “Galway Hospital Accident Turns Mam’s Eyes ‘Alien’ Green.” Irish Star, 19 Feb. 2026.

➜ “Older Male Whales More Successful at Mating Because They’re Better Singers, Shows Study.” Good News Network, 28 Feb. 2026.

Camp Songs:

Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

Social Media:

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I Was A Dominatrix Getaway Driver - Trail Mix #123 Mar 16, 2026

Show notes

In this mini episode we are reading listener submitted stories about a camper whose Payless rain boots turned her into a gaslighting queen, a getaway driver for a local dominatrix, and a horror story about a camper who witnessed something unspeakable in a party house bathroom.

Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!

Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!

Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

Social Media:

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

172 - We Went to Casa Bonita! Mar 11, 2026

Show notes

We finally got enchiladas under the waterfall in Denver at the famous Casa Bonita! What a fever dream <3

This episode was mixed and edited by Kevin Betts.

Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!

Works Cited:

➜ Reuters, “Turkey Soccer Player Gani Catan Uses CPR to Revive Seagull Struck by Ball During Playoff Match.” New York Post, 26 Feb. 2026.

➜ Marshall, Colleen. “Why Millions of Dollars Is Shredded by the Federal Government Each Day.” NBC4 WCMH-TV

Camp Songs:

Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

Social Media:

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How I Almost Ended Up On Dateline - Trail Mix #122 Mar 09, 2026

Show notes

Get your tickets to see Zachariah Porter's new Live Comedy Tour!

Want BONUS CONTENT? Join our PATREON!

Check out our website and submit your inquiries for advice, juicy gossip, confessions, and horror stories!

Camp Songs: Spotify Playlist | YouTube Playlist | Sammich's Secret Mixtape

Social Media:

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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