Show notes
Content note: This episode includes discussion of childhood abuse, domestic violence, and a suicidal crisis. If you’re struggling, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline). It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7.
For so many of us, staying quiet was how we survived. When a childhood is shaped by violence, abuse, and chaos, silence becomes a kind of armor. And that armor often follows us into adulthood, into our marriages, our careers, and our drinking.
In this episode I sit down with Rich Dunning, a medical device executive, father, husband of 32 years, and author of Silence Was My First Language. Rich grew up in the Bronx surrounded by abuse, alcoholism, hunger, and periods of homelessness. He became, in his words, a father at 10 years old, caring for his siblings when no one else would. That survival instinct carried him a long way, into a successful 28-year career and a family he loved. But the pain underneath never left, and alcohol became the way he quieted it.
Rich talks about how outward success hid a deep sense of shame, and how losing his brother and his job cracked everything open. He also shares the morning his story nearly ended, and the moment his son’s voice called him back. That was his day one. Rich is now more than nine years sober, and in recovery he found a new language. He chose to publish his story so a child or teen might get help sooner than he did.
It’s a heavy conversation. But Rich’s story is a powerful reminder that childhood trauma and addiction don’t get the last word.
In This Episode
- Growing up in the Bronx, and how silence became Rich’s first language
- The counselor who saw right through him and suggested he write down his memories
- Two fractures: the death of his 20-year-old brother and losing the job that defined him
- Being called a “dog” as a child, and the imposter feelings that followed him into his career
- Paranoia, isolation, and the made-up backstory he used to hide where he came from
- The unraveling: blackouts, hidden bottles, failed rehabs, and trying to control everything
- Rock bottom, surrender, and day one of recovery
- Why he wrote the book like a novel, and why abuse awareness still matters
- Finding his voice during COVID and deciding to publish
- Amends, rebuilding trust, and honest conversations with his kids about their family history
Key Takeaways
- Silence can be a survival strategy, and it can outlive its purpose. Learning to read a room, stay invisible, and stay quiet protected Rich as a child. But carrying that armor into adulthood kept him from ever dealing with what happened to him.
- External success can mask internal collapse. Rich won national awards while drinking heavily, and strong performance made it easy for others to overlook the warning signs. When an identity rests on one role, losing that role can feel like losing yourself.
- Shame often sounds like an old voice. Called a “dog” by his stepfather for years, Rich spent most of his career feeling like an imposter waiting to be exposed. Naming where that voice came from is part of loosening its grip.
- Asking for help takes courage, and it’s the turning point. Rich’s recovery began the day he stopped hiding and said, “help me, I can’t do this anymore.” No matter how hopeless things feel, help is available.
- Trust is rebuilt through actions, not words. Recovery is an ongoing “redemption tour” of amends, self-awareness, and consistent behavior over years. It’s not a single apology.
- Honesty can break the cycle for the next generation. Rich talks openly with his adult children about their family history and genetic risk. He’s become a parent they can approach without fear or shame.
“Your past doesn’t have to define you, brother. You know, what you do right now can alter your life for the rest of your life.” (Rich Dunning)
Time Stamps
00:01 Welcome and introduction to Rich Dunning
00:52 A 15-year journey and nine years of sobriety
01:19 Silence as a first language: growing up in the Bronx
02:40 A counselor’s suggestion to write down his memories
03:36 Two fractures: his brother’s death and losing his job
07:25 What his work identity was protecting him from
09:39 Imposter feelings, paranoia, and hiding his past
11:34 Writing the book like a novel, and why abuse awareness matters
16:00 The unraveling: isolation, blackouts, and control
18:17 Rock bottom and day one of recovery
25:08 Finding his voice and deciding to publish
29:32 Rebuilding trust, making amends, and honest talks with his kids
36:51 One message for anyone who feels stuck
37:34 Where to find Rich and his book
About Rich Dunning
Rich Dunning is an author and medical device industry executive with a 28-year career. Raised in the Bronx amid abuse, violence, alcoholism, hunger, and periods of homelessness, he has been sober since 2017. His book, Silence Was My First Language, follows his journey from childhood survival through alcohol addiction and into recovery. It’s available wherever books are sold, and as an audiobook on Audible.
Connect with Rich
Resources Mentioned
- Silence Was My First Language by Rich Dunning
- NetGalley: book overview
- Literary Titan: author interview
- BookLife: book coverage
- Domestic Violence Awareness Month (October)
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, free and confidential, 24/7
Supporting Resources
- Looking for a therapist? Novus Mindful Life offers therapy for addiction, betrayal trauma, anxiety and depression, in person in Garden Grove, CA, and by telehealth in California, Idaho, Virginia, Florida and Texas. → NovusMindfulLife.com
- Healing after betrayal? Addiction can break trust in a relationship. Shame to Resilience is a guided program for both the betrayed partner and the person who caused the harm. → ShameToResilience.com
- Stay close to the work. Get new episodes, tools you can actually use, and a little hope for the hard days in your inbox. → Subscribe at TheAddictedMind.com
Listen, Follow and Review
If this conversation helped you, or helped you understand someone you love a little better, please follow The Addicted Mind and leave a rating or review. It helps someone else who’s struggling find the show.
If you’re carrying old pain in silence, or loving someone who is, keep reaching out. Help is out there, and you’re not alone. Find more episodes and resources at TheAddictedMind.com.
Follow and Review: We’d love it even more if you could drop a review or 5-star rating over on Apple Podcasts. Simply select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” then a quick line with your favorite part of the episode. It only takes a second and it helps spread the word about the podcast.
Supporting Resources:
If you live in California and are looking for counseling or therapy please check out Novus Mindful Life Counseling and Recovery Center
NovusMindfulLife.com
We want to hear from you. Leave us a message or ask us a question: https://www.speakpipe.com/addictedmind
Disclaimer
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Our TOPPODCAST Picks 
Stay Connected
