Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

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Latest Episodes:

#3: Boundaries in Balance (and at the Extremes) + Boundary Ruptures and Boundary Violations Mar 28, 2018

Show notes

I cover the whole spectrum of boundaries—from boundary-less to walled off, including what boundaries look like when they're in balance. Plus, I'll talk about the difference between boundary ruptures and boundary violations and give plenty examples of each. Boundary ruptures and boundary violations can be traumatic, and in future episodes, I'll be going into detail about how to respond when someone breaks an agreement with you or violates a boundary.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #3:

To understand boundaries in balance and at the extremes, picture a straight line between two extremes of a boundaries continuum. One extreme is being behind a wall where you're not available either physically, sexually, or emotionally. At the other extreme a person has no boundaries, is too vulnerable, or may have no boundaries with other people.
In between the two extremes, there is a healthy middle. When your boundaries are in balance, you feel protected, you protect other people from your own boundary-less behavior, while at the same time being vulnerable.
Your boundaries are strongly influenced by the culture you grew up in as well as what you learned from your family growing up. Cultural norms for boundaries aren't necessarily good or bad; however, you get to decide what boundaries feel right for you.
What is the difference between a boundary rupture and a boundary violation? Knowing the difference will help you figure out how you want to respond.

In today's episode I cover the whole spectrum of boundaries—from boundary-less to walled off, including what boundaries look like when they're in balance. Plus, I'll talk about the difference between boundary ruptures and boundary violations and give plenty examples of each. Boundary ruptures and boundary violations can be traumatic, and in future episodes I'll be going into detail about how to respond when someone breaks an agreement with you or violates a boundary.

Highlights from Episode #3:

In This Episode:

What boundaries look like when they're out of balance. [02:12]
Cultural differences when it comes to the way boundaries work in interpersonal relationships. [06:22]
The two extremes on the boundaries continuum—being walled off or being too vulnerable. [09:00]
The healthy middle between the two extremes. [11:31]
Boundary ruptures and boundary violations. [12:57]
Examples of boundary violations. [20:59]

Links and Resources:

Vicki Tidwell Palmer

Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer

Robin Williams groped and flashed me on set, says Mork & Mindy co-star, The Guardian, March 21, 2018.

#2: What Good Boundaries Can Do For You + The 5 Types and Two Functions of Boundaries Mar 28, 2018

Show notes

***Victoria has a NEW boundaries podcast! Click this link for Boundaries Queen.***

Today I dive deeper into defining boundaries so that you can understand the different types and how they function. One of the most important concepts in this episode is that physical and sexual boundaries are non-negotiable—meaning a "no" to physical or sexual touch is not negotiable.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #2:

Boundaries give you a sense of safety, create clarity, and help you make important improvements in your life as you set limits.
Good boundary-setting skills give you the ability to act from a place of authentic personal power rather than having power over. Authentic personal power means you act from a place of integrity, respect, and taking action over what you have power over.
The five boundaries are: physical, sexual, talking, listening, and the personal energy boundary.
The two functions of boundaries are to protect you and others, and to define who you are through how you choose to share yourself with others physically, sexually, intellectually, and emotionally.

In today's episode I dive deeper into defining boundaries so that you can understand the different types and how they function. One of the most important concepts in this episode is that physical and sexual boundaries are non-negotiable—meaning a "no" to physical or sexual touch is not negotiable.

Highlights from Episode #2:

How boundaries provides clarity. [03:03]
What good boundaries can do for you. [06:46]
How boundaries also give you the ability to know where you stand in important relationships. [12:15]
How boundaries give you the ability to define who you are and express your authentic self. [16:48]
The two functions of boundaries. [17:19]
Overview of the five boundaries. [20:02]
Physical and sexual boundaries are non-negotiable personal boundaries. [20:04]

Links and Resources:

Vicki Tidwell Palmer

Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer

Pia Mellody

Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody

Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody

The Intimacy Factor by Pia Mellody

The Meadows

#1: Boundaries: What They Are and Why They're So Misunderstood Mar 28, 2018

Show notes

***Victoria has a NEW boundaries podcast! Click this link for Boundaries Queen.***

In this first episode, I want to begin laying the foundation for you to create your very best personal and relationship boundaries. So many people are either uninformed or misinformed about boundaries, and I want you to have all the information you need to help you feel more confident about how boundaries work.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #1:

If you're feeling clueless about how personal and relationship boundaries work, or you think they're selfish, rigid, or bitchy, you're in the right place! Setting boundaries is the key to getting both the space you need and the connection you crave.
Boundaries are anything that defines space between one thing or another. Doors, lines between lanes on a highway, or stop signs and lights are all examples of boundaries we encounter in our daily life.
In relationships, boundaries are about creating protection—either for you or for others. If you don't feel safe personally or in relationships, you can't progress to higher level needs like affection, love, and self-actualization.
When you start setting boundaries, be prepared for resistance and pushback. That means you're on the right track!
Results you can expect from better boundaries, and why boundaries are absolutely not bitchy.

In today's episode I want to begin laying the foundation for you to create your very best personal and relationship boundaries. So many people are either uninformed or misinformed about boundaries, and I want you to have all the information you need to help you feel more confident about how boundaries work.

Highlights from Episode #1:

Welcome, and what you can expect from this and future episodes. The first 4-6 episodes will be devoted to the fundamentals of effective boundary work. [00:40]
Intro to Vicki, how she got here, and why she's so passionate about teaching boundaries. [01:52]
Boundaries defined. [06:22]
What are personal and relationship boundaries, and how they create safety. [09:05]
How people in your life may react when you start setting—or upleveling—boundaries. [15:09]
Benefits of learning better boundaries. [20:30]
Myths and misconceptions about boundaries. [23:50]
Boundaries aren't a punishment, or telling another person what to do. [26:01]
Preview of upcoming episodes. [32:35]

Links and Resources:

Vicki Tidwell Palmer

Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer

Abraham Maslow

Maslow's hierarchy of needs

Essentialism by Greg McKeown