Basketball Illuminati

Latest Episodes:

World Champions Aug 30, 2023

Show notes

Paul George has thrown his proverbial hat in the ring, so the Illuminati compares his Chucky Barkley impression to Kenan Thompson and Aries Spears.

Sprinter Noah Lyles incites the wrath of the NBA comments section, Rondae Hollis-Jefferson is the Kobe of Jordan, and Rudy Gobert takes accountability for France being eliminated from the FIBA World Cup.

Tom Does His Own Research on last year's Ref Score, which teams were assigned the most experienced referees and predicts which team jump up for in the upcoming season.

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The New York Dicks Aug 23, 2023

Show notes

A former NBA social media employee took to Facebook to air his grievances and promote his new consulting business after asking how to log out of the official NBA account.

The James Harden saga continues with a healthy hundred thousand dollar fine from the association, but DA Amin Elhassan takes the case to defend him in Illuminati Court.

Finally, do the NY Knicks have a serious grievance with a former employee bringing alleged proprietary information to the Toronto Raptors and breaking the code, or are they just being dicks about it?

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Knights of the Triangular Table Aug 16, 2023

Show notes

Kyrie Irving is back in a big way, driving content on all segments of this show, and revealing his sworn fealty to a lord by wearing a certain number.

Amin reports back from his experience at the Hall of Fame induction this past weekend, and tries to share credit with Curt Gowdy Media Award winner Marc Spears.

James Harden broke the code on his dissatisfaction with the 76ers by calling Daryl Morey a liar, so we decode what Daryl was lying about and where this situation is headed.

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Mid Level Bread Aug 09, 2023

Show notes

Tom has started a new Substack, The Finder, and we want you to find out why.

Kevin Garnett is wondering where the all the mid level bread is located, so we head to the Illuminati bakery to prove that there's a lot more out there than you might think.

Paolo Banchero is suiting for Team USA in this FIBA World Cup, and Amin unveils the truth of why he left Italy's national team behind in a quite inconvenient fashion.

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Leveraging Value Aug 02, 2023

Show notes

Anthony Edwards is changing his jersey number, causing us to dip back into our numerology bag of tricks to interpret the significance.

Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson are out while Doc Rivers and Doris Burke are in as ESPN shakes up their NBA Finals commentator team.

Admiral of the IllumiNavy and Economics Professor Scott Kaplan joins the show to discuss his paper discussing 'The Distributional Impact of Maximum- and Minimum-Level Contracts on Player Compensation'

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Robin Ficker's Therapy Couch Jul 26, 2023

Show notes

In the doldrums of the summer, we turn back the clock in an interview with the legendary heckler Robin Ficker, although he objects to that term.

Way back on January 25th, in our 'Stan Spittin' episode, we discussed the legacy of the Washington Bullets fan who stood toe to toe with Michael Jordan from his seat behind the visitor's bench.

Now the 80 year old Maryland resident joins us on the podcast to share his therapeutic methods, the one player that was immune to his efforts and how David Stern targeted him personally.

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Height Fraud Jul 19, 2023

Show notes

LeBron James has changed his number from 6 to 23 out of respect for Bill Russell in the midst of un-retiring out of respect for Michael Jordan.

Joel 'Troel' Embiid had some curious comments at the Uninterrupted Film Festival, is he possibly in an empire state of mind?

Victor Wembenyama is deflating his height from 7'5" to 7'3", and he's not the only athlete to do so. You won't want to Skip this segment.

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Small Sample Size Theater Jul 12, 2023

Show notes

Ballsack Sports has evolved to another level, tricking players into believing their own fake stats.

Tom contextualizes Victor Wembenyama's Summer League performance by doing his own research on other star debuts.

Jeff Teague has become a storytelling podcaster and Gilbert Arenas put Zion Williamson on the spot about his weight.

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Source Loyalty Program Jul 06, 2023

Show notes

Free Agency is underway, complete with a splash of Trade Demands to keep things interesting. Read these reports with a cautious third eye, Illumination, in order to parse the true machinations at play.

Does your favorite news breaker have a rewards program depending on how many miles their sources accrue? We break down all the loyalty tiers.

A new Amateur NBA Analyst also threw his hat into the ring. Is it a ghost of free agency past, or a new bloke from across the pond?

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Draft Gradeys Jun 28, 2023

Show notes

Victor Wembenyama has a direct line to the Universe thanks to a wide open third eye.

Brandon Miller is a Hornet after some buzz moved the betting lines, and Fat Joe really wants us to know he likes Dick from Kansas.

Jake Fischer of Yahoo Sports returns as Truth Teller to give us the inside track on the upcoming free agent frenzy, teams afraid of the second apron and Dame scenarios.

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