Childproof

Latest Episodes:

It’s All Millennials Fault. All of It. Oct 07, 2026

Show notes

If you don’t like this episode of Childproof, it’s probably our fault. Not because we’re the hosts and responsible for making this show listenable but because we’re millennials. We ruin everything else. Apparently. Listen, we’d love to retire. We’re trying. We really just want to be left alone with our children. Be those children, pets, or plants. Please, we’re begging you. Forget us. Remember Gen X. Forget the millennials. We’re tired. We’re very very tired. Oh and there was some stuff about linguistics again because apparently we can’t leave it alone. And more emails because everyone loves emails.

We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us: Childproofmail@gmail.com

⁠Join our Patreon for pre-show bonus content⁠

Video version of ⁠Childproof available on Youtube ⁠

Be sure to check out our other show ⁠⁠Founded⁠⁠

Childproof is a part of the Airwave Media network. Please contact ⁠advertising@airwavemedia.com⁠ if you would like to advertise on our podcast

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Parenting Linguistics? Sep 23, 2026

Show notes

Do you call it a trolley, a buggy, or a cart? Soda, pop, or coke? On this episode of Childproof we discuss language quirks, regional dialects, and, just for a little bit, remember this is a parenting podcast and somehow pigeonhole our random off-topic wanderings back into the parenting communication sphere. If your kid is developing an accent, do you teach them a neutral pronunciation anyway?

We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us: Childproofmail@gmail.com

⁠Join our Patreon for pre-show bonus content⁠

Video version of ⁠Childproof available on Youtube ⁠

Be sure to check out our other show ⁠⁠Founded⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Into The School Year Sep 09, 2026

Show notes

Ever feel like the days bleed together and you’re not sure how time works anymore? That’s how Tori and Gwenna felt most of the summer. Tuesday? What is that? Feels fake. But now that school is back in session, time has gone less wibbly wobbly. It’s not making more sense because it’s still kids and those, generally speaking, rarely make sense. (Well, by adult standards anyway, but we aren’t ready for that conversation…). Also for the record, Gwenna would like it known these Show descriptions have begun to blur and she no longer knows what she’s supposed to be doing with them. Hence this one looking like…*this*?

We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us: Childproofmail@gmail.com

⁠Join our Patreon for pre-show bonus content⁠

Video version of ⁠Childproof available on Youtube ⁠

Be sure to check out our other show ⁠⁠Founded⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are We Raising Villains? Aug 26, 2026

Show notes

On this episode of Childproof, Parasocial Parenting, we discuss if our kids are actually growing up to be villains and how to successfully tell our children they actually suck. (Well, not that they suck but that their book is really very bad.) There’s a muddy bit in the beginning where we distracted ourselves with weather but if you slog through that bit, it gets better.

We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us: Childproofmail@gmail.com

⁠Join our Patreon for pre-show bonus content⁠

Video version of ⁠Childproof available on Youtube ⁠

Be sure to check out our other show ⁠⁠Founded⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

K-Pop Demon Hunters Backpacks Will Ruin Us Aug 12, 2026

Show notes

It’s our back to school not at all special perfectly regular episode because while the children are returning to school, we didn’t actually put any effort into making a special to celebrate. We’ve just been trying to survive the last vestiges of summer. From the battles we know we’re about to fight about backpacks to tainted school pick up mirror tags to a whole bunch of other stuff we had no idea we were going to bring up, we’re talking back to school. (And for those of you with September returns to the the classroom. Strength and honor are yours.)

Gwenna’s newest book

We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us: Childproofmail@gmail.com

⁠Join our Patreon for pre-show bonus content⁠

Video version of ⁠Childproof available on Youtube ⁠

Be sure to check out our other show ⁠⁠Founded⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Summertime Sadness? Jul 29, 2026

Show notes

Having kids doesn’t magically make you immune to depression, seasonal or otherwise. And no one wants to believe you when you say summertime makes you sad. But we believe you. We believe you because we also get the summertime SADS. This episode we discuss parenting while blue, while struggling, while barely hanging on and still getting stuff done. It’s okay to not be okay. You do need to reach out for help. And sometimes just mentioning “I’m not okay” is the hardest step to endure.

We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us: Childproofmail@gmail.com

⁠Join our Patreon for pre-show bonus content⁠

Video version of ⁠Childproof available on Youtube ⁠

Be sure to check out our other show ⁠⁠Founded⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Facetime? Jul 15, 2026

Show notes

Today's episode of Childproof is brought to you by Gwenna and Tori taking a little summertime break. Please enjoy hearing a preview of our preshows, we'll be back again with regular episodes next time.

We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us: Childproofmail@gmail.com

⁠Join our Patreon for pre-show bonus content⁠

Video version of ⁠Childproof available on Youtube ⁠

Be sure to check out our other show ⁠⁠Founded⁠⁠

Childproof is a part of the Airwave Media network. Please contact ⁠advertising@airwavemedia.com⁠ if you would like to advertise on our podcast

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Baby Time? Jul 01, 2026

Show notes

Parenting via email. That’s what the podcast is now. And this episode covers chalk-covered mascots, a discussion on if we love our kids enough, when is the right time to have a baby (and no, neither of us is pregnant. Both of us are fixed, thank you.), and when and how to work through big feelings with your kids.

We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us: Childproofmail@gmail.com

⁠Join our Patreon for pre-show bonus content⁠

Video version of ⁠Childproof available on Youtube ⁠

Be sure to check out our other show ⁠⁠Founded⁠⁠

Childproof is a part of the Airwave Media network. Please contact ⁠advertising@airwavemedia.com⁠ if you would like to advertise on our podcast

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Toddlers & Teenagers Jun 17, 2026

Show notes

On this episode of Childproof: Parasocial Parenting we discuss mushroom allergies, mascots that are not in any way shape or form mascots but Gwenna nicknames everything inappropriately, and how toddlers and teenagers are alike but different. Also we discuss how gentle parenting doesn’t mean never being mean. It just means being mean with purpose and intent and realizing that your kids can be mad even if you’re being gentle. This week’s mascot is the weird leaf bowl apparently common in Germany. Germany, sound off…is this yours? Is there one of these sitting in your home somewhere? Are you German or of German heritage? We need to know.

We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us: Childproofmail@gmail.com

⁠Join our Patreon for pre-show bonus content⁠

Video version of ⁠Childproof available on Youtube ⁠

Be sure to check out our other show ⁠⁠Founded⁠⁠

Childproof is a part of the Airwave Media network. Please contact ⁠advertising@airwavemedia.com⁠ if you would like to advertise on our podcast

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Very Dangerous Butterflies Jun 03, 2026

Show notes

The start of summer means more kids everywhere. If your kids aren’t in school yet you have no sympathy. We understand. But ours are home and we love them very much and miss quiet things and alone time. Two things can be true. This episode we talk about acceptable risks, overprotecting, sticker books, a dog dressed as a butterfly, and projects and assignments neither Tori nor Gwenna have done.

We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us: Childproofmail@gmail.com

⁠Join our Patreon for pre-show bonus content⁠

Video version of ⁠Childproof available on Youtube ⁠

Be sure to check out our other show ⁠⁠Founded⁠⁠

Childproof is a part of the Airwave Media network. Please contact ⁠advertising@airwavemedia.com⁠ if you would like to advertise on our podcast

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices