Surviving Narcissism - Narcissist Rehab

SE 2 EP 7 - Taking time to reflect, and keeping moving forward! Sep 08, 2021

It's been over a year, since we talked. Let's face it 2020 was nightmare, and 2021 looks to provide the same chaos that we are all too familiar with. Firstly, I want to "Thank You", everyone who has been a listener since the podcast began. I have received numerous e-mails and messages from all over the world who have listened and loved the podcast, and have wondered what I've been up to the past year. I stopped recording last year to focus on work, my business and my relationship. I have had many ups and downs just like anyone else, and we are all a work in progress. When I set out to start this podcast, I did with the intentions of using this therapy to connect with others, and. I am floored by the responses of you all. I am humbled, grateful and tankful for you all and although what we experienced completely sucked, we are here to connect within this community of survivors to learn and understand so we are not faced with a cycle of repeating this horrible experience over and over. My goal is to continue creating more episodes, and transition to life after narcissism and what we are empaths face in the reality of not trusting, and living a guarded life so that we don't allow ourselves to get hurt again. Remember, this isn't a race- its a marathon and we all go at our own pace. We have to be transparent with ourselves, and there is no time limit on healing yourself so that you can be the BEST version of yourself. See you in the next episode!

SE 2 EP 6 - Why loving yourself is important, one year later.. Jul 12, 2020

This episode I dive deep into where I am currently in my journey recovering from Narcissism. I felt compelled to share this personal message, to help you understand how important it is to learn to love yourself again. I want to be transparent and hope this helps provide insight in your journey.

SE 2 EP 5 - This is the Narcissist's Achilles Heel Jun 30, 2020

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you will have been through a roller-coaster of ups and downs.

Some narcissists live through others in hopes of boosting their own low self-esteem or vicariously fulfilling their own unrealized fantasies and dreams.
Underneath their façade is toxic shame, which may even be unconscious. Shame makes narcissists feel insecure and inadequate―vulnerable feelings that they must deny to themselves and others. This is one reason that they can’t take criticism, responsibility, dissent, or negative feedback even when meant to be constructive. Instead, they demand unconditional, positive regard from others
A weakness of a narcissist is their extreme hatred of being embarrassed. There is nothing worse for them than having someone point out even the slightest fault. Ironically, they have no problem openly doing this to others. ... Here are eleven ways a narcissist uses shame to control others.
The biggest impact you can make on attacking a narcissist at their Achilles Heel is loss of power, and loss of complete control of their victim. They’ve been working extremely hard around the clock to convince you, through constant manipulation, emotionally beating you down, and keeping disconnected from reality that once they lose control of you; be prepared for the toxic destruction, verbal abuse, wreck-less attempts to bully you, lie to you, love bomb, and torment you even more... your now the enemy and must be taken down at al cost.
You have to be prepared MENTALLY, they will use any leverage they have- your friends, family and even your own children. They love manufacturing lies, and creating trouble- is empowering and watching you fall to the ground in pain as you suffer through and find out who they truly are. But... being mentally prepared for this to happen is what’s so vital to how you will be able to undermine the entire show and change the plot of the story. It’s hard I’m not going to lie, it will take every ounce of life- every thing you’ve got!
The reality here and what really happens is we get trapped in this idea that people are generally good people unless they give us a reason to think otherwise; we don’t assume people are bad actors or have an ulterior motive unless we are faced with those behaviors. Interestingly enough, we allow people we love to “hurt” us because we are strong, it’s nothing we can’t handle; and this is a double edged sword and cuts both ways. We love to help, honor, love, obey and most of all remain loyal/ even to someone who has proven themselves unworthy.
You have to be relentless, you have to become the person you never wanted to be, hard-cold-distant-disconnected and protect yourselves and the ones you love. A narcissist doesn’t know love, they don’t connect with human emotion; they’re true self is buried deep within the roots of confusion, intertwined in evil self seeking, built upon decades of guilt, shame, suffocating in their own insecurities. This is the person you never meet, and this is why it’s so hard to pull away/ because you want to believe that the odds are in your favor.
You can take your freedom back, your life and find happiness again, but you have to fight this head on- no one else can fight your battles- take what I’m telling you and apply this, you have to be strategic and plan; you think the narcissist put you here by accident? There’s a method to the madness, and now it’s your turn.

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SE 2 EP 4 - Male Vs. Female Narcissist..and which one is worse? Jun 25, 2020

This episode discussed the differences between both male and female, the similarities and differences.

Too often, narcissism is portrayed as an overly aggressive male disorder. It is not. Females can be narcissistic as well although it might look a bit different from males.

Appearance. Narcissists, in general, believe themselves to be attractive and are usually well groomed to attract attention. While males combine their attractiveness with charm to accomplish a goal, females use it to gain superiority. Most females tend to be obsessed with their appearance sometimes resulting in numerous drastic changes.

Seduction. Both male and females narcissists are generally gifted in the art of seduction, but how they seduce is different. Males use their charm to entice their partner, while females use their bodies.

Confidence. Narcissists cover their deep-rooted insecurity with a belief that they are “special.” Males tend to be self-confident, gaining their assurance from within. Females gain their poise from comparing their superiority over others.

Money. The love of money is strong for narcissists as they believe money gives them power, control, success, status, and dominance over others.

Appearance. Narcissists, in general, believe themselves to be attractive and are usually well groomed to attract attention. While males combine their attractiveness with charm to accomplish a goal, females use it to gain superiority.

Children. Narcissists like to raise baby narcissists. Often they pick a favorite child and focus all of their efforts and attention on that child. The other children are left feeling inadequate, unworthy, and insecure. Males generally view children as a nuisance, frequently complaining that they, not the children, should have all the attention of their spouse or partner. Females view children as an extension of themselves, even when the child is an adult.

Competition. Nothing proves supremacy quite like competition for narcissists. They love an opportunity to excel over others at work and at home. While the competitiveness is frequently praised in a job, it is not amongst family. Males treat other males as rivals. This can be seen in brother/brother and parent/child relationships. Females battle with other females for dominance. This is seen in sister/sister and parent/child relationships

SE 2 EP 3 - Gaslighting is Dangerous, here's why. Apr 06, 2020

Narcissist denies reality to avoid any consequences ( EXAMPLES: they say your paranoid, misunderstood them, that’s not what said, you just don’t listen to me when I talk, this causes emotional distress and constant confusion to the victim)
Denies the reality of the “empath” to intentionally erode their sanity, (remember they want you to feel disconnected from the truth, this is accomplished through a series of mind control attempts by hijacking your ability to think through and process the reality of what your truly experiencing. You stop being able to use your own checks and balances and start leaning into the narcissist for guidance for things you were able to do on your own before.
A narcissistic person will deny the true reality in any situation or circumstance- because they don’t understand the reality of the empath and can’t experience real emotions, once they begin to use this gaslighting technique you begin to feel hopeless, similar to a spin wheel and never seem to make progress or come to a clear understanding of where you stand with the narcissist
The call you crazy /you have mental health issues/you need help what the narcissist thinks is You’re not the pathological one here, I am. You’re just catching onto who I really am behind the mask and attempting to hold me accountable for my questionable behavior.

You’re just insecure and jealous!

Translation: I enjoy planting seeds of insecurity and doubt in your mind about your attractiveness, competence, and personality. If you dare to question my numerous flirtations, affairs, and inappropriate interactions, I’ll be sure to put you back in your place in fear of losing me.

Lastly....

Conserving your energy! Their goal is to drain you, they mirror you with all of those wonderful traits you have- they want you to give up and lose the battle - the game you’ve entered into with them. They need you at your weakest, because then they feel accomplished and you feel completely defeated. This isn’t some accident, this is working the way it was designed.

You don’t realize how much damage a person can cause by falling into their toxic web, they seek after great people like you and I and we have to stick together to send a message that were not here to play their game!

SE 2 EP 2 - Why do we crave people who are toxic? Mar 05, 2020

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We crave love and are usually the ones who are emotionally connected, and they are great at deceiving us in our efforts to naturally want to be loved and cared for as humans.
Narcissist are broken people who can’t reciprocate those same feelings, they’re a hollow shell -full of nothing, but low self esteem and absolutely have no idea who they are. You on the other hand- full of life, love and affection and carry these positive, healthy traits they they want so bad!! They honestly will ever get to experience life’s fullest potential.
We make excuses of their actions. We always dig for excuses as to why they said what they did, acted the way they did -when all it boils down to is an adult who doesn’t take responsibility for their own actions. We always gravitate toward wanting to help someone work through their struggles, when all the narcissist can do is complain about how their life’s turmoil was caused by someone else’s wrong doings.
They allow us to pity them with their stories of struggle, and pulling the victim card at every stop. Empaths generally want to take the load of someone’s emotional pain and struggle and treat it as their own; even when it’s not. We want to take the burden of stress, anxiety from those we love and care about.
Remember that someone who feels pity for someone else is automatically going to shift to the offense, and let their defensive guard down. The “Empath” is constantly confirming and setting the bar of expectations so high, by expressing that they, “the empath” , will never do those horrible things that their previous partner did. The narcissist all of a sudden feels relieved that you actually bought their story. The tables eventually shift and we will later find ourselves,seeking validation from the narcissist.

BOTTOM LINE. They want to test you in the beginning to check vulnerabilities, how easy influenced you are and determining if your going to be a good source of supply for them. They need to gauge how much control they will be able to have, and the end goal is try to use every source of supply that tour can provide, once the oil is all pumped and the rig is dry it’s time to move to the next victim

SE 2 EP 1 Covert Vs. Overt.. The difference? Feb 05, 2020

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Overt behaviors are those that can be easily observed by others, such as those of the traditional narcissist
You ever have a conversation with someone and it feels like they’re trying to pressure you into telling them how nice, or important or accomplished they are?
Passive Self-Importance - in a more subtle way, buy not over the top they constantly want you to give them validation and they will make comments to lead you into praising them at something they know they’re already good at.
You’ll notice too that The reality for both the overt and covert narcissist is that they have a fragile sense of self.
The covert narcissist certainly craves importance and thirsts for admiration but it can look different
An overt narcissist will display all kinds of attention seeking behaviors, compared to a covert but in a sly under the table approach. both the overt and covert narcissist is that they have a fragile sense of self.
The covert narcissist will be much more likely to constantly seek reassurance about their talents, skills, and accomplishments, looking for others to feed that same need for self-importance.
A covert narcissist explain why something is your fault and they are not to blame. They might even pretend to be a victim of your behavior to put themselves in a position to receive reassurance and praise from you.the goal of the narcissist is to make the other person feel less than superior to their victim
People with covert narcissism might make dismissive or sarcastic remarks and act as if they’re above the criticism. But internally, they might feel empty, humiliated, or enraged.

SE 1 EP 15 - Why do narcissist cheat? Who's the real victim? Jan 21, 2020

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Cheating is quite easy for them. They never saw your life together as something sacred, they don’t value your relationship anymore than they valued the last dozen relationships they’ve destroyed. If you’re feeling paralyzed knowing someone you loved and cared about is now moving on... this is exactly what they were hoping for. They didn’t have any real love for you, which is why they don’t see it as cheating, that’s why accident after accidents can occur too bad we can insure our relationships and raise the deductible after each occurrence. They know your a nice person, who has a job-responsibilities and have resources incase they get in abind. They know you’ll bail them out every time and once you try to cut them off you’ll start seeing the real side of this person.

So cheating is actually fun! They will blackmail you, smear the name you’ve worked hard to build and create in your communities and leverage any possible opportunity and attempt to ruin you at all cost and bury you alive. They can actually be some of the hardest people to get rid of, people their so skilled at manipulating others. See how entertaining this is?

You see.. they only see one side of anything... their side. Their version.. their narrative. They don’t care what version of the story your see, because if it’s not theirs it simply doesn’t exist. Cheating actually feels good to them, it feels great and it’s exciting. The hiding your messages, sneaking around, and lying almost provides a rush with hit of dopamine in the brain!

The narrative can always change because they have this false illusion of how things actually occurred. You remember how they pushed your buttons constantly to gain a positive or negative reaction? They constantly pushed your boundaries, and did it on purpose. They truly want to see how much control you’ll allow them to have.

Have you ever wanted something so bad that once you got it, you didn’t want it anymore. That’s how they felt about you and me.

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SE1 EP 14 -Why are Narcissists magnetic to empaths? Jan 02, 2020

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We are Rescuers, and they have a story to tell you -which involves how they were wronged, used, threatens verbally or physically by a previous partner.
Naturally Empaths want to fix someone, they’re great listeners, who generally want to understand the problem and try to solve issues.
Becoming a firefighter is now your full time job. Because your Putting out fires they start, left and right - defending your partners actions, against friends and family and you find yourself being reactive to every situation. Your always stressed and frustrated about those who don’t see this wonderful “happy go lucky” person they’ve attempted to portray.
YOU TRY TO FIX THEM- they don’t want to be fixed, but they do will want you to own their problems as your own. Your trying to juggle your own life, wants, responsibilities and aspirations - as well as your own shortcomings. They want you to take ownership of how they feel and use projection to shine all of their bad behavior and decision making back onto the victim.
They’re baiting you into the toxic cycles that they’ve created, it’s trickery and a distraction so they can undermine your ability to make decisions. They want to cripple your abilities and take all the positive characteristics that attribute to you, because again they have no personality.

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SE 1 EP 13 - Finding your identity after narcissism during the holidays Dec 21, 2019

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I wanted to makes this episode due to the holidays and how it may seem challenging to handle, some things to consider and how to handle what may seem like the worst feeling ever. This time of the year can bring out what seems like the best for some, and the worst for others.

Hard look in the mirror. Why it’s hard to find yourself. So you truly are. Where do you start?

Start loving yourself again, learn what your interests are, you stopped caring about your own needs because you always put the narcissist first.

Quick Points

The more you understand narcissism the more you’ll understand that this was not your fault and to stop taking responsibility for the negligence of others.
Find your happy place, again this takes time. The narcissist drove your life into a side of a mountain and left you. You’ve felt hopeless, mad, guilty, and wanted to scream you way through this process and that’s okay! It’s okay to feel these emotions, you HAVE to have to accept this as a reality for your own well being and for you to ever begin to take the first step forward.
Stop secluding yourself from the world, stop living in a shell and start living your new beginning of the rest of your life.
Why the holidays are harder? And how to hand them.
Remember, Who were you before you met this person?
Have you truly healed and found more self awareness?
How long does it take to recover
Remember, this didn’t happen overnight so there’s not a short term process to expedite recovery.

SE1 EP 12 - The Narcissist Injury Nov 27, 2019

What you are about to listen to, is a real recording. This was a result of a narcissist injury.

This recording was from the very beginning, and start of how things quickly escalated. I am using this as an example of how horrible, and hateful a narcissist can be.

The backstory of this conversation, was the attempt of this person "hacking" my social media accounts, email ect., and my quick actions to cut off this person from having access. I had just realized that things were quickly coming to light, finding out all the secrets and learning that the mask had just fallen. When you begin to connect the dots, you'll find that they don't take kindly to being accountable for their own destruction.

The Definition

A narcissistic injury occurs when narcissists react negatively to perceived or real criticism or judgment, boundaries placed on them, and/or attempts to hold them accountable for harmful behavior.

Narcissistic rage is a psychological construct that describes a reaction to narcissistic injury, which is conceptualized as a perceived threat to a narcissist's self-esteem or self-worth.

A challenge to their confidence. People with NPD build up confidence in themselves by continually getting away with lies or false personas. When someone pushes them and exposes a weakness, people with NPD may feel inadequate. That unwelcomed emotion can cause them to lash out as protection.

Sense of self is questioned. If people reveal that someone with NPD isn’t as capable or talented as they pretend, this challenge to their sense of self may result in a cutting and aggressive outburst.

SE 1 EP 11 - Why you miss the narcissist Nov 19, 2019

Show Notes

Why you miss the narcissist?
Addicted to The Complex Cycles of Abuse
Gaslighting - the lying, the secrets, etc.
Trauma Bonding - the pushing and pulling
Mirroring
Your the fixer, they need supply
You crave the so called “attention”, the illusion that, they actually cared about you.
A narcissist doesn’t have a preference

Why you miss the narcissist? You miss the narcissist because of the bond they created with you, the illusion, the future faking, the love bombing - the false reality is hard to let go of.

Addicted to The Complex Cycles of Abuse You have been conditioned to their false belief system, and have gone through the cycle of psychological abuse.

Gaslighting - The lying, Secrets, etc. You believed everything you were told, you didn't see the red flags, the warning signs and you began questioning yourself, your sanity and what was really the truth.

Trauma Bonding - the pushing and pulling The Cognitive Dissonance,

Mirroring - Taking all your traits and behaviors, things you like/dislike your options, the image of you was mirrored back.

Bottom Line: Your the fixer, they need supply Your left craving this so called “attention”, the illusion that they actually cared about you.

Last but not least, you may notice a narcissist doesn’t have a preference -thats because supply is supply, doesn't matter where it comes from

SE 1 EP 10 - I can’t believe this, the unexpected... Nov 14, 2019

This weeks episode is one that’s most personal, I found out that someone I cared for deeply lost their battle with depression. As I write these words, it still seems surreal. Thank you for supporting this podcast as we share helpful information surrounding Narcism and mental illness awareness.

I wanted to make this episode, because I believe that these situations occur, but how can we protect ourselves, from the toxic abuse that we once endured. How easy is it to get sucked back into the cycle? When you are faced with life altering, similar to what I’ve experienced; you must continue to support and care at distance. Your instinct is to want to show your support to the one who left you in a terrible place in your life. You have to have courage, you cannot backtrack and must listen to your gut instinct. You can do this.

Please contact the Suicide LifeLine at 800-273-8255.

SE 1 EP 9 - How it ended, its over. Nov 02, 2019

It’s really over.

This episode really hit home for me. I felt compelled to let you into my world a bit further. This was exactly how it happened, right before jumping off what felt like a cliff with rocks at the bottom.

I can remember the details so vividly, the conversations, how I felt and the moments leading to the chaos of hell that once consumed my life daily. I can piece together the reality and almost feel the anxiety creep into my chest, as I write these words.

I want you to know the truth, to my story in hopes that this will provide further insight into my life and what I experienced

Show Notes:

+ Share what and how it happened. + How it ended for me and how it can end for you

SE 1 EP 8 - Social Media = Narcissist Social Playground Oct 17, 2019

Episode 8 - Show Notes

They need...

Constant Validation - seeking conformation from others through obtaining more followers, likes and comments on post especially those that are images of themselves. She would always tell me I remember when I used to get 200-300 likes on my photos. this would make them become infuriated that others don’t see their beauty and how attentive they are.

Show Notes

Need to always one up someone else - due to insecurities, and literally cutting down other people who may appear to hold a higher position of status compared to the others. People are always beneath the narcissist
Picking fights with someone over small things, by manufacturing tension.
The always have to post and provide updates on what they’ve accomplished, who they’ve met and writing sappy “attention seeking post”, about how they have been the victim of a terrible situation they make have manufactured. SNAPCHAT, INSTAGRAM, FACEBOOK, PINTEREST are examples this allows them to gain exposure across all mediums.
They don’t look at social media as a way to connect with others, rather than a tool for people to keep tabs on their “wonderful life”, by elevating their level of importance.
They have to keep their “flying monkeys” up to date by sharing half of what every story they created in their minds -because naturally people can’t help but be open and let their guard down on someone they feel pity for, and using this as supply to make them feel better about themselves.
Always On the hunt for drama to be involved with, if they can’t create it they will find any reason to join in on the conversation.
Religious post, quotes and anything that can grab the attention of those who have empathy to again- appear to be the victim of their own chaos.

SE 1 EP 7 - Boundary Pushes + Future Faking Oct 11, 2019

In this episode we discuss future faking and how a narcissist plants seeds, that lead to a false hope of future faking. They will allow you to think that you have met your soul mate, you will be taking trips, spending the holidays, birthdays and special events together. You will completely be investing in them and their priorities, everything that you wanted in a partner will magically appear before your eyes. You will now have met your perfect match and they will lead you to believe that the future is with them, you’ll open your heart and they will begin to pull you into their web of lies, false promises and deliver you a nightmare of stress, pain, anxiety, paranoia, shame, self-doubt, excitement, devastation, depression, and literally make you feel less of the great person you are.

You have to look clearly and stop allowing them to blur your reality, so you can try to see theirs more clearly. You are not in their best interest, they FAKE IT till they make it and hoping you never seen the true side of the mark they wear everyday. Show Notes

Boundary Pushes + Future Faking
Investing in a Hope fueled fantasy
Progression of manipulation

SE 1 EP 6 - Why are narcissist so destructive ? Oct 03, 2019

Episode 6

Why are narcissist so destructive?

Here are a few reasons.

Can’t self regulate their emotions
NO Moral Compass of Integrity
Narcissists feel like they can’t survive on their own, they need another person to have their false and ‘non-existent’ self mirrored back to them
Cultural Phenomenon of Entitlement and how it’s easy to disguise entitlement because we’ve began to foster these behaviors.
Their ego is a greedy and unsatisfiable entity.
Narcissists are generally very skilled at cheating and covering their tracks.
Here’s the sad part. They have a firm understanding that you just want to be loved. Your whole purpose and agenda is to love and serve, theirs is to undermine, use, gaslight and create what’s called cognitive dissonance.

SE 1 EP 5 - Needling, Baiting, Word Salad and Circular Conversations Sep 22, 2019

In this episode, I speak about what I experienced with a narcissist. I cover various methods used by the manipulator, and the strategic tactics used within the cycle of abuse.

Needling and Baiting
Word Salad (Narc Speak)
Overgeneralizations ( Black/White Thinking)
Projection and Circular Discussions

SE 1 EP 4 - What makes someone narcissistic? What is NPD? Sep 05, 2019

Episode 4 - What makes someone narcissistic? What is NPD?

In this episode I want to discuss what makes a person narcissistic? Where do these traits come from, were these behaviors taught, or did they derive from conditioned behaviors from a parent? Is this hereditary? Let’s talk.

SE1 EP 3 - Narcissist Vs Empath Aug 29, 2019

What the difference between narcissist and empaths? Why are they attracted to you?