Mother Pukka

#29 CONTRACEPTION (LIVE!) Aug 13, 2019

In the FIRST-EVER live episode – recorded live at The AllBright women’s club – the female panellists share terrifying tales of baby-prevention techniques, piss-laden pregnancy tests, penis sheathing and the cost of condoms, before the men talk awkwardly about sperm to a room full of women.

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#28 BEST PARENT: Who Do Your Children Love The Least? Jul 30, 2019

Who’s the best parent and who do the kids prefer? The panel consider competitive parenting (and how Anna’s dad used a starting pistol to train her for school sports day), a lost muff and what’s in a Puritan’s lunchbox. Plus: presenting a poorly dressed baby to Kylie Minogue, and why the dads all think they’re second-choice parent.

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#27 ANGER: Grumpy Dads and Ghosting Your Family Jul 23, 2019

At look at rage issues – how to manage them in children and keep a lid on them for yourself, including: being left on the roadside by an angry parent, the 80s trend for smacking, being ‘the bigger person’ out of spite, pretending to move out and how nice it would be to have a toddler tantrum at work.

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BONUS EPISODE: Don't Wet Yourself Laughing Jul 16, 2019

In a special episode, sponsored by Lights by TENA, Anna is joined by Candice Brathwaite and the Scummy Mummies to talk about being a grown woman and accidentally weeing in your knickers. Pregnancy can do cruel things to a woman's body, but it's not just mothers who are affected: one in three women over 35 suffer with bladder weakness at some stage. So give your kegels a squeeze and tune in for a very special episode. ***Please seek medical support if you are suffering from incontinence. Pads are there to support you but the issue needs to be addressed by medical professionals.***

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#26 FREEDOM: Being the UN and Hiding in Toilets Jul 09, 2019

How long a leash should you give your nippers? And how can you maintain your independence once you have kids? The panels consider the end of ‘pottering’ as a hobby, hiding from your family in the toilet, and tea-making as a childhood right of passage.

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#25 SOCIAL MEDIA: Murky Holes and Blue Faces Jul 02, 2019

The girls consider kids and slime, the family ‘technology box’, and the lost art of speaking to strangers in bars, while the boys discuss the ‘midlife crisis blue tick’, being married to an Avatar or Smurf, and whether bullying was worse when it was punches in the playground or now, when it’s digital digs that run 24/7.

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#24 DIVORCE: The Final Frontier Jun 25, 2019

The panels consider the benefits of separating with a smile and how divorce can be good, using Nintendo devices for reconciliation, and staying married because it’s easier than filling out all the forms. So if you had to split, what would be the reason?

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#23 BODY POSITIVITY: Penis Butter and Hair Plugs Jun 18, 2019

How do you encourage tiny people to love their bodies? How do you remain fond of yours when it’s collapsing? Plus: why the increasing grotesqueness of Joe and Matt sickens midlife gun-pumper Noel, and whether body paint actually tastes better on toast.

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#22 BEST FRIENDS: I Like You Because You’re Here Jun 11, 2019

How to manage the tricky world of childhood friendships, fancying and falling out. And, perhaps more importantly, chumming up to other mums and dads because they happen to be nearby and might want a drink too.

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#21 MORTALITY: Hamsters and Heaven Jun 04, 2019

How do you explain the great hereafter to someone who can’t tie their own shoelaces? Why has Anna got a pet cemetery at the end of her family garden? And why should you avoid standing in front of a mirror next to your offspring? The series three opener begins with the big questions and how to answer (or avoid) them.

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#20 SEX ED: Cock Soup and the Fanny Hoo-haa Mar 07, 2018

It's the biggie: the end-of-season finale tackles the questions we all want to avoid - where do babies come from? What's this called? Why haven't I got one of those? The male and female panels give their take on educating small people, deflecting through ignorance, and the female equivalent of the word 'willie'.

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#19a QUICKIE: What Does Your Wife Think? Feb 28, 2018

A one-off all-male quickie (not like that) with the dad panellists confessing what their other halves think of them airing the family laundry on air.

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#19 SCHOOL OF LIFE: How to Make Clever People Feb 21, 2018

Half the panellists are dyslexic, and no-one' s really sure how phonics works, so how should we educate our small people? The panels talk home v classroom and what really matters in educashun.

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#18a QUICKIE: Conquering the Domestic Load Feb 14, 2018

A look back at episode 18, and why Matt's face is melting faster than the baddie at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

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#18 HOME FRONTS: Conquering the Domestic Load Feb 07, 2018

Who does what in the relentless doggy paddle of domestic life? The boys and girls confess to tales of strife and how to combat them, from managing basic family sustenance and hygiene to dry humping by the dryer.

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#17a QUICKIE: Navigating a World of Smut Jan 31, 2018

Matt and Anna consider the porn episode, and the lessons to be learnt from a Dutch 'hand job tutor'

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#17 PORN FREE: Navigating a World of Smut Jan 24, 2018

Is it OK to watch porn? Can it ever be a social activity or is it a strictly solo endeavour? And what on earth is cake-farting? In this episode, the panels discuss the morality of grot, the misadventures of 'friends' and the battle of print versus digital, before Noel goes in to some detail on the merits of 'hentai' (it involves eels).

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#16a QUICKIE: How to Raise a Tiny Feminist Jan 17, 2018

Matt and Anna look back at the last episode and quickly deviate to speculation about E.T.'s toilet habits.

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#16 BOYS & GIRLS: How to Raise a Tiny Feminist Jan 10, 2018

The panels get worthy (very briefly) as they discuss kids and feminism and trying to keep their tiny people chauvinism free. Also contains gags about genitals.

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NEW YEAR'S QUICKIE: So now what? Jan 03, 2018

Matt and Anna compare notes on their Christmas and fail to make any resolutions.

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CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: A Survival Guide Dec 27, 2017

To mark the festive perineum (the bit between Christmas and New Year) the panels discuss family survival techniques, best times for boozing and racist relatives.

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CHRISTMAS QUICKIE: A Festive Tale Dec 20, 2017

Boy podcaster Noel has written a festive poem for his daughters, the big soppy. So, as a one-off quickie special, we have the world premier of Cherry and Violet Save Christmas with Farts.

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#14 CROWD CONTROL: Other People's Children Dec 13, 2017

You're genetically programmed to love your own kids, but how to cope with other people's? Is it ok to wrestle a stranger's child? Do you swerve the snot-encrusted spawn of others entirely? How should you react to being bitten in the groin by a toddler? The panels give their verdicts and own sorry experiences.

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#13a QUICKIE: From Parent to Referee Dec 06, 2017

A look back at episode 13 becomes the first ever solo QUICKIE.

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#13 SIBLING RIVALRY: From Parent to Referee Nov 29, 2017

When the family triangle becomes a square (or even a pentagon) how does the first child react? How can you make your kids friends when one's trying you eat the other? The panel tackle the travails of siblings.

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#12a QUICKIE: Your Family and Social Media Nov 22, 2017

Anna and Matt look back at episode 12 before the conversation deteriorates to cover emergency toilet paper alternatives.

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#12 SOCIAL STIGMA: Your Family and Social Media Nov 15, 2017

Is it OK to plaster your nippers all over your social feeds? What about 'outing' your mother as a closet lesbian on Facebook, just for the lols? The panels consider the big questions about 'sharenting'.

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QUICKIE: Drinking Around Children Nov 09, 2017

Welcome to Dirty Mother Pukka Quickies. No panels here, just Mother Pukka (Anna) and Papa Pukka (Matt), huddled in their kitchen and hiding from their children for a look back at the last episode.

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#11 BOTTOMS UP: Drinking Around Children Nov 01, 2017

Parenting is it's own reward, but booze also helps. Has 'gin o'clock' gone too far though? The panels discuss what's OK, what's not, and the morality of spiking white russians with breast milk.

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BONUS - NATASHA: The Best of Season 1 Oct 25, 2017

With only one more week to go until the launch of Season 2, we take a look back at all of Natasha's LOL moments...

PARENTING THE SH*T OUT OF LIFE - Out Now!

The Sunday Times Bestseller
"Hilarious ... a must-read" - The Sun
"Snort-tea-through-nose funny" - Cherry Healey, author of Letters to my Fanny

Mother Pukka and Papa Pukka at last offer you this: a book that will not help you grow or raise a human successfully. But this is a book that might, if you're not too emotionally battered - and can see past the permanent eye twitch - help you laugh a little more than you cry.

Read more at MotherPukka.co.uk

Follow us on Instagram @mother_pukka and @papa_pukka

Design by Season of Victory

Music by Matt J Brown from WeAreOk.com

Sound by Robbie Macinnes

Produced by Robbie Macinnes & Sam Shetabi

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BONUS - NOEL: The Best of Season 1 Oct 18, 2017

Season 2 is right around the corner, so here's another look back at our favourite bits from our first season. Take it away, Noel!

PARENTING THE SH*T OUT OF LIFE - Out Now!

The Sunday Times Bestseller
"Hilarious ... a must-read" - The Sun
"Snort-tea-through-nose funny" - Cherry Healey, author of Letters to my Fanny

Mother Pukka and Papa Pukka at last offer you this: a book that will not help you grow or raise a human successfully. But this is a book that might, if you're not too emotionally battered - and can see past the permanent eye twitch - help you laugh a little more than you cry.

Read more at MotherPukka.co.uk

Follow us on Instagram @mother_pukka and @papa_pukka

Design by Season of Victory

Music by Matt J Brown from WeAreOk.com

Sound by Robbie Macinnes

Produced by Robbie Macinnes & Sam Shetabi

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

BONUS − POLLY: The Best of Season 1 Oct 11, 2017

The next season of Dirty Mother Pukka is just round the corner, so here's some of our favourite moments from our first 10 episodes. This week it's time to look back at the outrageous best bits from our favourite potty-mouth, Polly!

PARENTING THE SH*T OUT OF LIFE - Out Now!

The Sunday Times Bestseller
"Hilarious ... a must-read" - The Sun
"Snort-tea-through-nose funny" - Cherry Healey, author of Letters to my Fanny

Mother Pukka and Papa Pukka at last offer you this: a book that will not help you grow or raise a human successfully. But this is a book that might, if you're not too emotionally battered - and can see past the permanent eye twitch - help you laugh a little more than you cry.

Read more at MotherPukka.co.uk

Follow us on Instagram @mother_pukka and @papa_pukka

Design by Season of Victory

Music by Matt J Brown from WeAreOk.com

Sound by Robbie Macinnes

Produced by Robbie Macinnes & Sam Shetabi

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

BONUS − JOE: The Best of Season 1 Oct 04, 2017

In anticipation from an all-new season of Dirty Mother Pukka, we've put together some best bits from Season 1 for your enjoyment! This week, we've gathered our favourite moments from our favourite bearded northerner. Take it away, Joe!

PARENTING THE SH*T OUT OF LIFE - Out Now!

The Sunday Times Bestseller
"Hilarious ... a must-read" - The Sun
"Snort-tea-through-nose funny" - Cherry Healey, author of Letters to my Fanny

Mother Pukka and Papa Pukka at last offer you this: a book that will not help you grow or raise a human successfully. But this is a book that might, if you're not too emotionally battered - and can see past the permanent eye twitch - help you laugh a little more than you cry.

Read more at MotherPukka.co.uk

Follow us on Instagram @mother_pukka and @papa_pukka

Design by Season of Victory

Music by Matt J Brown from WeAreOk.com

Sound by Robbie Macinnes

Produced by Robbie Macinnes & Sam Shetabi

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

#10 STICK OR TWIST: Going For The Second Child Jul 26, 2017

As they say, double your pleasure, double your fun. But how do you double-down on your offspring while keeping your shit together? In the last episode of this series, our panels give their two cents on baby number two.

PRE-ORDER OUR NEW BOOK, PARENTING THE SH*T OUT OF LIFE!

Mother Pukka and Papa Pukka at last offer you this: a book that will not help you grow or raise a human successfully. But this is a book that might, if you're not too emotionally battered - and can see past the permanent eye twitch - help you laugh a little more than you cry.

"Parenting The Sh*t Out Of Life: For people who happen to be parents (or might be soon)" - Publishing September 2017

Read more at MotherPukka.co.uk

Follow us on Instagram @mother_pukka and @papa_pukka

Pre-order our book on Amazon

Design by Season of Victory

Music by Matt J Brown from WeAreOk.com

Sound by Robbie Macinnes

Produced by Robbie Macinnes & Sam Shetabi

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

#9 TRUE ROMANCE: How To Keep The Love Alive Once The Baby's Arrived Jul 19, 2017

Post-baby, is romance a labour of love? In this episode, we ask our panels how to keep the romance alive when couples make the shift from girlfriend and boyfriend, to mum and dad.

PRE-ORDER OUR NEW BOOK, PARENTING THE SH*T OUT OF LIFE!

Mother Pukka and Papa Pukka at last offer you this: a book that will not help you grow or raise a human successfully. But this is a book that might, if you're not too emotionally battered - and can see past the permanent eye twitch - help you laugh a little more than you cry.

"Parenting The Sh*t Out Of Life: For people who happen to be parents (or might be soon)" - Publishing September 2017

Read more at MotherPukka.co.uk

Follow us on Instagram @mother_pukka and @papa_pukka

Pre-order our book on Amazon

Design by Season of Victory

Music by Matt J Brown from WeAreOk.com

Sound by Robbie Macinnes

Produced by Robbie Macinnes & Sam Shetabi

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

#8 SEXUAL HEALING: Love, Sex & Baby Jul 12, 2017

Oh baby! If giving birth wasn't enough to put you off sex for life, at some point normal bedtime service will be resumed. In this smut-tastic episode, we see how our panels got back down to business as usual now they have a screaming baby in tow.

PRE-ORDER OUR NEW BOOK, PARENTING THE SH*T OUT OF LIFE!

Mother Pukka and Papa Pukka at last offer you this: a book that will not help you grow or raise a human successfully. But this is a book that might, if you're not too emotionally battered - and can see past the permanent eye twitch - help you laugh a little more than you cry.

"Parenting The Sh*t Out Of Life: For people who happen to be parents (or might be soon)" - Publishing September 2017

Read more at MotherPukka.co.uk

Follow us on Instagram @mother_pukka and @papa_pukka

Pre-order our book on Amazon

Design by Season of Victory

Music by Matt J Brown from WeAreOk.com

Sound by Robbie Macinnes

Produced by Robbie Macinnes & Sam Shetabi

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

#7 REALITY CHECK: Adjusting Physically (& Mentally) Jul 05, 2017

Raising a human comes with its fair share of strain on new parents - trust us, we’ve all been there. In this episode, our mamas and papas talk frankly about about body and mind. Strength.

Read more at MotherPukka.co.uk

Follow us on Instagram @mother_pukka and @papa_pukka

Design by Season of Victory

Music by Matt J Brown from WeAreOk.com

Sound by Robbie Macinnes

Produced by Robbie Macinnes & Sam Shetabi

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

#6 RETURN TO SENDER: The First Few Weeks Jun 28, 2017

So you're recovering from the shell shock of birth, and now it's time to face the music - it's baby time. In this episode, we reflect on those first few weeks with the fresh spawn, and the things we learned (and mistakes we made) when baby finally dropped.

Read more at MotherPukka.co.uk

Follow us on Instagram @mother_pukka and @papa_pukka

Design by Season of Victory

Music by Matt J Brown from WeAreOk.com

Sound by Robbie Macinnes

Produced by Robbie Macinnes & Sam Shetabi

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

#5 SPLASHDOWN: The Birth Jun 14, 2017

THIS IS NOT A DRILL! It’s the big one... labour. In this episode, the mummy and daddy panels give us their take on the “best” day of their lives. We talk NCT, mucus plugs and the so-called beauty of finally giving birth.

Read more at MotherPukka.co.uk

Follow us on Instagram @mother_pukka and @papa_pukka

Design by Season of Victory

Music by Matt J Brown from WeAreOk.com

Sound by Robbie Macinnes

Produced by Robbie Macinnes & Sam Shetabi

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

#4 KNOCKED UP: Early Pregnancy Jun 07, 2017

The 9 month clock is ticking...(only 18 more years to go). In this episode we talk antenatal classes, announcements, and how new mamas and papas react to the tidal wave of hormones sent to help us parent!

Read more at MotherPukka.co.uk

Follow us on Instagram @mother_pukka and @papa_pukka

Design by Season of Victory

Music by Matt J Brown from WeAreOk.com

Sound by Robbie Macinnes

Produced by Robbie Macinnes & Sam Shetabi

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

#3 A RIGHT SHAG: Trying To Get Pregnant May 24, 2017

Whether you're shrewd shaggers or at it like rabbits, when it comes to having a baby you can't help but become obsessive bean counters. In this episode, our panels get down and dirty and tell us their conception stories.

Read more at MotherPukka.co.uk

Follow us on Instagram @mother_pukka and @papa_pukka

Design by Season of Victory

Music by Matt J Brown from WeAreOk.com

Sound by Robbie Macinnes

Produced by Robbie Macinnes & Sam Shetabi

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

#2 SLAM SPUNK: Bonking With Intent May 10, 2017

Trying can be trying. How do you transition from casual sex to a permanent mating partner and then full-on baby making? In this episode we ask our panel of women, and our panel of men, about the t-word... "trying".

Read more at MotherPukka.co.uk

Follow us on Instagram @mother_pukka and @papa_pukka

Design by Season of Victory

Music from Epidemic Sound

Sound by Robbie Macinnes

Produced by Sam Shetabi

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

#1 CHECK MATE: The Years B.C. (Before Child) May 03, 2017

Breeding has to start somewhere. So for this first episode of Dirty Mother Pukka, we start the parenting journey at the very beginning and ask: how did you pick your 'mate'?

Was it love at first sight? Were they The One? Or would David Attenborough have been on the sidelines saying, “and here we have the primitive male, making his lumbering advance across the sticky floor of Northampton’s Ritzy”?

To answer this pressing anthropological question we have a stellar panel of women and a stellar panel of men, giving you both sides of the parental divide.

Read more at MotherPukka.co.uk

Follow us on Instagram @mother_pukka and @papa_pukka

Design by Season of Victory

Music from Epidemic Sound

Sound by Robbie Macinnes

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.