Behind Our Smiles Marriage Podcast

Episode 102: Let's Stay Home Sep 05, 2023

Would you rather go out, or stay home? Many times the answer for us is “stay home” because there’s something comforting about being in a place where we can let our hair down and just be. In our marriage, even though we don’t always agree about whether to go out or stay in, we both agree on the value of a happy home life. In this week’s episode, we talk about creating a home that we want to stay in!

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Episode 101: I Went to the School of Hard Knocks! Aug 29, 2023

What kind of school did you go to as a child? Was life pretty easy or was it more often filled with hard knocks? Many of the lessons that school teaches us stay with us for a long time. Especially if your childhood had a lot of hardship, you may end up being more street-smart than book-smart. In this week’s episode, we talk about the effects of going to “The School of Hard Knocks.”

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Episode 100: Let's Party! Aug 22, 2023

Do you like to party? This week is our 100th episode so it’s time to celebrate! In honor of this milestone, we are sharing about the value of celebration (and parties) in our marriages!

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Episode 99: We're Not Getting A Dog! Aug 15, 2023

The $100,000 Question: do we get a dog? For some couples, this may be an easy answer, but for others, it can be a source of conflict. After twenty years of saying “We’re never getting a dog,” well, we got a dog. In this episode, we share our story from being a no-dog family to a dog family and how it affected our marriage and family.

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Episode 98: That's Not In Our Budget - Part 2 Aug 08, 2023

Even though we came from different socio-economic backgrounds, Joe and I had similar goals for our finances. But financial pressures and tough decisions can make that difficult to achieve. In this episode, we share the biblical principles we followed to stay out of debt, live on less, and grow our marriage in the process.

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Episode 97: That's Not In Our Budget - Part 1 Aug 01, 2023

Do you and your spouse agree on how the household money should be spent? No two people agree perfectly which means money can be a huge source of conflict! In this episode, we talk about what it means to steward our money together and why we use a budget.

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NEW PODCAST called "Wow God Stories" - Subscribe today! Jul 26, 2023

Hear the brand-new podcast called "Wow God Stories", with hosts, Lisa WIlliams and Ann Sorenson. This podcast reminds us of a God who is able, alive, and active in our lives. https://www.wowgod.com/podcasts/wow-god-stories/ Click the link, or subscribe on Apple, Google, or Spotify today.

Episode 96: We Had More Money Going Out Than Coming In! (Interview w/ Larry & Hope Ware) Jul 25, 2023

Our special guests today are Larry and Hope Ware, hosts of the popular YouTube Channel, Under the Median. Even though they specialize in helping families with practical frugality and getting out of debt, they also have a lot to share from their 35 years of marriage. From a rocky start to infertility to having babies “past their prime” to major financial hurdles, Larry and Hope have had to lean on God and learn to work together through it all. Join us as they share their wisdom and hear how God has provided for them in every season.

Check out Hope and Larry’s frugal resources on their website: https://underthemedian.com/ Under the Median YouTube Channel

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Episode 95: Why Is It Always Your Past? (ICYMI #5) Jul 18, 2023

Trauma does have far-reaching effects on how we think, feel, and behave. But is the trauma we have experienced the only lens we look through? In this episode, Joe and I discuss the difficult task of discerning between the effects of trauma and our own sinful hearts.

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Episode 94: Whatcha Listening To? Jul 11, 2023

Happy Summer! Instead of bringing you a new episode of our podcast, we want to share with you some of the podcasts we’re listening to! If you’re looking for other podcasts to binge on, these are a great start!

The Unfolding with Meridith Foster (guest: Joe Buchanan)

The Unfolding with Meridith Foster (guest: Joe and Tara Buchanan)

The Unfolding with Meridith Foster (guest: Scott Spiezio)

Manly with Andy (guest: Kenny Luck)

Mental Health with Dr. Melissa Mork (guest: Tia)

I Love that Song! with Keith Stevens (guest: Danny Gokey)

A Widow's Heart with Pam Lundell (guest: Susan Spalding)

Learn more at WowGod.com!

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Episode 93: You Are My Number One (ICYMI #26) Jul 04, 2023

In this episode, we sit down with Chad and Katie Mattson to hear the stories behind their smiles. You may be familiar with Chad Mattson as the lead singer of the band, Unspoken. Their early years of marriage were filled with the stress of life on the road, poverty, and uncertainty, as Chad threw his all into his music. As things began to stabilize, Katie began suffering with debilitating anxiety. This eventually led them to a breaking point where they were forced to re-evaluate priorities and make some tough decisions. Their faith in God and love for each other through it all will inspire and encourage you!

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Episode 92: Can I Have Your Attention, Please (Without Your Phone)? Jun 27, 2023

In recent times, smartphones have become the one thing that consumes most of our attention. Almost everything and every person can be brushed aside when we hear any type of “ding” coming from our phones. How do we give our spouse our undivided attention with all the distractions that these devices bring? It can feel like an impossible task. This week we talk about how not to let our screens and devices pull us away from our husband or wife.

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Episode 91: Can I Have Your Attention, Please? Jun 20, 2023

Attention is one of the greatest gifts we can give another person due to the fact that it is such a limited resource. We all only have 24 hours in a day, and we all only have so much mental energy to share with another person. So many other people and things can demand our attention that it can leave our husband or wife feeling lonely. In this week’s episode, we talk about how to steward our attention.

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Episode 90: You're Such A Good Dad! Jun 13, 2023

Did you have a “good dad”? Are you, or your husband, a good dad? Joe and I have vastly different experiences with our own fathers but we can agree on the characteristics of what makes a good dad. In this episode, we talk about the positive and negative influences our fathers have on us.

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Episode 89: Will You Wait For Me? Jun 06, 2023

Do you enjoy waiting? God often works the most when we are in the “waiting rooms” of life. In this episode, Joe and I share what we learned about waiting during our five-year courtship.

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Episode 88: How Do You Love? Part 2 May 30, 2023

Many of the patterns we have in our relationships have their start in our childhoods. In the book "How We Love", Milan and Kay Yerkovich write about how our differing “love styles” cause conflict in our marriages. In the second part of this series, we talk about how we have used the How We Love principles to understand each other better and strengthen our marriage.

How We Love book

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Episode 87: How Do You Love? Part 1 May 23, 2023

How do you love? According to Milan and Kay Yerkovich, much of how we love began in our childhood. The patterns we learn from our parents affect our ability to form healthy attachments as adults. In this episode, we talk about the core principles in the Yerkoviches’ book, "How We Love", and share how they have played out in our marriage.

How We Love book

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Episode 86: You Make Me Laugh! May 16, 2023

How often do you and your spouse laugh together? In this episode, we talk about laughing AND we share stories from you about how your spouse makes you laugh!

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Episode 85: How Do I Support You As A Mother? May 09, 2023

Ladies, do you want to receive a Mother’s Day gift from your husband? Even though we are not their mothers, we do need their encouragement! In this episode, we talk about one of the best gifts you can give the mother of your children: unwavering dedication to your family. We share six principles that Joe has practiced in supporting Tara as a mother.

M - Model Respect O - Offer Resources T - Talk about the kids H - How can I help? E - Encourage her R - Radical Involvement

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Episode 84: Can We Just Skip Mother's Day? Part 2 (ICYMI #30) May 03, 2023

Mother’s Day can trigger different feelings for both of us. For Joe, he doesn’t like the reminder of what he lost as a child while I love to be celebrated for the role I have played in our children’s lives. In this episode, we talk about how Joe’s struggle with Mother’s Day has impacted our marriage and how we love each other through it.

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Episode 83: Can We Just Skip Mother's Day? Part 1 (ICYMI #29) May 02, 2023

Is Mother’s Day a “loaded” holiday for you or your spouse? Does it bring up emotions and memories you’d rather not deal with? In this episode, Joe shares openly about the scars he still carries from an abusive mother and how he has found healing in Christ.

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Episode 82: I Need Some Space! Apr 25, 2023

Almost every relationship has a moment where either person asks for “space”. Joe and I have been there and our marriage suffered the most when there was a lack of emotional space. That was hard to learn because it involved laying down self to serve another, and being truly willing to surrender my husband to God rather than insisting I hold the reins all the time. In this episode, we talk about the need for space and what healthy space-giving looks like.

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Episode 81: What Did You Say About Me? Apr 18, 2023

What do you say about your spouse when they are not around? Do those things we say affect our marriage? In this episode, we share about the power of speaking positively about each other.

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Episode 80: Let Me Cry Apr 11, 2023

Do your emotions ever come out through tears? Do you feel awkward and helpless when your spouse cries? Crying is a very human way of expressing feelings and we don’t have to fear our tears. In this episode, we share about when we cry and how to love each other when emotions are raw.

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Episode 79: Want Some Good News? Apr 04, 2023

Do you ever feel like the world is only filled with bad news? The season of Easter and celebrating Jesus’ resurrection is a great reminder that we have the best news we’ll ever need. In this episode, we are sharing good news for you and your marriage!

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Episode 78: Are You Flirting With Me? Mar 28, 2023

We often think of flirting as something we do as part of the dating process. But flirting with each other doesn’t have to end just because we’re married. In this episode, we share how to grow romance and connection by being more flirtatious with your spouse.

More Info on the DESIRE conference for Higher-Drive Wives: https://hotholyhumorous.com/product/desire-con-2023/ref/TaraB

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Episode 77: You've Walked Me Through Fires (Interview w/ Jordan and Heather St. Cyr) Mar 21, 2023

We are so excited to let you listen in on the conversation we had with Jordan and Heather St. Cyr. You may recognize Jordan as the voice behind the songs, “Fires”, “Weary Traveler”, and “No Matter What”. Jordan and Heather share their love story as well as how God worked in their lives and marriage after the birth of a medically fragile child. Your faith will be strengthened as you hear what it’s like when God walks through the fires with you.

You can check out Jordan's music here: https://www.jordanstcyr.com

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Episode 76: We're On The Same Team Mar 14, 2023

Do you ever feel that me vs. you thinking seep into your marriage? Who will win, who will lose, who is right, and who is wrong? Even though we do have differing opinions and preferences, we need to remember that God put us on the same team. We’re using our different strengths to head in the same direction. In this episode, we talk about what working as a team looks like in our marriage.

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Episode 75: Will You Forgive Me? Part 2 (ICYMI #23) Mar 08, 2023

If we don’t address the hurts in our marriage, they can pile up, create resentment, and block our connection. Forgiving each other isn’t just something we have to do once or twice, but a continual posture in choosing not to seek revenge. In this episode, we share how humility and honesty help us create a culture of forgiveness in our marriage.

This is a re-cast of Episode 23.

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Episode 74: Will You Forgive Me? Part 1 (ICYMI #22) Mar 07, 2023

We believe that forgiving those who have hurt us is a key ingredient to healing from our past wounds. When we follow God in forgiving others as He has forgiven us, we find true freedom! In this week’s episode, we talk about what forgiveness is, why we forgive, and how Joe found healing in forgiving his abusers.

This is a re-cast of Episode 22

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Episode 73: You Did That For You Feb 28, 2023

How do you feel when your spouse does something for you, but you suspect it’s really for them? How do we know if we truly are doing something for others or just for ourselves? In this episode, we talk about examining our own motivations in how we love our spouse.

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Episode 72: You Did That For Me? Feb 21, 2023

Sometimes we walk into our marriages and relationships with a “what have you done for me lately” attitude. But in God’s kingdom, it’s upside down and the greatest is the one who serves. In this episode, we discuss the whys of serving each other and some practical ways we incorporate serving into our daily relationship.

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Episode 71: Do You Want to Dance With Me? Feb 14, 2023

Do you like to dance? Dancing with your spouse is a great way to grow your communication and intimacy as well as get some exercise! In this episode, we share how dancing together has added romance and laughter to our marriage.

Dancing Instruction Website: https://showheroff.com/

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Episode 70: I Think We're Alone Now Feb 07, 2023

When we first get married we love and crave being alone! But as we add children to our family, events to our calendar, and grow in our hospitality, it can become increasingly difficult to find times that we are truly alone. Our relationship can suffer and become more shallow without that time when it is just us. In this episode, we talk about the role of being alone in growing intimacy.

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Episode 69: I Didn't Know That About You Jan 31, 2023

When’s the last time you discovered something you didn’t know about your spouse? One way to keep our relationships from feeling stale is to learn something new about each other. In this episode, we’re sharing parts of our story that you might not have known before.

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https://puredesire.org | https://northwoods.church

Episode 68: I Don't Want to Fail Jan 24, 2023

Do you ever feel like a failure? Facing our own failures is one of the hardest things God asks us to do as individuals. But that fear of failure also affects our marriages and close relationships. In this episode, Joe and I talk about how failure and the fear of failure have affected our marriage.

Episode 67: When I Was a Child Jan 17, 2023

So much of our experiences in our childhood follow us into adulthood. In this episode, we talk about Joe’s experience of neglect as a child and how that has negatively affected him. We also share the role that child sponsorship plays in helping other vulnerable children avoid those negative outcomes.

Learn more about OneChild and become a Child Sponsor!

Episode 66: If Anyone Found Out, Our Lives Would Implode (Interview w/ Buzz & Elisabeth Klein) Jan 10, 2023

This week we want to introduce you to our new friends, Elisabeth Klein and her husband, Buzz. They share the difficult parts of their story with wisdom and grace, a story that includes living in an abusive marriage, separation, and divorce. Their transparency is refreshing as they share the challenges from their first marriages, in their courtship and remarriage, and in blending families. Hear how they moved from brokenness to healing and how God brought them together for a second chance.

Elisabeth is an author and speaker at Elisabeth Klein. If you are currently in or are healing from an abusive marriage, or if you are struggling after divorce, she has so many resources to remind you that you are not alone and there is hope.

A Few of Elisabeth’s Resources:

All That to Say Podcast

Are you separated or divorced or a single mom?

Elisabeth’s book, Unraveling: Hanging Onto Faith Through the End of a Christian Marriage
Lies We Tell Ourselves webcast
3-month e-course, Marriage Methods (now pay what you can)
3-month e-course, Heartbreak to Hope

If you’re in a difficult marriage with biblical grounds to divorce and you’re trying to decide whether to stay or go check out her 5-week e-course, Decision Time

Episode 65: Can We Just Let It Go? Jan 03, 2023

Asking your spouse, “Can we just let it go?” rarely ends a conversation peacefully. Many of our arguments have been about when and how to end a tense conversation. He wants to let it go, I’m nowhere near ready to let it go. In this episode, we share how we have learned to “let go” of that phrase in our marriage.

Episode 64: It's Time to Shut the Tractor Off (ICYMI #20) Dec 27, 2022

In this week’s episode, we talk with Pastor Cal and Susan Rychener, an amazing couple who have been married and in pastoral ministry for over 40 years. From the time they met at a small Bible college in Indiana to founding one of the largest churches in Peoria, IL, and now moving into their golden years, they have learned what surrender to God looks like in every season. Their love story shows how when we understand our own brokenness and find freedom in Christ from our past wounds, our marriages can flourish. (This is a re-cast from Episode 20)

Content warning: infant loss

Episode 63: Merry Christmas! Dec 20, 2022

Stopping in to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas! We hope you and your family are enjoying a joyous and hope-filled Christmas season. We also share about another great podcast that you’ll want to listen to this season, In Fulfillment.

Listen to In Fulfillment on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Episode 62: God is With Us Dec 13, 2022

One of our favorite words that we hear in the Christmas season is Emmanuel.... Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel. In this mini-episode, we talk about the significance of the hymn, "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" as we celebrate Emmanuel, God With Us.

Episode 61: Why Don't You Like Christmas? (ICYMI) Dec 06, 2022

From the outside, Joe “enjoys” the holidays but I know inside it’s a much bigger struggle trying not to let the pain and sadness overwhelm him. It’s like a huge magnifying glass — this spotlight on everything he missed out on that it’s like he can’t even relate to it all.

It can feel complicated. Trying to honor God in this season, hoping to give our children great holiday memories, yet also acknowledging the deep losses in my husband’s life. It’s not always easy to figure out and it’s hard to even talk about. Sometimes our best way to celebrate Christ’s birth is just to bring him that brokenness.

This episode is a re-cast of Episode 9.

Read our blog post here.

Episode 60: What Do You (Really) Want? Nov 29, 2022

During the holiday season, we often hear the question, what do you want for Christmas? What is it that we really want, in our lives, or in our marriages? Are we wanting the right things? And what happens when we don’t get what we want? In this episode, we talk about what it is we really want and how to rightly order our desires.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands by Paul David Tripp

Episode 59: I Don't Want To Be Late! Nov 22, 2022

One common source of marital contention is when one spouse is more interested in being on time than the other. This simple difference can end up adding more tension to already stressful days. In this episode, we share about growing love and unity even when we’re running late!

Episode 58: How Do I Get Him To... Nov 15, 2022

We all have things about our spouse that we want to change or improve. But sometimes those desires can turn into a desire to control, and when that doesn’t work we turn to manipulation. In this episode, we’re talking about how to affect change through our influence instead of manipulation.

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Episode 57: Let Me Check With My Wife Nov 08, 2022

We all have a lot going on and it’s easy to lose track of each other on a practical level. Checking with our spouses is not just about communicating better, but caring for each other. In this episode, we talk about showing consideration for each other through communication and shared decision-making.

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Tara speaks about being a "higher drive wife" at the DESIRE conference for women

Episode 56: I'm Not in the Mood Nov 01, 2022

Sexual intimacy requires a vulnerability and giving of ourselves like nothing else that we share in our marriage. Then throw in previous trauma, marital disconnection, and the demands of modern life, and it’s not surprising that we’re not always “in the mood.” In this episode, we talk about how we overcome our obstacles to sexual intimacy.

Content note: Although we do discuss the effects of trauma on sexual intimacy, there are no explicit descriptions of abuse or sexual activities.

More resources:

J at Hot, Holy, and Humorous

The Body Keeps the Score

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Episode 55: You're My Best Friend Oct 25, 2022

Friendship is one of God’s greatest blessings when we’re willing to love others as we love ourselves. And although we can claim thousands of friends thanks to social media, real friendships are still hard to find. In this episode, we talk about the value of growing real friendship in and out of our marriage.

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Episode 54: I Can't Work With You! (One Year Podcast Anniversary) Oct 18, 2022

We’re celebrating one year of podcasting! In honor of our podcast-aversary, we’re taking you behind the scenes of Behind Our Smiles. It was not easy learning to work together- we usually have different opinions about how things should be done and when. In this anniversary episode, we talk about the challenges and benefits of working together as a married couple.

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Episode 53: You Are Amazing! Oct 11, 2022

We all have a desire to be noticed and admired. Don’t we all want to be amazing? In our marriage, we can be our spouse’s #1 fan and remind them of all the ways they are amazing. In this episode, Joe and I talk about the power of admiration.

“I’m proud of you.”
“I’m attracted to you.”
“I’m impressed by you.”
“I like you.”
“I’m proud of the way you _____.”
“I’m attracted to your _____ (inside and out).”
“I am impressed that you _____.”
“I like how you _____.”

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Episode 52: Say That Again? Oct 04, 2022

In this episode, we’re talking about some of our favorite episodes from our first year of podcasting. Whether you are new to our podcast or a regular listener, we hope you enjoy this quick look back on some of the lessons that have most impacted our marriage.

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Episode 51: It Could Be Fun, Though! Sep 27, 2022

So much of life requires us to trust God, especially when things look a bit crazy. Adventure is always a mix of fun with a little risk mixed in. In this episode, we talk about those faith-building situations we have walked through and the power of a positive attitude in the face of uncertainty.

Studio C's "An Unfortunate Fortune" skit

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Episode 50: She Stopped Throwing Shoes at Me! (Interview w/Tim and Lynette Kosloskus) Sep 20, 2022

We are so excited to introduce you to a very special couple in our lives: Tara’s parents, Tim and Lynette Kosloskus! They have been married for almost 54 years and have so much godly wisdom to share. We’ve talked about their influence in our lives in previous episodes but now you get to hear from them and see why we love them so much. They share their early love story, Tim’s struggle with alcohol, and how starting a relationship with Jesus completely changed the trajectory of their marriage.

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Episode 49: What Do You Need From Me? Sep 13, 2022

We all have needs, and God has given us the ability to meet needs as well. But when we don’t know what those needs are, we lose the opportunity to build love and trust into our relationships. In this episode, we talk about communicating and meeting needs in marriage.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

KEEP YOUR LOVE ON Book

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Episode 48: What Do You Want to Watch? Sep 06, 2022

Sitting on the couch and watching TV is a super popular and easy way to spend time with your spouse. But screens can prevent us from spending quality time together, and we can easily waste valuable time just surfing Netflix if we’re not careful! In this episode, we talk about how we use TV time to grow our connection and how to honor God in what we watch.

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