A Well Run Life

Don't Worry Aug 14, 2019

Don’t worry

The song Don't Worry, Be Happy was written expressly for me. Because if there is nothing to worry about - than I worry about the absence of something to worry about.

I am concerned I may not be getting my point across.... (see what I mean.)

Over the years, I have tried to focus on what gifts I have as an antidote to paralysis. They say comparison is the thief of joy, and they may be right.

However, I am keenly aware that I have many privileges not afforded everyone. My body is not the strongest nor my brain the smartest, but I have good use of both. I am far from rich, but I have been employed steadily since I was old enough to work.

And so I try

even when I worry I will fail-

because I know there are so many circumstances that would make the act of "trying" impossible for me.

On October 20th I will be hosting another Pop-Up dinner on Grace Farms in Chandler, AZ. It is a farm-to-table event that I am very proud of.

Am I a restauranteur by training or experience? No.

Am I an expert in farms? No.

Basically, do I know what I am doing? Not really.

But in the act of trying, I brought a set of experiences many people have loved into the world.

Those of you who’ve been long term listeners and those of you who have purchased one of our handmade charms –

You’ve helped me in this imperfect journey of mine.

Thank you and I promise that I am trying my best to be worthy of that trust.

And - don’t worry –

I am doing enough of that for both of us.

Am I Vain? Aug 09, 2019

I don't think of myself as a violent man, but when I hear:

"You look great..... for 48."

I get a little nutty. That qualifier sort of negates the compliment, no?

Am I vain? Ok, so I am vain.

I agree, it is not an attractive quality. And, I am sure that I have some measure of all the 7 deadly sins in my character.

My oldest daughter is 23 and launching the next phase of her life. I sat with her this week. She is marvelous.

People occasionally compliment me as a parent regarding the quality of my kids’ character.

I assure you, the astounding people they are becoming is born entirely of their own hard work and discipline and openness to the good in the world.

I am very lucky.

I am heading into another birthday. Reflecting on what remains the same about me, and what has changed, it is hard not to feel like I should be better a better version of myself.

What failings I have are not due to a lack of effort. I need to external prodding to remind me to improve the quality of my character everyday.

I am not sure if the next stage of my life will be to take all I have learned in the past half-century and accelerate the pace of my development as a person.

Or will I relax into the mixed bag of good and bad traits that comprise my character.

I am habituated to the struggle of overcoming my shortcomings.

I have no idea where I will land.

But – should you be interested – I will keep you posted.

Ice Cream in the Morning Aug 03, 2019

I have been traveling to big cities these past three weeks. Austin, Chicago and San Diego.

I have walked to nearly all my meetings on these trips. The number of homeless people seems overwhelmingly high in these places.

Is the number higher than usual?

I can't say.

How to give someone their dignity while keeping a reasonable expectation that I deserve personal space- is a question that nags at me during these encounters.

Walking about 6:3 0 AM in San Diego a woman is ensconced in a restaurant’s doorway. She screams at the top of her lungs:

I WANT ICE CREAM.

She is a woman after my own heart.

I fully recognize that each person I meet carries their own unique story and set of circumstances that brings them to their current state.

I am grateful for my life - so in front of you and the divine - let me be unambiguous that I am aware of how fortunate I am.

There is an arrogance to thinking I can help all these people.

Yet there is a moral cowardice in thinking I am disconnected to them all and I can do nothing about any of their plights.

I have picked my spots over the years.

Buying food here and giving cash there.

I am not sure on what the best course of action we should all take.

I admit I did not do it.

But I hope someone got that girl some ice cream.

Kissing Babies Jul 25, 2019

My Mom is Italian and my Dad is Irish.

I am in the immigrant cycle of Americans where the immigrants were passing in the first 10 years of my life.

Those born in this country primarily identified with their country origin.

As a kid - When I was with my Dad's side - I was Irish.

When I was with my Mom's side - I was Italian.

A cultural schizophrenic you might say.

Each side of the family embraced a specific set of rules of behavior.

Although the underpinning values of those rules were consistent, the expression of those rules were not the same.

I knew each side of the family loved me a great deal. However, one side was decidedly more demonstrative when it came to physical affection.

As a parent, I followed the side of the family that thought it wise to kiss babies until they cried and hold kids tightly in public until they grew physically strong enough to escape your grasp.

We've a new baby in the family.

I learned long ago that people in the west,

far from the Italian and Irish neighborhoods of my youth,

did not have the same frame of reference when it came to hugging and familial affection.

It was hard not to kiss the new baby until the poor thing couldn't take it anymore.

I managed to control myself.

From a hot July day in the Arizona desert

I am sending you hopes that someone is loving you more than you can stand it.

Our New One Jul 20, 2019

It was a big week in our family.

I have a new niece as of last week.

My brother-in-law and his wife added a perfect little cutie-pie to the family. Mother and baby are happy and healthy. And we are so happy to have the new one.

I am rarely accused of being relaxed or calm. Even in repose, I am thinking of what to do next.

One antidote to my monkey-mind has always been taking a nap with a baby on my chest.

I've yet to squish one and my body's instincts seem to keep them safe even when I am unconscious. It was one of my great discoveries when I first became a parent a very long time ago.

And so, I have another chance to relax for a small bit.

In the hospital where she was born, my sister leads roughly 200 nurses that work with babies in all states of health and sickness.

Walking with my sister and seeing premature babies and the expressions on their families' faces reminded me that truly have no problems.

It reminded me that my worrying is generally wasted and misplaced.

As you would expect, my life’s journey holds my attention most often.

In the presence of the newly born, I find it easier to remember how each person is on their OWN unique journey. Seeing someone at the very beginning of all that awaits them causes me to contemplate what their lives will contain.

Focus and care on another.

That turns out to be the best way to relax.

Here's Looking At You Jul 12, 2019

I am not saying I am competitive, but I was 48 when it happened.

He was 50.

By “it” – I mean having to buy reading glasses.

By “him” – I mean my Dad.

The optometrist handled me well. I told him that I was there to confirm I did not need glasses.

He appropriately and politely ignored me while conducting the exam.

The journey from non-spectacled to bespectacled took less than 30 minutes and did not in fact kill me.

And so, on July 9th 2019 my denial - that my eyes need help reading the newspaper on Sundays - came to an end.

For most of my life, my eyes were superbly sharp. And so, I saw myself as person who would never need glasses.

Now, I can see how silly my complaints about “poor lighting” and my smug attitude of invincibility look.

But, there was an unforeseen gift in the transition this week

As a dyslexic, my typos are legendary in number and the degree of embarrassment they have caused me.

But from now on, if you see something amiss in my writing – it’s probably because I forgot my glasses.

Here’s looking at you.

Flow Jul 08, 2019

The ocean brings me peace in a way no other place can –

In the waves of the Southern California Pacific Ocean I feel divine generosity and a safe smallness.

Salt water and the oxygenated white foam always wash away fatigue and move me towards an awareness of my body that I can’t get on land.

I am suspended.

I am unequal to the power of the sea.

And somehow, I am safe.

Body surfing and diving under the waves never bore me. No two waves ever strike me as the same.

Some defect of character makes me suspicious of ease. Nowhere do I notice this aspect of my personality more completely than when I am in the waves.

The mismatch of the ocean shifting it’s weight towards me

and my puny strength

heighten my sense of how small I am in a universe of bigger things.

But then, when I yield to the waves –

when I align myself with dignity

to their power –

I surf.

You can’t flop into the wave

You just tumble

With a humble but dignified turn in harmony with the energy in the water that started far from shore, you can be a small partner in a very powerful dance.

Renew Jun 20, 2019

I am in a season of change.

Although, it’s occurred to me that perhaps we are always in a season of change

and we just come

in and out of

realizing it.

Whichever is the case, I sense newness emerging in my life

and myself.

I can’t report precisely how I feel about it –

Right now

It’s just a fact to me.

I remember listening to a wise spiritual man give a talk, and he was describing the basic motivations, fears and aspirations present in human beings.

He concluded his remarks by saying:

“This is the human condition. It ought to sound familiar – you all have it.”

I recently took a personality test called the Enneagram. You may be familiar with it. I kept my test results from 7 years ago – and they came out identical.

Am I the same person?

I believe in death and re-birth.

In all my spiritual studies, I always gravitate to the notion that the divine is bigger than us.

I hold on to the idea that I don’t know everything is going to turn out – and that there are outcomes grander and more generous than I can imagine.

My personality may not have changed much in the last 7-years but I insist I am not the same.

We are all living out the human condition – in identical and entirely unique ways.

I am doing my best to renew myself daily. And each time, to be just a little bit better.

Many of you know already like our Facebook page: A Well Run Life.

And many of your know we have an online store called A Well Run Life Gear.com

We sell our handmade charms there. Today’s podcast was inspired by the word RENEW and you can find a Teeny Tiny Reminder to RENEW there now.

Grace in the Morning Rain Mar 12, 2019

The word Grace can mean so many things but idea of un-merited favor is my favorite.

I live a life absent so many problems and full of so many blessings.

My strengths and weaknesses are so closely bound to each other, that they often work simultaneously for me and against me.

The divine is gentle with me.

And I find enormous Grace in my everyday existence when I simply stop to notice.

47, 48 Mar 12, 2019

For years, it’s been my habit to do a podcast near my birthday to mark the moment.

Well, it’s been 6 months since my last birthday and so I realize I will soon be staring another one in the face soon.

It is certainly a feature of aging that time is measured in different increments as we get older. 5 minutes seemed a reasonable length of time when I was 4, and now I measure time in decades.

There will come a time when this annual podcast is full of wisdom, great instruction on living a full life and hilarious wit.

But now is not that time.

Monsoon Season Jul 31, 2018

Some dirty rotten scoundrel stole my Trailer at Grace Farms.

I doubt the thief realized that it was my trailer.

To the thief, it was “A” Trailer or “The Trailer.”

Be that as it may

I am taking it personally.

Not Small Jun 17, 2018

Every wave seems to make it a point to let me know how powerless I am to stop it.

But this doesn’t bother me.

I go over or under their power without any fear.

I don’t sit still easily. I prefer motion to rest.

And I must like to worry –

Because I do it all the time.

I have a relentlessness to me

that is endearing if I am solving your problem

And irritating if I am trying to get you to answer my question.

The ocean keeps me quiet by forcing me to hold my breath.

I have been taught by some that

A man should know if limitations

And told by others

“I am large, I contain multitudes.”

You sit wherever you please. I don’t have any advice today.

On Kale and Daughters May 30, 2018

I am staring at the Kale.

And the Kale is staring back.

When it was a seed – small and full of potential – it needed me to coax it from it’s confining shell out to a wide-open world of possibility.

Now, it’s life is largely its own. Sun and water feed it

and it grows nearly perceptibly in front of my eyes.

Always reaching towards the sun

I assist nowadays, but mostly does the work without me.

For Example May 18, 2018

If you are wondering if you are ready for the big adventure ahead.

Let me report form the edges of competence

It’s a dangerous ledge with risks of may even be fatal.

But, let me be an example

I have survived all the consequences of my mistakes

– serious as some have been.

Let the voice in your head keep you humbly honest

And believe me when I tell you:

None of us are hitting mark all the time.

Attend to the details of your desires and try your best to be a good example.

My Last Card Apr 09, 2018

I am crying.

Two seconds ago, I was a middle-aged man planning his day over an Americano.

Then, I get a text from my cousin.

I am not crying quiet – dignified-like.

My nose is running and I am thanking god the bill is already paid.

On the way to the car, I compose myself.

The week is chock-full of the type of news you carry in your belly.

In what appears to be a moment of calm, I call my boss.

I report to him that I won’t really be myself today.

And then

As if to prove the point

I start to cry again.

Chicken Eggs Mar 22, 2018

I am standing in front of a steaming pile.

It’s taller than I am, and so I get to work. I am raking and shoveling the mulch delivered to Grace Farms with the discipline of an army ant.

It’s about 6:30 AM – my morning farm shift –

As I shovel deeper into the pile of chipped trees, the heat is obvious.

The tree was upright, then it wasn’t.

The tree was alive, then it wasn’t.

And again – it is one thing becoming another.

The morning shifts are short, the responsibilities of day have no pause button for my messy farm project.

House Marks Feb 21, 2018

The desert winter can be harsh.

There are times when it I so wicked one is compelled to put their socks on.

Since I am a tough guy, I am going without socks this morning. Out into the garage I step to retrieve the almond milk for this morning’s Americano, and I am stabbed with a razor sharp ice pick straight to my bone.

Ok – perhaps that over states the moment

I stepped on a scorpion who met the assault with a sting on the bottom of my middle toe.

A scorpion sting is some sort of poison that is basically a cross between Cobra venom and Agent Orange. And for weeks I can trace the nerve that leads from my big toe to somewhere just below my ass.

Because that little bastard lit up that neural pathway like so much napalm.

DM's Triumph Nov 26, 2017

It is an hour after Thanksgiving dinner.

Family traditions throttle the pace of any high holiday – national or religious.

I am currently throttling my 13 year-old nephew on the nearest basketball court in a post-turkey dinner game of HORSE.

In my family, you won every contest against an adult until you were a certain age. The victories may have been assured, but every adult made in feel authentic. They would wince under the weight of the child’s crushing strategic genius on a game board, cry tears of frustration as the little one dribbles a soccer ball mercilessly or yet another goal, and howl under the pain of the kid’s wrestling

I can still remember thinking:

I am clearly a genius!

I am an unstoppable force of nature in mind and body - the worlds of both Checkers, soccer and wrestling never witnessed such brilliance until the beginning of my reign.

And so we launch you out into the world with the notion you are unstoppable.

This Golden Era of your Life lasts until you are about 4 and half – maybe 5.

Then

– and perhaps it is the lingering influence of the Catholic Church or the immigrant experience or simply a desire not to raise spoiled brats –

The Adults in the family crush the kids in every possible contest that occurs.

Rockin' The House Nov 18, 2017

I am 20 and playing lead guitar.

I am by far the worst musician in the band.

They likely would have been a house-hold name if they had not been saddled with me.

We played together for a year, and thank god You Tube had not been invented - my children would not survive the embarrassment.

BUT

There was this one gig. We were wedged between two head banging acts - but the crowd had a few friendly faces

And out there.

for one night

we rocked the house.

And I was a rock-n-roller

Or at least that was my experience of it.

27 years later I am on Grace Farms.

We are throwing a party

- a dinner

- an event.

I am - by far – the least important person in the execution of

I safely report to you: we rocked the house.

Seriously.

It was awesome.

Refocus Oct 23, 2017

The Road Runner at Grace Farms is eye-balling me.

He was there before me, and he is intent on not letting me forget it.

The bird presents himself to me every time I arrive. The colors of his plumage are much more subtle than I realized.

I know Road Runners differently because I focused on this Road Runner.

Heroic Dips*** Oct 22, 2017

“Don’t talk to Pete. He is a dipshit.”

In another era of my professional life, I read this love-note on an e-mail from a disgruntled client to her boss. I am unsure whether I was copied intentionally – but I am sure it gave her a certain amount of pleasure that I got to read what she thought of me.

At that time of my life, I was part of an international sales-force of a company that did business on 5 continents.

And a month before I am called a dipshit –

I was celebrated

as the highest performing sales-person

Among hundreds of sales people around the globe.

In fact, they give me a bunch of money and big, fat prize

for being so great.

The Divine likes to remind me:

The distance between hero and dipshit is the length of time it takes to read a two-sentence e-mail.

The Unlikely Is Not The Imposible Oct 17, 2017

Somewhere in the mid- 1960’s he is in the 10th grade and doing a handstand on the top rails of the Empire State Buildings observation deck.

Some volunteer parent looking after the high school kids take one look and faint dead-away.

An unfortunate gust of wind sends him tumbling like a fall leaf.

But it didn’t and the story lives on in family infamy.

Leave A Message Oct 07, 2017

"Ya ought to be ashamed of yourself!"

This is my first voicemail of the day.

When I worked for a giant company and held a position of authority and influence

I liked the money -

Everyone likes the money.

But next on the list was this:

Everyone returned my calls.

The Gospel of Doubt Sep 26, 2017

It goes without saying:

I do not know what I am doing.

I killed all the tilapia in my aquaponics farm because I misunderstood how to keep them healthy.

30 chickens on the farm died because I built a substandard chicken coop that some average coyote easily penetrated.

I am not a famer

Yet I farm.

There are people in my life that want me to focus. To do one thing and do that thing with excellence.

But I have lived with the keen awareness of my death since I was 12.

I don’t fear it.

When I go, I want to be satisfied with my courage to have done my best and to have seen what was possible with my life.

There are seasons of plenty in our lives. Seasons where your actions align with just the right needs of the moment and your imagination blooms in the world vibrantly.

I am not in one of these seasons.

Bee Careful Sep 22, 2017

I am in no danger of becoming an expert.

In Anything.

She is calling me because she wants me to be safe.

I want to pick-up to tell her I am safe.

However, I am standing on a ladder

In a bee suit –

which

If I knocked on your door wearing this bee suit

You would think I was there to clean the Ebola virus out of your carpets.

I am wearing leather gloves – giant ones.

They look like I should be handling glowing red bars to be smashed on some anvil

And my hands are roughly the size of the average 3 grade girl

Which makes my ability to do anything but the most blunt work

Basically impossible.

I have been getting reliable texts from the man who is my mentor when it comes to beekeeping.

But the phone is ringing persistently in the pocket of my bee suit from my future wife.

Competing with the phone is the sound of the biggest bee swarm I had ever had my face nose deep in.

I can say this with confidence

Because it was the first bee swarm I ever tried to rescue

46, 47 Sep 17, 2017

Somewhere in the development of the human species we learned to use tools. There is a great scene in the move 2001: A Space Odyssey that imagines the moment when our primordial ancestors learned to use a hammer.

In my development as a farmer on Grace Farms, I have somehow regressed to just before the point in time when human beings learned to use tools.

In trying to authentically develop a place where food can be grown,

my enthusiasm for avoiding contamination of any kind

created a sort of blindness to my own stupidity in how I am accomplishing simple tasks.

A good friend of mine – who works with me on the farm – illustrated this by showing how a project that had taken me 9 hours could be completed in 30 minutes.

What felt virtuous just minutes before his tutorial on using tools – immediately became evidence of my stubborn habit of taking the long, hard way to learning my lessons.

In The Weeds Sep 02, 2017

In our desert, water occasionally falls from the sky sufficiently to create Flash Floods and awaken the seeds of future tumbleweeds and voracious milk weeds.

Let me do my best to avoid the farming – garden cliché of discussing the spiritual virtues acquired by weeding their growing soil.

Don’t trust anyone who writes about how pulling weeds freed their minds.

I am walking along the fence line of my tiny farm

looking like the world’s ugliest cheerleader

holding two massive pom-poms of freshly pulled weeds

Clever or Not You're Ready Aug 27, 2017

My mom says I am smart, but that I am not clever.

I am sure I am not smart enough to know what she means – but I have thought about her description often over the years.

My thinking is not elegant. I don’t come to conclusions with deft

– deductive

– Sherlock Holms-ian clarity.

I have go over and under and around and through ideas

And then I need to feel the idea in practice.

I am a reader – I enjoy learning – but I only learn lessons after feeling the consequences of screwing something up or the pleasure of bringing something beautiful into the world.

Needful Things Aug 14, 2017

I have a very particular style of home improvement.

My instincts attune to the whatever is the easiest, most efficient route

And I travel that path only after exhausting every single difficult road first.

I come from a family who deeply values language and we look for metaphors everywhere

But we’ll save the obvious corollaries to my life for another, longer podcast.

Salad Days Aug 09, 2017

As I type this the tender heads of my babies are passing through the digestive tracks of my enemies.

I don’t know about you, but when I see a baby – eating it’s head off is not the first thing that comes to mind.

That is not the case for the birds near my farm.

I grow – with care and tenderness – little sunflower shoots from the seed. I do this in the house.

Where it is safe.

Chicken Hit Jul 29, 2017

If the Chickens had a Mafia, this is how I imagined they would settle old scores.

Upon returning from a trip out of town, I walked on to Grace Farms.

There, I found all my girls- who I raised from baby Chicks - scattered in various poses of death and dismemberment.

I am vexed.

I built a Chicken Cathedral.

A good home, safe from any reasonable predator. But, clearly the neighbor houses an animal member of ISIS who hunts young chicks on my farm.

I have been reminded that this is the natural order of things. The predator was just looking to survive.

I have been told it is not personal.

Snow Storm Jul 17, 2017

The movie in my imagination shows a mid-sized dog launching from an easy boy and chewing the nose off my face.

To make matters worse, Jon Snow is back in town tonight.

Right along side my wife, I have been pining for him for months.

Jon Snow will soon face the White Walkers while I am faking bravery in front of a family pet.

I would like to report I did not soil myself.

Having survived the encounter,

my wife and I looked great at a very fancy event

we drank and danced and had a great time.

As if that isn’t enough, we will be snuggled up to watch the brave Jon Snow in about two hours.

I am thinking of having a Martini –

shaken

Not Stirred.

Pale Cucumbers Jul 17, 2017

Placing the cucumbers in the harsh desert light seems a harsh.

Under the pressure of the summer heat they will either shrivel and die, or come into the fullness of their flavor.

I trust their grit and I am anticipating a great harvest.

Stings Jul 14, 2017

We are obsessively watching The Americans on Amazon Prime.

If you tasted this bit of Telivision Crack, chances are you’e done the same.

The show is overtly political but it’s engine is the relationship between husband and wife:

Phillip and Elizabeth.

Elizabeth is this teeny tiny woman.

Now, my wife and I see the world vastly differently. There must be days when she cannot believe she married someone with my political views.

But we both agree: Elizabeth is a badass.

Antsy Jul 04, 2017

If you knew how much I hate the ants in my garden, you would be creating a Kickstarter campaign to cover the bills associated with my much-needed therapy.

The little demons aside, I am under the spell of growing food.

It’s cucumbers, melons and sunflowers that generously fill my garden under my unforgiving Arizona summer sky.

I am barely surviving the blistering heat. And so, when I see a watermelon or cantaloupe resting on the ground

Vibrantly soaking in the over-available sunshine

Ant-free

It surprises me.

Stinky Honey Jun 25, 2017

My wife’s palate is very sharp. She can parse flavors in dishes down to the spices and the addresses of the pigs who gave their lives for the pork in our stew.

With great tasting powers come great smelling powers. Which can be a blessing and a curse.

“Honey,” she says while I have come in from working on a small farm we are shaping to lay next her for a brief moment, “you need a shower.”

Unambiguous Work Jun 05, 2017

My record as an entrepreneur is unambiguous.

I am an awful entrepreneur.

I have been pretty-good at making large sums of money for other people, but I have recycled my earnings through a series of business train wrecks that will make most every business person in the world feel better about their own skills.

Straighten Out Apr 27, 2017

The bones of the spine want to sit directly on top of each other.

The shoulders want to be down and back.

Pull yourself out of alignment and tell me you like it.

Slouch and crumple yourself and say it feels good.

But, when you see a dancer move, an athlete run, you know better.

The premium placed on sarcasm still surprises me.

I may be getting soft, but crassness seems to have become the surrogate for wit.

Harmony looks easy, but it requires holding the spine upright – it takes a bit of effort.

Beware of harshness.

In my opinion it is just the false promise of slouching spirit.

Stand up straight.

Most things will fall into line.

The Promise Of A Blue Sky Feb 03, 2017

I hear the engine of a small airplane and the sky is very blue.

Who knows how memory works.

This is among my earliest recollections. Somehow, I remember it outside my body – looking at my 4 year old self in the front yard of the first house I ever lived in.

From that moment until today, I associate the sound of a small aircraft with beautiful days.

Parking Lot Prayers Nov 30, 2016

You never want to call someone crazy, but he was dressed in the blues of the local mental hospital. We were standing in front of a local grocery store.

I truly enjoyed this neighborhood.

But, family and friends found this an unusual predilection of mine.

A cross dresser in his early 70’s fed stray cats outside the Starbucks from an open tuna can every morning.

My porch somehow became a garage-sale wherever thing was free. The theft was so common I put out everything I would otherwise donate for the petty thieves to sell on Craigslist.

Even when I entered my own home to find it in the processed of being burgled – I still liked the place.

Two Dogs Nov 13, 2016

In cultural wisdom that I have incorporated into my world view, I learned that there are two dogs inside all of us.

The good dog.

And the bad dog.

And they fight with each other.

Which dog wins?

The one we feed the most.

Dog's Life Oct 25, 2016

I am making my dogs omelettes in the morning.

They love it.

It’s true, my family and I are all a bit snobby about food.

In an over-quick yes, my fiancé mistaken said yes to a quartet of baby chicks. “Yes” to her meant that we would talk later. “Yes” to me meant she found them in boxes on the kitchen counter by lunch.

In a previous life, she an I lived in the time of great famine. There is no other explanation for the quantity of food that we purchase. We are 7 in total – but at any given time - each of us could invite three others for a meal and we would have ample food in the fridge to feed them all.

Not being particularly social, we have considerable fodder for composting each week.

At least we did.

Shofar, So Good Oct 02, 2016

Not to be indelicate, but it is a menstruation. And I walked right in on her.

I am pretty sure she was thinking: I need to get a bell around that guy’s neck. Clearly he was not raised right.

The four chickens in the backyard are laying eggs now. And I am eye-balling them every few hours waiting for the next one to drop.

My $6.78 tomato plant went in about 4 PM. By 6:30 PM half my investment was in the belly of some neighborhood terrorist. By the next morning, he’d finished the job.

I am pretty sure the bird in question here is a roadrunner. He is fond of mad doggin’ me when I enter the garden without a proper level animal dominance. Contrary to my chickens’ opinions, I am a gentleman and so won’t repeat the exchanges.

Chicken Patzer Sep 26, 2016

My organic chicken is in a giant Tampax Tampon carton.

This vexes me.

However, Costco is unmoved by my consternation. It is possible they did not even notice.

Use Your Words Sep 22, 2016

"TV rots your brain.”

My parents tell me this early in life.

Being stout, I braved it nonetheless. At age 8, watching Batman, I calculated: I am doing OK in school and I still have good motor skills. It must affect the organ slowly.

At 16, I realized my parents had offered the gem as a metaphor. I have mentioned that I am slow?

Metaphors amplify the truth. Lies hide it.

The House Smells Sep 22, 2016

Once, when the family was broke – we bought that muffin dough that comes in an exploding can was on sale: 1 can for a dime.

We bought some sort of pig rind that the butcher essentially gave to us.

We rendered the fat – fried that cheap dough into doughnuts.

It was a triumph.

Turner for the Worst Sep 07, 2016

I left the church because I would not be – what we called at the time – a “cafeteria” Catholic. This is somebody who picks and chooses what they believe, rather than believe the entire fabric required by the faith.

I once made my - now 16 year-old - cry because I sternly corrected what I believed to be selfish behavior on a Christmas morning when she was about 4.

Not my strongest moment as a parent, which she reminds me of from time to time. She and her 20 year-old sister would say that I overly emphasized the notion that consequences accompany behaviors.

They are likely right.

Wilder, DNA Aug 30, 2016

I skip many comedies because they seem to be striving for the "most shocking" of crassness and volume. Too little use of language and subtlety for me.

Maybe if more comedians had giant eyes like Mr. Wilder, they'd rely less on their volume.

Years from now, when asked about the memories of the first movies that made me laugh in a way that made me feel smart, I will surely the report that memory has not died. "It's Alive! It's Alive" I can safely say will be my response.

Grapefruit Aug 02, 2016

I am pretty sure the grapefruit crime was victimless.

It is impossible for me to know if my Nana was just making a mundane task more interesting by placing me in the role of Law-Breaker or whether she really was grooming me as an earner in her own Cosa Nostra.

Turns Aug 02, 2016

I just returned from an island.

One side was calm and the sea placid.

Almost too calm – as if the Pacific was just some big lake.

The other side churned.

The wind, relentless, pushed the sea around in dramatic fashion.

It was beautiful, exciting and dangerous.

The water smashed against rocks – not so unbreakable – performing gymnastically, acrobatically, ephemerally.

Judgment Aug 01, 2016

If you can name it, you change your relationship to it.

That is my father in a mask.

That’s a ledge – not a plank I will be forced to walk.

A dog bit me, but all dogs won’t bite me – I am just afraid from that old injury – not the cuddle bug at my feet.

When you can name the truth of the situation, you can experience it more fully.

Name what scares you – it scares you less.

This is also true:

Naming the good - amplifies its goodness.

You love someone – say it. You happy about it – shout it.

Who cares when your judgment falters on what might be worthy of fear and perhaps what is dangerous.

Living is just full of ways to get hurt – mostly it’s going to be OK.

But those good things, those happy things, those joyful things – make the biggest noise you can about those – don’t miss them.

Spring Break Jul 28, 2016

Despite the evidence, I know I am not stupid.

My daughters accepted our vacation with perfect, un-solicited gratitude. They enjoyed the trip un-self consciously. Is this not what we all hope for as parents?

I have a simple heart.

It’s an uncomplicated question to answer: What do you want? Decide what it is and then act accordingly. It doesn’t require any special genius.

Not Russian It Jul 27, 2016

It takes 6 and a half minutes of vapid attention to scrape my big melon clean.

This hair-cut takes 45. And I am told:

what’s what

what should be

what is lamentably not so.

He is fearless. No doubt, no hint of uncertainty surfaces in this time. At points I wonder: I am leaving this chair with my ears attached? How close is that blade to my throat?

It’s Valentine’s Day. What’s it mean?

You decide.

Draw Carefully Jul 27, 2016

When you only have a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

We all need the whole toolbox.

Not full of one thing, but with many rulers, saws, pliers, plumb lines.

Where you aim at is where you land.

Even when it takes more time then you expect, the trajectory you pick will carry you forward unless you really bend yourself towards a new path – and this is hard.

Best to draw the bow carefully. Want what you want. Aim at a life you will love.

Passion Fruit Jul 27, 2016

I am insecure about a great many things, but my work ethic isn’t one of them.

I can worry a problem into submission.

Of this I am supremely confident.

But, I must report, my yard is full of weeds.

Laziness?

I am growing food to eat.

I am experimenting with eating things untouched by chemicals.

These plants grow in boxes – large and small - throughout my yard.

They are modestly prospering.

If I could figure out how I cultivated such a heaven for weeds –

and apply it to the calorie reaping plants –

hunger in the Southwest would be a thing of the past.

Honest Wages Jul 27, 2016

I am a not a good cheater.

I always pay a deeper price than the bargain I ask for.

If I want something that is to be earned, I always have to travel the full nine yards.

Man Up Jul 26, 2016

“I would flex, but I like this shirt”

This is written across a tee shirt my children bought me for Christmas. They have an ironic sense of humor.

My many tee shirts neatly folded in front of me, I am trying to rationalize the quantity. How many tee shirts does one man need?

Like everyone, I have my insecurities. There are many. However, for many years, I have felt entirely comfortable in describing myself as a man.

I am not a boy.

The Lion and His Lioness Jul 19, 2016

Most things should be shared.

But not everything.

My parents celebrated 44 years of marriage on Friday with a bouquet of flowers and a hotel room in Seattle. On Facebook they allowed us a photo of the small garden and a note to us that they were happy.

44 years.

On one level I feel like I had a front row seat to their romance. But, I also know, what goes on between a man and a woman in love is private.

It is a mystery.

Grow! Jul 19, 2016

We should make all spiritual talk Simple today:

God is trying to sell you something, But you don’t want to buy.

That is what your suffering is: Your fantastic haggling, Your manic screaming over the price! (Hafiz)

“Grow!”

My 4 year-old baby sister screams at an intractable seed she planted the day before. Her ferocious spirit commanding the plant to sprout. The seed remained unmoved that morning.

I water the dirt in my garden. I bought a bunch of worms. They all impolitely died. The dirt is housed in a fancy pergola that I am sure any vegetable would love to sprout from. I am supposed to be writing about what a master of agriculture I have become. Instead I make a little mud everyday.

The Last One Jul 19, 2016

I like athletes. But not all athletes.

“Souls are like athletes, that need opponents worthy of them, if they are to be tried and extended and pushed to the full use of their powers, and rewarded according to their capacity.”

― Thomas Merton, The Seven Storey Mountain

Does that make sense to you? Or not?

In The Sack Jul 19, 2016

I bought a sack of Red Wrigglers and they arrived on my porch yesterday.

Here’s how it’s supposed to work: I give them my vegetal table scraps, they eat them and shit agricultural gold.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

November 2013 I became a gardener.

By January 2014 I will be a goddamn farmer.

Morning Presence Jul 19, 2016

In 1978 our Christmas tree made the Charlie Brown Christmas tree look like the one in Rockefeller Center.

I’m not sure it wasn’t actually a branch.

It is the only tree we ever talk about.

It always delivers – we laugh and joke each time about how we kept spinning it looking for its “good side.”

Good side? It was barely three-dimensional.

What a gift that scrawny little guy gave us.

Being Knotty Jul 19, 2016

I am composing this missive in my head while at the Scottsdale Fashion Square Mall.

An elderly Chinese man has his elbow buried in between my spine and scapula.

He is using a level of force usually reserved for extracting information.

Somethings Should Leave A Mark Jul 19, 2016

He says: “How about this?”

And now, my right shoulder and his right shoulder carry the same mark.

Seen or unseen, he’s right there.

From here – ’til the end of my road – at every pool, beach, shirtless work-out – the old man is doing his best to make me look cool.

Graceful Moves Jul 19, 2016

I am a crier. It’s just the truth, what can I say?

As such, I have to watch The X-Factor in private.

I realize they are just shilling for Tide, condoms, Toyota and whatever else.

But when the coaches offer a psychological disposition of support – frankly I don’t give a shit if it’s fake – I always bite.

Belief in another – support of someone’s hopes – vocalizing the notion “I believe in you” simply touches me in some indefensible place.

A Lovely Planet Jul 19, 2016

I may not be the luckiest person who ever lived, but I have extreme good fortune.

There are many many problems I do not have.

My plane is leaving soon to return me safely home.

At different times, I have lived precariously balanced.

My loved ones kept me upright.

I am on more solid footing now.

More often than not, I trip into great surprises – seeing wondrous, beautiful things and meeting curious people.

It is a lovely planet.

#4 in 30 Jul 19, 2016

When I was very young, I didn’t like onions.

I think it was that my taste buds were still so new.

Everything tasted so precisely, vibrantly, purely what it was.

I now like jalapenos on everything.

Athlete Artist, Artist Athlete Jul 19, 2016

The artist has an audience.

In that relationship, a person can delight, antagonize, soothe or jolt another.

There you will find a moment of some consequence between two people.

It is a beautiful thing.

My mom is a successful and brilliant poet.

Before other people wrote blurbs on the back of her books and gave her awards and spent money to own her writing, she woke at 4:30 in the morning, sat at the kitchen table and wrote – every day – before kids, work and a million other demands would claim her attention.

Not So Fast Eddie Jul 18, 2016

I am a slow learner.

Impatience and haste have cost me a lot.

But, against all my instincts, I have decided against rushing to any conclusions.

Things break apart – I rack ’em up– and start again.

Paper Tiger Jul 18, 2016

The New York Times and I have a mixed relationship.

Without meaningful argument, consistently high levels of thoughtful, careful writing land on my porch every Sunday.

But I can’t help but feel it is saying,

“You are smart for reading this, but not as smart as I am for writing it.”

'76 Olympics Jul 18, 2016

Alas, I grew up in a family of smokers.

Not the modern variety of cat burglar-ing smokers hiding from us,

trying to find a place to smoke

that doesn’t require wearing a yellow vest asking people not to run them over.

No.

I grew up among Olympians of smoking,

and holidays were game days.

Advent Jul 18, 2016

When I was 21 I met with – what can only be called a “recruiter” – of the Order of Preachers. The Dominicans. He wanted me to become a priest.

I tried to explain to him that I was celibate not because I was particularly moral but because I did not have a car, I was skinny and socially awkward. An unholy trinity for a young man.

Check Please Jul 18, 2016

At 32, I finally beat the old man. And since he doesn’t have a blog yet, let me say it was a crushing defeat of brilliant tactics and impossibly subtle strategy.

But in all fairness, I do have the body for it.

Tail Tale Jul 17, 2016

I just replaced the “tail” of my dryer. The “tail” is a fancy name for the plug. When I asked the smart-ass attendant at Lowe’s if this was a difficult job, he replied “Can you work a screw driver?”

In Loco Parentis Jul 17, 2016

I have the 12-year-old by the collar and he grips the 14-year-old by the arm. Again, I am clueless. I look at him blankly. Ethan Hawke to his Denzel Washington in Training Day, I hear him bark in a tone of voice that still rattles my sister and me:

“You want to die?”

Kitchen Heat Jul 17, 2016

I will save you the narrative of the world’s fastest Internet search, a disappointing shower and the absolute gratitude of having this experience by myself – and just remind you:

If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

Ride Jul 14, 2016

Our puppy caught a bad lottery ticket in an instant and then vomited and barfed his way through the week while we all hope he doesn’t die.

You have to be careful what you touch. And if danger lies in that crap pile – why you gonna touch it twice?

Some of us think we can wade through the nastiness and not be affected.

And then wonder why your toothless yells can’t get you a cab out of the Flop Casa of Broken Dreams.

The Interrogative Jul 12, 2016

The minute I heard my first love story,

I started looking for you, not knowing

how blind that was.

Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere,

they’re in each other all along.

The year ends. The year begins. May yours be the most beautiful yet.

Flood Jul 10, 2016

A man of normal intelligence would have checked the spigot for water pressure. Being of abnormal intelligence I cut through the three quarter pipe to test how thorough I had been in turning off the water.

Something to Cry About Jul 09, 2016

We really needed a round-the-clock team of counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists and exorcists working 7 days a week with us.

And a bunch money.

See Jul 09, 2016

Evil is obvious, even if you turn a blind eye. It is plain. Unmistakable.

Trumpets Jun 27, 2016

The man in the first stall of the Barnes and Noble restroom at Tempe Marketplace may have actually hidden the trumpet of Zion up his ass.

Before exiting this afternoon, I was treated to a solo who’s impressiveness was only over shadowed by the magnificent stench that changed that innocent space into a nearly lethal foyer to the other side.

Puppy Love Jun 21, 2016

How many times does Something thing have to happen to you

Before Something occurs to you?

Robert Frost

Squishing Time Jun 21, 2016

Some things seem to require cultivation and some things seem to erupt.

My little house is quiet as I write. Time is wrapped up in a tiny blanket beside me sleeping – snoring predictably - indifferent to my instructions to stop, start, back-up. I pat it gently as to not harm it.

In silent mystery of this moment, I hope you are well loved and safe under our shared sky.

quick reflection Jun 21, 2016

I am stiff not crippled.

Things will loosen up.

Captain Mork Jun 21, 2016

“….they paid Roman soldiers in salt, which is how we get the word Salary…and when your pool breaks it into its components, the chloride acts as the chlorine…”

My sister is unimpressed.

“Just pass the salt.”

As a kid my parents called me Chatterbox.

Indeed, I talk too m

Candles Jun 21, 2016

The Eiffel Tower surprised me.

Like you, I have seen it 13 million times. I thought I knew it.

But it always struck me as sort of industrial. Distinctive but not subtle.

I was wrong.

Petite Penance Jun 21, 2016

He was rude.

French rude.

Turns out French rude looks a lot like Manhattan rude with a slightly more charming accent.

Above the Tree Line Jun 20, 2016

There is a picture when I am 16 of my father and I in the identical position while playing basketball in our driveway.

I am playing defense against him but somehow are bodies are mirror images for the moment.

He and I were away this week. In the jungle, while being fitted for helmets in order to zip-line,

I am asked my name.

“Peter.”

One More Time Jun 10, 2016

For 15 years - while I honed my ability to eat ice cream - Dan threw millions of punches.

Of Mice and Women Jun 08, 2016

To My Mice: You never know what life may require of you,

but you are the heirs to this strength and courage.

No need to go looking for a fight.

Sometimes it finds you.

And if so, don’t worry - you’ll know what to do.

The Grip Jun 08, 2016

Let me report I understand this:

If you don’t hold a golf club correctly, you will not swing it right.

You gotta start at the beginning.

Street Logic Jun 07, 2016

By 16 I had hit people and been hit.

Once, winning a skirmish, I was in position to truly hurt a person.

Onlookers were looking for a ferocious beating.

I reckoned it’s one thing to make a point - another thing to inflict injury just because you can.

Tupperware Jun 07, 2016

It’s midnight and I am stuffing my face with almond butter I made when I was conscious.

My body unreasonably insists on eating.

Not One Thing Jun 06, 2016

I was 100% certain these things would make me happy.

Why?

The Middle Jun 04, 2016

When you want to lift weight over-head,

keep the load balanced over the middle of your feet-

because that’s how the body works.

It is not arbitrary. Not capricious.

It’s a rule because it is the best course of action.

Recycle Jun 04, 2016

The cycle of life is gritty, no?

I am a thinker. At least, I think I am.

To Conspire Jun 04, 2016

I don’t relax well.

Once, for a moment on soft grass above the fat sea lions of La Jolla, I breathed easy.

Sprawled out on the ground, my daughters kept a look-out for the cutest boy on the beach.

My eyes closed, a pelican shat right on my chest.

Not a dainty pigeon poop- an earthy, full-bodied excrement bomb.

An Irrational Insurance Policy Jun 04, 2016

My ten bucks was a selfish, irrational insurance policy against a lack of prosperity in 2013.

By accident and grace, I have been delivered from most problems of the world.

Box of Chocolates Jun 03, 2016

People will not be controlled for long.

They will enjoy whatever strikes them, and it is foolishness to think you can make it otherwise.

Last Saturday, on a very ordinary street in Phoenix,

I saw a rooster.

Out of nowhere.

Apropos of nothing.

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