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    Education

    A Farmish Kind of Life

    Listen to motivational misfit Amy Dingmann get real about life and how to live a good one, whether you live on a farm or not.

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    Latest Episodes:
    112: The Chickens Still Need to Be Fed Nov 02, 2020
    Show notes

    If you are someone dealing with big emotions (anger, fear, frustration) regarding what's happening out there in the big wide world or what might be coming around the bend, today's writing is for you. You can read it below as an itty bitty thought or you can press play above to listen to it as a podcast. The main topic starts at minute marker 5:58. Listen to the podcast episode by pressing the play button on the black bar above. All episodes are linked under the podcast tab that you can find way at the top of this post in my menu bar. You can also listen and subscribe to my Farmish Kind of Life podcast at all popular podcast players. Heading into this week is weird. I know as a writer I should have bigger, better words to describe what I'm feeling, but weird is all I can come up with. Friends across the pond tell me they're going into another lockdown. Many of the schools local to me are going to total distance learning again. But the main event whether you're participating in it or not, is tomorrow's presidential election. I've been talking to friends on both sides of the aisle and what I hear is fear tension anger panic anxiety did I mention anger? Because there is anger. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say today as an itty bitty thought or a podcast I don't know how to approach all of this and that and everything. So I will go with what I like to focus on in times of chaos and unknown. because maybe it will help you, too. Here’s what I want you to focus on. No matter who you think should win. No matter who ends up winning. No matter what comes because of the person who wins. When you wake up the day after election day or the day after or the week after or whenever after there is one thing you need to remember: the chickens still need to be fed. And it’s such a simple statement and for me it makes sense because I have chickens. If you don’t have chickens I hope you realize what I’m getting at. Your kids still need to be fed. Your significant other still needs to be held. The wood stove still needs stocking. The tomatoes still have to be canned. The bread still needs to get in the oven. There are things that still need to be done regardless of what is happening in the outside world out there, beyond your doors. I want you to see these things as a comfort. These things that become our normal and that we pass by to get to other things. These things we fly through in order to find out what's going on in the world or what's happening next. I find these things particularly comforting in times of chaos or when I don't know what's coming next. I don't know who is going to win the election. And I don't know what will happen after it's done. But I will put one foot in front of the other in a house with my husband and kids with our tiny little life and we will continue on. Because that's what people do. It's what people have always done. In times of chaos, in times where you feel like things don't make sense and are out of control and you don't know what is going to happen next remember, you do know what's going to happen next: the chickens still need to be fed. -- Amy Dingmann, 11-2-20 Remember to bookmark ITTY BITTY THOUGHTS and come check out my daily posts here at A Farmish Kind of Life RESOURCES: Episode 33: Supplemental Light for Chickens? Be Honest About This... Daily posts here at the website: https://afarmishkindoflife.com/category/itty-bitty-thoughts Signup for my email newsletter: http://www.subscribepage.com/q6n3t5 Farmish Kind of Life MeWe group: https://mewe.com/join/afarmishkindoflifehomesteaders Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/farmishkindoflife/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/farmishkindoflife


    111: RAQ #6 – feeder pigs, ghost stories, kid chores, teaching butchering, and Facebook Oct 26, 2020
    Show notes

    It’s another random audience questions podcast episode (and blog post) where I pull five questions from my giant mason jar of topics you’ve sent in. Today I answer your questions about feeder pigs vs raising piglets, ghost stories, people’s opinions about kids and farm work, teaching other homesteaders how to butcher, and my thoughts on being away from Facebook. If you’d like to add a question to my jar for a future episode please email it to amy@afarmishkindoflife.com. Listen to the podcast episode by pressing the play button on the black bar above. All episodes are linked under the podcast tab that you can find way at the top of this post in my menu bar. You can also listen and subscribe to my Farmish Kind of Life podcast at all popular podcast players. 1 — Feeder pigs vs. raising piglets We are considering getting into pigs and are curious what went into your decision to buy feeders every year vs doing your own piglets. The husband and I are at odds about this and we’re hoping you could give some insight into why you don’t do your own piglets. - Ellen Farm babies are adorable, but in our couple years of doing piglets and goat kids, I learned that farm babies just aren't my thing. Keeping a mama pig means overwintering a pig. It means breeding that pig—which means keeping a boar, borrowing a boar, or doing artificial insemination. Having babies means dealing with all the extra worry that comes with having babies (and all the extra steps to dealing with those babies). And then you have to find new farms for those babies—which means dealing with people who think they want those piglets. There is nothing wrong with trying the whole piglet thing out, it's the only way you will know what works for you and your farm. We tried it here, and our experience taught me that I'm totally okay with paying someone else to deal with moms and dads and piglets. 2 — Ghost stories You’ve mentioned in a few episodes that you believe in ghosts and that your kids don’t. Tell us a ghost story that you’ve experienced. - Nita To be clear, I'm not a “hey, I saw a ghost floating in the cemetery” kind of person. It’s more of a “there’s something else here” kind of thing. I will tell you two stories; a spooky one about a house we looked at to buy where my dad and I had the same experience in similar rooms in the second story, and sorta charming story about a kid who used to leave green crayon marks all over our house...before we had kids. (Listen to those stories on the podcast by pressing the black player button at the top of the post and finding minute marker 8:27 -- they're too long to write out here!) 3 — People's opinions about kids and farm work I’m wondering how you figure out what jobs your kids should have around the farm? I seem to be caught in the middle of half my family saying that I make my kids do too much and some of the rest of the family says that kids can do more than we think they can. I know you moved to the homestead when your kids were younger, how did you decide what they would help with? And did you ever internally struggle with they’re doing too much/not enough. And what did you say to people who said they were doing too much or not enough? - What To Do? This is an issue whether you live on a farm or not. This is just a thing that boils down to people always feel the need to comment on how other people's kids are raised. How do you figure out what your kids should help with? You know your kids. You know what they can handle. You know what you need them to handle. Parenting is finding that balance between what's too much and what's simply a challenge they need to surmount. That's everything from can they collect eggs without dropping them to can they carry a knife around the farm to are they big enough to do this particular job on butcher day. Helping on the farm is about helping them grow as people, not about what your mom sister brother fellow homesteader thinks is enough or too ...


    110: NaNoWriMo Oct 19, 2020
    Show notes

    I think most of you know that I’m a writer. Like, not just a gal who writes blog posts, but a real live fiction author (under a pen name) as well. So, today we're talking about NaNoWrimo (Nano...what?), why writer-type-folk should consider taking part in it this November, and—for you non-writers—lessons I've learned from my participation in NaNoWriMo that absolutely and totally apply to other areas of life. Listen to the podcast episode by pressing the play button on the black bar above. All episodes are linked under the podcast tab that you can find way at the top of this post in my menu bar. You can also listen and subscribe to my Farmish Kind of Life podcast at all popular podcast players. What is NaNoWriMo? NaNoWriMo started in 1999, and stands for National Novel Writing Month. It's basically a ginormous annual challenge to write 50,000 words of a novel during the month of November. Fifty thousand words, you guys. Thirty days, you guys. Who takes part in stuff like this? Crazy people, obviously. Crazy people like me. I take part in it. I even get excited for it, like Christmas y'all. NaNoWriMo has grown into a year round website that helps you track your words, provides pep talks from well known authors, and gives you a place to talk to other people who are taking the same crazy challenge as you. (Like 455,080 authors that participated in 2019. Wut??) NaNoWriMo is now a non-profit, and their programs support writing fluency and education. Their programs now include National Novel Writing Month in November, Camp NaNoWriMo in April and July, the Young Writers Program, Come Write In, and the “Now What?” Months in January and February. And it's not just a crazy challenge or a cutesy project. Some big names and big books started as NaNoWriMo projects. Books like Water for Elephants, The Night Circus, Wool, Fangirl, The Darwin Elevator, and Cinder. How much is 50,000 words? So, 50k words in a month. Wut? Those of you who aren’t writers probably can't wrap your head around word counts because you're used to counting pages. Traditionally (you know, back when I was in college and books were printed on paper) we were told to figure 250ish words to a page. With that line of thinking, a 50k manuscript will net you a 200 word novel. **But with new formatting and ebooks and all those things, the concept of “pages” has kind of changed. But why? Why would you even try write 50,000 words in a month? To see if you can. Back in 2013, I heard about this super cool thing—NaNoWri...something. I had yet another story idea in me and was looking for a kick in the pants. I thought 50k words? whatever. No way. But I have this story idea in me, so why not? And I did it. I looked down towards the end of the month and saw I had passed 50k words and I cried. I had actually done it. This will be my 4th year doing Nano. Early in my fiction writing career (pre-2013) I wrote romantic comedies. But then I got comfortable enough to write the kind of stuff I really wanted to write—psychological thriller, mystery, dark fiction type stuff. So that's what I write now. My first NaNoWriMo project, The Me You See, was published in 2014. My second, The Visit, I didn’t finish, but it's on the list to go back to. My third, Opposite of Gray, is currently being edited. My 4th (2020!) will be a novel called Snap about current events and human nature as told through the eyes of four people in a small town. Things I’ve Learned From NaNoWriMo Pre-NanoWriMo, I had it in my head that the first draft of a book took at least a year to write. We needed time to think and consider and mull over and wait for the muse to show up. Nano was absolutely THE thing that taught me I can write 50k words in a month. Nano taught me that I can complete that goal by averaging 1667 words a day. Some days I wrote less, some days I wrote way more. I learned that if I apply the seat of my pants to the seat of my ...


    109: lessons, tiny farms, and other stuff Oct 05, 2020
    Show notes

    Earlier this week I went down a rabbit hole that we will call Something Doesn't Quite Line Up Here which lead me to a bunch of question-asking and research. And because that rabbit hole was so deep, Cinderella didn't get her work done to make that today's podcast episode topic. So today's episode is instead a recap of all the other stuff I wrote about during the week: those itty bitty daily thoughts that have been milling around in my brain and that I write about daily here on A Farmish Kind of Life. Listen to the podcast episode by pressing the play button on the black bar above. All episodes are linked under the podcast tab that you can find way at the top of this post in my menu bar. You can also listen and subscribe to my Farmish Kind of Life podcast at all popular podcast players. Today's episode includes itty bitty thoughts about: Decorate for You Here’s the thing I’ve learned: your life doesn’t have to sparkle for anyone else, it just has to sparkle for you. Just Do the Next Thing Maybe life is less about knowing what "needs" to get done and more about tackling the things that "come up"—and considering that maybe things don’t actually "come up." Beautiful Boring Someone recently told me she liked to talk to me because I had a boring life. Here's why I'm totally okay with that. The Way Things Were Deep thoughts about life back in the day and why it's okay to let go of things. In Tiny Houses on Little Farms I got to thinking about my great uncle, who lived through the Great Depression, and what'd he'd have to say about us getting all caught up in what's happening out there in the big wide world. A Lesson Learned from Two Tall Guys That thing where you feel like your kids become the parent and you're the kid because you know the advice they're giving you is on point. Bookmark ITTY BITTY THOUGHTS and come back to check out what I post tomorrow! I’d love your thoughts on today’s post in a comment below or via email at amy@afarmishkindoflife.com. RESOURCES: Daily posts here at the website: https://afarmishkindoflife.com/category/itty-bitty-thoughts Signup for my email newsletter: http://www.subscribepage.com/q6n3t5 Farmish Kind of Life MeWe group: https://mewe.com/join/afarmishkindoflifehomesteaders Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/farmishkindoflife/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/farmishkindoflife Email me: amy@afarmishkindoflife.com


    108: RAQ #5 – homesteading skills, family issues, snow removal, leaving Facebook, and crocheting Sep 28, 2020
    Show notes

    It’s another random audience questions podcast episode (and blog post) where I pull five questions from my giant mason jar of topics you’ve sent in. Today I answer your questions about homesteading skills, family issues, snow removal, leaving Facebook, and crocheting. If you’d like to add a question to my jar for a future episode please email it to amy@afarmishkindoflife.com. Listen to the podcast episode by pressing the play button on the black bar above. All episodes are linked under the podcast tab that you can find way at the top of this post in my menu bar. You can also listen and subscribe to my Farmish Kind of Life podcast at iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, PlayerFM, and other popular podcast players. 1 — Homesteading Skills I have a random question. Like you, I’m increasingly concerned about what the next 3, 6 and 12 months are going to look like in our country. I’ve been a suburban/ urban “homesteader” for about 10 years with the goal of getting land and making a home for myself and my sons that is more sustainable, safer, and from where I can earn an income that’s not dependent on an office in a big city. I don’t need to earn my whole income from a farm. I can do consulting from anywhere I have an internet connection. My question to you is what skills would you focus on getting prior to moving to a homestead? Gun use and safety of course. Butchering? Animal husbandry? Carpentry? I should add I’m a 51 year old single mom of 2 boys in their early to mid teens and they are fully supportive of this move. - Wendy It’s awesome that you have the freedom of consulting on the internet! I would just caution you—and this is obvious, but I’m still gonna throw it out there—when you’re looking for property make sure there is decent internet. There are pockets all over that still don’t have reliable internet, so if your work is internet related, that needs to be number one in your property search. As far as the skills to work on, there are so many that you could start researching and working on, but it really has to do with what you plan to do on your homestead. “Homesteading” is a pretty huge word and means a lot of things. The skills I use the most often here would be butchering, carpentry/fix-it stuff, and gardening/preserving the harvest—and trying to use the equipment (skidloader, tractor, chainsaw, power tools)! I would say the first thing is to dig into “what” you want to do as a homesteader. You’re already a suburban/urban homesteader. What are the things you really absolutely want to have and do on your land? Do some dreaming and then concentrate on those skills. The great thing is that we live in a time where information is so easy to get, which makes learning what you want to learn much easier than it was for our ancestors. Other links to check out: The Most Important Homesteading Skill Smart Homesteaders Keep Learning 2 — Family Issues Hey Amy! I wanted to submit a question for your mason jar. A little background first. My family was once considered to be close knit but, unfortunately, fell apart roughly 20 years ago due to disagreements I'd rather keep anonymous. Some members still speak but we haven't all been in the same room for a very long time even for holidays. Without pointing fingers at just one person, we all could make a better effort in spending time together in my opinion, but there seems to be a problem of "I only want you in my life when it's convenient for me, what you do for me, and as long as you live your life the way I do I accept you". My question is: Is it ever ok to cut family members out of your life, do I allow them to walk away, or is there any other way to handle this I haven't learned yet? That being asked, anytime I try to set boundaries I won't hear from them until they need something or I "apologize" for not jumping at their beckon call. I put the word apologize in quotations because I feel obligated to and feel like I'm just trying to keep...


    107: Deep Thoughts from the Woods Sep 21, 2020
    Show notes

    Last week I was gone for a magical week, deep in the woods of extreme northern Minnesota, a stone's throw from the Canadian border. A week spent deep in the woods gives a person a lot of time to think and you generally come back to your normal everyday life with some thoughts. Today, I'm sharing those deep thoughts from the woods here with you. Listen to the podcast episode by pressing the play button on the black bar above. All episodes are linked under the podcast tab that you can find way at the top of this post in my menu bar. You can also listen and subscribe to my Farmish Kind of Life podcast at iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, PlayerFM, and other popular podcast players. The problem is, when you spend a lot of time away and have some moments of clarity, you come back to a jumbled up world and it can be really hard to reacclimate yourself to what's going on here in real life. It's been a bumpy ride to say the least. But I offer up my three thoughts to you in the hopes that maybe one of them will help untangle something in your head, too. Deep thought #1: Prepare for then, but live in the now Somewhere while packing the last items into the truck for our annual cabin trip, it occurred to me, this could be our last real family vacation. By next September, our oldest will be graduated from high school, possibly college, and will be a full fledged adult. Our youngest is only a year behind. And that thought sat in the back of my head as we drove up and unpacked our gear. But somewhere along the first trip out on the 4 wheelers it hit me. I can focus on the fact it might be his last trip to the cabin as a kid and be sad, or I can pour myself into the moments of this vacation and actually experience them. And then, I realized something else. We’re all doing the same thing as it relates to what’s coming next for our economy, for our society. We are so caught up in what might be coming around the bend that we’re missing what’s happening right now. Now, I do think it's important to prepare. I myself am someone who likes to try and think two steps ahead. I think that's a responsible thing to do. But not to the detriment of the life you're living and breathing in right now, at this moment. It's okay to peek at what's coming around the corner, but make sure you've got your feet on the ground where you're standing. Deep thought #2: The trees have answers Because the air is more clear and the woods chill me out, I generally go to the cabin looking for brilliant answers— for the way around everything, or for a solution to whatever is the current issue in my life. This time though, the answers just weren't coming and I was getting frustrated. The second to the last morning that we were at the cabin, I started the coffee pot, sat at the table in a sort of silence that is almost suffocating, and I penned the following free verse poem. A Tree in the Woods In this place where I can see my breath at the kitchen table, Where making a pot of coffee is not as easy as Running the faucet Clicking the power switch Waiting a few minutes to pour your cup, Where stepping off the deck means Greeting a bear, Where the changing leaves are your television. In this place where we haven’t seen another Human being for five days Not on the trails. Not on the roads. Not in the woods. Where the world could have stopped Blown up Ended And we wouldn’t even know Unless we turned on the radio. In this place where I come for clarity Answers Perspective Where I usually come out on the other side with A deep refreshing Cleansing sigh And a big idea A solution A plan But this time is different There is no cleansing sigh I’m here and I feel like I’m Holding My Breath. And Like an impatient two year old I want the answers Demand the answers The sky and woods laugh at me and say Sit back Watch Breathe. And I look and all I see are trees. Trees being trees.


    106: If I May Speak Freely: Freedom of Speech Sep 07, 2020
    Show notes

    Today we are tackling the topic of freedom of speech—it's a huge topic that's been on my mind lately because of things happening out in the world. Not just because I see certain things being censored online, it's also how I'm seeing people react to that. So today we're digging into this topic and giving you some ways to look at freedom of speech as we move forward. Listen to the podcast episode by pressing the play button on the black bar above. All episodes are linked under the podcast tab that you can find way at the top of this post in my menu bar. You can also listen and subscribe to my Farmish Kind of Life podcast at iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, PlayerFM, and other popular podcast players. Let's start with a metaphor. Let’s pretend that I invite all of you to a campfire at my farm, and I say it’s a happy wonderful place where anyone is welcome for conversation and friendship. And everyone starts having conversations. And then I happen hear you talking about church, or being a vegan, or cops, or your brother and his boyfriend getting married, or being pro-life or pro-choice, and every time you open your mouth, I talk over you. Or I move you away from the campfire where no one can hear you. Friends, this is no longer a campfire where anyone is welcome for conversation and friendship. And this, my friends, is what social media is turning into. Now, if I don’t want certain things talked about at my campfire, that’s my right because it’s my farm. But I can’t go around telling people that my campfire is a happy wonderful place where anyone is welcome for conversation and friendship if I'm also going to tell people what they can and can't talk about. Free speech: what does it actually mean? The crazy thing is that we've got a lot of people saying they believe in free speech. We've got people super angry that some of these campfires (or social media) are censoring people, mostly themselves. But at the same time, they get angry when someone at a campfire starts blasting off an opinion they don't like. They usually end up asking the person who has the campfire to tell that person to leave because, “you can’t say that here!” Free speech means it’s okay to have an opinion and it’s okay to voice that opinion -- even if someone doesn’t agree with you. It would be super cool if this actually meant voicing that opinion in a respectful manner, but let’s be real. This is America and we are humans and most people start frothing at the mouth about the rightness of what they believe. The thing about free speech Here's a really cool thing about free speech. If you’re sitting at the campfire with someone who is spouting off opinions that you don’t agree with, and you think they have crossed the line into jerk territory—you can pick up your chair. You can move your seat at the campfire. I don’t think that free speech was ever supposed to mean threatening to bash peoples' skulls in. I think it was more supposed to have to do with when we don’t like something the government is doing, we can go ahead and express that. In any event, go ahead and say the super tough and super cool things you want to say—because then I get to decide how I interact with you after that. It's really a win-win for both of us. Freedom of speech is hard. People are figuring out that freedom of speech is actually difficult to sit nicely with. Because if it’s okay that I say what I want, it’s okay that you say what you want. And that’s really easy if we agree with each other. And it’s even pretty ok if we agree to disagree with other. But when we flat out disagree on something that we believe so hard core in the pit of our very stomachs, for most people, it’s really hard to contemplate freedom of speech in all of that. In real life, most people have a really hard time if someone strongly believes a certain thing that totally goes against what you believe in. But if you actually believe in freedom of speech,...


    105: Build the Life You Want by Saying No Aug 31, 2020
    Show notes

    Building the life you want is a sure step towards self-sufficiency and independence. But what if you don't know what you want that life to look like? What if the question of "what do you want" is too big to answer? Let's work through the how-to of determining what you want, as well as the importance of being able to say no in order to make that life a reality. Listen to the podcast episode by pressing the play button on the black bar above. I recently shared the following image on social media: decide what kind of life you really want...and then, say no to everything that isn't that. There was a lot of support and cheering to the image, but one gentleman gave this response: Serious question, I’m 49 and I have never figured out what I want to do. What can I do to help the process out, or is this it? If so, I did complete my mission to raise my kids...but I mean [I'm asking] for me. That's a good, valid question. What if you don’t know what you want? What if you’ve never been asked? Or what if you knew what you wanted but now you’re in a different stage of life, looking around with some freedom and thinking, wait. What is it that I want? How do we figure this all out? Sometimes the Big Picture helps, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes when we think about what we want life to look like, we can make it really complicated. We think big picture, and we think far off into the future—almost like we're answering "what do you want to be when you grow up" all over again. That might be the exact approach you need to take, but it can also be overwhelming. Sometimes in order for us to get the concept moving, we have to start small. Maybe what you know right now is that you don’t want to have to get up at 430 am anymore. That simple statement is a really great place to start in order to grab some ideas of what you want life to look like. Making a list helps A great way to attack what you want your life to look like is to make a list. Start with little bits of what you want. Add little bits of what you don't want. (Believe me, once you get started, you won't need any help continuing.) After you've made that list, take a look at the items you want and don't want. Your next step is to determine how you get there. As in, how do you bring about the things/situations you want? How do you get rid of the things/situations you don't want? And remember, this doesn't need to be all long term, especially if that's too overwhelming to think about. You can make lists for today. Tomorrow. Next week. By Christmas. Five years from now. Deciding on the life you want is really just setting goals In a way, it’s like the goal setting conversations I used to do with my teens every Monday. We'd all write down our goals for the week and post them for everyone to see. Not only did it put our commitments out there "publicly", but it also helped us keep each other accountable. Knowing each other's goals meant when we saw each other doing stuff that really wasn’t helping us reach those goals, we’d call each other on the carpet about it. Calling each other on the carpet meant poking each other to say no to the things that weren't pushing us towards the goals we'd set—i.e, the life we wanted. Reaching those goals means saying no - sometimes to a lot of stuff. Recently, a friend from Minneapolis decided it was time to move. The stuff had hit the fan, he felt it was no longer safe to live where he lived, and he announced, “we are out of here”. Saying you want to move is not as easy as just moving. It’s a whole process. It disrupts your life, your work, the plans you previously had. But my friend's end goal was to move as quickly as possible. There were a lot of things he had to say no to in order to make that happen. And a lot of those things frustrated him. But to reach the goal, you have to stay on track. Decide the life you want, and say no to what isn't that. You have to keep asking the question. And it's tough. All through my teens,


    104: RAQ #4 – podcasts, multi-generational living, friends, quitting, and Ruth Stout Aug 24, 2020
    Show notes

    It's another random audience questions podcast episode (and blog post) where I pull five questions from my giant mason jar of topics you've sent in. Today's questions are about my favorite podcasts, multi-generational living, my circle of friends, quitting a side hustle, and Ruth Stout gardening. If you'd like to add a question to my jar for a future episode please email it to amy@afarmishkindoflife.com or message me on social media. Listen to the podcast episode by pressing the play button on the black bar above. All episodes are linked under the podcast tab that you can find way at the top of this post in my menu bar. You can also listen and subscribe to my Farmish Kind of Life podcast at iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, PlayerFM, and other popular podcast players. 1 - The podcasts I listen to: I'm a regular listener of your podcast and enjoy the wisdom you share with your listeners. Just like you, I like to listen to podcasts while working on our homestead. What podcasts do you listen to? Thank you. Sincerely, Karen Thanks for your question, Karen! I love listening to podcasts. I have many that I listen to, but the ones I try to catch every episode of are: Living Free in Tennesse The Survival Podcast Unloose the Goose Cabinet of Curiosities Lore American Shadows The Box of Oddities 2 - Pros and cons of multi-generational living: I’m a long time listener and I’ve heard you mention occasionally that at some point in your adult life, you, your husband and kids, and your parents all lived together in a multi generational home. Was that experience intentional? I’m curious if you can talk about the pros and cons of that experience and why (to my knowledge) it’s not how things are set up anymore. My wife and I are considering multi-generational living with our four kids (ages 3-10) and her parents. It’s something we’ve always considered, but as we look at the state of the world, we think about making this move a lot more. I’m just wondering if there is a negative side to it. I’m guessing there is. Thanks for considering my question. -Brad Back in the day it was always our plan to buy a piece of property, put two houses up on it, and have a sort of family commune where we all lived together—but how this all panned out for us was a lot different than we planned. Back in 2007 my husband and I sold our little house on main street with the intention of pooling our money with my parents to buy a piece of property. Our house unexpectedly sold in 24 hours, and so we asked my parents, hey, can we crash in your basement for a bit while we work to find this farm? Long story short, a little bit ended up being four years. (Remember the economy in 2008-2009? Yeah. That's a whole 'nother podcast episode.) When we found our farm (the place we are in now) my parents sold their house and moved up to the farm with us. You are correct that we no longer live multi-generationally. My parents ended up divorcing (which had nothing to do with our living arrangement ;)) and are both remarried now. There are lots of pros to multi-generational living, and also some things to be aware of: Pros: Many hands make light work. Super productive. Working as a team. Pooling your resources. Be aware of: People need their space. Set boundaries so resources aren't taken advantage of. Someone's problem is everyone's problem. Possible disagreement over parenting strategies/life choices when other people are always in close proximity. I don't regret our time living in a multi-generational home. I think there are many benefits and things to be gained from it. Just be sure you have good communication and are able to sit down and discuss your expectations/concerns before you get into it, and make sure the communication lines stay open once you jump in. 3. My circle of friends: I sometimes wonder if people in the podcasting world all hang out together. Do you and Nicole Sauce know each other?


    103: How to Have an Actual Conversation Aug 18, 2020
    Show notes

    Talking to people can be difficult. Conversations in a society where people are divided and tensions are high can be especially tough. Today we are talking about why it's hard to talk to people, and sharing tips to keep your conversations productive. Listen to the podcast by pressing the play button on the black bar above. All episodes are linked under the podcast tab that you can find way at the top of this post in my menu bar. You can also listen and subscribe to my Farmish Kind of Life podcast at your favorite podcast catcher. How to talk to people begins with how to listen. A discussion/conversation is two people who are listening to each other and responding to each other in a productive manner with the intent to move the conversation along. What we commonly have now are not conversations and they are not discussions. We don’t listen to understand, we listen to reply. Someone makes a point you disagree with, and you’re not listening anymore—you’re formulating in your head what you will say as soon as they take a breath. We don't talk with people, we talk at them. Productive online conversations begin with reading what was actually posted. How many people read a post and then comment, not responding to the actual post but instead respond to what they heard in their head or where their brain went when they read that post? Someone can post about selling apple pies for $10 each on Thursdays from 3-7 pm at the XYZ Farmers Market, and people will ask in the comments: What time is the farmers market? Do you have cherry pies? How much are the pies? Is this the Tuesday or Thursday Market? Which market are you at? I'll take a pecan and a peach pie. Where can I pick them up? Sometimes we use people's posts as a place to put our opinions. I recently posted on Facebook, “If you are on Parler or Mewe, drop your link here so I can follow you”. From that post, I got comments and messages like: I don't have time for social media and I'm not joining another platform. Facebook is evil but I don’t know where else to go. What else are you using? I tried MeWe and Parler. They didn’t work for me. Okay, I get it. I totally do. But my post was simply asking for links of people who were on those platforms—that's all. It's become an epidemic of sorts. Half reading what is written, responding before taking all the information in. And that's just one of the issues. We've become more bold, and we like conflict. I touched on this topic in Social Media Etiquette: Tips from a Farmish Girl . My first tip was, “if you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face at a fried chicken dinner, don’t say it online.” The problem is in current times, I think there are a lot of things that people would say—and are saying—at a chicken dinner that they never would have said before. We want to fight. People want to be mad. And in an ironic way, me even doing this topic proves that. I’m frustrated with people being unable to talk to each other. I’m frustrated that people can't leave stuff alone that doesn’t apply to them. Conflict gives us something to talk about. It’s much more exciting to talk about things going wrong than things going right. Think about it—sitting down to read a book or watch a movie where there is no conflict would be pretty boring. Conflict is what moves the story along. So, conflict is part of the game and will always be part of the game. So how do we handle that conflict in conversation without being jerks to each other, or deciding we’re going to hole up and just never talk to anyone again? Why do people have such a hard time talking to each other? I recently asked on MeWe: “Why do you think people have such a hard time talking to each other right now (in person or online)? What's behind the breakdown in conversation? Why is there so much anger and so little movement forward? What is wrong with communication right now?” A few of my friends were willing to share their thoughts,


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