Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson - Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Forrest Hanson

Latest Episodes:

How to Become a New Person Dec 11, 2023

Show notes

We’re getting toward the end of the year, and it’s a great opportunity to evaluate where we are and where we’d like to go. On today's episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how we can step out of the way we've been, and into a new way of thinking, doing, and being.

They talk about self-concept, unconscious beliefs, and how those beliefs affect our behavior. Forrest then shares a model of what this kind of change tends to look like practically, which usually includes relax our attachment to the things that are holding us back. Other topics include getting down to "the tip of the root," taking a step back from our narratives, challenging limiting beliefs, taking life less personally, working with discouragement, and finding motivation and drive.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

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Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:30: Self-concept, how unconscious beliefs affect behavior, and freedom

5:40: Appraisals and attributions

9:35: The way we spin our self-narrative, and holding onto grievances

14:25: Being honest with ourselves when we feel stuck

19:30: Changing behavior before changing thinking

25:15: Values and behaviors

29:05: Underlying fears and practical confusion

33:50: Taking your experiences less personally

36:05: Finding the motivation to get our hands dirty

41:30: Negativity bias and appreciative inquiry

47:45: First steps when you’re feeling discouraged

56:55: Recap

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What Healthy Couples DON’T Do with Dr. Amy Morin Dec 04, 2023

Show notes

Just as we can exercise our arms or legs to build physical strength, we can exercise our brains like we do any other muscle. Therapist Amy Morin joins Forrest to help us learn how to regulate our thoughts, manage our emotions, and become more psychologically flexible. These key skills are particularly important for building a healthy relationship. Forrest and Amy explore how couples can work together to identify their issues, deal with effort imbalances, and avoid common mistakes (like having, get this, not enough conflict).

About our Guest: Amy Morin is a licensed clinical social worker, bestselling author, and the host of the Mentally Stronger podcast.Her most recent book is 13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do, out on December 26th.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:35: Amy’s personal background, and how she got to the idea of mental strengths

7:30: Self-compassion vs. self-pity

11:05: Not giving away your power

14:50: Diagnosing root problems in relationships

18:25: When one frustration brings up all your other frustrations

22:25: The inevitability of conflict, and the vulnerability in expressing remorse

27:35: Setting the ground rules for a therapeutic conversation

31:05: When it feels like your partner isn’t invested in making changes

34:50: Learning to deconstruct reactive thoughts and misguided perceptions

38:30: Taking your thoughts with a grain of salt, and asking ‘what else might be true?’

41:20: Scorekeeping vs. negotiating, and finding ways to meet our own needs

45:40: Giving our partner what we actually want for ourselves

49:00: Balancing desires for closeness and distance

51:15: Not being a martyr or ‘controlling through giving’

55:30: Boundaries between partners, and how our backgrounds influence our preferences

1:00:35: Developing psychological flexibility

1:03:40: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

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Highly Sensitive People, How to Repair, and When Your Partner Won't Stop Talking: November Mailbag Nov 27, 2023

Show notes

What can I do if my partner dominates conversations about our relationship? How can I navigate situations where I want to repair, but other people don’t? What’s a “highly sensitive person,” and how does it relate to conditions like complex PTSD, ADHD, and autism? In this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag and answer questions from listeners.

If you’d like to have a question answered on the podcast, you can join us on Patreon or send it in to contact@beingwellpodcast.com.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:00: What can I do when my partner dominates relationship conversations, but also complains about me “interrupting?”

12:45: How can you repair with family members…when they don’t want to repair?

22:55: Why do intrusive thoughts arise late at night? How can we address them?

28:00: I give to a fault in my relationships. What can I do?

34:10: How do you work with the tendency to be overly competitive?

40:45: What do you think about the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) “diagnosis?” How does it relate to conditions like complex PTSD, ADHD, and autism?

55:15: Recap

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Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

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What Really Helps Trauma? with Dr. Jacob Ham Nov 20, 2023

Show notes

In one of the most interesting conversations we've ever had on the podcast, Forrest is joined by clinical psychologist Dr. Jacob Ham to explore what really helps people work with - and be with - trauma. They begin with Dr. Ham's background and what drew him to trauma work before Forrest asks him how he "conceptualizes" different kinds of traumatic experiences. Dr. Ham then takes them away from the conceptual, and toward the felt.

They talk about cultivating a felt sense of connection, empathy as a way in to relationship, and the value of anger. Dr. Ham shares about his own process taking risks as a clinician, using parts work, moving away from the "false idol" of cognizing, and finding a unique way in for each individual.

About our Guest: Dr. Jacob Ham is a clinical psychologist, Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Mount Sinai, and the Director of the Center for Complex Trauma. He was the therapist former podcast guest Stephanie Foo wrote about in her wonderful book What My Bones Know.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:30: Jacob’s background

5:20: Cultivating a felt sense of connection vs. idolizing the concept of trauma

11:00: A monastic, medical, and artistic approach

13:00: Knowing our intentions, and feeling others’ pain as a therapist

18:00: Surrendering to overwhelming grief

23:50: Love, vulnerability, and authenticity

29:45: The value of anger, the energy it demands, and navigating it with humility

34:45: Presence, and taking risks as a clinician

40:40: How Jacob does parts work, and finding what works with each individual

46:15: Staring at the finger that’s pointing at the moon

49:25: Does a good therapist need to have experienced trauma?

52:30: Honoring our inner protectors, surrendering to pain, and knowing it won’t last forever

56:20: Shaping others’ ability to help you, and processing trauma without professional help

1:00:15: Tipping points and surrender

1:04:15: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors:

Start speaking a new language in just 3 weeks with Babbel! Get 55% off at Babbel.com/BEING.

Factor delivers fresh, never-frozen, fully prepared meals right to your door. Head to factormeals.com/beingwell50 and use code beingwell50 to get 50% off.

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.

Connect with the show:

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The Being Well Holiday Survival Guide Nov 13, 2023

Show notes

Ah the holidays, that blessed time of year when we come together with our highly functional family systems to engage in some good, old-fashioned fun.

If that sounded like a joke, this episode is for you.

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how to survive the holidays with the dishes (mostly) intact. They talk about the pull of dysfunctional family systems, our tendency to return to the way things were “back then,” and balancing the desire to flip the Thanksgiving table with the desire to just make it through another year.

I thought this was one of the most interesting conversations we’ve had recently, and I hope you enjoy it.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:15: What makes the holidays tough?

5:45: The gap between who you are now and how your family system interacts with you

14:45: Parents yearning for the past, and craving gratitude

24:20: Finding agency amidst obligation

26:55: The weaponization of morality, and not needing to defend boundaries

32:45: Appreciating something about people amidst your struggles with them, and identifying the stakes

38:50: Getting through when it’s hard

43:30: The tension and ambiguity of wanting to speak up

47:00: Resourcing yourself ahead of time, and recognizing what’s in your best interest

51:50: Two kinds of grief and loss

1:01:40: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors:

Start speaking a new language in just 3 weeks with Babbel! Get 55% off at Babbel.com/BEING.

Factor delivers fresh, never-frozen, fully prepared meals right to your door. Head to factormeals.com/beingwell50 and use code beingwell50 to get 50% off.

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.

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The Polyvagal Theory and Trauma with Dr. Stephen Porges Nov 06, 2023

Show notes

Dr. Stephen Porges, the creator of the polyvagal theory, joins the podcast to walk us through how its lessons can be applied to recovering from traumatic experiences. Forrest and Dr. Porges simplify the polyvagal theory, discuss the three key states our body can rest in, and explore how we can use polyvagal practices to heal old wounds and feel safer.

About our Guest: Dr. Stephen Porges is a Distinguished University Scientist at Indiana University, Professor of Psychiatry at the University of North Carolina, and Professor Emeritus at both the University of Illinois at Chicago and the University of Maryland. He’s published more than 300 peer-reviewed papers and is the author of a number of books, including his recently released Our Polyvagal World: How Safety and Trauma Change Us.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:10: A brief overview of Polyvagal Theory (PVT)

5:20: Ventral, sympathetic, and dorsal vagal states

12:05: Relating PVT to trauma, and processing cognitively vs. in the body

19:30: Creating enough safety and co-regulation for healing work

23:30: What helps people gain awareness, safety, and regulation

27:15: Contextualizing a freeze response both psychologically and medically

30:45: Distinguishing feeling safe vs. being safe

34:10: Where to start when you don’t have a secure base in another person

37:20: How our physiology has evolved to detect psychosocial cues

39:20: How healing practices change our perception of the world

41:35: The calming effect of slow exhalation and top-down visualization

43:05: Other tools to calm the nervous system, and the need for social nourishment

47:05: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Start speaking a new language in just 3 weeks with Babbel! Get 55% off at Babbel.com/BEING.

Factor delivers fresh, never-frozen, fully prepared meals right to your door. Head to factormeals.com/beingwell50 and use code beingwell50 to get 50% off.

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.

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Mastering Change with Brad Stulberg Oct 30, 2023

Show notes

We all know that change is inevitable in life, and getting good at changing is one of the most important skills we can develop. It’s also one of the most difficult to master. On today’s episode writer and coach Brad Stulberg joins Forrest to explore how we can reshape who we are, navigate and embrace change, and become more resilient.

About our Guest: Brad focuses his work on the philosophical and psychological foundations of excellence, and the habits and practices necessary to attain it. He’s a regular contributor at The New York Times and the author of a number of wonderful books including The Practice of Groundedness and his most recent book Master of Change: How to Excel When Everything Is Changing – Including You.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:15: How Brad has come to think about change

3:30: Rethinking homeostasis and allostasis

6:55: Suffering, resistance, and rugged flexibility

13:00: Creating a more flexible identity

20:30: Not going ‘all in all the time’

24:30: Constraints that support a healthy amount of ego

28:20: Brad’s personal challenges and supports in finding insight

34:00: Waiting to find meaning until after moving through a difficult change

39:15: Our perception of time slows during distress

41:25: Pounding a stone, and sticking with a process

45:55: Developing and retaining a sense of self-efficacy

49:20: Expecting discomfort

51:10: Turning hobbies into work, nurturing curiosity, and being a beginner

55:05: Values and perspectives

1:00:00: Shaking the snow globe, then letting it settle

1:03:10: Five questions from Brad’s book to ask yourselves

1:04:15: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors:

Start speaking a new language in just 3 weeks with Babbel! Get 55% off at Babbel.com/BEING.

Factor delivers fresh, never-frozen, fully prepared meals right to your door. Head to factormeals.com/beingwell50 and use code beingwell50 to get 50% off.

Body Electric is an interactive six-part podcast series from NPR that investigates how our relationship with technology is impacting our health. Listen wherever you get your podcasts!

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.

Connect with the show:

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's Good Parenting? Key Skills, Healthy Relationships, and Making the Choice Oct 23, 2023

Show notes

On today’s episode Dr. Rick and Forrest focus on one of the most important decisions we’ll make in life: the choice to become a parent. They focus on what good parenting looks like in practice, the key difference in thinking of a child as a “means” or an “end,” and how to know whether becoming a parent is the right path for you.

Neurodharma Course! Join Dr. Rick for Neurodharma, a live, online course focused on developing seven key qualities that help us steady the mind, warm the heart, and find a reliable sense of inner peace. Neurodharma launches October 14, use code BeingWell20 for 20% off the purchase price.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:20: The significance (and uniqueness) of this choice

4:50: Being aware of your motivations for having a child

16:55: The influence of primal biology

20:50: Qualities of a good parent

30:30: Mirroring, idealizing, twinship, and the process of differentiation

36:35: Optimal frustration, and a healthy parental work ethic

41:25: The rewards of being a parent

46:45: If you don’t like __ you shouldn’t become a parent

48:50: A word for current parents who wish things had been different

53:00: Community, partnership, and resources

55:10: Meaning and fulfillment with or without a child

1:00:50: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors:

Factor delivers fresh, never-frozen, fully prepared meals right to your door. Head to factormeals.com/beingwell50 and use code beingwell50 to get 50% off.

Body Electric is an interactive six-part podcast series from NPR that investigates how our relationship with technology is impacting our health. Listen wherever you get your podcasts!

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.

Connect with the show:

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How to Become Self-Confident Oct 16, 2023

Show notes

In today’s episode Forrest and Dr. Rick explore how we can improve our self-confidence, allowing us to become more psychologically flexible and create healthy boundaries with other people. They explain why becoming better at something doesn’t always make us more confident, the two paths of gaining confidence and releasing insecurity, and how we can release insecurity over time. They then talk about the differences between confidence and narcissism, dealing with other people when they try to put us down, and how we can develop an authentic sense of self-worth.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:15: Separating confidence and capability

8:10: Releasing insecurity vs. gaining confidence

13:25: Sources of insecurity, celebrating others’ vision, and tapping into universal currents

20:30: Redefining what a win looks like, and surrendering to the best in ourselves

26:30: Finding people who believe in you, taking action, and not knowing

31:20: Our core beliefs, why they are rational, and how to update them

34:35: Self-worth, and confidence in your own innate goodness

38:55: The difference between self-confidence and narcissism

44:00: Facing the fear of what will happen if you are confident

52:00: When being poorly received is about others and not you

54:45: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors:

Factor delivers fresh, never-frozen, fully prepared meals right to your door. Head to factormeals.com/beingwell50 and use code beingwell50 to get 50% off.

Body Electric is an interactive six-part podcast series from NPR that investigates how our relationship with technology is impacting our health. Listen wherever you get your podcasts!

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.

Connect with the show:

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How to Change Your Perspective Oct 09, 2023

Show notes

How we view ourselves, other people, and the world around us has a huge impact on the emotions we feel, the choices we make, and the quality of the lives we lead. These are our perspectives, and they’re the foundation our lives are built on…which is why changing them is so freakin’ hard.

In this episode, Forrest and Rick explore what perspectives are, what a healthy perspective looks like in practice, and how we can deliberately shift our perspectives over time. Specific topics include unpacking where perspectives come from, getting better at identifying when a perspective starts to affect our behavior, and thinking of ourselves as “rivers” rather than “rocks.” By the end of this episode, you’ll learn the key skills you need to change the views that have been holding you back.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction and info on Rick’s Neurodharma course

2:10: Aspects of the kind of perspective we’re talking about

5:50: Change, being grounded in reality, and self-compassion

12:40: Fixed perspectives, fear, and a few examples from Rick

19:40: Shame, and conflict with others due to changes in behavior

22:35: Lack of self-confidence leading to rigidity

25:50: De-centering, joy, viewing yourself as a river, and playfulness

31:45: Roleplay, and asking ‘what if?’

35:25: Inquiring into how our perspectives are constructed

44:35: Emotional imagination, and retelling your story

47:10: How our values and aspirations drive our perspective

51:50: Asking which perspectives support what’s important to you

54:05: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors:

Factor delivers fresh, never-frozen, fully prepared meals right to your door. Head to factormeals.com/beingwell50 and use code beingwell50 to get 50% off.

Body Electric is an interactive six-part podcast series from NPR that investigates how our relationship with technology is impacting our health. Listen wherever you get your podcasts!

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.

Connect with the show:

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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