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You Can’t Do That — Hockey
You Can’t Do That

A podcast about hockey from three women who have more opinions than information and LOTS of feelings about the Washington Capitals. These enthusiastically self-righteous idiots aren’t here to win – they’re here to make friends! (And talk about which hockey players are cats and which are dogs.) Join Eva, Kelly, and Rave for jokes and yelling about the latest league headlines, player antics, and more.

Copyright: © Never Not Media, LLC 2023

Latest Episodes:

#229: Farewell, Crapper Oct 13, 2026

Show notes

"This is Cognitive Dissonance: Ignore It: The Sport." We're back, babes! Rave, Kelly, and Eva gather to assess the overall state of the Washington Capitals, evaluate our newest boys (and boys who aren't new but who we lowkey forgot about, sorry to those boys), review Kelly's notes from the Caps-Pens home opener, and share a big announcement. This episode was recorded on October 11, 2026. Timecodes: (2:48) Experience Cuppage | (9:29) New Caps! | (47:21) First few Caps games of the season

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Official Trailer: Season 10 Oct 12, 2026

Show notes

We're baaaaaaaack.

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#228: Jarv-Pilled Jun 19, 2026

Show notes

"'Scenes From A Hat' ass." Shocking no one, Eva, Kelly, and Rave cheered as the Carolina Hurricanes stomped on Vegas (and Carter Hart) to win the Stanley Cup, and became fully Jarv-pilled in the process. Also on the docket: Dylan Larkin, PWHL roster supremacy, and - yep, it's that time again - the combine. This episode was recorded on June 16, 2026.

Timecodes: (4:07) Pool Without a Ladder | (9:37) Stanley Cup Finals | (44:41) Elsewhere in the NHL/PWHL

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#227: High-Danger Goofin' Jun 05, 2026

Show notes

"Matt! No!!" Is there a worse Cup Finals matchup for this particular podcast than Vegas vs. Carolina? Kelly, Eva, and Rave give this question the sincere deliberation it deserves…but not before checking in on several more compelling topics, including Team Finland, the Montreal Victoire, and Evgeni Malkin. This episode was recorded on June 2, 2026.

Timecodes: (3:06) Summer Camp Catalog | (18:07) Worlds & the PWHL | (41:45) The Stanley Cup Finals

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#226: The Upsides May 22, 2026

Show notes

"Look how muscles he is." The second round of the playoffs has left Rave, Eva, and Kelly perturbed and disappointed tbqh!! Time to choose the lesser of several evils and check in on the relative villainy levels of Jakub Dobeš, John Tortorella, the PWHL's compliment sandwich, and the Canucks' new president(s) of hockey ops. This episode was recorded on May 19, 2026.

Timecodes: (3:22) Glory to the Whelk King | (11:02) Playoffs Round 2 | (46:50) Conf Finals | (1:04:00) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#225: It's Curtains, Girl! May 09, 2026

Show notes

"It galls an old bitch." LOFFS TIME. Eva, Kelly, and Rave eulogize the first-round fallen and make irresponsible predictions about what’s to come in their usual even-handed, well-informed, and anti-Vegas way. Plus: Kelly weighs in on the latest Leafs news from the suffocating darkness of Canucks Corner. This episode was recorded on May 7, 2026.

Timecodes: (4:36) Baseball Nickname Generator | (11:57) Playoffs Round 1 | (54:50) Playoffs Round 2 | (1:16:57) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#224: Not Ovi Til It's Ovi Apr 17, 2026

Show notes

"Go die with him!" Kelly, Eva, and Rave are serving up some piping hot copium about the retirement or non-retirement of our load-bearing Russian machine. Grab a glass, friends. Also on the docket: dragging the Leafs organization for filth in the public square, reminiscing about our early love for the Avs, and assessing the first-round playoffs matchups based on criteria we made up a second ago. This episode was recorded on April 15, 2026.

Timecodes: (5:56) Don't Let the Pigeon | (13:40) Caps chat | (20:20) Sid and Ovi...and Geno | (48:23) Playoffs preview | (1:06:30) Leafs exposé!

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#223: Problematic Age Caps Mar 31, 2026

Show notes

"Exhausted AND fatigued." Alexander Ovechkin keeps breaking records but he's got more important things to worry about, and so do Rave, Kelly, and Eva. Things like: All our new Caps babies! And CHILIGATE. And organ transplants. This episode was recorded on March 28, 2026.

Timecodes: (5:06) Most Eligible Bachelors of Atchison, Kansas | (16:17) Caps chat | (53:33) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#222: Farewell to the Friendship Factory Mar 17, 2026

Show notes

"Don't hang up!!" Eva, Rave, and Kelly have a lot to process about the fact that TWO load-bearing Washington Capitals were traded away for [what feels like] PENNIES on the dollar. Meanwhile, former Capital Radko Gudas is enemy #1 of the weary ghost of what used to be the Toronto Leafs. Maybe Ricky Rain Frog can cheer everyone up? This episode was recorded on March 15, 2026.

Timecodes: (7:15) Sympathy Weasel | (14:35) Caps chat | (55:04) Elsewhere in the NHL

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#221: Wife War Mar 03, 2026

Show notes

"Get PooCrave'd." Of all the dead wives in our motion pictures, Sidney Crosby is the most beautiful and powerful, and Kelly, Eva, and Rave have the funeral wreaths to prove it. But first: the good (PLD is BACK), the bad (the p*wer pl*y, always), and the ugly (Connor McDavid's humiliation ritual). This episode was recorded on March 1, 2026.

Timecodes: (3:41) Our Dead Wife Sidney Crosby | (17:45) Caps chat | (36:35) Elsewhere in hockey

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