372 Pages We'll Never Get Back

Latest Episodes:

Ep 159 – New Year, New Book! (Book 28: Kaileb’s Dream) Jan 16, 2024

Show notes

Join the 372 Patreon where all the crazy stuff happens! Get every episode a week early, plus our sub-podcast where we try to solve insane Encyclopedia Brown mysteries, and much more! http://patreon.com/372pages

Spoiler: frosting is discussed at some length. As are dreams, and if there’s anything more exciting than hearing about someone else’s dream, I’D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT IT IS!!

If you don’t want to listen to the nonsense, you can find the new book here (affiliate link)

Assignment: read up to the chapter titled “The Realm of Eris”

Ep 158- A Christmas Killer Affair – Ep 2 Dec 26, 2023

Show notes

Thanks to everyone who supported the podcast on Patreon this year. We absolutely would not do it if you weren’t there for us. Join the fun next year! http://patreon.com/372pages

We end the year with absolutely blockbuster news. Seriously, a twist so shocking that no cozy writer could ever conceive of it. We won’t spoil it, but we tackle the revelation at the very beginning so be prepared to be stunned.

That aside, this reading is full of hot shoulders, chilled breasts and lots of folksy Uncle Kidd wisdom. Not to mention the solution to the central mystery!

Get the book on kindle and paperback

Get How to Write and Market a Christmas Cozy Mystery here (affiliate links)

T. Lockhaven’s “Resource” page for “writing” your own: https://christmascozymystery.com/resources

Ep 157- A Killer Christmas Affair – Ep 1 Dec 20, 2023

Show notes

Support the podcast on Patreon! By the time this posts, we’ll already have posted the next episode on there! http://patreon.com/372pages

Time to check in with Murphy, Carmen, Ophelia, Uncle Kidd, Marisol, Granddaddy, Aunt Lucy, Aunt Lindy, Darbie Grimes, Darbie Grimes’ mother, three dead husbands killed in an unknown accident, Simon, Lawrence Galloway, Miquel, Douglas, Judge Ed Simpson, Paul Turner, Phyllis Newton, Bailey Fox, Jerry, Mandy, Charles Deever, Dan Stevens, Mrs. Dan Stevens, Dr. Garrett, Melva Brooks, Lorine Reynolds, Pastor Mark Reed, Janet Crosby, Sherriff Ken Grayson, and Walter Green of Sunflower, Texas.

Santa dies, the blood pools around his head, his hair and presumably some flesh are stuck on the bedpost of our narrator and the handsome sheriff is covering up the fact that obviously foul play is involved. In other words, cozy!

READING ASSIGNMENT: Finish the book.

Get the book here (affiliate link)

Ep 156 – Christmas 2023 Cozy announcement! Dec 11, 2023

Show notes

Support the podcast on Patreon where they found out what this book is a week ago! patreon.com/372pages

In real time, Mike and Conor select their next book – and we guarantee it will be cozy! Select your hugest, fuzziest slippers (preferably cartoon-based), your giant cup of cocoa, we’re talking soup bowl sized with a handle on the side, and get a fire going, anywhere. Even if you don’t have a fireplace.

It’s cozy time!

If you don’t want to listen, you can find the book in paperback and on kindle (affiliate links)

ASSIGNMENT: Read thru Chapter 7

Ep 155 – The Adventures of the Teen Archeologists Ep 4 – Slenderman Gorilla Nov 29, 2023

Show notes

Support the podcast on Patreon! We have a video tier now so you can see us mispronounce things in real time! http://patreon.com/372pages

An absolutely epic end to an epic book. Let’s list them off: giant gorillas, chimpanzees, giant ostriches, gigantic komodo-looking dragons, witch princesses in sheer linen gowns: it’s obvious Larry got a little excited and wrote the end of this one.

No Real or Fanfic; however Mike’s stats on this are discussed. Spoiler alert. They are not good. New book announcement coming very soon.

Here’s Denise’s Moepek rewrite/reimagining that we talk about at the beginning of the show: https://amzn.to/3sNig7b (affiliate link!)

Ep 154 – The Adventures of the Teen Archeologists Ep 3 – The Blinding Underground Sun Nov 10, 2023

Show notes

Support the podcast on Patreon, where you’ll get every episode a week early, extra stuff you can’t get anywhere else, contests, and more! http://patreon.com/372pages

Incredible – truly incredible – Larry and Denise stuff in this section. The vast majority of this reading could have been submitted as Real or Fanfic and fooled Mike every time. And speaking of, please listen in if only to hear Mike fail miserably at Real or Fanfic! READING

ASSIGNMENT: *sigh* Finish the book.

Ep 152 – The Adventures of the Teen Archeologists Ep 1 Oct 12, 2023

Show notes

Join us on Patreon, where every episode comes out a week early and you get to hear all the other bonus stuff we only put on there! And check out “The Naked Clone” a book that Mike & Conor co-authored with Kevin, Bill, and Sean from RiffTrax!

Yes, a long episode, but this book more than earns it. So much to talk about, so many Real or Fanfics, so many Dumb Sentences, so many slaps on so many teenage faces…

And folks, you may not believe it, but Larry and Denise actually innovate a new redundancy in writing that must be read and re-read to be believed.

[Very slight audio note: toward the end, there’s a blip in Conor’s track where he disappears for about a half a second. Just so you know you’re not hallucinating.]

Archived Antigua website

Archived Moepek website

READING ASSIGNMENT: Read thru Chapter 7

Ep 151 – The Adventures of the Teen Archeologists- Intro Oct 05, 2023

Show notes

Join the fun on Patreon, where you get every episode a week early and other fun bonus stuff! https://patreon.com/372pages

The book is currently unavailable on Amazon, so if you’ve already read your copy, please pay it forward to another listener!

To prepare for what we can only assume is an epic reading of Larry and Denise’s The Adventures of the Teen Archeologists (Book 1) The Land of the Moepek we asked patreon supporters to submit your favorite moments from Antigua. Gordle the Gorilla, Nasty Fox, forcing people into trees (with the “forces” from their wands), all of these make the cut!

If you want to catch up on the Antigua episodes, here’s a youtube playlist of all of them

Assignment: read the first two chapters; a new episode is coming soon.

Ep 150 – The Starlight Barking Ep 3 – Roly Poly Does Paris Sep 07, 2023

Show notes

Help us pick the next book! We’ll be running a poll on the 372 Patreon: http://patreon.com/372pages

The Bark Squad wraps up Dodie Smith’s fever nightmare of a sequel in this final episode covering The Starlight Barking. Sirius the Dogstar visits, promising a lifetime of bliss in outer space. Unfortunately, some whiny mangey strays are all like “Uh, no, we like having owners who mistreat and starve us” and so Pongo is forced to make a decision on behalf of all dogdom. Also Missus “invents” the High Swoosh and we reach “closure” on what the hell was up with Cruella’s metal clothes. There may be a list of dog names at some point.

Thanks to everyone who took the journey with us, we can’t wait until Disney finally releases their animated version. As threatened, we’ll be back soon with a Patreon poll to pick the next book!

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