Love and Abuse

What makes taking a break from the relationship work? Nov 12, 2024

Is there a path out of being stuck in the whirlwind of a toxic relationship? Maybe taking a step back and out of the situation a while will help you gain clarity and reconnect with yourself. What happens when you never get away from the toxicity, though? Can you ever get a clear mind?

When you can barely take care of yourself let alone give them what they want Sep 20, 2024

What if you're doing all you can to maintain your own health and well-being but you have someone in your life who a consistent drain on your mental and emotional health? Can you rebuild your energy or do you have to accept that it may never stop and you may have to make tougher choices about the relationship?

When they shower you with love after they've done bad behavior Aug 22, 2024

How can you tell if your partner’s affection is genuine or a manipulation tactic? Love bombing usually takes place at the beginning of a relationship to create a strong bond between an abusive person and their victim. But it can also be used to get away with bad behavior in long-term relationships as well.

When you decide enough is enough - the first step isn't the last Jul 13, 2024

The victim of abusive behavior will eventually reach their breaking point. In that moment, they finally feel like they can take their life back. But they may still not be out of the woods yet during the transition from victim to empowered.

What change really looks like when the emotional abuser heals Jun 06, 2024

The healed former emotional abuser looks a lot different than the person they used to be. If you've ever accepted a hurtful person back into your life after they said they've changed but notice after a short while that their old behaviors are creeping back in, you might have missed an important clue that they haven't changed at all.

Feeling discarded when they leave the relationship May 22, 2024

Why does it seem so easy for some people to leave a relationship, get into another one, and act as if the one they were in didn't mean anything?

If you've felt discarded and can't stop thinking about what you did wrong, this episode is a good reminder of everything you were doing right.

When the emotional abuser reaches back out after they've healed and changed Apr 25, 2024

When the emotional abuser apologizes and tries to make amends with their ex-partner after they've done a lot of personal growth and development, should they expect a response from their ex? Is that expecting too much? Or is it time for all to move on and start anew?

Time with yourself is not only necessary, its required Apr 15, 2024

You give, you adapt, and you change who you are almost to your very core... to what end? When you are overly compassionate to others, you might actually be taking away from yourself. This is as harmful to your mind as a lack of sleep is to your body.

Emotionally abusive behavior is also physically painful Mar 27, 2024

Victims of emotional abuse can experience physical pain from all the trauma, potentially leading to increased tolerance and resilience of harm. They can gradually lose their identity due to the abuser’s actions, becoming a shell of their former selves.

When the good you do for them leads nowhere Mar 22, 2024

Some emotionally abusive people don't change, no matter how much the victim of their hurtful behavior changes for them. Is there ever a point where they will be the person you want them to be? Or does anything you do really matter at all?

A clever manipulation tactic that makes you believe you are the problem Mar 02, 2024

There's a clever manipulation that can happen in some emotionally abusive relationships. It starts with superficial kindness and vague promises and leads to blameshifting and avoiding true accountability. This very subtle form of gaslighting will drive you crazy. I'll share with you how to spot it.

When you think you're strong enough to get back into the difficult relationship Feb 22, 2024

When you reach your breaking point with someone, you might make the decision to leave. During that time, you can regain your confidence and feel your power again. You might even decide to give the relationship a second chance, knowing that if you see any warning signs, you can address them right away.

That is until you are once again coerced into staying in a situation that seems destined to go down the exact same path as before. Now what?

How emotional abuse can enter your life like an infection Feb 14, 2024

Sometimes, you can't see the red flags before you're hurt. Emotional abuse can be like an infection that enters your body. You may not know it's there until a lot of time has passed, and you've invested a lot into the relationship.

In this episode, I share how emotional abuse acts like an infection entering your body and mind and help you understand the environment in which such an emotional infection thrives.

If you don't know your limits, you wont have any Jan 05, 2024

It can be hard to draw a line in a toxic relationship. Don't make your emotional resilience a prison of your own making. Your personal boundaries are there for a reason. Often, the only way things will change is if you do something because they won't

When they go silent and emotionally disconnect from you Nov 29, 2023

When the emotionally abusive person goes silent in order to make you feel guilty and give them the attention they want, do they have a deeper motive of self-preservation? When abusers use silence to control you, there's a lot going on under the hood. In this episode, I share my personal history of using the silent treatment to control the people I claimed to love.

Should you give in to their perception of you? Nov 23, 2023

Some people are so wrapped up in their need to control you that they completely overlook your worth and importance. They can be so busy keeping you focused on yourself and everything you're doing "wrong," that you might actually start to believe what they're saying about you.

Their past trauma and abuse isn't the immediate issue in the relationship Nov 03, 2023

The emotionally abusive person can have a traumatic past. Their abusive behaviors can have an abusive origin. Is it better to help them address their past to stop their behaviors toward you? It's an important question that you should definitely want to know the answer to.

How do you know when your heart is sealed? Oct 27, 2023

The victim of hurtful or emotionally abusive behavior has a threshold. When they reach that threshold, their heart can seal permanently, never letting the hurtful person back in again.

In this episode, I help identify when your heart is sealed permanently. Before that happens, there's always a chance to repair a relationship that's been damaged. After that, however, the relationship may never get another chance.

Is taking a break before breaking up the final blow to the relationship? Oct 12, 2023

The thought of breaking up or separating from a toxic person can be a difficult decision to make. But taking a break before a breakup can bring clarity and perspective in a problematic relationship, helping you rediscover something you lost and even help decide if you really want to make that difficult decision or take a different path.

How you describe the challenges in your relationship can reveal if youre being emotionally abused Sep 06, 2023

The language you use to describe your relationship and how you're getting along with the other person says a lot. If you've ever wondered if you are the hurtful one or they are, the words you use can reveal just what role you play in the dynamic of an emotionally abusive relationship.

Should you make a list of everything they're doing wrong and hand it to them? Aug 18, 2023

What would happen if you decided to write them a loving, supportive letter outlining all of their hurtful behaviors in hopes they'll read it and finally realize they need to change?

Will it backfire on you? I talk about that in this episode.

Avoid getting trapped into an emotional prison from which you can't escape Aug 01, 2023

The cycle of high ups and deep downs in a relationship is like being trapped in an emotional prison. There are moments of freedom and happiness, followed by a constant underlying fear or worry of being trapped again.

The emotional prison is created by the manipulative and controlling behavior of the person who wants to keep the person in a disempowered state. This cycle of ups and downs often forms a trauma bond, where the person seeks love and support from the same person who is causing them emotional harm.

What are the chances of an emotional abuser healing and the relationship surviving? Jul 27, 2023

Sometimes an abusive relationship changes into a non-abusive one. Sometimes the abusive person has an epiphany and stops the behavior. Often that happens when the other person reaches their breaking point, which may be too late. But if there's still love, there's a chance. The questions are, what are the chances that the healing emotional abuser will stop the behaviors? And can the relationship heal?

Why they don't stop hurting you when they see you hurting Jun 30, 2023

Why do people who claim to care about us hurt us when they see that we're suffering? Shouldn't our suffering be enough for them to stop the behaviors? It's one of the most common questions I receive: If they really love me, why do they hurt me?

When parents get involved in your difficult relationship May 05, 2023

Dealing with a hurtful person is often hard enough. When they have hurtful parents, however, it gets even harder. Especially when you thought you had a somewhat good relationship with them. When their parents can't see their own child being hurtful toward you, you may not get the compassion and support you're looking for.

Religious Abuse: When they use your beliefs and faith against you Mar 31, 2023

Your religious or spiritual beliefs are supposed to help uplift and inspire you, not make you feel oppressed and exhausted. Religious abuse happens when people who claim to love you use your own beliefs against you to keep their power over you.

When they believe they've changed Feb 17, 2023

I get messages from those who are with someone who claims to have changed, but something doesn't feel right to them. What they feel is usually accurate. There are specific thoughts and feelings inside you that can help you tell if someone has actually changed and healed from being emotionally abusive, or if they still have a ways to go.

LAA Insights - The kids in between the breakup from the toxic manipulative partner Feb 02, 2023

When you've realized enough is enough but you're afraid that the kids will get a boatload of abusive behavior from a soon to be ex, knowing what to expect and how to respond to what happens next is the key to trying to maintain the healthiest relationship with your children.

The huge wall the emotional abuser puts up Jan 24, 2023

Why can't they just change? Why don't they just stop hurting you?

Sometimes they've built such a huge wall of protection around themselves that nothing can penetrate it. They keep doing what they're doing because they don't want you to see what's behind the wall. It's too vulnerable, and it might require them to express a part of themselves they've hidden away all their life.

The battles that drain your power Dec 22, 2022

The emotionally abusive relationship can be a battle. In fact, it can be a series of battles that wear you down and eventually wear you out. But at what point are you so worn out that you do something different? Some toxic relationships last for decades and there is no end in sight. There's a point in time when something has to change, or nothing ever will. And that can be a hard pill to swallow.

What will it take to finally get them to stop? Dec 07, 2022

The person that hurts the one they love can do the behavior indefinitely unless someone is there to stop it. Usually, that someone has to be you. Stopping it however doesn't always come easy. Sometimes the person hurting you needs a wake-up call they can't ignore, shaking their foundation so much they have to pay attention.

Is just functioning together good enough Sep 02, 2022

Relationships can survive even when things are bad, but what about when things are never good but just functional? Is just functioning together good enough? Can you make it work?

Functioning together can make some of life easier, but not necessarily happier. I explore that topic today.

When you find yourself crawling back to them over and over again Aug 02, 2022

Why do we return to toxic people over and over again? It's certainly not because we love to suffer. But maybe there's more going on that should be considered. Sometimes knowing the reasons can help you stop the round trips back to someone that doesn't seem to care if you're happy or not.

LAA Insights - Learning what attracts the hurtful people Jul 19, 2022

Can low self-worth attract someone that makes you feel lower? Can people-pleasing attract a taker that never stops taking?

There are many ways to become attracted to someone. But there are attractions that aren't always positive. It's important to know what about them makes them appealing when some qualities can be downright abusive.

LAA Insights is an addendum to the regular show that you'll find scattered in between full episodes. On Insights, I pick random emails that I haven't addressed yet and do my best to provide my insights and opinions.

LAA Insights - Is he right about me being the abuser? Jul 06, 2022

A special episode answering a question from someone who isn't sure if they are the abuser and if they need to work on their own abusive behavior, even though there are clear signs they are being abused as well.

LAA Insights is an addendum to the regular show that you'll find scattered in between full episodes. On Insights, I pick random emails that I haven't addressed yet and do my best to provide my insights and opinions.

Bonding with people that traumatize you Jul 04, 2022

Becoming dependent on someone can put you at their mercy sometimes. And if they are toxic, you are not only now dependent on them for certain things, but they make sure you continue to depend on them so you never get your wants and needs filled completely. It's like a bag of chips... you can never eat just one. You know they're bad for you, but you keep coming back. I talk about our dependencies in this episode and how they can create hard-to-break trauma bonds.

Can depression be used for manipulation? Apr 20, 2022

There can be some good excuses for hurtful behavior. With some excuses, it can be hard to differentiate between fact and fiction.

When someone uses their condition or illness to manipulate or control you, it can make it that much more difficult to get out from under their spell.

The abuser that sneaks their way into your heart and life in order to lock you in to a controlling relationship Mar 10, 2022

Some abusive people know exactly how to lock you into the relationship so tight that you find it near impossible to get out of it. When that happens, the longer you wait, the worse it gets. No matter how deep you are, you need to do something right away unless you want to continue down a road that never ends.

Can you find yourself after they stop the hurtful behavior? Mar 01, 2022

Sometimes the emotional abuse stops. If and when it does, will you know who you are? Do you know where you went? Sometimes we lose ourselves in relationships like this because we are so busy trying to make the other person happy so they won't make us miserable. But that's probably not who you wanted to be. Finding yourself again can be the next challenge after the emotional abuse stops.

https://loveandabuse.com

Healthy responses to their frustrations and annoyances Feb 03, 2022

How can you respond or react in the most concise, clear and healthy way so that their annoyance or frustration with you doesn't turn into another toxic event in your relationship? Learning to respond in the most healthy way possible can make the difference between another argument with misunderstandings and confusion, and something that could be cleared up fast.

For more episodes, visit loveandabuse.com

The thoughts and beliefs that allow toxic behavior to seep into your relationship Jan 24, 2022

You are not to blame for getting into a toxic relationship. It is not your fault. However, there is a way you process bad behavior that may be working against you causing you to get into bad relationships over and over again. Sometimes we do things that raise our levels of toleration so high, that we can't recognize just how hot the water has gotten.

Visit loveandabuse.com for more episodes.

The needy and clingy people that become emotionally abusive Jan 05, 2022

Needy and clingy people can become obsessive and emotionally abusive. They will find ways to keep tabs on you so that they are always on your mind. They need constant attention and there's little you can do to make them happy except to be with them all the time. Neediness can turn into bad behavior to the point where unless you comply with everything they want, they'll make you believe you're being awful to them.

loveandabuse.com

When your friends and family get convinced you're the hurtful one Dec 20, 2021

It's hard enough dealing with a hurtful person. You know they are going to show up in a certain way almost every time so you get used to it.

However, what if they start convincing your friends and family that you're the one hurting them? What if they play the victim?

This is an episode filled with tools to help those you care about and are supposed to care about you see that perhaps their perception of you is flawed.

Is telling them you're leaving better than just leaving? Dec 01, 2021

What's the best course of action when it comes to leaving the emotional abuser? Should you sit them down and have the "the talk", or is talking going to get you sucked into another conversation that causes you to stay out of guilt or being convinced you're wrong?

They're likely to convince you of doing things their way so it may not go any differently during "the talk."

Is an emotional affair okay when you can't get your needs met? Nov 12, 2021

When you're in any type of difficult or emotionally abusive relationship, a violation of your relationship boundaries has probably already taken place. After all, you didn't sign up to feel like crap all the time or be unhappy. So is it okay to seek someone outside the relationship when you can't get your emotional needs met within the relationship you're in? I tackle that tough question in this episode.

Afraid of staying and afraid of leaving Nov 03, 2021

When you've had enough and you can't take anymore, but you stay and take more, you end up in an endless cycle of love and abuse. If you're afraid to stay because things are bad, but also afraid to leave because you don't know any other way to live your life, it's time to get real clear on what you really want.

The type of person that doesn't deserve a second chance Oct 22, 2021

How bad does it have to get before you're convinced that the person you're dealing with is never, ever going to change? And how much more hurtful behavior has to happen before you decide enough is enough?

Sometimes we are so jaded by and used to emotionally abusive behavior that we forget what being treated with kindness and respect means.

When you want them to hurt Oct 15, 2021

What happens when the hurtful behavior stops and you are free to be yourself? Does the relationship now go back to normal like nothing ever happened?

It can, but it rarely does. In fact, most victims of emotional abuse want the person who hurt them to feel what they went through. They want the abuser to suffer.

Is that reciprocal emotional abuse? That's the question I answer in this episode.

When the emotionally abusive person leaves the relationship Oct 07, 2021

Emotionally abusive people usually drain all of your energy. It's rare that they leave the relationship because they get their power from taking yours. There can be two or three main reasons they leave, but no matter what the reason is, there's almost always a trail of destruction behind them.

When you want it to be over and they don't Sep 23, 2021

What happens when you've had enough of the bad behavior and want the other person to leave you alone? In a family situation, that might be easier to do since you may not live together. In a romantic relationship however, that can be a bit harder.

What if the other person doesn't want to go? What do you do then? It's time to get clear on what you want so that you convey the right message that cannot be misinterpreted.

Subtle abusive behavior is meant to hurt you in a very specific way Sep 14, 2021

Emotional abuse in any relationship is made up of numerous behaviors, many of which can be quite hard to detect. When you're trying to pinpoint the exact behaviors causing difficulties in your relationship, it can be helpful to understand the subtleties.

Who are you when you're not in a toxic relationship? Jul 30, 2021

Every wonderful aspect of you can diminish when you are with a toxic person. They find ways to convince you that you are unworthy and unlovable so that you seek love and worth from them instead of looking anywhere else. It is a manipulative tactic they use to keep you down so that they can also be the hero to bring you up.

Is there an easy way to help someone understand they are being emotionally abusive? Jul 11, 2021

If you told a "normal" person they were being emotionally abusive, you'd think they'd back off and re-evaluate their behavior. After all, people who care about you don't want to hurt you. At least, that's the hope. Is there an easy way to convey to them that their hurtful words and actions are destroying the relationship so that they'll "get it" and treat you nicer?

Some people would rather hurt you than be vulnerable with you Jun 29, 2021

Some people become highly defensive or offensive when they want to hide something from you, or lie to you, or don't want to be vulnerable with you, because it's too scary for them. No matter the reason, their behavior has a purpose and it's usually to divert your attention so that they don't have to reveal something that might make them feel out of control.

Knowing the difference between emotional abuse and normal relationship difficulties Jun 17, 2021

The two sides of emotional abuse are the perpetrator and the victim. Sometimes the victim can't tell if there's abusive behavior or just normal relationship difficulties.

Sometimes the hurtful person needs to know what they're doing that's hurtful because they could have been doing it for so long, they don't realize how bad their behavior is.

This is a packed episode that goes over the silent treatment, discerning between abuse and normal difficulties, and learning if there can be a relationship after emotional abuse goes away.

How many times does someone have to hurt you before you decide enough is enough? Jun 03, 2021

There's a point when there has been enough abusive behavior where you decide you're no longer going to stand for it and it's time to take the next right step for you. Don't accept bad behavior for so long that you convince yourself that it's never bad enough.

Letting hurtful words or threatening comments become the new normal May 18, 2021

When you're around those who constantly put you down with hurtful words or threats that they'll never talk to you again or leave you forever, it can become the new normal. Those who try to make you feel like something bad will happen if you don't change into what they want you to be are hoping you don't catch on to their deception to keep you in a fear-based state forever.

Six reasons you may feel guilty about leaving an emotionally abusive person Apr 30, 2021

If you've considered leaving an emotionally abusive person and feel guilty having those thoughts, you need to make sure your guilt is justified and not implanted or based on a false premise. When guilt seeps in, it can stop you from making decisions that are right for you.

Decisions based on guilt can sometimes backfire, and you may find yourself back in the same situation you were before. Try not to make relationship decisions based on guilt. When you do that, it can backfire on you, and you may find yourself in the same position you were in before.

Don't let emotional abuse take your decisions away Apr 15, 2021

Sometimes in an emotionally abusive relationship, you have a big decision to make. That decision may be to leave, or perhaps you want to stand up and honor yourself. There are a number of decisions to make when you're in any type of relationship. Some of them harder than others. In this episode, I help you visualize what that looks like and how to get there.

For the healing and assessment guide for difficult relationships, check out The M.E.A.N. Workbook over at loveandabuse.com

What's acceptable behavior in the relationship? Apr 02, 2021

When a relationship is difficult, it's helpful to have an established baseline of acceptable behavior. If you don't know what is acceptable and what isn't, how can you possibly know if your relationship values are being violated?

Is it reactive abuse or a normal response to emotionally abusive behavior? Mar 18, 2021

Am I the abuser? It's a question I get a lot. In this episode, I want to make sure you're aware of reactive abuse and how you can be pushed to the limit and become what some may see as abusive.

However, don't be fooled into thinking you are an abusive person if you were pushed to that limit by an abusive person. Everyone, even the most calm, passive people, has a limit. And almost everyone will break when pushed over the edge.

What is emotional abuse? How do I know when it's time to leave? And other important questions. Mar 12, 2021

Sometimes it helps to know what to look for in your relationship and how a relationship is supposed to look when you just aren't happy or are dealing with a difficult partner. In this special episode, Grace with coachingbygrace.com interviews me on her podcast and asks several questions regarding emotional abuse, empowerment, and what a relationship is supposed to look like.

Can you be in a toxic relationship for so long there's no turning back? Feb 17, 2021

Months can seem like an eternity when you're in a toxic relationship, but what about years? Can you not only survive a relationship like that, but also thrive if you choose to leave it? Is it ever too late to leave an emotionally abusive situation?

Do they benefit from your response to their hurtful behavior? Feb 03, 2021

Some hurtful behavior can have a secondary benefit to the person hurting you. Some behaviors can cause you to react in such a way that brings the hurtful person benefit. Because of that, they know how to get their needs simply by acting badly.

If you want to know why you can never please someone, this episode might help you answer that question.

The slow disintegration of the deepest part of who you are Jan 10, 2021

Emotional abuse has an insidious way of disintegrating the very core of who you are. It's a process that can turn you into a shell of your former self. You can rebuild, but to do so sooner than later will decrease the time it takes to recover a toxic relationship. Even if you are left empty inside, the moment the toxicity is out of your system is the same moment the healing starts.

The guilt from believing you could have done more Dec 30, 2020

A mom wrote to me and said that she is blaming herself for not doing the right job parenting her abusive son. Guilt is plaguing her and she wants to move forward. In this episode, I share what guilt and forgiveness are really about. Guilt is supposed to be a short term punishment and a prompt to take action, not a life sentence.

https://vurbl.com/station/5KiVSz6NCQM/

You have to protect the most important person in your world from hurtful behavior Dec 10, 2020

The very core of who you are is what can get compromised when you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. That's why many victims of emotional abuse say that they became a shell of their former self when they were exposed to it for too long.

In order to stay as whole as you can, you need to remember who the most important person in your world is and protect that person at all costs.

If you've tried everything to stop the hurtful behavior, what's next? Nov 21, 2020

You've tried talking with them, expressing your hurt or unhappiness, but they still don't seem to want to change their behavior. If you've done what you can, what is the next step? Emotionally abusive behavior is not something you should live with, but many do. It might be time to consider all your options.

Sometimes things need to be perfectly lined up to make the big decisions about the relationship Nov 04, 2020

There's a point of either intoleration or breakdown that you sometimes have to reach in order to finally make a decision that you need to make about a toxic relationship. When that moment comes, it can be scary. There can be a lot on the line. In this episode, I talk about what needs to happen in order for you to be in the right state of mind to make the big, scary decisions you might need to make for yourself.

Understanding the addict in the manipulative relationship Oct 19, 2020

Dealing with a manipulative and controlling relationship is bad enough, but what happens when the person doing the bad behavior is also dealing with addiction? What if the addiction is the reason for the emotionally abusive behavior?

It's important to understand your role in an addict's life. Addiction exacerbates bad behavior. Some addicts don't do bad behavior when they're not participating in their addiction. Some do.

Where you are in all this is what makes the difference between feeling okay in a relationship with an addict, feeling trapped in one, or realizing you have no choice but to leave.

Should you try harder to please the emotionally abusive person? Sep 30, 2020

One of the constants I've seen over and over again in emotionally abusive relationships is when the victim tries harder to please an unpleasable person.

No matter what they do or how hard they try, the hurtful and unkind person will remind them in many ways that it's still not enough.

For more episodes visit https://loveandabuse.com

How the emotional abuser takes your empowerment tools away from you Sep 10, 2020

What is one of the most effective forms of emotional abuse? When the abusive person takes everything that empowers you away from you. All your tools and resources become their tools to use you and hurt you. When that happens, you feel like there's nothing left for you to do.

This is an important episode. I hope you get a chance to tune in.

For more episodes, visit https://loveandabuse.com/

Glossing over the first detail in an argument will make it fall apart fast Sep 04, 2020

The first important point in a growing argument might be the most important one that gets glossed over. When that happens, the person trying to express what they're feeling or experiencing might feel invalidated. From that moment on, the point is lost and the conversation can spiral into anger and upset with no closure in sight.

If that's happening to you, this episode may help you stop the glossing over so that you don't get left behind in what could turn into a productive conversation.

For more episodes, visit https://loveandabuse.com

You deserve to be treated with nothing less than respect and kindness Aug 28, 2020

When you've been mistreated for so long, you may begin to feel less worthy of love and affection. You may start to believe that you don't deserve to be treated better than you are. You might actually start to believe that you deserve bad behavior. You deserve nothing less than love, kindness and respect.

Visit https://loveandabuse.com/ for more episodes and The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse

Should you share content that talks about emotional abuse with emotionally abusive people? Aug 16, 2020

There are times when you want to share what you learn on this show and others with an abusive person, but is it the right thing to do? This show articulates the behavior in a way that almost anyone can understand, but if the abusive person doesn't want to change or doesn't think they need to change, is sharing this show and other helpful material with them a good idea? I tackle that question today.

Visit https://loveandabuse.com/ for more episodes and The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse

What do you do when they're gaslighting you? Aug 06, 2020

Those that do and say things to make you feel crazy want you to be in an eternal state of confusion. When you are confused, you are open to toxic injections of control and manipulation. A confused state causes you to be more suggestible. You want to get out of confusion as soon as possible so that they can't cause you harm. Crazymaking, or gaslighting, is one of the more insidious forms of emotional abuse.

Visit https://loveandabuse.com/ for more episodes and The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse

How incompatibility can lead to hurtful and emotionally abusive behavior Jul 18, 2020

Simple incompatibilities are common in relationships, but what happens when they lead to emotionally abusive behavior? In this episode, I talk about the potential for hurtful and controlling behavior from someone who may not be able to accept your incompatibilities. They don't want you to be you, they want you to be an extension of them.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at https://loveandabuse.com

Breaking the patterns of bad behavior that diminish your worth and well-being Jul 01, 2020

Every now and then someone you care about makes a mistake and says or does something to make you feel bad. These one-offs are forgivable. They could be having a bad day or perhaps they just had a lot of pent up energy they needed to release and you were just an unlucky target. But what about when bad behaviors are repeated over and over again? You could be looking at an emotionally abusive relationship and it might be time to take a stand for your own worth and well-being.

Visit https://loveandabuse.com/ for more episodes and The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse

Not everyone is going to agree with the decisions you make for yourself Jun 25, 2020

What happens when you create a show about abusive behavior? You hear from people that aren't happy that they are being called out on that behavior. On today's episode, I read a letter from someone that thinks I'm dangerous and should find other things to do with my time. This is a special episode for both the abuser and the victim.

For more episodes, visit https://loveandabuse.com

Toxic relationships can disintegrate your strength and confidence, but you can get it back Jun 16, 2020

When the toxic relationship has worn you down and taken away your ability to even think clearly, let alone chiseled away at any confidence and mental strength you had left, it's time to pivot your trajectory to rebuild yourself and make healthy decisions.

Visit loveandabuse.com for more episodes

I want you to change: The toxic elements of the difficult relationship Jun 04, 2020

We can spend so much time hoping the other person will change so that our life will be better, but we end up missing out on a lot of time that could be spent doing what we need to do for ourselves. In this episode, I talk about the elements that make up the emotionally abusive relationship and how knowing both sides, the victim and the abuser, can be helpful to determine the path you need to take for yourself.

Visit https://loveandabuse.com/ for more episodes and The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse

Emotional abuse drains you and makes you believe terrible things about yourself May 22, 2020

There is a direct cause and effect when you are exposed to manipulative and controlling behavior. It can take a physical toll on you and cause you to believe things about yourself that simply aren't true. In this episode, I read a message from someone who got out of a twenty-year emotionally abusive marriage to discover his health and well-being suddenly increase.

Visit https://loveandabuse.com/ for more episodes and The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse

You don't have to forgive the person that hurt you May 07, 2020

If someone hurt you, abused you, or wronged you in some way and you're still holding on to upset or anger toward them, how can you let it go and heal? There are some people in the world that we don't want to forgive, but we also don't want to hold on to anger or pain because of what they did. That is the topic of today's episode.

Visit https://loveandabuse.com/ for more episodes and The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse

Both sides of emotional abuse: The offensive abuser and the defensive abuser Apr 15, 2020

Sometimes emotional abuse in adult relationships is the result of childhood trauma, neglect or abuse. Sometimes it's the result of the other person being abusive toward you so in order to get your needs met, you might have to become controlling and manipulative yourself. No matter how it happens, this episodes is about how to learn about and stop the behavior.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com.

When boundaries don't work and how to pick the right therapist Apr 03, 2020

Do boundaries work with emotional abusers? I received this question from someone who has tried almost everything to work with her emotionally abusive partner but is running out of options. In this episodes, I analyze the behavior she points out in the email she sent me, and also discuss why therapy sometimes doesn't work with manipulative people (and how to do therapy that does work). Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

Connecting all the dots of emotionally abusive and manipulative behavior Mar 24, 2020

Sometimes you just can't figure out if perhaps what you're experiencing is abusive or manipulative behavior. You may even think perhaps you're overreacting or seeing things wrong. In this episode, I analyze an email I received and pick out the specific behaviors that I would call emotional abuse. Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

The Turn-Around game: How emotionally abusive people keep you busy explaining and defending yourself Feb 29, 2020

Why does it always seem like you have to constantly explain or defend yourself with certain people? Are you just not coming through clearly? Do they have trouble understanding? Or is there really something a deceptive going on to keep you under control? Learn the Turn-Around game and how it keeps you from ever gaining ground with controlling and manipulative people.

When the emotional abuse stops, can the relationship continue? Feb 12, 2020

When the trust breaks and there is no love left in the relationship, but the emotional abuse stops, is there a chance for it to heal and can the trust be re-earned? I read an email from someone who has healed from being the abusive one and wants my thoughts if the marriage will survive or if it's too late.

Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

When you are triggered by your Facebook friends: Staying out of abusive interactions on social media Feb 06, 2020

If you've never gotten triggered by someone's post on social media, you may be one of the lucky few. It's those times you can't help but give your opinion to someone you know is wrong or completely ignorant.

What can happen nowadays, especially in a heated political climate, is friends are lost, hearts are broken, and stress and upset reign supreme.

In this episode, I compare the Facebook conversation to an abusive relationship and highlight how you are actually inserting yourself into an abusive interaction when you choose to react from a triggered space to someone you disagree with.

Lots of similarities to the relationship experiencing emotional abuse. Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

Yes, the emotional abuser can change, but... Jan 30, 2020

Why don't hurtful people stop hurting? Can the emotional abuser or controlling / manipulative person change? Can your relationship with them be saved? It's an important question I get all too often. Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse.

Understanding the thought process behind manipulative behavior Jan 14, 2020

Manipulation originates with the desire to have something and doing anything you can to get it. I explore that topic in today's episode. Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com

Dealing with adversity and toxic behavior in all your relationships Dec 31, 2019

There's something that family, coworkers, friends, and even romantic partners can all have a common: They can sometimes be difficult to talk to. Some have opposing beliefs and values. Others simply want to control you and be right no matter what. Whatever the case is for you, this episode talks about some ins and outs of dealing with challenging people.

Emotionally abusive behavior breaks apart what could be a good relationship Dec 12, 2019

Emotional abuse and controlling, manipulative behavior have no place in a relationship. Whether it's romantic or with a family member or friend, the toxicity of hurtful behavior simply destroys what could be good relationships. There's much insecurity in the emotional abuser, and in this episode I talk about that a lot of other components of emotional abuse.

Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

You will never, ever be good enough for a manipulative and controlling person Nov 27, 2019

Should you love more, do more, be more for another person that never seems to be happy? One method of control is to make sure you're always trying harder to please but never pleasing. When someone keeps you in that state of mind, you start to lose your mind and your power.

Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

Kind words carefully crafted to plant the seed of guilt and shame Nov 21, 2019

Some people have a clever way of making you feel bad about yourself by complimenting you and using positive, supportive words that make it seem like they really care. However, the dark underbelly of their comments may contain the seed of guilt and shame. If you want to know more about this unique phenomenon, listen to this episode.

Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

Why you get conned into the psychologically abusive relationship Nov 16, 2019

If you've ever wondered why you felt a connection with someone that turned out to be controlling and manipulative, you were probably manipulated from day one. And it's possible that person didn't even know they were doing it. In this special episode, I talk about how Robert Cialdini's six principles of influence can apply to the emotionally abusive relationship.

Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

How to stop being hurtful and controlling with the people you love Nov 05, 2019

When you hurt someone you love, you let them know that they are not that important in your life. If you believe you are the emotionally abusive one and you want to heal and evolve from that behavior, this episode is a good start. In a relationship, control is the opposite of love. The more you control, the more love you lose. Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

An analysis of emotional abuse: Breaking down the bad behavior Oct 25, 2019

When someone shows you every single red flag you need to determine there is lying, control, and manipulation going on, at what point do you tell yourself you're not going to take it anymore?

In today's episode, I read an email from someone who went through an emotionally abusive relationship. As I read it, I break down each and every bad behavior so that you know how to identify it in your life.

Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

Is your response to their bad behavior emotional abuse? Oct 15, 2019

After months or years of being emotionally abused, you may find yourself doing behavior that resembles the same type of behavior you're a victim to. If that's the case, you can end up thinking you are also abusive, and may start believing that you perhaps you are just as bad as them, or worse.

Love and abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook at loveandabuse.com

When someone tarnishes your good name and reputation - The Smear Campaign Oct 09, 2019

The smear campaign is a card often played by narcissists, sociopaths, and other emotional abusers to make you look like the bad guy. If you're hurt and miserable, they are happy. When you're defensive and upset, they use that against you by telling everyone just how irrational you are. Handle this the wrong way, and you'll walk away defeated and unsupported by almost everyone that believes the lies. That's why it's important to learn the right way to handle this very abusive behavior.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on emotional abuse over at loveandabuse.com

If you leave me, I'll kill myself - The ultimate abuse of your empathy and compassion Sep 25, 2019

A suicide threat is the ultimate way to control an empathetic, caring person. When you're in a relationship with someone that threatens to kill themselves if you leave, you need to follow very specific steps so that 1. You aren't stuck in that relationship forever, and 2. If they're truly serious about taking their own life, you figure out a way to help them not follow through with it.

When you love the emotional abuser so much you won't leave Sep 04, 2019

When you are in love with the person mistreating you, is there a way to improve the relationship? Can you make them understand how much they're hurting you? And if you did, would it change the situation?

In this episode, I read an email from someone whose emotional abuse turned into physical abuse, but she doesn't want to leave him because she loves him so much.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

Don't show them how crazy you feel and sharing custody with the emotional abuser Aug 07, 2019

There are ways emotional abusers can make you feel crazy. They can tell you that you said something you didn't, and convince you that you did. They can tell you about a conversation you never had. They can move things on you and tell you nothing was moved.

Someone with an agenda can alter your reality so much that you might actually GO crazy. In this episode I talk about crazymaking, and also dealing with the narcissistic ex when you have shared custody of the children.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

Emotional Abuse explained for your friends, family, attorney, therapist or anyone else that may need to know what you're experiencing Aug 04, 2019

Emotional abuse victims have a very difficult time trying to explain what's happening to them to friends and family. Often, loving, supportive people may side with the abuser because they simply can't see or believe that they are bad people. This leaves the victim feeling alone, with no one to turn to because their support system slowly disappears around them.

This episode is meant to be given to family, friends, your attorney, your therapist, or anyone else that doesn't understand the depth of control and manipulation happening in your relationship. Think of it as an emotional abuse and manipulation translation guide.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on emotional abuse and manipulation, an assessment and healing guide for difficult relationships.

The toxic relationship alters your view of reality making you think your future is dark Jul 16, 2019

When you're in the thick of a toxic relationship, all you can see is a dark future with no way out. This skewed reality can actually keep you in the relationship because you think it's the best you can get.

Flushing yourself of the toxicity will help you see the brighter future there is.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

You can't fix emotional abuse, you can only heal yourself and hope they do the same Jul 10, 2019

Trying work as hard as you can to fix things you didn't break is exhausting and demoralizing. The first step to healing is realizing you're in it.

The path to repairing the relationship is for the perpetrator to discover that they are being abusive and to care enough about you to want to change.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on emotional abuse and manipulation at https://loveandabuse.com

How judgment in relationships destroys love and connection Jun 17, 2019

Judgment is the ultimate relationship destroyer. It is the key to creating a rift so wide that the relationship issues might get to the point of unresolvable.

Once you reach that stage, there's no turning back. This episode lays out some key factors in helping the judgmental person become self-aware and change their behavior before they completely destroy the relationship.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

Identifying the signs of toxic or manipulative behavior while dating May 29, 2019

It can be a challenge to see the signs of toxic behavior when you first start dating someone, especially if things seem to be going well. After all, who wouldn't want to be told they're wonderful and a dream come true?

The beginning of a relationship is a great time to assess the other person's behavior to make sure they are showing up as authentic instead of putting on an act to eventually take away your power.

Important episode no matter where you are in your relationship.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

Have they really changed or are they faking it? Learning to differentiate between true change and acting. May 27, 2019

When someone in your life claims to have changed and promises to stop behaving badly, have they truly changed or are they just pretending?

Telling the difference between the actor and the authentic person is a major step away from crazy making. Your sanity may depend on it.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

It takes two to build and one to destroy: The cheating partner works alone May 24, 2019

When the partner of a cheater carries guilt, thinking their own behavior caused the cheating, the relationship can disintegrate even further, destroying the very foundation of what's left.

The cheater works alone no matter what the partner has done. Accepting this means healing and moving on, whether the relationship survives the affair or not.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

Are they for real: Is it all lies and deception or are you just going nuts? May 17, 2019

The actor in the relationship can fool the best of us. When you can't tell what's an act and what's real, you soon start to question your own sanity.

The actor doesn't love, they control. A real partner shows empathy and wants to see you happy. It's easy to tell the difference looking at it from the outside in, but sometimes impossible to see it while you're in it.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

Emotionally abusive isolation and how it ensures you lose your friends, family, and support system May 06, 2019

Isolation occurs when someone wants to keep you from your friends, family and support structures. You will become more dependent on the one who is isolating you, causing you to seek all of your friendship, love, and support from that one person.

As you see other people less and less, control sinks in more and more. Soon, you will feel alone and completely shut out from the rest of the world.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

In love with someone that wants it both ways: Healing from the obsession over the unhealthy relationship Apr 23, 2019

Are you waiting for someone else to change so that you can get what you want?

In this episode, I talk about an email I received from a woman who fell in love with a man who went back with his wife. However, he now cheats on his wife to be with her. This has caused her to become obsessive, thinking about him all the time and waiting in pain for him to leave his wife and come back to her.

He has it both ways: A wife and family, and a mistress on the side. What is the incentive for him to change?

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

Stopping the downward spiral of unhealthy communication patterns with self-reflection Apr 22, 2019

Sometimes a conversation with a certain person always seems to lead down a path of misery. You end up feeling bad and can't figure out what happened.

These old patterns continue until you interrupt them and make sure you are reflecting on the behavior instead of blindly repeating them.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

There is nothing you could have done differently, emotional abuse would have happened anyway Apr 10, 2019

Many emotional abuse victims believe they are at fault for the abuse, as if there is behavior they did to bring it on. The short answer is there is nothing you can do to prevent it. You can't prevent a personality characteristic that is going to appear no matter what. Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

How you enable manipulative and controlling behavior by being your wonderful self Mar 27, 2019

When you are kind, generous and caring and you get controlling and manipulative in return, you may be the very cause of perpetuating such behavior without even knowing it. Your kindness could be someone else's fuel to continue treating you badly. Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

Yes, there are people that know how to control you and steal your power Mar 23, 2019

We are often told that we can choose how to feel and that no one can actually control us. However, in emotional abuse and manipulation, that concept doesn't seem to hold true at all.

In fact, it seems that we can be conned by our own brain as the manipulator finds tiny ways to break us down from the inside out.

In this episode, I share the signs of control and what you can do about it when it starts. Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

The narcissist under the hood - The difficulty of explaining emotional abuse to friends and family Mar 15, 2019

How do you tell friends and family about the emotional abuse from the narcissist when they don't see that behavior in them at all. In fact, they have a very different view of the abusive person to the point where they may actually feel sorry for them and think you're the crazy one. I talk about that on today's episode.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

Are you with a manipulative person? Mar 13, 2019

Would you know if you were being manipulated? Do you know what the look for? Manipulative people are experts are toxic language to make you feel bad about yourself. It's time to learn just how to tell if you are being manipulated or not.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

The texts after the breakup: When breadcrumbing keeps you from reaching closure Mar 12, 2019

Some people have a strange way of showing they care by sending you small messages out of the blue to get you to think about them. In reality, this is a manipulative tactic to make sure you never get them out of your mind. Breadcrumbing can happen for many reasons, but the main two reasons are:

1. The person wants to keep you as a hookup for sex

2. The person wants to make sure you can't stop thinking about them for some narcissistic high.

A sex-only relationship can be maintained if both are very clear that it's only about sex and not about getting into a relationship, and as long as there are no hurt feelings.

But if the manipulative person is continually making you think of them through messages and texts knowing that you want to be in a relationship with them, but they have no intention of committing to one with you, you are being could be being led down a painful road of hope and disappointment.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com. #loveandabuse

When manipulative people change your reality: Crazymaking and Gaslighting Mar 11, 2019

Gaslighting and crazymaking are one in the same - they are both terms to describe a person that wants you to feel crazy. They do that by causing you to distrust your own decisions and make you think that you are wrong about almost everything.

They know how to turn you from a happy, assured individual with your own thoughts and ideas into a dependent, unsure and fragile person that can't take any steps without checking in with them first. Emotional abuse is insidious in nature, but crazymaking is the ultimate perception destroyer.

If you can't trust your own perceptions, you don't even know what reality is. After some time with the crazymaker, you'll come to trust the very person causing you to distrust yourself.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com

#loveandabuse

Confusing you into submission: A common manipulation you may fall for again and again Mar 06, 2019

Have you ever sat there feeling confused, frustrated or running out of patience listening to someone talk and talk? There is actually a method manipulators use to confuse you into compliance so that they can get their way with you. It is something you may not know is happening, but once you understand it, you can predict it and even get out of it before it's too late.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook on manipulation and emotional abuse at loveandabuse.com

Remembering only the good times can sometimes perpetuate the bad times Mar 03, 2019

It takes two humble people to work at the relationship, not one that's always blaming the other. When one person is always blaming and pointing the finger at the other, and the other person tries to do the right thing, there may be a deeper issue that is unfolding that needs to be addressed sooner than later.

Selfish people just don't really care about you Feb 28, 2019

If you've ever wondered why someone could be so cruel, it's time to accept that selfish people just don't care about you. Selfish people will slowly disintegrate your self-worth, self-esteem, self-trust, self-love and self-compassion, which is everything that makes up your power. They want what they want and don't care if you care.

https://loveandabuse.com

Recognizing you are being emotionally abused when you don't see the signs Feb 27, 2019

When you can't see the symptoms or manipulation or emotional abuse, do either actually exist? Is there a way to tell when you're being emotionally mistreated? Yes. This episode talks about what to look for when you don't see the signs.

When you're constantly defending yourself Feb 19, 2019

Do you spend all your energy defending yourself with certain people? Can you never get ahead with them because they continue to paint you into a corner where you feel you have no choice but to correct them about what you've done or who you are? It may be time to stop defending yourself and start realizing exactly what the game is so you don't fall for it anymore.

Are you the manipulative one? Feb 18, 2019

What happens when you look at your relationships and think that perhaps you are the one causing the problems and that your partner or family are right about you? Are you the manipulative one? Do you need help? I think that's a great question to explore, and one to clear up too since I get this question about twice a month.

Watching out for emotional predators. Are you being brainwashed into becoming a manipulation or emotional abuse victim? Feb 15, 2019

You can be "groomed" into becoming the victim of emotional abuse or manipulation. Just like a child predator will groom his or her victim for abuse, the "emotional predator" will set you up for their control so that you become whatever they want you to become. It's a dirty game. In this episode, I compare emotional grooming to child grooming to reveal the scary similarities.

The "You're too sensitive" game Feb 14, 2019

When someone cares about you, they don't say things like "you're too sensitive" or "you're so emotional", they actually become more sensitive to your sensitivities. Don't fall for the "you're too sensitive" game, it is played by those who want to get away with their own bad behavior.

Don't dismiss the red flags of manipulation and deception Feb 14, 2019

Have you noticed the red flags but decided not to say anything? What do you do when you catch someone red handed and the red flag of deception or manipulation rears its ugly head? Do you honor your boundaries and speak up or instead choose to dismiss it thinking you must be wrong. It's important to keep your red flag radar turned on so that you don't get sucked into an a bad situation.

Introduction: The show about unhealthy communication, emotional abuse and manipulation Feb 14, 2019

Emotional abuse, manipulative communication, and lies and deception are so prevalent in the world today that it's almost impossible to go through life without meeting at least 10 people that are capable of making you into their victim. You do not have to fall prey to someone else's bad behavior and should not be subject to toxic communication without first arming yourself with knowledge. Love and Abuse is about helping you identify the poisonous behavior of people that don't have your best interest in mind. Learn to spot bad behavior so that you can make healthy decisions about the relationships in your life.

Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook: An Assessment and Healing Guide to Difficult Relationships.

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