At Peace Parents Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Ep. 135 - PDA Teen Can't Stop Wrestling Dad Dec 02, 2025

Show notes

In this episode I speak with a mom of a PDA 14-year-old who regulates himself by wrestling his father after school each day, which causes Mom lots of anxiety. Together we use my cost-benefit decision making tool to weigh her options and she then decides a new strategy to try.

We talked about the option of her leaving the house while the wrestling happens. And we talked through letting go of control of her husband's decision making around wrestling and care for his own back.

I hope this episode is helpful for you. It's from Parenting PDA Your Way, the show we stream live on our Instagram, Facebook and YouTube most Fridays at 1pm ET.

xo,

Casey

Ep. 134 - De-Escalating Your PDA Teen in Public Nov 18, 2025

Show notes

In this episode I speak with a mother of a PDA teen about:

Setting boundaries when other kids are involved
Making decisions in public when you are being judged
Helping young siblings understand the PDA threat response.

The episode is from Parenting PDA Your Way, the show we stream live most Fridays on our Instagram, Facebook, YouTube accounts.

xoxo,

Casey

Ep. 133 - PDA and ASD Evaluations for You and Your Child Nov 11, 2025

Show notes

In this episode I spoke with clinical psychologist Alex Klein about

considerations when thinking about getting an evaluation for Autism or PDA as an adult
my own neurodivergence
doing therapy as a neurodivergent adult
getting an evaluation and therapy for your PDA child or teen

I hope you find it helpful!

xo,

Casey

Ep. 132 - When PDA Child Won't Let Me Take a Pause Oct 28, 2025

Show notes

In this episode I speak with a mom about a time her daughter melted down and then wouldn't allow Mom to step away and take the pause she needed to regulate herself to be able to support her daughter.

These situations are so tough - and sometimes there is nothing you can do but endure them - and so in this conversation we talked about how to find meaning in this parenting experience.

This podcast episode is a recording of Parenting PDA Your Way, the show I host live on our YouTube and Facebook most Fridays at 1pm ET. I hope it's helpful to you!

xo,

Casey

Ep. 131 - PDA Daughter Pinches and Scratches Me While Falling Asleep Oct 21, 2025

Show notes

In this episode I speak with a mom about her PDA daughter, who pinches and scratches Mom as she is falling asleep.

It's a recording of Parenting PDA Your Way, the show I host live on our YouTube and Facebook most Fridays at 1pm ET. I hope it's helpful to you!

xo,

Casey

Neighbors Repeatedly Visited By Son With Pathological Demand Avoidance | Ep. 130 Oct 07, 2025

Show notes

In this episode, I coach a mom of a nine-year-old PDA son who fixates on visiting the neighbors' houses the moment they get home from anywhere, and cannot move on when their kids are unavailable.

We work through why this is happening through the PDA lens, what part of the brain is driving it, and why teaching social norms has not been enough to change the behavior. Then we go through the full cost-benefit decision-making methodology live, laying out every option that is actually under the parent's control and comparing two of them side by side across the whole family system.

This episode is a clear example of what it looks like to apply the At Peace Parents framework to a very specific, everyday situation.

Key Takeaways

Why the Neighbors Are a Triple Draw | 00:09:00 I explain why this mom's son is pulled so intensely toward the neighbors' houses. For PDA kids, there are four things that tend to regulate the nervous system: another safe nervous system, dopamine-seeking novelty, a special interest, and screens. The neighbors appear to offer three of those at once. They are novel, they likely represent safe nervous systems, and for some PDA kids, other children are a special interest in themselves. Understanding the pull this way shifts the frame from "bad behavior" to "nervous system seeking regulation."

The Survival Brain Is Not Only Meltdowns | 00:13:09 This mom had an insight during our conversation that I think many parents will recognize. She had been thinking of the survival brain as something that only shows up during full meltdowns. Through our discussion, she realized that the constant movement, the inability to settle, the fluttering from one thing to the next, may also be the survival brain operating below the threshold of a visible crisis. When a PDA child is not in a state of felt safety, they are in some degree of perceived danger, even if it does not look like a meltdown.

Teaching Social Skills Has Limits Here | 00:12:22 I walk through why focusing on teaching social norms, such as counting to twenty before leaving the door or understanding that neighbors may not want to play, has not changed the behavior. The issue is not that he lacks the knowledge. It is that when he is in his survival brain, he cannot access what he knows. The skill is there. The access is not. This distinction matters for how parents think about where to put their energy.

The Cost-Benefit Decision-Making Method | 00:20:19 We go through the full cost-benefit methodology live in this episode. The process starts by naming constraints, then reframes the challenge as a decision point, and lays out every option that is under the parent's control, not what the child can be made to do. We then compare two options by looking at the cost and benefit to each person's nervous system in the family: the PDA child, mom, and dad. The result is a clearer picture of which option has the best net outcome for the whole family system, and a decision the parent can experiment with consistently.

Communicating With Neighbors About Direct Language | 00:53:44 One of the practical next steps that came out of this session was the importance of asking neighbors to use very direct, unambiguous language when the child comes to the door. Phrases like "maybe later" or "she has a game and might be back at six" create a window of possibility that the child cannot move past. A clear "we can't play today" allows him to process and redirect. We also talk about how to have that conversation with neighbors in a way that feels comfortable, including how much to share and how to frame a diagnosis.

Relevant Resources

What Is PDA — Background on the nervous system disability framework Casey uses throughout this episode

Paradigm Shift Program — Our signature program where the cost-benefit decision-making methodology is taught in full

Clarity Masterclass — Free class for parents still determining whether PDA fits their child's profile

Seeking Novelty and Dopamine: Parenting a Teen with Pathological Demand Avoidance Who Wants to Buy Everything | Ep. 129 Sep 30, 2025

Show notes

I coach a mom of a 13-year-old pathologically demand avoidant daughter in Maine whose daily communication is dominated by requests to buy things: skincare, clothes, ski gear, Amazon organizers. The mom understands PDA and has done a lot of the work, but she is depleted, and the constant barrage has left her running out of compassion.

We talk through what the buying requests are actually communicating through a nervous system lens, why it gets more intense when a child is closer to her threshold, and where the small but meaningful shift in energy can happen when a parent sets a boundary. This one is less about tactics and more about the energetic piece that comes after you have already learned the framework.

Key Takeaways

What Constant Buying Requests Are Actually Communicating | 00:09:00 Casey reframes the daily barrage of requests through the four S framework: safe nervous system, screens, special interest, and sensory intense or dopamine-rich experiences. When a pathologically demand avoidant child is hovering near her threshold, seeking novelty and dopamine through purchasing is one of the most accessible ways to regulate. The requests are not superficiality or entitlement. They are the child communicating: I am in pain, and I am trying to find relief. Casey offers this as a mantra for the mom to use internally: she is in pain, she is asking for help.

Why the Buying Requests Get More Intense Before School | 00:08:13 The daughter is preparing to return to a structured academic and sport program after a period of deschooling. Casey explains that even when a child is motivated and wants to do the thing, any increase in losses of autonomy, whether from school curriculum, athletic practice, or social expectations, will register subconsciously and push her closer to her threshold. The increased frequency and intensity of requests is not a setback. It is data about where she is in her nervous system right now.

Separating Boundaries From Teaching | 00:20:48 Casey draws a distinction between two ways of saying no. One comes from an energy of I am setting this boundary so you learn our family's values or understand our finances. The other comes from I can see you are in pain, I cannot do this right now, and I am going to stay with you through your reaction. The first signals a hierarchy. The second signals safety. Neither removes the activation, but one creates slightly more of a window over time. Casey is clear that this is harder than learning any tactic and is what she calls the deeper work.

The Three Small Experiments Casey Suggests | 00:37:00 Casey offers three specific things to try. First, internally reframe every buying request as she is in pain before responding. Second, after activation happens, internally label it as just data rather than taking it personally or as evidence that nothing is working. Third, experiment with shifting the energy behind the boundary, not what is said but how it is delivered, aiming not for perfection but for a slightly higher ratio of compassionate responses over time. She frames this as building a muscle, not achieving a standard.

What She Is Learning by Watching Her Parent Hold Steady | 00:28:00 Casey reflects on what a pathologically demand avoidant teen absorbs over years of interactions where a parent sets a boundary and responds with compassion rather than teaching. She is not learning through explicit instruction. She is learning through repeated experience that she is a good person having a hard time, and that the people who love her see her that way even when her nervous system is in survival mode. Casey names this as the mechanism behind the paradigm shift: it is the modeling, not the managing, that changes things over time.

Relevant Resources

Understanding PDA — Free class with deeper context on the four S framework and threshold of tolerance Casey discusses throughout

Finding Meaning — Free class relevant for parents at the stage this mom is in: past the tactics and working on the energetic piece

Paradigm Shift Program — Our signature program where the shift from managing behavior to modeling compassion is taught and practiced over time

Ep. 128 - Recognizing My Second Son is PDA Sep 23, 2025

Show notes

In this episode I talk through how I've come to realize my second son is also PDA - with a more internalized expression than my first - and how the process has been both similar and different from the first time.

I hope it's helpful for you :)

Ep. 127 - How to Manage PDA Child Equalizing on the Walk to School Sep 16, 2025

Show notes

In today's episode I speak with Megan, the mother of an 8-year-old PDAer who equalizes against her sibling on the walk to school. Megan comes up with something to try for a couple weeks to see if it's helpful.

I hope the conversation is helpful for you, too :)

Ep. 126 - Supporting Your PDA Child Dysregulated by Boredom Sep 09, 2025

Show notes

In this episode I talk with Carrie - mother of a 12-year-old PDAer - about how to support her son when he gets dysregulated by not knowing what to do during free time - especially after school and on weekends.

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