3 Books With Neil Pasricha

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Chapter 136: 3 St. Louis Uber drivers on bullets, bruises, and babies May 23, 2024

Show notes

I just got back from St. Louis.

It was my first time there and I met a wonderfully rich collection of people who I'm so excited to introduce you to in a special on-the-ground, in-the-street, from-the-backseat Chapter of 3 Books.

On the way from the airport to the hotel, the driver regaled me with St. Louis trivia from a deep well of St. Louis pride. "Did you know we hosted the World Fair and the Olympics the same year?" he asked. I knew about the World Fair! "Most do," he said. "But not many know about the Olympics. 1904 was a banner year here. We were the fourth largest city in the US at the time!"

The next day I had time to explore. I knew there was a local bird species that didn't exist anywhere else in the country! The Eurasian Tree Sparrow was one of six species of birds brought to St. Louis in 1870 by German immigrants. The other five died that winter, but the Tree Sparrow still lives near Lafayette Park where it was first released. It has thrived without expanding its range or disrupting the local ecology.

After I got an address to try and find the birds, I hailed an Uber and met Jacqueline, who drove a bus in town for 27 years. When I asked her for the best thing about St. Louis she said, "Nothing! Watch your back or somebody gonna put a bullet in your head." Our raw conversation touches on the erosion of community, the deprioritization of connection, and how we might find new kinds of support in our disconnected world. "My family is whoever loves on me," Jacqueline said. "Blood makes you kin but it doesn't make you family."

I then met Deneane, a 28-year-old single mother of five who does drop-off, pick-up, and evenings solo every day while driving Uber thirty hours a week, working at a cupcake shop, and running a small business online. We went to the Gateway Arch and Left Bank Books together while talking about enduring—after her mom found bruises all over her body, she left her abusive relationship and "found the strength to start over."

The next morning I gave the talk that sent me down there and then got a final ride to the airport with Albano from Albania, who left his job as a public school teacher in Florida to make more than double as a driver. "Unfortunately," he said, "if teaching was something others would care about, teachers wouldn't leave the profession."

I hope you feel a kinetic pulse listening to stories from people whose stories aren't often told. Get ready to laugh, cry, and connect hearts as we tether ourselves to the human connection that exists around us every day.

Let's head down to St. Louis and hang out with Jacqueline, Deneane, and Albano as they share the love and connection we are always searching for on 3 Books.

Let's flip the page to Chapter 136 now…

Chapter 135: Cal Newport severs cell subservience to steep slow success Apr 23, 2024

Show notes

Cal Newport is a guide, a visionary, a role model to me and millions of others on living an intentional and productive life amidst our noisy, scatterbrained, tech-drenched world.

He's an MIT-trained computer science professor at Georgetown University and author of 10 books which have collectively sold over 2 million copies including 'Deep Work,' 'Digital Minimalism,' and his latest bestseller, 'Slow Productivity.'

"I sometimes joke that my entire career is built on giving two-word terms to things everyone thinks and knows," Cal says, but the truth is he's doing a lot more than that.

Take 'Slow Productivity.'

He's boiled this new phrase down into three principles: 1) Do fewer things, 2) Work at a natural pace, and 3) Obsess over quality.

Sounds simple, right? Trite, even! But that's when you raise your head and realize the world is conspiring against you doing any of these. Doesn't our world today reward… doing *more* things, working at an *unnatural* pace, and obsessing over *quantity*?

There's a reason Cal has no social media apps on his phone. Why he has no social media accounts at all…and never has! With his books, and his wonderful podcast 'Deep Questions,' he is focused on helping us find our way as we navigate ever-changing technology and work patterns that increasingly feel at odds with our shared quest of living intentional lives.

Cal has a giant mind and it was on full display in this chat as we discuss: how Cal measures success, the neuroscience of reading, Denis Villeneuve, the relationship between rest and work, the ideal age for unrestricted Internet access, The Washington Nationals, leetspeak and productivity pr0n, the role of books today and their future, Andrew Huberman, positive reinforcement theory, Jonathan Haidt and 'The Anxious Generation,' technology boundaries for children, and much, much more…

Let's turn the page to Chapter 135 now…

Chapter 134: Susan Orlean on lusty ledes and literary lessons for life Mar 25, 2024

Show notes

I got an email from longtime 3 Booker Bo Boswell who told me he found an enticingly-titled thread on reddit called "What's your field or study (hobbyist or professional) and what's a cornerstone beginners book for that topic/field?" The most upvoted reply on the thread read: "Librarian here, Susan Orlean's 'The Library Book' is at first glance a true-crime book about tracking the arsonist who set fire and burned down the main library in Los Angeles, but it also gives a comprehensive glimpse into contemporary libraries and their issues, especially updating a view of them if you haven't been inside one since you were a kid." Bo picked up the book, loved it, and then wrote to me that "the amount of research and bizarre detail Orlean puts into her work is so engrossing." Bizarre detail! I was convinced. I picked up 'The Library Book' and it blew me away. Reading it was like … wandering a library. Surprising curiosity trails at every turn. I ended up putting the book in my Best Of 2023 and then went deeper into Susan Orlean's back catalog where I found myself reading profiles like 'The American Man, Age 10' and a series of fascinating but unconventional obituaries about people like the inventor of Hawaiian Tropic or the first magician on the Las Vegas strip. I've come to think of Susan Orlean as one of the best non-fiction writers on the planet. She's been a Staff Writer for 'The New Yorker' since 1992 and has written more than 10 bestselling books including 'The Library Book', 'On Animals', 'Saturday Night', and 'The Orchid Thief', which was turned into the movie 'Adaptation', starring Meryl Streep in her Oscar-nominated role as … yes, Susan Orlean. Susan has an endless, unbridled curiosity — that 'bizarre detail' — which you'll see on full display in this conversation which begins by talking about how she organizes her shoes! She's a writer's writer who offers us a true masterclass and always reminds us that "storytelling and knowledge-sharing is the essential human experience." We talk about organizing shoes and spices, what books do that nothing else does, finding the balance between professional and amateur, the genius of container ships, what great book design does, how to cultivate your writing voice, how you might organize your book, facing the fear of failure, LSD, the power of libraries, Susan's 3 most formative books, and much, much more… I am so excited to share this conversation and hope you'll find it as endlessly inspiring, thoughtful as I did. Let's jump into Chapter 134 of 3 Books now…

Chapter 133: Celine Song stitches sumptuous stories from Seoul to soul Feb 24, 2024

Show notes

It's Oscar season!

I was so thrilled to see 'Past Lives', the astounding slow-moving-yet-somehow-fast-paced debut film from Celine Song nominated for Best Picture. Best Picture! On her very first film. Oh, and no biggie, Best Screenplay, too. This following a slew of other noms like 5 Golden Globes, 3 Critics Choice Awards, 3 BAFTAs, and a recent Director's Guild of America win for Outstanding Directorial Achievement for a First-Time Feature Film.

Leslie and I loved 'Past Lives' so much we went back to theaters to see it again. The film had such unique energy as it told the story of Nora and Hae Sung, two childhood friends in South Korea, who lose touch when Nora's family emigrates, and then seem to be forever-chasing the goodbye they never had.

The film opens with a late-night bar scene of Hae Sung visiting Nora and her husband in New York before scrolling back to tell the unpredictable, jumping-around-the-decades story of how they got there. Every shot was such a sumptuous visual feast — from silhouetted lineups for the Staten Island Ferry to broken-transmission Skype calls to a final waiting-for-an-Uber scene that deserves its own prize. And the writing! Crisp. Punctuating. So much said ... with so little. 'Past Lives' is a truly magical film that I can't recommend enough. 96% on Rotten Tomatoes also means there's a great chance your movie-going pal will love it, too.

I was thrilled 'Past Lives' director, writer, and filmmaker wunderkind Celine Song joined me on 3 Books from her New York apartment to talk about the Korean concept of in-yun, why we're drawn to stories, what unique role millennials play as the last pre-Internet-immersive generation, how a cannibalistic orgy makes for great literature, a surprising cure for loneliness, why sensory deprivation increases chemistry, the other job of a director, Celine's 3 most formative books, and much, much more...

Let's flip the page into Chapter 133 now...

Chapter 132: Robin Dunbar on nullifying negativity with numbered natural networks Jan 25, 2024

Show notes

Back in Chapter 101 of '3 Books' we had a magical, eve-of-'Everything-Everywhere-All-At-Once'-coming-out moment-in-time conversation with creative super-geniuses Daniels — who are Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert. We were discussing the fascinating book 'Sex At Dawn' and our conversation led to discussing Dunbar's Number.

Dunbar's Number! Have you heard of Dunbar's Number? It's 150! That's the cognitive limit on the number of social relationships we can have. We, as in humans. Limit, as in our brains can't handle any more. The number was coined, of course, by Oxford Emeritus Professor, Anthropologist, Evolutionary Psychologist, and General All-Round Super-Genius Robin, yes you guessed it, Dunbar. "There are only eight people with numbers named after them," Robin says, with a grin. "And the other seven people are dead." (Shoutout to Avogadro!)

Now: 150 is one in a series of numbers. More intimately: We have 15 'shoulders to cry on friends', those who'd drop everything to help us or for whom we'd drop everything to help. And our cognitively limited brains can handle 500 'acquaintances' and even 5000 'total faces.' But 150? That's the limit for 'friends'. No wonder 150 is the average wedding size, it's the average number of total people who 'see your Christmas card', and it's even the average size of 8000-year-old Middle East villages and 1000-year-old English countryside villages.

Once you start seeing this number — it's hard to stop. But: Why is it important? Well, because friendships, the trust between all of us, it's … at an all-time low. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy (our guest in Chapter 66!) has declared a 'loneliness' epidemic with 1 in 2 adults feeling alone now — higher than ever before in history. (Doesn't sound too bad till you realize loneliness is worse for our health than smoking 15 cigarettes a day!) Meanwhile, the Harvard Adult Development Study, the longest study ever on happiness, says that friendship and community is the number one source of happiness.

So enter: Robin Dunbar! Wise, cheery, and ever-eloquent, he's got a massive mind capable of distilling more than five decades of scientific work — and 16 published books including 'How Religion Evolved', 'How Many Friends Does One Person Need?', and 'Friends' — into simple observations, prophecies, and advice on how we can all live richer, more fulfilling lives.

I found this an astoundingly nutritious conversation and we talk about: how to raise children, what HR departments *should* be doing, what you're doing wrong when you go to the gym, why religion 'dies during times of peace and revives during times of war', the death and finding of our deep community, Robin's 3 most formative books, and much, much, *much* more...

Let's flip the page into Chapter 132...

Watch now at https://youtu.be/eaHd90bKldw or listen at 3books.co/chapters/132

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3 Books is a completely insane and totally epic 22-year-long quest to uncover and discuss the 1000 most formative books in the world. Each chapter discusses the 3 most formative books of an inspiring person. Sample guests include: Brené Brown, David Sedaris, Malcolm Gladwell, George Saunders, Angie Thomas, Daniels, Cheryl Strayed, Rich Roll, Soyoung the Variety Store Owner, Derek the Hype Man, Kevin the Bookseller, Vishwas the Uber Driver, Roxane Gay, David Mitchell, Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, Mark Manson, Seth Godin, Judy Blume, and Quentin Tarantino. 3 Books is published on the lunar calendar with each of the 333 chapters dropped on the exact minute of every single full moon all the way up to April 26, 2040. 3 Books is an Apple "Best Of" award-winning show and is 100% non-profit with no ads, no sponsors, no commercials, and no interruptions. 3 Books has 3 clubs including the End of the Podcast Club, the Cover to Cover Club, and the Secret Club, which operates entirely through the mail and is only accessible by calling 1-833-READ-A-LOT. Each chapter is hosted by Neil Pasricha, New York Times bestselling author of 'The Happiness Equation', 'Two-Minute Mornings', and 'The Book of Awesome.' For more info check out: https://www.3books.co

Chapter 131: J. Drew Lanham on breaking boundaries to become better birdwatchers Dec 27, 2023

Show notes

Buckle up! We are heading down to the fields of Clemson, South Carolina! I got an email from 3 Booker Rumble D. back in February which said "Neil, I have a guest suggestion for you. J Drew Lanham is a 2022 MacArthur fellow and an American ornithologist. I loved his book and would love to hear you interview him (maybe while you guys go birding?)" Intrigued, I looked him up and discovered I … sort of already knew him? I had read and loved his wonderfully thoughtful and nuanced essay last year called "What Do We Do About John James Audubon?" and his viral YouTube clip called "Rules for the Black Birdwatcher". ("You're gonna need at least two pieces of ID. And never wear a hoodie. Ever.") So I bought Drew's memoir 'The Home Place' and found it completely entrancing. His writing is poetry — vivid, transportive, meditative. After that I reached out to Drew and we set a time to make the 10-hour haul down to Clemson farm country, wake up at the crack of dawn, and then get picked up by Drew in his Dodge Ram to spend a morning together — birdwatching. J. Drew Lanham is a naturalist, birdwatcher, hunter-conservationist, MacArthur 'Genius' Grant-winning distinguished professor. He is a meditative, philosophical, nature- and wild-loving soul who has deeply considered our long relationship with the natural world and is never afraid to confront harsh truths. "European Starlings are a dark-plumaged being brought over the Atlantic for the services of others," Drew says at one point. "Hmmm, where have I heard that before?" You'll be riding in the middle seat of the truck, getting out with us between fence posts and grassy meadows, hearing Blue Grosbeaks, Eastern Meadowlarks, and Red-Shouldered Hawks, and listening to Drew's endlessly wise observations about everything from South Carolina's slavery past, why there's blood in tofu, what your birdwatching 'starter kit' should look like, how to observe a land ethic, how we might behave differently if Chicken Nuggets blinked at us, formative books (of course!), and much, much more. "You can't see everything at once," Drew reminds us. "So learn to see the everything in one." With birds serving as a metaphor for everything in life I think you'll love this slow, soul-fueling, wisdom-stuffed conversation with Professor J. Drew Lanham. I left his truck that morning thinking "I want to be more like Drew." I think you'll feel the same way. Let's flip the page into Chapter 131 now… Listen at https://www.3books.co/chapters/131 ---

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The Best of 2023: Neil Pasricha rewinds and reflects on the richness of reading Dec 22, 2023

Show notes

Another year around the sun!

It is the Winter Solstice which means it is time for our sixth annual "Best Of" episode of 3 Books. 3 Books began back in 2018 with a simple goal of counting down the 1000 most formative books in the world ... 3 books at a time. We wanted this show to help all of us read more and read better and we wanted to do that by being different -- with a lunar-based schedule and a deep intention of being an 'intrinsically-motivated journey' with no ads, sponsors, commercials, or interruptions.

We started collecting values like: "No book shame, no book guilt", "Humans are the best algorithm", and "You are what you eat and you are what you read."

Over the years this journey has been a warm ray of sun in my life. I hope it's felt the same for you.

My goal with the "Best Of" is to reflect on the year by picking a snippet from every Chapter and Bookmark that helps us pause and ponder.

You'll hear (or re-hear) wisdom from our chats with Steve Toltz, Timothy Goodman, Johann Hari, Tank Sinatra, Suzy Batiz, Martellus Bennett, Chefs Osama and Houssam, Jully Black, Lenore Skenazy, Heather McGowan, Sahil Bloom, Ralph Nader, and J. Drew Lanham (his interview is coming out on December 26th!!)

Thank you for sharing time with me and our incredible warm-hearted community of 3 Bookers around the world. I hope this (lengthy!) Best Of can keep you company on a long drive, late-night walk, or over some quiet moments through the holidays.

Let's stop and reflect and then keep enjoying the ride.

Listen now at 3books.co/chapters/best-of-2023

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Leave us a voicemail. Your message may be included in a future chapter: 1-833-READ-A-LOT.

Chapter 130: Ralph Nader on corporate crime creating classist chaos Nov 27, 2023

Show notes

"Your airbag" by Ralph Nader. "Your seatbelt" by Ralph Nader. "Your cleaner air" by Ralph Nader. "Your safer food" by Ralph Nader. "Your lead protection when you get dental x-rays", "Your warning labels on cigarettes", "Your right to know if you're exposed to dangerous chemicals at your job". By Ralph Nader, by Ralph Nader, by Ralph Nader.

We slap names on everything! Bylines. Authorship! We see names on everything in our ego-oriented society with commercialization and profit maximization near its core. But Ralph's name isn't on any of these things. Could be! Maybe should be! But when you've spent nearly seven decades — seven decades! — as a tireless consumer advocate, fighting to achieve protections for a healthier and safer society for all, well, maybe you don't focus on credit. You just focus on change.

"Dissent is the mother of ascent," Ralph reminds us in Chapter 130 of 3 Books, one of many calls-to-arms issued by the four-time Presidential candidate and author of the new book The Rebellious CEO to our fiery global community of book lovers, writers, makers, sellers ... and librarians.

And while Ralph's not running for President in 2024 — "We have a two-party duopoly not a competitive democracy" — he's still working, day after day, calling for change. Sure, he's turning 90 in February, joining his two active nonagenarian sisters, but he doesn't feel old. Why not? Because, according to Ralph, "The only true aging is the erosion of one's ideals."

I was very excited to sit down with Ralph and learn from his plentiful experience, wisdom, and ideas. On lots of things! Including de-computerizing elementary schools, shifting from a warmaking to peacemaking society, adding safety to social media, his ingredients for cognitive longevity, his current views of the famed Bush-Gore 2000 presidential election where he was called a "spoiler", and, of course, his 3 most formative books.

In an era of blaring, dopamine-spiking news and social media overwhelm this longform conversation with a true master awoke and inflamed my spirit on so many things. I think it'll do the same for you.

Let's flip the page into Chapter 130 now...

You can find show notes and more information by clicking here: https://www.3books.co/chapters/130

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Bookmark: Leslie Richardson on practicing peaceful parenting Nov 20, 2023

Show notes

Today I'm putting out a special Bookmark episode of 3 Books featuring my incredible wife Leslie Richardson. If you've been listening to 3 Books for a while you've heard Leslie interviewing guests like Brené Brown, Kristen Neff, and Rebecca the Sex Therapist. And, of course, I started the show by interviewing her way back in Chapter 1. But this time she takes center stage on a topic she's deeply passionate about: parenting. And, specifically here, how to nurture self-compassion as a parent when riding the waves through challenging times.

This recent interview Leslie did with Dajana Yoakley at the Self-Compassionate Parenting Summit was going viral on my family group texts and I knew I had to share it with you. Thank you to Dajana (delightinparenting.com) for letting us share this wonderful conversation touching topics like: the antidote to shame, the importance of guilt and regret, the 5 'R's' of good Repair, what to promise your child, growing your self-compassion muscle, resources for parents who want to build empathy, how to water the flowers not the weeds, how to help fighting siblings, practical strategies to process emotion as a parent, and much, much more...

I am very lucky to learn from Leslie on a daily basis. She's spent years as a community leader, inner-city public school teacher, trained parenting coach, and, of course, mother of our four children. Whether you're a new parent, old parent, or somewhere in between, I know you'll find this conversation as helpful, useful, and full of wisdom as I did. There are so many lessons in here I am still trying to learn. This is a conversation to help us all walk intentionally down the parenting path.

You can find show notes and more information by clicking here: https://www.3books.co/chapters/peaceful-parenting-leslie-richardson

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Leave us a voicemail. Your message may be included in a future chapter: 1-833-READ-A-LOT.

Chapter 129: Sahil Bloom freezes at 4am to find fortune and finish first Oct 28, 2023

Show notes

I flew down to New York City and sat in a plush purple corner booth at the pricey and exclusive Core Club in midtown Manhattan. Sahil Bloom is the youngest member they have because, as he says, "If you get into the right rooms, good things start to happen."

Sahil Bloom is a fascinating, unconventional, maniacally disciplined, wisdom-distilling writer, thinker, and investor -- with a goal of motivating a billion people to live their best lives in a kind of Tim Ferriss or Robin Sharma for the next generation.

He grew up with a Harvard dad, Princeton mom, and Yale sister -- but was coasting by in school and the resident jock. "My dad would come home and play catch before going back to work every night." His dad is David E. Bloom, one of the world's most-renowned social scientists, who would take Sahil on business-class flights as a kid. "I would eat ice cream and watch movies but I watched my dad working on the speech he was delivering the next morning for the entire 12 hours."

Do we all need to become manically disciplined to compete in the world today? What are the benefits and what are the costs of winding ourselves up to our highest and fullest potential? And how do we measure that? The sun was setting out the window, servers setting up clinking cutlery on the tables next to us, as we drink non-alcoholic cocktails and talk: Parkinson's Law, 4am cold plunges, phone-free walks, impacting a billion lives, Dunkin Donuts, 5am writing routines, posting your kids faces online, Tim Cook, how to get a giant book deal, chasing opportunity vs energy, and, of course, Sahil Bloom's 3 most formative books...

3 Books remains ad-free, sponsor-free, commercial-free, and interruption-free. The best way you can support the show is just by listening and sharing it with family and friends.

A massive thank you to Sahil Bloom for sharing his vulnerability, so many endless tools, and all that incredible wisdom. This is a conversation that has personally inspired and changed habits in my life. I hope it does the same for you.

Let's flip the page into Chapter 129 now...

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You can find show notes and more information by clicking here: https://www.3books.co/chapters/129

Leave us a voicemail. Your message may be included in a future chapter: 1-833-READ-A-LOT.

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