3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms

Latest Episodes:

467: How to Become a Better Partner // Dr Jennifer Finlayson-Fife Feb 09, 2026

Show notes

It's easy to notice when your marriage feels disconnected, but it's much harder to know what to actually do about it. And it's even harder to look at your own part in the dynamic instead of just wishing your partner would change.

This Valentine's Week, I'm bringing back one of my favorite conversations with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, a relationship and sexuality coach whose work has profoundly impacted my own marriage. In this encore episode, she shares three concrete, actionable things we can do right now to become better partners and strengthen our marriages.

In this episode, you'll learn:

💜 The one quality Dr. Jennifer looks for in a great partner (most of us avoid it, but it's what makes marriages actually work)

💜 Why how you handle disappointment matters more than compatibility

💜 What's really behind sexual disconnection—and it's not lack of desire

Dr. Jennifer has a gift for helping us see our blind spots without shame, and this conversation gave me concrete things I could actually do instead of just wishing things were different. While this episode won't hand you a perfect marriage, it will show you how to stop waiting for your spouse to change and start working on what you can actually control.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

Dr. Jennifer's book That We Might Have Joy: Desire, Divinity and Intimate Love is now available. I listened to it on audio and then immediately ordered the paperback so I could mark it up. Grab it here.

I've created an entire playlist of relationship-focused episodes. Access it here.

Related Episodes:

342: Communicating to your Partner that Things Need to Change // Eli Harwood

222: How to Repair after a Fight with your Partner // Jocelyn and Aaron Freeman

223: Sex and Motherhood // Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

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BetterHelp: 3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to betterhelp.com/3in30 to get 10% off your first month of online therapy.

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466: You Have Permission to Pause Feb 02, 2026

Show notes

Six weeks before I recorded this episode, I woke up early with my heart pounding so hard I couldn't ignore it. The house was dark, everything was quiet, and as I lay there thinking about the medication I was on, the surgeries I'd been through, the pace I'd been keeping, this thought came to me so clearly: This is my life. No one is going to fix this for me. I am the one who has to change this.

I was dealing with chronic health issues, and my body was forcing me to confront some hard truths about how I was living. That morning, I realized I couldn't keep pushing through and ignoring what my body was trying to tell me. So I did something that terrified me—I took a full month off from my podcast even though I had 40 people waiting to be guests.That was back in 2019, and I'm re-airing this episode now because I'm taking my own advice again. This time it's different—my health issues from 2019 have resolved, and I'm not in crisis mode. I'm pausing this February simply because I need space to breathe, think, and recalibrate. I'm not waiting for the summer chaos or for things to fall apart. I'm choosing rest before I need it desperately, and I want you to know that you can do the same.

In this episode, you'll learn:

🧘🏽‍♀️ Why waiting for the "right time" to rest might be the very thing keeping you stuck

🧘🏽‍♀️ The one realization that shifted everything about how I approach my responsibilities (hint: it starts with "I could...")

🧘🏽‍♀️ The three practical steps to taking a pause that actually restores you instead of just adding to your guilt

If you've been running on empty and telling yourself you'll rest later, this episode is your permission slip. You don't have to wait for a breakdown to take a break.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

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Announcements:

Need help figuring out what actually needs to stay in your life and what you can let go? My Motherhood Decluttered course helps you clear the mental and emotional clutter so you can focus on what truly matters. Learn more by clicking on the link.

Related Episodes:

441: The 4 Types of Self-Care Every Mom Needs // Mia Hemstad

437: Boundaries and Emotional Resilience in Motherhood // Dr. Jen Riday

320: Making Space for Self-Care: It Might Not Be As Hard As You Think // Dr. Nicole Sparks

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465: When Your Spicy Child Takes All Your Energy (And What That Means for Their Siblings) // Mary Van Geffen Jan 26, 2026

Show notes

If you have a strong-willed child, you know how much energy they require—and if you have other kids too, you've probably wondered what this dynamic is doing to their siblings. Are they getting lost in the shuffle? Will they resent their brother or sister? Will they resent you?

Many parents worry that their quieter child is fading into the background while the spicy one commands all the attention. And even though you're doing your best, it's hard to know how to protect all your kids when one requires so much more support.

In this week's episode, I talked with Mary Van Geffen, author of the brand new book Parenting A Spicy One: Raising a Strong-Willed Child Without Breaking Their Spirit or Yours. Mary brings both personal experience as a former spicy child herself and professional expertise as a parenting educator, and she teaches us how to navigate sibling relationships in a way that protects everyone—including the child you might not realize needs protecting.

In this episode, you'll learn:

🌶️ Why your "easy" child might be protecting you from their own needs (and what that quietly costs them as they grow up)

🌶️ What your spicy child secretly believes about themselves and their "perfect" sibling—and how it's hurting them both

🌶️ The Home Alone truth about strong-willed kids that changes everything (yes, Kevin McCallister is a spicy one, and we can learn from him)

Whether you have a spicy child or not, this conversation will shift how you think about sibling conflict and what it actually takes to protect the relationships between your kids.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

If you're raising a spicy child and want help finding the joy in those big personalities, the Flecks of Gold Journal helps you notice and celebrate what's going right—even on the hard days. Use code 3in30 for 10% off!

Related Episodes:

440: How to Parent Strong-Willed Children Without Breaking Their Spirit // Mary Van Geffen

452: You Yelled... Now What? How to Repair and Reconnect // Devon Kuntzman

332: How to Delight in Your Difficult Child

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464: What If Your Home Could Be Your Parenting Partner? // Jan Odesanya Jan 19, 2026

Show notes

I stood at the stove the other night, and in the span of ten minutes, I was asked where the charger was, where the batteries are kept, and where the headphones went. And I thought, why am I the only person in this house who knows where anything is?

It's not that my kids are incapable. It's that my home isn't set up in a way that lets them help themselves. Everything requires me—finding things, remembering where things are kept, managing everyone's ability to function in our space. And that is exhausting.

But what if your home could actually lighten your load instead of adding to it? What if the setup of your space could reduce the friction, the yelling, the constant need for you to be the only one who knows where things are? That's what today's conversation is about—thinking of your home as your parenting partner.

In this episode, you'll learn:

🏡 Why your home might be working against you (and the small shifts that help it work with you instead)

🏡 The one question to ask during a meltdown that changes everything

🏡 How to identify the hotspot in your home that's draining your energy most (and what to do about it!)If you're heading into this new year wanting to lighten your mental load just a little bit, this episode is a great place to start.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

Motherhood Decluttered: Today is the last day to get my Motherhood Decluttered audio course for $50 off with code MOREJOY. Get it today for $47 and revisit it anytime to help you lighten your mental load any time you shift into a new season. Learn more at 3in30podcast.com/declutter.
Jan's Interactive Quiz: Download the free checklist, “101-Point Home Stress Diagnostic.” It’s packed with simple, practical shifts moms can start using right away to make their homes work with them instead of against them.

Related Episodes:

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463: What If Your Only New Year Goal Was to Let Go of the Shoulds? Jan 12, 2026

Show notes

I recently sat down to reflect on 2025, and I was honestly shocked by how much lighter my life feels now compared to just a few years ago. I'm not talking about having less to do. I'm talking about releasing the weight of expectations that never fit me in the first place. The guilt over my son's screen time, the pressure to have my spiritual life look a certain way, the belief that I had to maximize my income at all costs. When I started letting those shoulds go, something beautiful happened—I made room for so much more joy.

In this episode, I'm sharing specific examples of how I decluttered my motherhood in 2025 and what shifted when I gave myself permission to stop performing and start living. You'll also hear the first lesson from my Motherhood Decluttered audio course, which walks you through the process I used to create this kind of lightness and freedom in my own life.

In this episode, you'll learn:

✨ The exact shoulds I released in 2025 (and the joy I found when I let them go)

✨ How decluttering your internal "motherhood closet" creates space for what actually matters to you

✨ Why letting go of heavy expectations isn't about doing less but about making room for more of what brings you aliveIf you've been carrying shoulds that don't fit you anymore, this episode will help you see that you don't have to become a "better" mom in 2026. You just need to become a less burdened one.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

Motherhood Decluttered: My Motherhood Decluttered audio course is $50 off through January 19th with code MOREJOY. Get it today for $47 and revisit it anytime you shift into a new season. Learn more at 3in30podcast.com/declutter.Flecks of Gold: Today is the last day of the Flecks of Gold New Year's Sale! Get 10% off with code NEWYEAR.

Related Episodes:

214: Simple Tips to Create New Habits in the New Year // BJ Fogg

411: Decluttering That Sticks: 3 Mindset Changes for Lasting Impact // Erica Layne

462: 3 Questions for the New Year

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462: 3 Questions to Help You Grow This Year in Ways That Matter Most to You Jan 05, 2026

Show notes

A few years ago, I was sitting in a coffee shop feeling completely overwhelmed by all the things I thought I should be doing better—as a mom, as a wife, in my work, in every area of my life. My brain was foggy, my to-do list felt impossible, and I couldn't shake the feeling that I was failing at everything. So I grabbed a pen and started writing—and three questions emerged that helped me cut through the noise and get clear on what I truly valued, not what everyone else expected of me.

In this episode, I'm re-airing that original conversation from January 2022, and then coming back at the end to share what's happened since—what worked, what didn't, and how I'm answering those same questions for 2026. This isn't about pressure or perfection. It's about growing in ways that align with YOUR values.

In this episode, you'll learn:

✨ Why you might be chasing growth without ever feeling successful—and how to fix that

✨ The uncomfortable question that instantly clarifies what truly matters to you

✨ How one small habit shift can create a ripple effect across your entire lifeIf you've been feeling like everyone else got a head start on 2026 except you, I hope this conversation reminds you that the right questions matter more than the perfect goals.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

Motherhood Decluttered Sale!My Motherhood Decluttered course is $50 off through January 19th with code MOREJOY.

New Years Reflections Worksheet: If you want a worksheet to go through these three questions for yourself, I created one for you. Print it off, grab a cozy drink, and spend 20 minutes getting clear on what you actually want this year, not what you think you're supposed to want.

Flecks of Gold: Shop our Flecks of Gold New Year's Sale! Get 10% off with code NEWYEAR through Jan 12!

Related Episodes:

410: Align Your Goal-Setting with Your Menstrual Cycle // April Davis of Haus of Vagina

011: Setting Goals without Sacrificing Sanity // Monica Packer of About Progress

214: Simple Tips to Create New Habits in the New Year // BJ FoggEpisode

Sponsors:

Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first set of sheets plus free shipping at BollAndBranch.com/3IN30.

BetterHelp: 3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to betterhelp.com/3in30 to get 10% off your first month of online therapy.

Hungryroot: For a limited time get 40% off your first box PLUS get a free item in every box for life. Go to Hungryroot.com/3IN30 and use code 3IN30.

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***

00:00:00 Intro

08:17:00 One: What Small Habit?

11:44:00 Two: What Is Success?

17:40:00 Three: What If Only 3 Years?

27:59:26 Summary

461: "I Hate You, Mom" — How to Respond When Holiday Stress Brings Big Emotions Dec 22, 2025

Show notes

It's mid-December, everyone's running on fumes, and your child just screamed "I hate you." And even though you know it's the exhaustion talking, it still stings because you're killing yourself to make the holidays special, and this is what you get in return.

The truth is, the holidays amplify everything: the excitement, the overstimulation, the meltdowns, and yes, the hurtful words our kids don't fully understand yet. But here's what I've learned after years of navigating big emotions with my own strong-willed kids: how we respond in these moments matters more than we think, and there are ways to handle it that actually strengthen our relationship with them instead of damaging it.

This is an encore episode from March 2023, and I'm bringing it back because this message feels especially timely right now. I'm sharing audio from an Instagram Live I recorded about an experience with my son six years ago, and then I'll walk you through three things I've learned about what to do when your child says they hate you or uses other big, hurtful words that land like a punch.

In this episode, you'll discover:

🎄 Why your instinct to "show them who's boss" in the heat of the moment actually backfires

🎄 The one-word response that validates your child's big feelings while protecting your own heart

🎄 How to know if your child needs outside support beyond what you can provide at home

If your child has said "I hate you" to you this December, I want you to know you're not failing, and there is a way through this that brings you closer together instead of further apart.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

Start 2026 with more connection and less guilt. The Flecks of Gold Journal gives you a simple way to notice the good in your child in just a few minutes a day. Grab yours before the year ends. 💜

Related Episodes:

452: How to Repair with Your Child After Yelling // Devon Kuntzman

232: Minimizing Power Struggles // Denaye Barahona

030: How to Coach Your Children through Big Emotions // Georgia Anderson

004: How to Stop Yelling at your Kids // Ralphie Jacobs of Simply on Purpose

Episode Sponsors:

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***

00:00:00 Introduction

03:02:00 The Story

18:46:00 One: Be the Adult

21:39:00 Two: Validate the Emotions

25:37:00 Three: Get Outside Support

29:20:05 Summary

460: Embracing Winter: How to Thrive through the Season // Jamie Gines Dec 15, 2025

Show notes

As the days get shorter and the cold settles in, I can feel the pull to just hunker down and survive until spring, and I have to consciously choose not to give in to it.

Maybe your winter is the literal season, the dark mornings and the gray stretches that feel endless. Or maybe your winter looks different—a season of grief, a transition you didn't choose, something in your life that just feels stuck and heavy and long.

Either way, we've been taught to brace ourselves and push through hard seasons, to just survive until things get better. But what if there's a different way? What if the struggle isn't really about what's happening around us, but about how we've learned to relate to it?

This week, I'm talking with Jamie from Rise Meditate, who spent years dreading winter and has now developed a beautiful framework for working with hard seasons instead of just enduring them.

In this episode, you'll hear:

❄️ Why your winter struggle might have nothing to do with the actual weather (and everything to do with the stories you're carrying)

❄️ The study that proved fear can be passed down for 14 generations and what that means for your nervous system

❄️ What happened when Jamie finally stepped outside after years of avoiding winter (and why it felt like escaping from prison)

I know winters—whether they're the actual weather or the seasons of life that feel impossible to get through—can be so hard. If even one thing from this conversation helps you feel a little less stuck or a little more empowered, that matters.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

📔 Today is the last day to order the Flecks of Gold Journal and receive it before Christmas! This simple gratitude practice helps you notice and name the small, beautiful moments with your kids every day—and it's incredibly supportive of your mental health, especially during the "winters" of our lives. Order before midnight tonight at 3in30podcast.com/gold.

Related Episodes:

414: Feeling Low Right Now? 3 Tools to Help You Cope // Sarah McKenna

406: Navigating Holiday Melancholy // Dr. Tanmeet Sethi

How to Support a Friend during the Holidays who has Lost a Loved One // Rachel Gainer

Episode Sponsors:

Skylight: Right now, get $30 off the 15-inch Calendar at MySkylight.com/TAKEAWAYS.

Hand-Lettered Design: If you're looking for the perfect gift for a child or woman in your life who likes art or creativity, this is it. You can get 10% off your order at Hand Lettered Design with the code Rachel10.

Let's Connect!

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***

459: How to Feel Like Yourself During the Holidays (Instead of the Dysregulated Version You Don't Recognize) // Alyssa Blask Campbell Dec 08, 2025

Show notes

It's December, and if you've been feeling like you're running on fumes, snapping at your kids over the smallest things, or desperately craving a dark room where nobody needs anything from you—you're not the only one!

The holidays bring so much beauty and connection, but they also bring overstimulation, dysregulation, and that version of ourselves we don't always recognize. The one who gets sarcastic and snippy when our partner walks in and asks what's for dinner. The one who hates everyone around us by 5 PM, even though we love them deeply.

This week, I'm joined by Alyssa Blask Campbell, M.Ed., CEO and founder of Seed & Sew, globally recognized expert in emotional development, and author of Tiny Humans, Big Emotions and her newest book, Big Kids, Bigger Feelings, which just came out. Alyssa is here to help us understand what's actually happening in our bodies when we get overwhelmed—and more importantly, what we can do about it.

In this episode, you'll learn:

🎄 Why I threw a waffle across the room one morning a couple of years ago, and what I learned about myself and nervous system dysregulation in the aftermath

🎄 Why regulating your nervous system isn't about "thinking your way out of it"

🎄 Five practical, accessible strategies you can use right now to stay regulated

This conversation is exactly what I needed heading into December. Because when we understand our nervous systems and give ourselves the tools to regulate, we start showing up as the moms we actually want to be.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

✨ Take Alyssa's free sensory regulation questionnaire at seedquiz.com to discover what drains you, what recharges you, and how to support your nervous system this holiday season.

✨ Today is the last day of our Slow-vember Sale where Flecks of Gold is $5 off! This journal is designed to help you savor the small, sacred moments of motherhood and find beauty in the everyday chaos.

Related Episodes:

449: 3 Simple Strategies to Prevent After-School Meltdowns // Alyssa Blask Campbell

405: 3 Tips to Manage Your Mental Load During the Holidays // 3 in 30 Team

325: How to have Less-Stressful, More Meaningful Holidays // Desirae Endres from Minimal-ish

Sponsors:

Hand-Lettered Design: If you're looking for the perfect gift for a child or woman in your life who likes art or creativity, this is it. You can get 10% off your order at Hand Lettered Design with the code Rachel10.

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***

458: Three Simple Phrases Your Kids Need to Hear from You // Eli Harwood Dec 01, 2025

Show notes

You know that sting in your chest when one of your kids says "I hate you" or slams their door in anger? Every instinct in you wants to smooth it over, to fix it, to make them not be mad at you anymore. But what if your discomfort with their anger is actually getting in the way of the connection you're trying to build?

In this episode, I'm talking with my longtime friend Eli Harwood, known online as Attachment Nerd. She's a licensed therapist, attachment expert, and bestselling author who earned secure attachment in her own life after a difficult childhood. Eli shares three simple phrases her mom said to her that helped heal their relationship and build trust between them—phrases any of us can start using today.

In this episode, you'll learn:

💜 Why Eli's mom had to convince herself it was okay for Eli to be mad at her

💜 The difference between "right side up" and "upside down" parenting

💜 What Eli thinks about adult children cutting off their parents—and why nobody does this lightly

Even if you didn't grow up with secure attachment modeled for you, even if you've made mistakes, you can start building that bond with your kids today.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

✨ Want to start noticing the good in your motherhood? The Flecks of Gold Journal is a simple one-line-a-day practice that helps you see your kids and your life differently. Grab yours here—it's the perfect gift for yourself or another mom this holiday season.

Related Episodes:

387: Why Calming Yourself Helps Calm Your Child // Eli Harwood, MA, LPC

386: Raising Securely Attached Kids // Eli Harwood, MA, LPC

367: 3 Ways to Create Lasting Bonds with Your Kids // Mike Westover (Rachel's Dad!)

Episode Sponsors:

Factor: Eat smart at FactorMeals dot com SLASH 3in3050off and use code 3in3050off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year.

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