Official Podcast of the Cum Boys. Hosted by Nick Mullen (@nickmullen) and Stavros Halkias (@stavcomedy), two PROFESSIONAL comedians, folks. Also featuring Adam Friedland (the girl of the show).
Here's the Latest Episode from Cum Town:
push the bitches out hte way here come the boys
Mayor pete acting more like mayor... bleep? more on cum town
someone said its a phase problem. dunno what that means or how to fix it
even the classico cant get it poppin like the old days
Pocacuntas morelike boys am i RIGHT??
Alright brother hell yea
Is 2020. Damn that feels bad ass to asy
ladies and gentlemen, Chris Rock
and ill suck you right off
loving the gear
we heard your complaints, and we ignored them
happy thanksgiving everyone
Former truck boy Dylan Shelton joins us to discuss his independent film "Coons!," which he had to change the name of, and i forgot what they changed the name to. Check out the movie, available wherever he says it is in the episode because I can't remember what he said
everyone feels bad. everyone riffs hard
Goodbye to baseball, hello to becoming fat
lets make it happen
Gimme that squash boi
im da joka baby
i aint answerin no questions
my back hurts so god damn bad
HEY EVERY BADDY MEET OUR NEW HOST, CHANG GILIS
With stav gone and all of my fat friends in the hospital, we attempt a dangerous formula
Stars as ... wait for it... Gay Hercules
We're seeing adam off to the airport, so he can go to san diego to dress up like that girl from the video game.
Can you tell me how to get, how to get to big bitch street
Scumbag Vinny returns for his redemption arc
What is it, gun christmas??
And its free bluechew for everyone
man is destroyed, man is set free, man is reborn
it is all being revealed. and crypto has returned. and soon we will all walk together into the light
Just a little bit longer
Almost back on track here folks
Our first live show from back in the day, this was before stav was on the podcast and it was just me and and two girls who talk about sex
This is a different podcast now
im gonna go real crazy getting mad about a show for babies. start talking about western culture. im gonna piss my pants and have to wear diapers. im gonna make sure the diapers are racist
Also featuring characters: indian picard, and chinese maury. copyright cum town
RIP to the king of all kings, don simpson. this is not the anniversary of his death and its not related to anything else i just remembered him
i got to the part where arthur dies. i want to die like that. cool cough disease, huge beard, everyone telling me im a good guy even though im not
stav is in the hospital and my back hurts and im sleepy because we dont have universal healthcare
too early for sleepy adam
rip to the church
im sick everyone feel bad for me
its a ripoff but there are a couple of cool things there
wow im pissed and racist
RIP to a real one
Or did bam kill us?
MACK WELDON PROMO CODE: CUMTOWN20
Gene DiNapoli, owner of Gene DiNapoli's Central Stage Showroom And Event Venue in Yonkers, NY joins us to discuss Elvis, the Sopranos, and the nature of the beast (showbusiness). Also featuring bam margera and his friend. Also the return of our beloved sponsor Mack Weldon.
the movie My Girl, but its a young macauley caulkin and hes talking like an old black guy, saying shit like "my girl? yeah my girl she got that fat pussy nshit, lookin like it be stung by some fuckin bees nshit"
I cant keep track of which episode is which. I'm sure i spent the whole episode talking about jussie again
chelsea clinton EXPOSED for being anti jewish anti semite, wants to kill all jews. chelsea PROMISES new holocaust if hillary elected
stavs back baby. baby back ribs. bbq sauce
im doing fake news now
brendan eyre joins us again. listen to the rad dude podcast: https://www.patreon.com/raddudecast
hey guys cool adam here with some cool things to say
an african guy who loves popeyes chicken but he pronounces it "poop ass chicken"
im getting back into reality tv
this is the only show that makes me feel anything
Sarg it please
dam that movie was funny as hell lol
its over folks ive made all the clothes
bonnie mcfarlane comes on and says a bunch of really racist stuff about immigrants and we set her straight
holding my cowboy hat to my chest as i eat a strange womans VUHgina
lost in new york
whats in my ass
se episada de bublios de cuma originalli. prego abrodonzzia mi penes et mi balls
how to speak australian
tell me if u know, how they suck dick in tokyo
good afternoon you've reached the desk of D'Jia Nasdaq-Jones I'm not available right now please leave a message
i tell you ass what
the episode is late because im getting back into the sopranos and didn't have time to upload it before i finished the first season again today. i like the show because tony is a mental health guy like me. cum town will also cut to black at some point.
we recorded this before the sesame street drama. once again ive willed controversy into existence. featuring greg stone
we didn't make the r2 me too joke on the show i just thought of it now while naming the episode and damn do i wanna riff that shit out
brendan eyre (a white man who is good at stand up) joins us and we figure out his name. I think its pronounced like Gayer. he also has a podcast with two guys i also think should be making more money
Looks like the boys are back in town lol
And she gets that cheesy ass boipussy
i dont remember this episode or what happened. im still brain gay. we did one with soder today tho for the premium feed that i had a lot of fun doing so just wait for that instead probably. also i now firmly believe the world is secretly controlled by homosexual jesuits
well i cured myself without a doctor, once again
we call someone gay i think
i've never been more disappointed in the fanbase than i am this week. you really didn't need to bully those poor sp men
its my ass hole, dont touch it or look at it
You brought this on yourselves
DO u know the DIFFERENCE between a freakin PODCAST and a PODCAST AND UPLOADS? n stuff. maybe you should learn before you talk im sure your wife did wen i had sax with her twat freakin 162 times nstuff. happy back surgery day
sorry i slipped real bad and fucked up the sd card so we had to redo the episode. this one isnt as good as the other one we did please take my word for it
can you solve my dick?
why dont you cross your lips on this word right here bitch
I show yall how tv writers work
Asterios Kokinos joins us to explain the biggest internet lawsuit of all time.
this one is really bad. it happens sometimes. maybe its the rain
theyre bringing it back and we can tbe more excited
gotta switch podcast hosts
lol theres been 100 episodes of this
I got a haircut, i like it
adam is 31 now lol
Sorry i accidentally ate a bunch of wax paper last night and had to sleep it off
Didn't really discuss this on the show but I consider it a personal win for me.
Tim Dillon Me and Stav for a power hour
We come up with ideas for new museums.
The boys are back together again but im mad about the weather.
Stav got his tooth removed lol. Adam is still gone. Soon this podcast is just going to be Norman Wilkerson sending you all links to Reason and telling you about his sons.
Well its the original boys and no guest. We had fun on this one folks. It's kind of nice to just say dumb shit without someone interupting with a story about israel or getting a hand job from a chinese or whatever.
Last chance for the computer
We doin kawate up in dis mofucka
Well we're big dick terrotiroy now folks. I plugged the damn zoom into the laptop and we recorded thsi shit directly into logic. So who's a "fucking retard" now? Not me, is what I mean. I mean I'm sure there's someone out there that is. Theres nothing wrong with that. But hes not me.
Edited this one on a different computer it might soud fucked up
Brimming with confidence Adam can't wait to prove how essential he is to the show, with one of our funniest, highest energy shows to date.
its just fucked up idk. its not my fault. featuring ian fidance
gettin your tube hogged down and off by a whores box
Uptown cum boy petey deabreu fills in for stavros who got stuck in the fort mchenry tunnel after eating too much baklava
i had to run uptown on business this morning and couldnt upload the episode on time. im sorry folks. one of these days ill be dead and the podcast wont upload at all. keep in mind that ill be dead soon. im going to die soon everyone
Patreon has reversed their decision to jack up prices on the customer end, in no small part due to my status as 1) tier one operator 2) financial maven. Cheers to everyone becoming rich off crypto this week. Please spend that money buying the premium episodes now that they're fairly priced again.
From now on im only doing the show with my 140lb weight vest on, which I consider a battle treasure from my war with the post office, whomst refused to deliver it.
Stav and adam are gone so we did another one of these.
we were gonna have ian on to make fun of him but he was busy or something
I guess the form is fucked up and it just keeps refreshing? I dont know. anyhow there's more pedophile shit happening every day. we recorded this an hour before sheen raped haim and now we're behind another pedophile
halewen. how do you do it
This is waht it sounds like (retarded guy voice) duh im the left lol. i go poo poo and pee pee. lol
Im going back to los angeles for the weekend. I missed it after all.
Another low energy night ep for those fans that enjoy it when we can't think of anything to talk about
damn i fucking nailed the episode name this week i dont even think a description is necessary
black beans pinto beans pink beans. who the fuck is eating pink beans am i right? why wouldnt you choose a cooler bean. this is a sneak peak at some of the new stand up ive been working on.
sorry i didn't upload this last night i think i ate fish that went bad and i had to lay down
You probably thought we had something big planned for episode 69 but the truth is i think 69/420 jokes aren't funny and they annoy me. Sorry to derail the episode description there but it's true. It's not a good joke. also it would have been cool if it synced up with 9/11. sike it wouldn't have. 9/11 was a huge tragedy and a lot of guys with mustaches like mine died
I made the show good again via the power of technology. This is how were gonna bring steve jobs back.
Comedieja Jake Flores rejundo de ninos del Coume para un hora de chatasa abooto el meurto unfortunada de Rich Piana. Por que Rich muerta? Esta becasa he tengo steroids? No se. Esta becasa Rich viva la vida loca.
I got so excited about stav being out of town I forgot to upload the episode. (in reality my comptuer did that "windows updating" shit where it decides you don't have any work to do for the next four hours and then windows comes back and it looks like the same old piece of shit windows it was before)
*sniff* yeah was doin drywall all day didn't have time to upload the pdocast. if u got a problem with it you can meet me in the home deep lot nex to the empanada truck. im the guatamalan guy wearing the blue flame beanieand the skateboarding spiderman hoodie.
Sofrep combat operators only. Do NOT steal my valor or i WILL be tactically forced to officially fuck you up
we do an analysis of the new press officer Tony Scaramucci. usually we don't do the news on this show but this guy seems important so were gonna spend the hole episode talking about him because people are gonna want to know more about this guy. has anyone pointed out to me yet that hes italian. maybe you could be the first to do that
Ill tell you some shit them boys up in Albany don't want you to know
The boys name a couple of business that they remember going to but cant remember some of them. some of them went out of business. theres other stuff we mention i think. hechts was one of the places. i think there used to be a furniture store that had a name but i cant remember what the name of it was.
We get heavy into some alphabet shit on this one I think. I can't remember. Sorry, we're prerecording episodes again for this week until I'm back from my racist trip to San Diego for the Gender Binary Conference
Adam debut's his brand new bit, about the marmaduke comic, that definitely no one has said before. it's an original idea
we find out adams gay once an for all
I went to see the wonder woman movie with chapo. Theyre doing a review of the show. I did my own. Here's my take: it's gay. it gets three gays down.
I guess some Bernie Bro shot up the mayors offiice or some shit so we talk about it, political style.
Coming in hot off a big week in n-word news, I distance myself from n-word using culture.
Were debuting some new characters we've been working on - Gay Guy, mexican guy who is trying to go to the bathroom bu he cant because his dick is too small, Doctor Retard.
We had to redo this one. It was adam's fault. If you like weekend episodes though, the premium episodes (patreon.com/cumtown) are always uploaded on the weekend, except for when i forget to upload them, or when I delete the episode by accident
The last of the Cum Town West series. I go home tomorrow. It's over boys. We got through this.
Welp just another week and then I can go home folks. Just one more week.
Cum Town West hosts Dana Bell and Jamel Johnson join me for a meandering conversation about television and amusement parks. I'm home in three weeks. Hang in there everyone.
While looking through the SD card for this weeks episode I discovered a hidden gem - a prerecorded episode from weeks ago that i forgot about! I think i fell asleep during this one.
Sorry to all the non-premium listeners that missed out on last weeks episode. I'm burned out and didn't want to upload the episode. I hope I die soon. Anyhow we're back in full force, with what might be the best riff we've ever done on the show, all the way at the end of this episode. Stay tuned.
michael foody joins us lol. we talked to michael foody, hence the name of the episode. do u get it
Andy Haynes joins us. I think he said something about going on vacation.
Scrambling for time, I tap Dana Bell and Jamel Johnson to replace Stav and Adam for a very special edition of Cum Town West. Theyre both POCs and one is a woman, which PROVEs that I am the president of the DSA and beyond reproach.
Its uh, an episode of the podcast. JP McDade is the guest. We talk for about an hour or some shit like that i think
My blood brother Jake Flores joins us to talk about how Adam and Stav replaced him as my best friend after he decided to move to Bushwick to be cool and fuck bike girls
Wide dick will joins us again to chat about star trek. What's that? This episode is late you say? Actually, it's not asshole. It's called time zones and maybe I'm on god damn vacation.
The first ever Cum Town Live show at Caroline's on Broadway. It's basically the same format as Funny Moms (the live show we put up on Patreon) except I booked it and it's at Carolines so we use the name of the podcast instead of the name of Adam's gay ass show.
We have sex with each other on the show as a joke for valentines day. Get it. Like were dating haha. But its jsut a joke. It's okay to suck off your friends if you're doing it in a funny way
Funny Moms favorite and Bronx favorite and Brooklyn Favorite and New York favorite Petey Dat Boy DeAbreu joins us and we prove once and for all that the podcast isn't racist.
BDF Big dick felix joins us and we try to remember Oz and why it was bad, and we talk about why prison wouldn't be that scary for guys like us. I'm still dying btw. I can't breathe. This is the end. Remember me as a broadcaster. Goodnight and good luck.
I almost passed out during this one, luckily the boys kept things going with wrestling chat that I couldn't partcipate in due to both ignorance and medical problems. Please remember me as a Lenny Bruce type or maybe Carlin, thanks.
We go real deep into the latest era of Seagal movies, And we have a sponsor now. Please give me feedback on the fact that we have ads now. Make sure to get mad at me about it. The premium episodes will always be ad free if it bothers you. I'm tired of everyone being mad at me. I just want to pay my fucking rent and waste money on dumb shit.
We go in hard on Compound Media for kicking us out of the Anthony Cumia studios. Adam will personally fight any of the Staten Island salami-mongoloids that pay their bills
Chapo Genius and all around good boy Wide Dick Willy Menaker joins us as we watch She's All That and slowly come to the realization that the TV is going to destroy the podcast.
I guess Brandon invited himself on the podcast again. I was too busy making smoothies to pay attention during this one. I'm sure he brought up some idiot vine star that a man his age (32) shouldn't be obsessing over, ironically or otherwise.
We almost didn't have an episode this week after I forgot to upload the podcast because I got really into Sicario. That movie is tight. It reminds me of my own experiences, as a tier one operator. I was also in 9/11. Merry Christmas everyone.
It's my birthday. Or it was my birthday. I'm old now, and I'm sick. And children have to respect me. And I'm allowed to be racist now because I'm old and I beat the Nazis.
We covered a lot on this one. Lindy West. The new Apple products. Lindy again. I got a macbook. I really hate lindy. What the fuck is the Apple Watch anyways? It should be like one of those novelty clocks where every number just says "im gay"
Coming hot off a poorly received premium episode, the boys save face by getting back to basics.
I guess Adam and Stav don't know who Chris-Chan is somehow so I explain that to them for about 20 minutes or so. I don't know how anyone could not know who Chris Chan is. I got mad at myself early on for fucking up and not being able to remember a lot of details of mid-nineties television shows so I tanked the episode on purpose by being upset.
As the Patreon gets closer to $5000, Adam's days are numbered. We make him defend his position on the podcast by doing another episode where I try to remember the plot of certain movies and inevitably get a detail wrong that belies my own racism.
The boys offer a big huge yas queen congrats to the slay queen herself who's going to inspire little girls everywhere to be yas queens. Actually its mostly the kind of drunken political commentary you can hear in the waiting area of a Jiffy Lube. Adam gets to talk a lot on this episode because he reads the news like a bitch.
The boys reminisce on playing pretend, old games we used to play as kids. This is about as sentimental as the show gets folks. Were trying to do more family retarded, uh excuse me i meant family RELATED content. I want to sell the podcast to Nick Jr. Teach five year olds how to say fuck and shit. And to be cool. To overcome autism and use it to hurt people.
We get super scary for holloween (the original spelling) and swap scary stories. Also Stav works out a new character to get back at the guy that hurt his feelings.
Well I was up all night the other night to celebrate 3 years sober. Partied a little too hard and I was too tired to keep the energy going on this one. I think we all know we can't rely on Adam for that so this was another bad one. Mea culpa folks. I'm scarface now.
Ian Fidance joins us and demonstrates why his career as an impressionist has failed. He wore the same shirt as me which was from a ramen place that doesn't sell shirts to people. Me and Ian have a bond; the kind that homosexual men are jealous of.
Wow, immediate presidential debate reactions. Can you believe this trump guy? The hillary woman also? Jeeze louise. What a debate. Or was it? All these questions and more, with our recurring guest, Amber Frost.
Oopsie damn daisy folks. Guess who 1) forgot to take the last episode off the SD card so this one got cut short at 51 minutes and 2) forgot to upload the episode like I jokingly said I would at the beginning of it. Amber (my roommate) is back on the podcast and this time we don't let adam ask her a bunch of gay shit about the news
We get into some scientific stuff in this one. Ever hear of Bill Nye? Well imagine if he fucked. That's basically what this show is. about.
Honestly I've completely forgotten what we talked about on this one. I remember something about Charlie Hebdo. Mostly i was pissed that i had to take an uber to Stav's and the uber driver kept asking me bullshit questions. Its like motherfucker stop trying to be good at this job we all know it fucking sucks to drive for a ridesharing service.
I had to take a minute to cover some controversy that happened this week on facebook. I don't want to get into specifics but let's just say it involved a guy who may or may not be related to Seth Dickfield. Adam and stav wanted to bully me out of talking about it and they had nothing to discuss anyways so I feel like I came out the hero in this one.
After a week long hiatus the crew is back and it hasn't been a long enough vacation. Wardell joins us and screams into the microphone making it very hard to edit this episode. But its online now. We talk about a lot of the same stuff we've already covered on the podcast.
Melissa stokoski joins us so I can yell about the aaron glaser rape thing with a woman in the room, which is how you get away with being problematic on the radio. I learned this from Ant.
Im fucking tired as shit and i hate hAVing to edit and upload this gay shit every week and write a description. We talked about the usual stuff I think. So it's racist. Oh and I forgot to include the audio but I beat stav in roast battle. Because I'm better than he is.
Back from a hot week in Montreal - super hot, lots of good industry buzz about Cum Town - the boys figure out which race is the next to be genocided via truck. Another late episode folks. Sometimes life gets in the way you know? Sometimes you forget what day it is because you keep autisticly buying power tools.
Coming in hot off last weeks killer episode with David Cross we'd thought it'd be nice to take it easy and wait till the last day possible before recording again. None of us did anything this weekend. I built a desk. I'm proud of it but you can't appreciate it over a podcast so I wasn't about to just describe the desk I built for an hour. Stav was late because he bought a sandwich.
This is the David Cross episode. David Cross was the guest. Yes for real. No it's not a character. The real David Cross came on the show. We really broke comedy down with him, pro style. Solid interview. And its a day early because last weeks episode was a day late. David Cross
Sorry for the delay everyone, i was actually busy at uh, the black people matter protests. I was protesting for black people so I didn't have time to upload this one, which was also delayed because Kurt Metzger rescheduled. Amber Frost (of the Baffler and some other places) joined in. Amber is cool but we wasted her insight by making her talk about gay shit that we like. We're gonna do a bonus episode this week to make up for it.
(PLEASE REDOWNLOAD) Well this one's jammed packed with content folks. Jim Norton joined us for the first half, but then the second half of his episode got fucked up when I forgot to change the batteries in the four track. So our good friend Felix of Chapo Trapo House joined us and then I fucked up the second half while exporting it in Audition so please redownload this one.
The 8th episode. We get really, really deep into this whole Brexit thing. Really insightful takes about Jeremy Corvair and Johnathan Primbles or whoever. And the guy with the hair. We had to use a conference room so theres an echo that makes this one almost unlistenable. Thanks.
Our biggest celeb get yet: the entire cast of Austin Powers joins us to discuss online harassment after Jim Norton cancelled when he found out the name of the podcast. We discuss this elusive Dickfield character. And I think we mention that new Independence Day movie.
The boys hold a special session, same as our usual time, to discuss the damn news this week. Adam returns, and he's not as bad this time.
Ive had to type out this description nine times because the podcast host is fucked up and wont upload the episode and I'm not typing it out again. Bonnie was on, shes great. I want to go to sleep
After some trouble in paradise, Adam is left as the only Cum Boy. Dickfield has a medical emergency, and Adam meets Dickfield's very outspoken cousin. Will Cum Town ever be the same? Find out on the final episode of America's Most Beloved Podcast
Dan Soder (@DanSoder) is our first bonafide guest. He's got a real radio show on Sirius XM (the Bonfire), and he's on television folks (Billions, Showtime), but you can tell from our friendly rapport that he considers both me and Stav to be contemporaries, and by extension, also famous. Check out his new special on Comedy Central and buy his new album on iTunes.
Live from Stav's office where they let us use one of the conference rooms, official Cum Boy Adam Friedland (@AdamFriedland) joins us to discuss cumming in his own face and why he can't cum on other faces now. We talk about how Muslims go to the bathroom (but not in a racist way), Youtube comments (in a racist way), Chaturbate, and Iran (also racist). Also includes a special appearance by New York comedian Seth Dickfield and other rude caricatures.
Cum Boys NYC Originals Nick and Stav sit down and start a podcast. This one is different than other podcasts where two guys talk about people you don't know. We get real dude. We take this shit seriously.